Pseudo Akaash
love sex.. no sleep.. go bonkers..no pills..

  Fanny and I did not get on till we both turned 29.     
Last Tuesday she got bit moody so I decided to treat her.
Some retail therapy?
Brown lace underwear, a new pair of floral design stockings and a short short skirt to match will put her in a right frame of "mind" for what I have in mind..

                     *    *    *

The lights change to green.

Fanny is carefully tip-toeing across the road.
Pointed high heel boots...full calf work-out -- pleasure and pain, self-harm really, designed by Satan in Hell but.. what the hell!

'Excuse me.'
'Yes?'
'Nice legs. What time do they open?'

Very funny, especially coming from some-one so young he's gotta ask his Mum what the time is.

'Mutha trucker!' , Fanny tends to be exceptionally rude at the onset of PMT.
'I was only joking..', he pouts his lips like a child and steps on the gas.

Did he use his comedian's skills to pass his theory test too?

That *was* hilarious but..
Today Fanny bought her first anti-aging product.
After a prolonged and quite enjoyable puberty she finally turned into a fully matured "blossom" ready to be intensively rejuvenated -- turn back the clock at fifty quid a pop -- a start of an ironically futile age-long struggle of The Age Reversal Agent versus The Time Master slowly decomposing The Body into an old bag of wrinkled, shrivelled up piece of biological waste soon to be deposited into a family tomb in a maggoted slot somewhere dark and snowed over in a remote cold country she came from.
Miss Adams was feeling 6 feet under --
minimal self-appreciation, the World sucks and the Future is none -- negative triad.

                                     *    *    *

When she gets this bad "femi-cidal" I usually take Fanny down South for Therapy.

I'd pull over by Pizza Hut, let her out , wait a sec or two until she safely runs across the full traffic of The High Street, then follow her round from the other side of the Railway Bridge and park my old beaten up BMW tinbox just outside her destination spot to watch her climb upstairs and disappear downstairs into the basement.
The Therapy Room has windows facing out on an Old Catholic Church (to inspire the right kind of thoughts).
It is well equipped for slumber parties as some of the more demanding patients will require longer stay and entertainment.
A therapist in Adam's attire will invite his subject to examine unusual specimens of butterflies from his collection and demonstrate some of the more exotic mating rituals of the exuberant winged species, like licking the feet prior to choosing a suitable position.
Sometimes they'll have a little dance too (the butterflies, I mean).
'Sweet Fanny Adams!', she will get so preoccupied with the raw beauty of the performance she'll hardly notice as the therapist will proceed with the biological approach.

The treatment will include administering an initial concoction of Vitamin C and Zinc enriched Fructose Water flavoured with Citric Acid and spiked with pure Enzymes, Protein, Phosphate and bicarbonate buffers delivered orally followed by numerous top-up protein injections at regular intervals over the two hour period of time.
Fanny will not feel a prick and her requirements of the substance might start increasing after a while.
The primary supply of the product however might have dried out by then.
The Biocybergenics Expert in charge of the Lab in Situ can only produce up to 16 gallons of the precious fluid in his lifetime, it is not possible to replenish the supply after a long term abuse of the source.
Therefore it is necessary to replicate the substance using more traditional and cheaper culinary ingredients, namely:
egg whites, condensed milk, citris juice and bitters.
The taste is nature close and the overall medicating effect as good when delivered carefully in a suitable container blended with a strong methyl base for freshness.
You can buy those from an Offy when time is of essence.
The 90 trace minerals in the initial dose of the cocktail will continue to produce endorphins and increase the serotonin level in the thus enhanced patient's brain chemistry for up to a week.
The mechanism is known as the Repetitive Noradrenaline Flashback System (RNFS) and its healing properties have been observed from the times of Ancient Egypt.
The end of the Science Bit.

'Time to get down on one knee and pop the question.', she'd be mad not to, Fanny Adams so enjoyed the session.

Vee says, 'Tellinya, a good marriage could be built on a cock as good his, although neither of them seem to be the "house-bound/wifey" material..'

                                     *    *    *

One last "oral transfer" of good cultured bacteria for good bye,
'Did you enjoy The Exhibition?'
'Top Service - Thanks, will be ringing you very soon again.',
and Fanny felt relaxed, refreshed and supercharged as she boarded a 185 back home.
A window seat - the city lights were dancing across the reflection of her glowing happy face as she looked out on the fast moving South London night traffic.
Inside life was good, mellow, sweet and slow, the time did not exist.
'You're using the bus window as a mirror. You're so vain'
'I love myself, so?', she pondered the "Baboons Arse Theory" as she hastily re-applied the L'Oreal 911.
The dancing city lights were blurring, a monotonous low-buzzing sound of the public transport vehicle in motion along with the gently vibrating seat was rocking Fanny to sleep.

'I'll spit in your face, nigger!'
'I'll slap the bitch up, I swear!'
'What you eyeing me like some kinda lesbian, I ain't some kinda lesbian'
'Who?'
'That woman there!'

Just the usual Friday night friendly bus-home-time-banter but Fanny suddenly realised the charming dialogue was referring to herself.
A 15yr old is pointing at her.
Give her a glass-over look and move over to the back of the bus?
Not worth it - Fanny is embarassed to find pure testosterone rapidly replacing dopamine in her neurosystem, resulting in a visible facial colour shift to bright red.
A therapy session totally wasted.

'Happy place, think happy place...' , breathing technique engaged and a last thought before the kick off, then predictably...
Some-one refused to take off the shades to
'Look me in the eye when I'm tarkin2ya, mun..'
and the broken glass is flying everywhere.

'I was going to cook him a dinner...', somehow Fanny has achieved a momentary ascension to her "happy place".

'I'll be snogging you and groping your bum while you're cooking...", another verbal flashback, some subtle frisk-o-therapy follows, she almost felt the k.i.s.s. (kitchen injection serotonin system) just before a loud sound of a slap landing on the "lesbian's" cheek signalled a sharp exit from the "Happy Place".

A total "black-out" in red.
Red, the colour of passion and threat.
The painter has abandoned the soft pastel pinks and blues and the "Happy Place" suddenly dropped from cloud nine into the dark brown cesspit of reality.

Welcome to Vanillah HeadLock Experience!

'All change!'
'Ok. Leg it now.'
Adrenaline still pumping in her veins inflated and blue at the temples she spits mental venom at the driver and the juvenile delinquents involved in the bust-up, stepping right into a muddy cesspool of a puddle as she gets off the bus.
'My boots!'
'Whuzz-dar-mar-ar, dar-lin'?', a black Jeep pulls over. You can hardly hear the driver speak through the "ziggy-ziggy-zah-zah" rap pumping through his stereo.
'Oh bogger-off no!'
'Now don't be like that, babes. Kom-ova'ere.'
'I'm waiting for my man to pick me up.'
'I could be your man.', says his mate, Mr TinBox Meat(head)
'He's got a girlfriend, you know..'
'Then he's gonna have to split his affection between the two of us.', Fanny begins to enjoy the idle banter.


"Don't go wasting your emotion
Lay all your love on me
Don't go sharing your devotion
Lay all your love on me"
ABBA

continued - Green Monster