Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss

1. Kiss on the hand ... I adore you

2. Kiss on the cheek ... I just want to be friends

3. Kiss on the neck ... I want you

4. Kiss on the lips ... I love you

5. Kiss on the ears...I am just playing

6. Kiss anywhere else...let's not get carried away

7. Look in your eyes...kiss me

8. Playing with your hair...I can't live without you

9. Hand on your waist...I love you too much to let you go

Article 2: The Three Steps

1. Girls: If any guy gets fresh with you slap him

2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, you deserve it

3. Guys and Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare.

Article 3: The Commandments

1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard

2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one

3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity

REMEMBER

A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum.

A kiss isn't a kiss, without some tongue.

So open your mouth, close your eyes,

give your tongue some exercise!!!

The Best Way To Predict The Future Is To Create It!!

100 Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Guy!!

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. Movie nudity is almost always female.

3. You know stuff about tanks.

4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

5. Monday Night Football.

6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.

7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

8. You can open all your own jars.

9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.

10. Dry cleaners and hair cutter's don't rob you blind.

11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

13. All your orgasms are real.

14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.

16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

17. You understand why Stripes is funny.

18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

19. Your last name stays put.

20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

21. When your work is criticized you don't have to panic that everyone hates you.

22. You can kill your own food.

23. The garage is all yours.

24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

27. You never have to clean the toilet.

28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

29. Sex means never having to worry about your reputation.

30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.

33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.

34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

35. You don't have to shave your chin.

36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

38. You can write your name in the snow.

39. You can get into a non trivial pissing contest.

40. Everything on your face stays its original color.

41. Chocolate is just another snack.

42. You can be president.

43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

44. Sending flowers fixes everything.

45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

48. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

50. You can say anything and not worry what people think.

51. Foreplay is optional.

52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.

54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.

56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

59. You can watch the game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking 'he must be mad at me'.

60. The world is your urinal.

61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.

62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

64. One mood, all the time.

65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.

67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.

69. Same work .... more pay.

70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

72. Wedding dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.

74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries. At least in theory.

75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.

76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

77. The remote is yours and yours alone.

78. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.

79. ESPN's sports center.

80. You can drop by to visit a friend without bringing a little gift.

81. Bachelor parties whoop ass over bridal showers.

82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.

86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

87. You can rationalize any behavior with one handy phrase: "Fuck it!"

88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become life long buddies.

89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.

90. The occasional well-rendered belch is expected.

91. You never have to miss an opportunity to have sex because you're not in the mood.

92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

95. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.

98. Your pals can be trusted not to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"

99. There is always a game on somewhere.

100. BAYWATCH.

25 Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew!!

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

5. Get rid of your cat.

6. Sunday = Sports.

7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

8. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

9. You have too many shoes.

10. Crying is blackmail.

11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

13. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

23. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

24. You have enough clothes.

25. Nothing says "I love you" like sex.

How To Satisfy A Woman Every Time

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, puree, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship,

and then go back, Jack, and do it again.

How To Satisfy A Man Every Time

Show up naked.

99 Most Romantic/Passionate/Sweet Things To Do For Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend

1. Watch the sunset together.

2. Take showers together.

3. Back rubs/massages.

4. Listen to classical music and cuddle in the dark or with black light.

5. French Kiss.

6. Hold her with hands inside the back of her shirt.

7. Whisper to each other.

8. Cook for each other.

9. Skinny dip.

10. Make out in the rain.

11. Dress each other.

12. Undress each other.

13. Kiss every part of their body.

14. Hold hands.

15. Sleep together. (Actually sleep with each other...not sex)

16. One word...Foreplay.

17. Sit and talk in just underwear.

18. Buy gifts for each other.

19. Roses.

20. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.

21. Wear his clothes.

22. Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars.

23. Incense/candles/oils/black lights and music make for great cuddling/sex.

24. Kiss at every chance you get.

25. Don't wear underwear and let them find out.

26. Kinky is bad...Blindfolds are good.

27. Lightly kiss their collarbone and their jawbone just below the ear, then whisper I love you.

28. Bubble baths.

29. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.

30. Make love.

31. Write poetry for each other.

32. Kiss/smell her hair.

33. Hugs are the universal medicine.

34. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.

35. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.

36. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want.

37. Spend every second possible together.

38. Tell her that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. And mean it.

39. Look into each other's eyes.

40. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.

41. Talk to each other using only body language and your eyes.

42. When in public, only flirt with each other.

43. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.

44. Clothes are no fun.

45. Buy her a ring.

46. Keep one of her bras somewhere where you see it everyday.

47. Sing to each other.

48. Read to each other.

49. PDA = Public Display of Affection.

50. Take advantage of any time alone together.

51. Tell her about how you answered every question in math with her name.

52. Draw. (If you can)

53. Let her sit on your lap.

54. Go hiking and camp out together in the woods or on a mountain.

55. Lips were made for kissing. So were eyes, and fingers, and cheeks, and collarbones, and hands, and ears.

56. Kiss her stomach.

57. Always hold her around her hips/sides.

58. Guys like half-shirts.

59. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.

60. Spaghetti... (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)

61. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.

62. Unless you can feel their heart beating, you aren't close enough.

63. Dance together.

64. Sit in front of a roaring fire and make out/make love.

65. Carry her to bed.

66. Waterbeds are fun.

67. You figure it out.

68. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.

69. Break every one of your parent's relationship rules for them.

70. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes.

71. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.

72. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.

73. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.

74. Ride your bike 8 miles just to see them for a few hours.

75. Ride home and call them.

76. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.

77. Somehow incorporate them into any kind of religion or worship you have.

78. Be Prince Charming to her parents. (Brownie Points)

79. Act out mutual fantasies together. (Not necessarily sexual)

80. Brush her hair out of her face for her.

81. Stay up all night to think of 99 ways to be sweet to them.

82. Hang out with his/her friends. (more brownie points)

83. Go to church/pray/worship together.

84. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.

85. Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night.

86. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.

87. Everyone deserves a second chance.

88. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.

89. Make sacrifices for each other.

90. Really love each other, or don't stay together.

91. Write a fictional story about how you met/fell in love, etc. and give it to them.

92. Let there never be a second during any given day thou aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.

93. Love yourself before you love anyone else.

94. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.

95. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.

96. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.

97. Sleep naked together.

98. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.

99. Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."