Reviews For Oct. 18- Oct. 24
- ***
Oatmeal Baby
By Pam Nekolny
I liked the voice in this piece. What confused me, thought, was point of view. Would you consider rewriting it in first person. As is, I don't know who the speaker is. As far as content, I guess as a woman I--I'm not angry, but I'm disappointed that this woman allows herself to be a victim; we're over that. Let's move on. Dad can help; so can the kids. I do like your style of writing.
gerri
- ****
"Living in a house trailer"
By Jack Mann
Your piece is certainly entertaining. You do know that Copperheads are poisoness, don't you? I like what you wrote, but your style confused me at times. Also, you can't keep changing your perspective. If this is a story, who is going to be the speaker? Is this an "I" story or a "you" or who? From whose perspective is it told. You can't confuse the reader like that. It hurts the story. Still, I like the piece and the writing.
gerri
- *****
"The Eaves-Dropper"
By James Morford
Excellent piece. Very telling in not giving "the boy" a name. So terribly real. I don't know why its presentation wasn't in paragraphs, but in a story with so much power in it, who cares. My uncle was given up for adoption; but, the reasoning was he'd have a better life as his parents were destitute. I care for your boy, for the burdon on his back. I wish I could give you a ten and a hug as these stories often come out of more than our minds. Good content. Good, chronological order,-- good organization for this piece, and style is good too. The smell of the man--it's pretty much all there. Other senses? I'm just suggesting adding other senses in case you want to send this out.
gerri
- *****
"The Fling"
By Bruce Longman
Very well written. Perhaps the last four words should have been your title. A thought provoking piece. One mistake can ruin so many lives. Hope you will keep submitting.
Raye McDonald
- *****
The Window by Robyn Porter
The story was wonderful it drew you into both worlds and thoughts the child's and authors. Describtions of the children and playground were so vivid you could not only visulize it but you could hear the chilren playing. The moral of the story, how many times have we projected our own thoughts and feelings onto someone else only to find they are only yours, and when we reach out hands out to help those others they reach back and actully help us.
deb
- ***
Reunion by Sandra Jones
I like your style of writing. The scene here reminds me of the scene in The Color Purple, where the woman reunites with her father in gospel song. However, dreams and flashbacks don't work for me; I'm pretty sure that it's a bit of a no-no in writing. Remember part where she wears heals, not quite used to them. It showed how young she was, so use "show" instead of "tell" when you can. It's a good piece.
gerri
- *****
Words On A Breeze by Kim Knight
I thought that the poem was very good indeed, but I also thought that it was very sad and loneful. I hope I don't receive 'Words on a Breeze!'
Eric Rodriguez
- *****
The Flingby Bruce Longman
He has captured so much raw emotion and put it into words - every married man and woman should read this article - at least twice - and give it some long and serious thought - relationships are worth saving, as Bruce has so eloquently stated. His wife is a very lucky woman.
Kathy Barstow
- *****
For The Children By R.L. Walker
Very well written. Good subject. Really makes you think. Reality is always stranger than fiction!
Jack Mann
- *****
The Dreamer By Jan Henry
Very good Jan. I think we can all relate. No matter where we go in our dreams, there is no place like home.
Jack Mann
- *****
Reunion By Sandra L. Jones
Sandra, you do a wonderful job with imagery. This piece will bring back beautiful memories to many. Keep writing.
Raye McDonald
- *****
Living in a house trailer by Jack Mann
When I was an elitist in Los Angeles my confederates and I looked down our collective noses at the mouth-breathing trailer-dwellers with the Kentuckiana accents. Now ah es wun 2. ::grin:: I laughed through this story from the first sentence to the last. Boy, could I relate; couldn't have done better had I kept a diary.
Charilette Rai Sweeney
- *****
How To Nurture A Violent-Free Child By Peggy Butler
Great advice. The author is right on.
ladybird
- *****
The Wall By Leisha Arnts
Brilliant! "They were my age" really homed in and made it personal.
roderick young
- *****
My Angel By Jennifer Hansen
very inspiring... everyone of us has an angel,
we just need to take the time to look up into
the clouds and realize our special angel is smiling down upon us.
Vanessa
- ****
The Vow- A Halloween Story By Eric Rodriguez
Very Good Eric. A very moving piece. I don't care much for this style of story but you did a good job.
Jack Mann
- *****
My Angel By Jennifer Hansen
Excellent- I felt the angel on my shoulder too.
Elena
- *****
"The Eaves-Dropper" By James Morford
My dad told me not to read this because it would make me cry. It did. I guess that is why it is a great story.
Elena
- *****
The Owl and the mouse meet Samson the Beast By Jack Mann
Peeling away the years is a difficult prerequisite for reviewing the Owl and the Mouse Series. Were I a "pre-schooler," I should find myself eagerly awaiting the next episode. And that is what "Target" writing is all about. Appeal ... and ... to whom? It is for that reason I rate this a Five. Little children would care less about anything other than what Joy these little stories bring. Your "aim" ... is "on target!"
R.L. Walker
- *****
Just, A Music TeacherBy Raye McDonald
To Whom much is given, much is expected" ... there is no such thing as "Just" a Music Teacher. I suspect Mozart, and others, were aware of their value. Future "Masters" will always depend upon those who are willing to "pass it on." Are not these memories music, in and of themselves? You had no obligation to share them with others at the Writer's Voice. That's worth a "5" ... in my book, anyway.
R.L. Walker
- *****
Untitled By Tanya Farrington
The poem is wonderful. You can sense the passion that she has for this guy.
SM
- *****
The Unwanteds By
Charming!
Roderick Young
- **
My Love By Aaron Martin
The change of person (sometimes addressing "my love," sometimes addressing "you," etc.) left me off balance. And since this is sort of a rhyme, the uneven meter in places tripped me up. But that doesn't mean this couldn't still melt the heart of your beloved...
Roderick Young
- ****
The Bridge At Y2K
By R.L. Walker
A very interesting poem, provocative yet easy to read. I enjoyed it, but I thought it was a little too dramatic.
Nathan Black
- *****
Thirty-nine Men
By R.L. Walker
Mr. Walker continues to provide thought-provoking messages to all of us. His poems have the ability to create vivid imagery and evoke strong emotional feelings. Another wonderful poem.
Anonymous
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