Where's your God now?

      Where's He going to be if I end up hurting a girl I really do like, or if she ends up hurting me? Is He going to be there to tell her everything is alright? Where's He going to be when it's finally revealed that for at least the third time in my life, I have a friend that's wanting to move in on a girl I can't help but like? Now I know I've done plenty to call down the wrath of God, plenty, but I always figured it'd come in the form of lightning or earthquakes or a horseman, something more clear cut, something less cowardly and less secretive.

      Oh who am I kidding, I don't believe in any sort of God that would have the power to know what's going on in my life, or have the power to change it, or even care that much about me anyway...if I did believe in that God, I can't be too sure I'd like him. I certainly wouldn't like him until He did a hell of a lot of explaining, and until He'd proven a hell of a lot of arguments I have wrong. Ask anyone, even for God, that might take a while.

      I guess for the time being, we will have to go on continually being hurt. Maybe if we realize the inevitability of the situation, we'll gather the self-restraint to at least allow us to pretend to be happy. But...

      People shouldn't have to go around pretending to be happy, when in fact, they're far from it. They shouldn't feel the right thing to do is smile when they want to cry, or stand up and cheer when they want to lie down and fade. We shouldn't feel as though the right thing to do is laugh at all times, all times. It may help others near to you be a little more comfortable and allow them to go on thinking everything is kosher, but is that what they'd want?