About | Death | Existence | FAQ | Happiness Harley | Life Archive | People | Stuff | Wrestling

Updates -------------- April 16th 2006 - SITR

So, it's time to get a little more personal with the film.  There are plenty of reasons so far as to why anyone should enjoy the film, but here are the things that make it so, not enjoyable, but special for me.  Where would we be without any transference?

But let's lead into it gently before getting too serious.  I've just covered (if you remember) the Jean Hagen comic performance bit but there's a little more to why I feel that so strongly.  Yes, somebody else to be added to my list of frighteningly desirable fictional characters.  On the first couple of times watching the film Lina is nothing more than the dumb comic relief, but on subsequent viewings you begin to appreciate her a little more.  It's my considered opinion that she knows exactly what she's doing - look at the legal threats scene - even more so than the film overtly communicates.  When you've got that in your head there are other moments earlier in the film, some kind of...nuance behind the character.  She's not just desirable in the 1920s sexy film star kind of way, there's that sense of her total dominance.  Screw the nymphette thing, forget the allure of innocence, this is someone who just gets a kick out of using people.  Don doesn't know what he's missing.  Plus, sexy voice.

I swear that this is the exact moment when I would totally become her bitch.  Right here.

Watching Singin' In The Rain isn't just a straight out film viewing experience though, it's bittersweet.  Look at the Make 'Em Laugh routine.  I've said it before and no doubt I'll say it again, but I wanna go to clown college.  Not be a comedian, or an actor or anything like that, but be an actual clown.  And when Donald O' Connor says the opening line to the routine it gets me every time.  I wish I could do what he goes on to do.  Obviously, the content of the song and the lyrics are about being a clown, but the routine itself is superb clowning - the work with the hat, the dummy, the falls and the somersaults.  All of it is something I appreciate, but the execution is just something I could never do,  no matter how hard I practiced.  Without a vaudeville background or clown college, you just can't be that good.  As good as it is to watch, it's a little sad, knowing that you can never do it yourself.  It's a reminder of your inability to grasp dreams, but it shows you why you want it so much.

Clowning Skillz to pay the Billz

So, if I want to be Donald O' Connor, then what the hell is the big deal with the next point that I'm going to make?  Context baby.  It's all about the context.  I first watched Singin' In The Rain in its entireity only a couple of years ago really, shortly after I had broken up with Kate and I think it's easy enough to imagine that I was feeling, well, a little down.  But in watching it, I had an epiphany.  Epiphanies are a rare enough occurence that we should always try to remember them, so here is my electronic testament.  All I saw at the time was how my life had gone to shit, I was unbelievably miserable, frighteningly easy to replace and frequently drunk.  It was very much a case of "Why?  Why is this happening to me?  Why do I feel so bad?  Why am I not good enough?" and then: BAM!  I'd been playing against type.  For the previous three years I had been treating my life like I was Don.  I'd got the girl, I was the star of the show and I was making my way towards the happy ending, where all the other characters fall behind.  But that's not me, I'm not Don.  I'm quite clearly Cosmo.  Everyone in  this world has a role to play, and I'd been ignoring mine.  It was never going to work, I was the comic relief, comedy sidekick, not the main character.  People like me don't get the girl, we don't get the happy ending and all that because we're just, well, not good at it.

Comedy Sidekick and Main Character.

When it comes down to it, when the pressure is on, I always revert to attempting to be funny (whether I succeed or not is down to what the audience may think) and using humour and comedy to define who I am, be it in relation to a group or with just one person.  I am capable of feeling that whole gamut of human emotion like everybody else, like all the main characters out there, but I can't display it like they can.  Maybe everyone feels like this in some way, I don't know, after all, we do all play towards the caricature of ourselves, but I'd much rather be deep or interesting or romantic than be...who I am.  I know that being able to be...vivacious or outgoing in front of strangers or a crowd is something that a lot of people would like to be able to do, but trust me, it isn't all that great.  If I could, I'd swap it.  Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the ability to, I don't know, stand up and make the jokes, to play that role when it's needed, but it'd be nice to feel, if just occasionally, like I'm more than that.

This is the kind of culture you get at the Tome of Egomania.  Opera. It's a smart joint.  Which ironically, is something I could do with now.

But I can't.  I can't swap it, and I can't change.  We are who we are.  So Ridi.  Ridi Pagliaccio.  Even though it made me feel like this, I'm thankful that it showed me the way the world is and reminded me of who I am.  So watch it.  It's a great film, and maybe you'll take something away from it yourself.  Hopefully, all my hard work ain't been in vain for nothing.