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WORK SCHEDULE WORK RULES NETWORK/SOFTWARE TECH SUPPORT SO, YOU WANT THE DAY OFF?? THE BOSS |
HOW DOES THIS THING WORK? WHY I AM SO TIRED RESUME BLUNDERS DOWNWARD COMMUNICATION SITE INDEX" |
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WORK SCHEDULE WORK RULES NETWORK/SOFTWARE TECH SUPPORT SO, YOU WANT THE DAY OFF?? THE BOSS |
HOW DOES THIS THING WORK? WHY I AM SO TIRED RESUME BLUNDERS DOWNWARD COMMUNICATION SITE INDEX" |
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8:15 - Sneak in so boss doesn't catch us. 8:20 - Catch up on the latest gossip about last night. 8:30 - Boss shows up. 8:50 - Coffee break - 30 min. 9:20 - Start work. 10:00 - Read favorite magazine in the restroom. 10:30 - Slave labor for the boss. Noon - 90 minute lunch break. 1:30p.m. - Rest up from lunch. 2:30 - Coffee break 3:00 - Talk to friends on the phone. 3:30 - Clean up the messy desk. 3:50 - Time to quit work and stand in line for the time clock. *source unknown |
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1. SICKNESS: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for. 3. DEATH: OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all of your work is up to date. 4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job. 5. PERSONAL HYGIENE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms. In the future, you will follow the practice of going in alpha- betical order, for instance, those surnames beginning with "A" will be allowed to go from 9-9:05, and so on. If you are unable to go at your appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes around again. 6. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you are certainly performing at below your potential. Move it! 7. QUALITY OF WORK: Perfection, no less! 8. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse should happen to you the rest of the day. 9. THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT 10. WHEN THE BOSS IS WRONG, REFER TO RULE 9. *lifted from a posting from Professor in a HRM class at NHC, contributed by Bob Fouquette, originating source uknown |
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Frequently asked questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: My screen seems to be frozen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it. *submitted by Doc Williams, orginating source unknown |
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 (jpg image submitted by "Doc" Williams, originating source, unknown) |
(text excerpt from "Modern Management," Samuel C. Certo, Seventh Edition, Prentice Hall, New Jersey, 1997 :p.338) "Downward organizational communication is communication that flows from any point on an organizational chart downward to another point on the organization chart. This type of formal organizational communication relates primarily to the direction and control of employees. Job-related information that focuses on what activities are required, when they should be performed, and how they should be coordinated with other activities within the organization must be transmitted to employees. This downward communication typically includes a statement of organizational philosophy, management system objectives, position descriptions, and other written information relating to the importance, rationale, and interrelationships of various departments." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A trickle down theory of communication. |
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For the past several years, I've often wondered why I'm so tired all the time. I have blamed it on iron-low blood, lack of vitamins, dieting, and a dozen other maladies. But now I've learned the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired, and that leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government, which leaves 19 million to do the work. Of this total, there are four million in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14 million who are in hospitals and rehabilitation and that leaves 1 million to do the work. Now, there are 850,000 people who are in prison, leaving 150,000 to do the work. At any given time, there are 149,998 people out of the country. That leaves just two people to do the work...you and me. And you're just sitting there messing around on the internet and email !!!!!!!.... **originating source unknown |
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Let's take a moment to look at what you are asking for.
There are 365 days available for work
There are 52 Weeks per year
Of which you already have 2 days off each week-end
Leaving 261 days left for work
Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work
That accounts for 170 days
There are 91 days left available for work
You spend 30 minutes each day on breaks
That accounts for 23 days each year
Leaving 68 days available for work
You spend 1 hour a day for lunch
That accounts for another 46 days per year
Leaving 22 days available for work
You spend 2 days per year for sick leave
Leaving 20 days available for work
You take 9 holidays per year
Leaving 11 days available for work
You take 10 days for vacation each year
Leaving 1 day available for work and no way in Hell
Are you going to take that day off!
*lifted from a posting from Professor in a HRM class at NHC, contributed by Bob Fouquette, originating source uknown
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Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done". Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you." A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired." My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory. My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier. My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain. I thought my Boss was a creep, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is a creep, too ... but at least I respect him. He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE. Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it. Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: " I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!" HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions." Quote from telephone inquiry "We're only hiring one summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss' daughter finishes her summer classes.
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Get Your Own Web Page!!!