Dec. 27, 2004/Mon:
Dec. 28, 2004/Tue:
Dec. 29, 2004/Wed:
Dec. 30, 2004/Thur:
Dec. 31, 2004/Fri:
January 1, 2005/Sat:
January 1, 2005/Saturday
I Will...
I will no longer
smoke…
Note:
as I’m typing this I am smoking…
Quitting
smoking is not something you could do in a snap of a finger. Okay, I’m
justifying myself but really… no one who smoke cigarette for more than
five years could stop just like that (snap of a finger)
I will no longer
engage myself to casual sex… okay… then I would have nothing to write
about… so, what? I could rely on my friends…? I am only to have sex in
pursuit of a serious relationship with someone I am so attracted to and
could see myself waking up next to…
Yes,
I’m totally aware that with that, I might as well expect for one
fuckless year…
…
… … Three hundred sixty-five days…? …
I’m
taking the shot.
I will no longer
belittle myself and that I would keep in mind that all God’s creation is
beautiful thus I am too beautiful…
Okay…
All
God’s creation is beautiful…
God
created everything…
Thus
God created war, famine, and abuse…
Thus
war, famine and abuse are beautiful?
(Scratch,
scratch, scratch)
I will no longer
think I am not worthy of love, admiration and affection.
I will no longer
try to please everyone. That is impossibility. Rather, I would start to be
at my best hundred percent all the time and that if my best is not good
enough for you… so would you to me.
…
…
…
Well,
that doesn’t mean we could no longer be friends.
I will start to
really work on getting what I want and not wait for it to be handed to me
just like that… of course, I would still appreciate that but I would
make it to the point that I would be totally worthy of it…
I
will start, again, to always see to it that I look my best all the time.
I
will start, again, to be as vain as I am really is…
I
will start, taking care, really care of myself: both body and mind.
I will start to
open myself to the idea of happily ever after again…
Okay,
I am always open to the idea but not it happening to me. This year, I will
start to believe again… I will really try to believe…
What else…?
Oh yah, I will do this things this year!!!
January 2005