4.
If you are wondering if this whole thing would only be in this
subject the answer is no. But allow me with this one… and I promise I
would try to afford myself a service of a therapist.
I
could have tried talking her out of it but I know she had made up her mind
already and that I got scared that she might take my advise, for the first
time—which would be a lousy timing for reasons I have explained earlier.
Plus, there was another reason—a reason that was simply evil.
I
don’t think the child should be born. I don’t approve of having it
murdered but I don’t think it should be born, as it would complicate
things a lot. It would complicate the baby’s life, Shaina’s, and
Jay-jay’s. And these complications would mean so much pain. I am pretty
sure this was one of the major reason Shaina didn’t want it.
Jay-jay
was Shaina’s boyfriend then. They were together for almost a year already
when this happened. They seemed pretty stable and quite contented with each
other. Shaina’s family liked him. I liked him, too. Actually, among
Shaina’s boyfriend, he was the one I really got along with. He wasn’t
really the best looking one but he sure was one of the nicest—well,
actually I don’t know if he was the nicest since I really didn’t bother
to get to know the others. But Jay-jay was the closest to me.
I
am not quite sure if Shaina loved him or that she took him just because he
was nice and that he was there. Although Shaina was really beautiful and
that she got big breast, she really didn’t have much suitors to choose
from. Many were crushing on her but only a few really dared to go for her.
Jay-jay had the guts, he wasn’t a looker but then he was nice and that he
had a whole flat all for him self where we could hang around on our breaks.
But
they looked okay. I thought they were okay. I thought Shaina was contented
with Jay-jay and have managed to look pass his looks. And Jay-jay was more
than happy that he didn’t doubt Shaina’s feelings for him. They looked
happy together. They were times that they got into each other’s nerve but
nothing serious and a cause for alarm. There was nothing that had made me
guess things that happened next. There was nothing and that if Shaina
hadn’t told me, I would have not known about it.
Or perhaps, I should have known…as Shaina always does
something outrageous. Perhaps, to spice up her life or to have something to
tell me, I really don’t know but she always was up to something outrageous
that I wouldn’t know about until she tells me. Remember that friend I was
talking about earlier, the one who accidentally shot him self in front of
us? The gun he was playing with was Shaina’s dad. Shaina stole it. I
don’t know why. I can’t think of any reason why would that friend of
ours, would need a gun. And if he needs a gun, why would that be any of her
problems? And if you could think of a reason, which I suspect you would, why
steal a gun from your parents.
He
was playing with it, totally irresponsible, aiming it, and shouts bang like
it was a toy. Putting it against his head. He knew it was loaded. So, I dare
say it served him right. May his soul rest in peace.
That
was a mess. No, he didn’t blow his brains off; the shot wasn’t there. He
put it against his head but he accidentally pulled the trigger when it was
down and aimed at his stomach. And the bullet, perhaps resentful of having
to be played on like it was nothing but a toy, made serious damages there
and really caused him so much pain for four days. Then, he died. It was mess
for, well, what do you expect? Our families would just accept our
apology—there’s a dead man.
This
was pre-Jay-jay but it was what paved the way for their paths to cross.
Shaina after that accident was sent to Bagiuo City. She was supposed to
study there, with her older sister, Vivien. She did enroll. She after all
passed the exam for one of Bagiou’s premier Universities, Saint Louise
University. And for a time, we thought she was going straight. But I guess,
we should have known better. Shaina again started to log off her classes.
Vivien, didn’t suspect at first but when Shaina started not going home for
a couple of days… She found out that her sister was no longer going to her
school and spending most of her time at Jay-jay, who also thought going to
school was so last century. That’s what bought Shaina back to Dagupan
Also,
in her brief stay in Bagiou, did she and her first boyfriend, Romeo, met
again. We were still in high school then. He was a transferee from some
school but only stayed with our school for one school year, which also mean
the end of the relationship.
Anyway,
they met again. He was too studying in Bagiou. There was nothing at first.
Shaina stuck with Jay-jay. And Romeo went with his life, or so she claimed.
Not that I doubt her but… One night she came to me, and told me that she
was in Bagiou the whole day. She told me she went to see Romeo again.
“Again?”
I asked, wanting to be sure that she meant, again, after when she and
Jay-jay were still in Bagiou.
“Yes,”
she said.
A
sigh of relief but then, “why did you see him again?” I asked, wanting
to follow up with the question: does Jay-jay know about this?
“We’ve
been seeing much of each other lately…”
I restrained myself from jumping into conclusions. I light a
cigarette.
“For
three weeks now…” she went on.
Three
weeks? Three weeks! Where was I? What was I so busy off that I didn’t
notice she disappears?
“And
now, we had sex.”
They
had sex, I distinctly heard but didn’t want to believe… but then again,
this was Shaina.
“Does
Jay-jay know about this?” I know that’s a stupid question. She didn’t
answer. I just went on smoking. She too went to light a cigarette and lay
next to me in my bed.
Three
months later we were in that cheap inn along Perez Boulevard.