7.
You ask where was Jay-jay in all of this. He was probably with his
buddies, hanging out in his apartment… classes…? Classes for Jay-jay
were, too, like so last century. So
you see, the baby had to go. It had to go as even if Shaina was sure it was
Jay-jay’s, what future can they give the baby?
They, themselves, have no idea what future they would have…
There is this one magazine TV show I saw from before, which did a
story on poor people, really poor people. So poor they basically have
nothing to eat, more so a sturdy roof over their heads—wait, some did as
they built their house under bridges…? The thing is, they have nothing to
eat. It was heart breaking. It would really get into you. Why, after that
was aired, people all over the country started sending food to the TV
station to be distributed to those family featured. I myself, while watching
the show have thought of those foods I didn’t touched because I didn’t
like them. Well, I’m picky… not that I think they were wasted but I was
served really delicious food yet I say no to it. I don’t eat chicken,
anything that is internal organs—liver, blood (dinuguan), intestine (igado
& isaw), ox tongue (Lingua)… and anything that looks yucky—slimy
okra—and a lot other food. I feel so damn lucky to have those choices and
seeing that show had made me think it’s so immoral to be that lucky.
This
is even if I know I have done my part. I only get what I could finish so my
plate is always clean and not a spoon of food is thrown. Not even if I were
in a date—sorry, I don’t play tootsie—using food. I so hate that! I
had friends like that. Barely touching their stake or whatever, barely
taking a sip on their drink (Mango Juice!?) Huh! Complete waste of food
specially when you know that men don’t really appreciate such. Sure, some
men could really be shallow, paying attention to how a woman eats and used
it as basis to assess the future—they automatically assume that healthy
appetite equals being married to a fat and big ass wife in the future. Sure,
men could be as shallow as that but they don’t appreciate either paying
for food, expensive food, that would not be eaten. And I have found men who
really get aroused seeing a woman heartily eating.
Now,
where was I? Ah yah, one wouldn’t be able to feel guilt but when you see
that this father or mother have a dozen children… These two have no work,
feeding them selves alone proves to be a challenge each day and yet they
decide to have a baby? And not just a baby, they get pregnant every year!
And they want our pity!? Huh?
Now,
Shaina and Jay-jay could be considered privileged children. We are
privileged people and we wouldn’t be a shame to admit so not even after
watching that show. But then we all know that we have these privileges
because of our parents and that when they go kaput so does we. Shaina know
that sure she and Jay-jay have this and that provided by their families but
they wouldn’t have this and that forever. That is if when their family is
gone already and without education.
I
know this a little too well… my family went through it. My maternal
grandmother’s family is one of the richest and respected families before
in Pangasinan with lands stretching from to as how far as your sight could
afford. My grandmother and her other siblings, basking in great wealth, did
not care about education nor learning about the business. The family was
into cattle raising, poultry, and textile. So when their parent’s died (my
great grand parents), everything was left to them and being that they
don’t know anything about the business, slowly, one by one, the business
their parents laboriously put up went kaput and the hectares and hectares of
land were sold.
My
grandmother and her children—my mom included—lived in utter puberty for
sometimes. I was born to this state of the family, towards the end. Merly,
my mom’s eldest sister managed to make herself a registered nurse by
working two jobs through college. After which, she got lucky to get a job
abroad, in Dubai (United Arab Emirates). She was the company nurse of a five
star hotel. It was through her that I managed to get one of the finest
education in one of the most expensive school in the land. It was also
through her that my mom managed to go and work there. Without her, I don’t
think you’d be able to read this. I don’t think I would even be able to
write this.
So
you see, Jay-jay and Shaina can’t have a baby yet, not until they have a
foreseeable plan for the future. And Shaina, as smart as she was—she
is—knows this. She also knows that Jay-jay wouldn’t have the stomach to
kill the baby with all the romanticism in him—it’s their baby, the fruit
of their love! So he doesn’t know and to this day, I don’t think, he
knows about that escapade we have in that cheap motel room at Perez
Boulevard, Dagupan City.