"Hanamichi," Youhei says curiously, pulling up a chair and sitting opposite me. "spill."
"Nani?" I ask, question marks in my eyes, though in my heart I know perfectly well what he wants to ask me.
"Spill," he repeats, with a slight smile of relief printed on his face. "tell me...about what happened yesterday."
I look down uneasily, uncertain of where to start. Or how to start.
"And tell me...what all that running away was about." Youhei trails off.
I look up and stare at Youhei worriedly, then frown in frustration. Questions. People will have questions, and I will have to know how to answer them, I tell myself.
But I know that I need to tell Youhei the truth. The understanding in his eyes tells me that much. It's a comfort to know that he can help me, that he's there. My frown slowly disappears and I sigh deeply.
"Youhei..." I begin softly after sucking in a deep breath of fresh air. "he wakes up..and suddenly..everything's all right again..."
I can see Youhei smiling knowingly, a mature type of knowing smile that comforts me by making me believe that everything happening to me is somehow well within the boundaries of expectation.
"I said..so many things...." I continue, automatically closing my eyes. "things that I...that I hate myself for...
"and he heard them all..."
That familiar "Do'aho" rings in my ears. And now I feel like that tiny phrase carries magic in itself, the same magic contained within the depths of his ice blue eyes or in the spellbinding echoes of his every movement, simply - his magic.
"I told him the truth..." my voice has changed to some kind of barely audible whisper. Maybe I just can't take this burning shame inside me. "and he heard me..."
I can feel Youhei watching me, making his observations and thinking his analytical thoughts. He doesn't reply yet.
"But it doesn't matter..." I comfort myself aloud, my voice now louder, more high-spirited and confident. "as long as he's back. As long as he's here."
"You're scared." Youhei concludes.
I open my eyes and look back at him questioningly, waiting for his explanation.
"You're scared," he repeats doubtlessly, shifting his position on the chair. "because you love him."
My eyes widen about two inches now, the shock hitting me with the impact of a boulder to a sheet of glass. This comes as a complete surprise to me.
Nani? ..even Youhei can see that..that I love him? Is it that obvious?
"...B-bakame!" I stutter loudly, practically jumping back from the table in denial. "What..w-what are you talking about?"
A remotely amused laugh plays on Youhei's lips.
"You need him." he says, raising his eyebrows as if saying, 'there's no use in denying the truth'.
"Ha!" I attempt to laugh sarcastically, my cheeks burning and probably reddening too. "Me, Tensai Sakuragi, would need that baka kitsune? You...you must be k-kidding!"
Youhei only shakes his head and sighs, smiling in amusement.
"You know yourself best," I hear him say. "you can try and hide it from us, but you can't hide it from yourself."
At this point I look down and away from Youhei, realizing how right he is. I do need him. I do...love him. And I am scared.
"Maa, Hanamichi," Youhei continues quickly, sighing heavily and standing up next to me. "in need of him or not, you're back, and that's all that matters right now...!"
I nod in agreement and grin, forcing myself to bury and seal all thoughts of kitsune at the back of my mind. And to ease this awkwardness inside me I let out a loud, high-pitched laugh - well, more like a cackle I suppose - that further confirms the fact that I am back again as my old self.
We begin strolling down the crowded corridor, to where, I'm not sure.
"Ano, Youhei...where are we going?" I ask, glancing over at Youhei.
"You're going to play some basketball." he answers firmly.
I stop in my footsteps immediately.
"Youhei.." I stammer.
"Hanamichi," he sighs, pulling me along insistently. "he's back now, why is it so hard for you to play?"
"Because..." I choke, pulling back in uncertainty.
"I can understand your reasons for not playing when he was...you know...not here," he reasons. "that would be torture..."
It was, I think. But...it still is.
"But now he's back, so what's the problem with playing again?"
"I don't..." I begin shakily, to be interrupted by Youhei in mid-sentence.
"Face it, Hanamichi - you want to play basketball."
We stop abruptly and he stares straight at me with such a fiery determination in his eyes that I'm forced to admit that deep down inside, I really do love basketball. But I don't say a word or move a muscle.
"You know and I know that you want to play - you want to play more than ever. So go. Go and play." Youhei tells me.
I look down and away from the persistent and challenging determination in Youhei's eyes.
"You don't understand.." I whisper, shaking my head reluctantly. "I don't want to...to see...him...to face him..."
Youhei's eyes soften slightly upon the escaping of these words from my mouth.
"You can't just run away from this, Hanamichi," Youhei tells me, his voice gentler and quieter now. "you can't just run away from this forever. You have to face it."
"But.." I object weakly.
"I know you're scared. But..you know, you can't be scared forever."
I know Youhei's right. But somehow, I'm still scared. Scared because he might feel disgusted, repelled, by how much I need him. Scared because I might love him. Even more scared because he might not love me back.
Iie. I know for a fact - that he doesn't love me back.
And that's what scares me the most.
And I wish you knew that, Youhei. I wish you understood why I'm so hopelessly scared of playing basketball, of facing him. I wish you understood.
I shake my head.
"Youhei..." I whisper.
But before I can even finish my sentence or realize what is happening, Youhei's already shoving me along the corridor towards the gym.
"WAHHHHHH!!!" I scream, flinging my arms desperately. "TATSUKETE!! LET ME GO!!"
"Here." Youhei announces, pushing me forcefully into the gym, and towards the echoes of raised voices throughout the vast recesses of the hall.
"Minna!" Youhei calls out to the numerous backs facing me, holding me back by the collar with one hand and gesturing in my direction with the other. "Sakuragi's here!"
I suddenly feel like punching Youhei in the face, but some type of shock renders me motionless when I see everyone turn to face me, eyes widened in surprised, unprepared, and somewhat unnerving silence. Megane-kun, Gori, Ryocchin, Micchy, Yasuda, and all the rest – they all have their eyes on me, as if they’re not sure what to say or do.
I catch a glimpse of Haruko-san nearby, standing speechless aside her two friends, questions in their eyes.
There’s someone else in the hall. In the centre of the hall. Standing silent and motionless, staring into me with glinting eyes as deep as the ocean, eyes with a vague hint of weariness, eyes that I could recognize anywhere.
It’s him. He’s here. ...Rukawa.
Why is he here? He shouldn’t be here. He’s not ready for basketball. Is he?
Oh god, I think, make the ground swallow me up. Get me out of here.
I cough nervously and turn to make a run for the doors once again, forgetting Youhei’s persisting grip on my collar. But this time more than one hand latches onto my shoulder to pull me back.
“Not so fast, Sakuragi!” Mitsui and Ryota chide in unison, pulling me further into the gym before I even have time to fight back.
“GET OFF ME!!” I screech helplessly, ignoring the sweatdropping individuals watching my every movement. “LET ME GO!! WAHHH!!”
“Bakayarou!!” Gori yells just as loudly, punching me on the head equally hard.
“Itai yo!!” I wail, feeling the swelling lump on my head. “Stop it!”
“You’re playing whether you want to or not!” is Gori’s reaction. “Today is the right day to start again, now that Rukawa’s come back!”
I look down at the ground. I can feel those eyes of his burning into me but I look down at the shiny floorboards to try and avoid confronting him in any way. Who knows what he’ll say to me? I shiver unconsciously at the thought.
Someone places a basketball lightly into my hands. I look up.
“Play, Sakuragi.”
It’s Kogure. His expression is pleading yet hopeful. Does he know?
“Please…” he continues. “please play. Rukawa’s back now. Shohoku can’t do without you two. Now please..play again.”
Rukawa. I sigh heavily. That’s the precise reason why I can’t play. Doesn’t anyone understand?
“Megane-kun,” I stutter nervously, still trying to avoid that piercing blue light coming from the centre of the hall. “I can’t…”
“Why can’t you?” Ryota cuts in.
“Yeah,” Mitsui begins. “Why can’t you, Sakuragi?”
What am I supposed to say?
Youhei taps my shoulder from behind and I turn around.
“Hanamichi,” he says. “just play.”
“Everyone..” I raise my slightly trembling voice. “I’m not going to –“
And all of a sudden those piercing blue eyes are right in front of me.
He’s standing right in front of me. And for some reason…I can’t breathe.
I trail off the very moment that he locks my gaze. And I can’t look away.
But he breaks the silence, cutting through it with that gentle, soft, monotonous voice of his.
“Do’aho.” he starts.
Why does he have to use that word to mock me?
“Just play.” he continues flatly, still staring straight into my eyes. “Or have you forgotten how to play?”
At first I don’t do anything. I can’t move, I can’t talk, I can’t react.
But then, at the back of my mind it occurs to me that a comment like this would have set me off in the past. It would have made me fume and burn in rage.
Am I supposed to feel angry?
I’m not. It sounds weird, but….I can’t be angry at him anymore.
Suddenly something inside me snaps and I glance briskly around me, noticing all the shocked stares, revealing expectations of my outburst. And I realize that if I don’t do something, people will start getting suspicious.
And if they do…I can’t bear to imagine what will happen if they find out..if they find out about…me. The same shame that had silenced me earlier on is now forcing me to say something.
“T-Teme Rukawa!!” I begin shakily, raising my hand to point a finger at him.
Even I can feel how unconvincing my voice is. God, I hate acting. I hate saying things that I don’t mean.
“Baka kitsune!” I continue, my voice getting louder now. “Me? Forgotten? Ha!!”
I feign a sarcastic laugh for dramatic effect.
“Baka…it’s more like you’ve forgotten! How could a tensai like me forget?”
Rukawa’s face is impassive and emotionless.
“Prove it.” he says in monotone, his stare unwavering and challenging.
Prove it? What? What is he talking about?
No one around me makes a sound. They all have their eyes on us, on the ‘tension’ of the moment. We are supposed to be enemies, aren’t we? Well, he sees me that way. But, about the way I see him…I don’t know anymore.
What is he trying to do? I don’t say a word. However unconvincing it might be for my ‘act’, I stay silent. I don’t know what to say.
“Beat me.” he says.
What? I stand, transfixed, lost. What is he talking about?
“One on one today, after practice.” he raises his voice slightly. “Beat me and prove it.”
Prove what? I think helplessly.
It’s as if he can read my mind through my eyes somehow.
“Prove it,” he asserts. “prove that you’re better than me.
“Beat me one on one.”
Notes: o_o Nani? One on one? I hope that’s what you guys are thinking, because I don’t know what to think…hehe…^_^”
Honestly, I don’t know where this story’s going….-_-“ I guess I’m just making it up as I go along because all I have in mind is how it’s gonna end so I have no idea what’s happening in between right now…*ahem*>_< …gomen gomen..but I guess that’s just how I am nowadays…*sigh*… maa…
Comments please! ^_^ Domo! *bows*