Did he just say one on one?
His eyes are getting to me. That unflinching stare of his…it’s as if there’s something else that he’s trying to say from deep beneath those ice-blue, crystal depths of his. I can’t look away.
Don’t hold my gaze like this, please. Don’t look at me like that – because I don’t want you to see me. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t make me believe that there really is a place for me in your eyes. Don’t look at me like that…Rukawa.
What is happening? I can feel my memory and sense of time falling away. And suddenly. all that exists is here and now, him and I standing here – with that something unexplainable inside his eyes that I feel like I’m drowning in.
What is happening?
I don’t know what’s happening. I only know that he’s here with me, staring straight at me with something unfamiliar shining inside those beautiful blue eyes of his.
What is he thinking? At this moment I wish I knew. Because this moment is casting a spell on me, making me believe that…that there is a place for me inside his mind.
I don’t know what I’m thinking about. I don’t know anything anymore.
What is happening? I don’t know anymore.
And all of a sudden, someone pulls me away from his gaze from behind and hurls me back into reality again.
“Rukawa,” I hear Kogure say nervously, edging between us hurriedly, panic and worry escaping in every bit of his body language. “one on one? You should be resting right now! Wait till you’re fully recovered first, ne?”
I’m still too confused and lost to bring myself to look up and watch Rukawa’s reaction to Kogure’s comment. I remain silent, lost in my own endless thoughts.
What was that moment? What happened?
I suddenly feel self-conscious and aware of my surroundings. Do they know? Do they know what happened just then?
Please, Kami-sama, I start to beg inside me. Please tell me that they don’t know what happened just then. That they didn’t see what happened to me during that moment. That they didn’t see me lose myself inside his eyes.
“Sakuragi,” I hear Kogure call out, turning to me.
I try to shake the confusion away from my mind and turn to look at Kogure. He looks worried.
What is he worried about?
“Sakuragi,” he says softly. “you’re not really going to listen to Rukawa, are you?”
I don’t answer. I still haven’t even sorted things out.
For some reason Kogure takes my silence as a negative response.
“Demo…” he responds, panic escaping in his nervous voice. “Rukawa just got out of hospital and he’s not ready for basketball yet…Sakuragi…onegai…”
At this statement I’m reminded about Rukawa’s last words.
‘Beat me one on one’.
Was he serious? One on one? Him challenging me for a one on one?
You must be kidding me. He hardly ever paid attention to me in the past, let alone challenged me.
I glance at the people surrounding me once again, only now feeling the tense atmosphere pressing in on us layer by layer. The abrupt realization strikes me that these people actually think that I plan to go along with Rukawa’s suggestion.
But…that’s the last thing I want to do.
“Sakuragi,” Gori cuts in to the conversation loudly. “I forbid you. It’s not the time for that yet.”
I know that, I think to myself. And even if it was, I would still run away.
Gori turns to Rukawa, silent and emotionless as usual.
“Rukawa, you need to get some rest first. No basketball for one week.”
Almost instinctively, my eyes latch onto Rukawa to watch his reaction. But as if he heard nothing at all, he remains stone-faced, staring absently into a distant corner of the gym.
What is he thinking? I would give anything to know.
I catch myself thinking this thought at this precise moment and I look down, ashamed. You deserve to feel ashamed, I tell on myself mentally. Just look at yourself- you deserve to be ashamed.
Two hands press down on my shoulders, one on each shoulder, and I spin around instantly to meet the prying grins of Micchy and Ryocchin.
“I never thought I would live to see the day…” Ryocchin starts, edging towards me suspiciously.
I edge away equally suspiciously.
“Nan da yo?” I whine loudly, trying to sound annoyed enough to put them off their suspicion.
“The day when Rukawa would actually be the one to challenge you,” Micchy finishes, not paying any attention to my irritated response. “him challenging you – ha! Unheard of!”
“What is it – role reversal or something?” Ryocchin nudges me tauntingly.
“Is this some kind of publicity show?” Mitsui presses on.
“Or…” Ryocchin lowers his voice secretively. “or is there something wrong with Rukawa’s brain..?”
I know that at this point I’m supposed to react, do something, maybe jump back and make a screeching announcement that I’m a tensai and that finally, thank the heavens above, baka kitsune’s realized that. But I can’t bring myself to say anything. I’m supposed to laugh, to cackle and then spit words in Rukawa’s face. But I can’t do that.
Mitsui turns towards Rukawa, now leaning against the wall.
“Oi, Rukawa!” I hear him call out, pointing in Rukawa’s direction. “What’s behind this one on one thing?”
He doesn’t answer.
I don’t dare to look into his face, so I keep my eyes on the ground.
But now I can hear his firm footsteps echoing in the tense, questioning silence of the hall. I know he’s standing right there in front of me.
“After school.” he affirms unwaveringly.
Then he turns around and drifts straight out of the hall.
I, along with everyone else in the hall, watch his receding frame motionlessly in shocked silence. Does he really expect me to go?
One on one. This is almost laughable. Him, challenging me? Ha. Just like Micchy said, unheard of. This might well be a publicity show. I only wish it was.
And now I understand what it was in his eyes just now. An element of something challenging me. But of course now it’s not about basketball anymore. Or is it?
I don’t know. I don’t understand. All this thinking is making my head hurt.
I can’t go. Who knows what he’ll say to me…
No. I don’t want to know what he thinks of me. I don’t want to get…hurt.
I can’t go.
“Don’t get any funny ideas, Sakuragi.”
Gori’s deep, disapproving voice instantly pulls my thoughts to a halt.
“You’re not going.” he orders, shaking his head in mild confusion. “I don’t know what’s going on with Rukawa, but he’s not ready for basketball yet. Don’t forget that he only got up yesterday.”
How could I forget? I was right there. You don’t forget things like that – things that turn your life around. You can’t forget things like that.
Someone taps me on the head lightly and I spin around.
“Ayako-san…”
It’s Ayako and her paper fan. Funny, I didn’t see her when I came in.
“Sakuragi Hanamichi,” she answers briskly, a small, persuasive smile on her lips. “Rukawa needs rest. Don’t accept the challenge, ne?”
“Leave it till later maybe,” Kogure laughs. “okay, Sakuragi?”
I realize that if I nod and agree to this, everyone will suspect something. Everyone will be surprised by my obedient silence and they’ll look for explanations behind my behaviour. And I don’t want people to find out about me – I don’t want them to see what I really am. But on the contrary, if I shake my head, and disagree, then I really will have to go along with Rukawa’s challenge – I really will have to hear what he has to say. And I don’t want to know what he thinks of me – I don’t want to get hurt.
What do I do? I stay emotionlessly silent and stare down at the ground once again.
“You do realize…” Mitsui mutters softly, suddenly slinging his arm over my shoulder. “…that you’ll never beat him any other way…?”
“Ya know,” Ryota adds sarcastically, leaning closer to me to add icing onto the cake. “you should take advantage of the situation…seeing that you’ll never be able to beat Rukawa in your life…!”
And automatically, Mitsui and Ryota burst into laughter…
…to be silenced by Ayako’s paper fan within seconds.
I can’t help but burst into laughter myself.
“Set a good example!” Ayako orders irritably (particularly to Ryota, I might add), grasping her fan forcefully in her hand. “Don’t encourage him!”
I watch Mitsui growling under his breath and Ryota’s love struck gazing at Ayako, and the sudden thought strikes me that some things – only some things – just never change.
“Oi, Sakuragi!” Gori calls out from the other side of the gym.
I immediately raise my hands before me when I catch sight of a basketball being thrown in my direction, catching the ball with a clean slap.
“What are you still standing there for?” Gori presses on persistently. “Start practicing!”
I look down at the ball slowly, then up at Gori and around at the expectantly hopeful stares of the people surrounding me.
Maybe I should. Maybe I should play again.
And without realizing, my wrist is pressing and letting go of the ball upon the ground in the action that we call a dribble.
I haven’t dribbled a ball for so long. I miss this sound, this resonant, clean-cut ring almost like a steady musical beat.
Maybe I will. Maybe I will play again.
“We’ll start with a practice game,” Gori announces quickly, striding towards me and the team without the slightest intention of letting me refuse. “let’s see if you can still play, Sakuragi.”
With that, Gori smiles his confident, almost provoking smile – a familiarly ambitious smile that makes me wonder if he, or the rest of the Shohoku team, for that matter, realize what my absence from basketball for the last three months has really been about.
“Let’s go, Sakuragi.” I hear Mitsui say, already walking towards the centre of the court.
“Show us what you’re made of,” Ryota adds, grinning and nudging me, his earring flashing vigorously in the sunlight shining into the gym through the windows upstairs. “…tensai.”
“Ganbatte, Sakuragi,” Kogure encourages me through a smile, patting me on the shoulder lightly.
“Do your thing.” Ayako adds in, hastily twisting her hat around backwards.
Through all these…encouragements…I remain silent, shocked.
All this support. All this unity. It’s as if we’re still a team, and always were, always will be. It’s as if this hasn’t changed at all.
“Ganbaru Sakuragi-kun!”
I instantly grin back at Haruko, standing in the corner of the gym, calling out to me and giggling excitedly. Even her two friends are cheering and smiling at me.
I never knew things would still be like this. It’s as if nothing has changed.
It’s as if … I belong here. As if I matter here. As if … as if I’m not a shame at all.
“Sakuragi!” Gori yells impatiently, gesticulating violently to get my attention. “Get over here!”
I stare back down absently at the gleaming ball in my hands.
Maybe I will play basketball again.
No – now I know for a fact, that I will play basketball again.
Notes: I know that the dialogue that I come up with in this fic is often really lame.. heh… ^_^” But sometimes I can’t come up with better things, know what I mean? Oh well… Soon the time for Rukawa’s one on one challenge will come… and now I finally know what’s gonna happen! YAY!! ^.^ *throws confetti into the air* So now I won’t have to spend 30 minutes just sitting here without the slightest idea of what’s going to happen next..-_-“ now I finally have a plan in my mind of what I’m gonna write!!! ^.^ Haha..YAY! [The pathetic celebrations of a beginner fic writer.. ^_^” hehe] Anyway, there’s more to come ^_^ ~*
I need someone to tell me, is Sakuragi really OOC in this fic? I was just wondering… because I find it quite hard to write as him… *sigh* @_@