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THE
AZWIPE AWARD To the WORST of SDSU's crappus newspaper and the people who make it possible. Graphics by Victor Hernandez. |
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MONTEZUMA'S REAR-END: The coveted statue (judging from all the crap printed so far) is awarded to those whose work belongs at the bottom, who have added yet another crack to their newspaper's credibility, and who, therefore, deserve to be the butt of this joke. It is glow in the dark and scratch and sniff, providing the recipients with the same smell their work provides us.
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THE NOMINEES FOR THE WEEK OF NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 6 ARE:
DANA BUSHEE (city editor) and KATE NELSON (editor in chief)
For making sure that we get our dose of sensationalism wether we like it or not.
Because, of course, we the students MUST know about party animals and profesors getting sex change operations (see front page of the December 2, 1998 edition.) Wow! How relevant! I guess this is going to familiar but, really... don't you people have something actually RELEVANT to put on the front page? Geez! We've been ranting about this all semester long and you still don't get a fucking clue!
THE IDIOT WHO WRITES THE "BOOS AND BRAVOS."
Lets see, three of the "boos and bravos" dealt with sports (HOW RELEVANT!) Of those three two were about A FUCKING COIN TOSS (see December 3, 1998 edition opinion page.) Really, who gives a shit? Ah, and lets not forget the "Bravo" to the Cuban Communist Party for making Christmas a permanent tradition. Too bad freedom of expression and political plurailty still isn't. Ah, but as long as tourists can have their Christmas shopping and their exploitation of what was supposed to be a religious holiday for the sake of consuming and making rich people richer--as in the good ol' US of A--who gives a fuck, right?
LAUREN FANCHER
Actually, considering how nicely she set up herself for an ambush in her December 3, 1998 opinion column we don't even think the nomination is necessary. Still, just to provide our readers with a little amusement lets take a look at how Lauren here just set up herself for her next dose of Vanilla a la phlegm yogurt:
"Next time I visit a yogurt shop--I don't drink cofee or eat bagels--I'm going to deposit a tip into the employee's jar. A written tip, that is. My note will say something to this effect: 'This tip jar is greedy and serves no purpose. If you want more money, find a better paying job.'"
Ah, too bad her picture also appears in the paper, don't you think? We wonder how many yogurt shop employees have seen it. And we wonder how many employees are kind to people who BITCH like that. "My god! This new LIME GREEN syrup they are putting on my yogurt really tastes kinda weird!"
But you know what? Now that we think about it, lets give her the nomination. To say "This tip jar is greedy and serves no purpose" from somebody who glamourized getting drunk bad enough to vomit pizza not just sounds hypocritical, it's just plain ASININE. Yeah, because drinking alcohol serves to SO many practical purposes, right?
THE DAILY AZTEC SPORTS DESK
Sometimes we wonder just WHY do they even bother. Consider the ad in the December 3, 1998 edition (right on top of the 3/4 page porno ads):
"The sports desk is looking for writers for Spring semester. If you like sports and you like writing then the Daily Aztec sports section is the place for you. If interested, please come by the basement of The Daily Aztec BAM bulding and pick up and application or contact David .... for more information."
Notice, however, they did not mention ANYTHING about applicants required to know AP style or any of that crap (which is pretty much standard practice when they advertise asking for all other writers.)
Notice also that this semester alone the only thing the Aztec seemed to be caring about was sports. And notice just how utterly IRRELEVANT this is. Really; WHO GIVES A FUCK? Why do we need to know about some idiot running after some plastic ball?
You know, they might as well just change the newspaper's title to Sports Defecated...er...I mean...Illustrated or something like that. Apparently that's the only thing you guys are good at. Real news? Real reporters? Real graphic artists? Real cartoonists? Actually relevant opinion pieces? NAH! As long as we have sports to FILL UP EMPTY SPACE we don't give a shit about all that other, you know, like, "journalism" stuff.
AND THE WINNER IS:
CELINDA VáSQUEZFor demonstrating that when it comes to priorities the ASS--er--AS government can be just as incompetent as her pals at the Daily Aztec. Lets take a look at some of the crap La Cheli, AS President, wrote on her opinion column for the December 2, 1998, shall we?
"Walk into Aztec center, Cox Arena at Aztec Bowl or the Aztec Recreation Center. Did you know that San Diego State University students in the past voted to construct and operate each facility?"
Yeah, too bad they didn't require THEM and THEM alone to pay for the fucking things. Since WHEN are all of those things necessary for a College education?
"The Aquaplex vote that will take place today is not the first time SDSU students have taken advantage of the oportunity to enhance student facilities on this campus."
Oh really? Apparently La Cheli here has never been to the painting studios in the Art building. Or perhaps to the computer room at the library or in the PSFA building. Pretty bad sight, eh? Oh no, but instead of asking us for money for expansion and improvement of ACTUAL LEARNING TOOLS AND FACILITIES they want to ask us for money for A FUCKING SWIMMING POOL. Yeah, some enhacement. Students accross campus can't get a computer to type a midterm paper and what is the main priority in the agenda? SWIMMERS!
Oh, but THIS one took the cake:
"The second significant project came about in the late '80s. As student enrollment escalated, the need for adequate recreation facilities became a priority."
But of course! We don't need no fucking expansion for the academic resources now that we have more students. What we need is to keep them ENTERTAINED!
Some priorities! Fuck the learning! What matters is that the students get RECREATED. And then they wonder why people don't care about the AS elections.
La Cheli's lack of vision when it comes to ACADEMIC priorities most certainly qualifies her as AZWIPE of the week. She also becomes elegible for a trip to the Art building and to the computer labs at the library and at the PSFA building so she can see for herself why we just don't give A FLYING FUCK about the Terry Pool being "terribly inadequate, not only as an intercollegiate competition facility, but also as a student recreational pool."
¡En hora buena, Cheli! Otra de esas y te ganas el muy codiciado premio "Humberto Roque Villanueva" otorgado a los que nos quieren hacer de las de acá a nosotros que a duras penas tenemos para pagar colegiaturas, y, por ende, cuantimenos para una pinche alberca que ni usamos.