When your child is preverbal, you have the added responsibility of establishing
his identity in case of am emergency. If you're heading out to a crowded
event like a baseball game or parade, for example, tuck a label with your
child's name, address, and phone number into his shoe or clothing as a
precaution, says Officer Frank Swaringen of the San Jose Police Department.
In the unlikely event that the two of you get separated from each other,
this form of ID can facilitate your baby's swift and safe return.
You should also get into the habit of keeping up-to-date records of
your child, including a recent photograph, vital statistics like height
and weight, and identifying features like birthmarks. Should the police
ever be involved in tracking down your lost child, you will be asked for
this information. Update it every four months or so as your child grows,
NCMEC experts recommend.
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Lesson #6a
Lesson #6 -
Teach About Sex Abuse Before
They Understand Sex
(3 to 6)
Children this age don't yet have the problem-solving skills necessary
to make personal safety choices or to evaluate the boundaries of appropriate
adult behavior. But they can learn and remember a few simple safety rules,
especially if you use repetition to boost their memory ability.
For example, you can begin telling your 3-year-old, "Never go anywhere
without asking Mommy or Daddy first." Through role-playing, safety
experts say, you can help your child to understand that this rule applies
to anyone, whether it be her best pal next door or a stranger who invites
her to go see his new puppy.
When a child is 3 or 4 years old, she can also learn to name all her
body parts and understand that her body is her own - special and private.
Talk about the kinds of touches that are okay and those that are not okay
- and instruct your child to yell loudly if an adult's touches bother her.
By using a question-and-answer method with your child, you can make
sure that these early safety lessons are sinking in. For example, Mary
Sfikas, who works at the Kali Search Center in East Rochester, New York
says she asks her own 5 year old daughter, Dessa: "Who will you go
home from school with?" After Dessa answers correctly, "Only
you, Mommy." then Sfikas adds a trick question: "What if
a friend of Mommy's comes to pick you up and says Mommy told her to?"
If Dessa answers that she'd go with the friend, Sfkas uses this as an opportunity
to remind her little girl that she should never go away with anyone without
her mom's permission.
Finally, teach your preschooler some basic safety information she can
use if she gets separated from you in a public place. First, help her memorize
her name, address, and phone number by reciting them aloud with her many
times. Then review what she should do if she feels lost: Stay in the general
area where she last was with you, and look for a nearby grownup who can
help her in you temporary absence. Uniformed security guards, park attendants,
police officers, and store employees are all good choices.
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Lesson #6b
Parents Make the Best Safety
Educators
(6 to 9)
Your 6-year-old's school probably offers some sort of child-safety program.
But when it comes to giving your child the confidence he needs to take
care of himself, "research shows that parents can be far more effective
than educators," says David Finkelhor, Ph.D., co-director of the Family
Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire in Durham.
When talking with your child, use simple language and concepts to help
him grasp some of life's complexities. For example, you might say that
"most grownups are good, but there are a small number who could harm
you. That is why I want to teach you ways to keep yourself safe when I
can't be right there beside you." But avoid using a scare tactic,
such as telling your child all the grim details about another child's kidnapping.
"The belief that scare tactics help protect kids is a common misconception
that needs to be dispelled," observes Paula Statman, a psychotherapist
in Oakland, California, who instructs teachers, police officers, and parents
about child-safety strategies.
Instead, talk calmly and matter-of-factly about the difference between
appropriate and inappropriate adult behavior: "It is not okay for
an adult to ask you for help or directions. It is not okay for an adult
to ask you to keep secrets. It is not okay for an adult to touch you in
a way that makes you feel bad, sad, or scared."
Children this age can remember the phrase "Say no, go and tell"
as a way of reminding themselves what to do if an adult makes them feel
frightened, uncomfortable, or confused. A grade-schooler can also understand
that it is not his fault if someone touches him in a way that is "not
okay" - and that he can always come and talk to you about such incidents.
This is a good time, too, to review the idea of adult "helpers"
he can turn to if he finds himself in trouble and without you. If your
neighborhood has block parents whose houses are designated as safe havens,
you can remind your grade-schooler where that house is and how it might
come in handy some day.
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Lesson #6c
Warn Preteens About Where
They Hang Out
(9 - 12)
As the parent of a preteen, you should keep reinforcing all the lessons
you have taught your child so far. She'll need them in the new situations
she's soon likely to face, such as walking to school with a friend. Encourage
her use of the "buddy system" when she ventures into other new
experiences, too, such as going to the mall or the movies without a parent.
Former FBI agent Greff McCrary, who is now a criminologist tat the Threat
Assessment Group in Fredericksburg, Virginia, warns that sex offenders
are drawn to areas where children congregate - shopping malls, arcades,
movie theaters, parks, and playgrounds. So be sure to review safety lessons
before you child takes off.
Talk about the ways your preteen can be more alert as she walks down
the street. Tap into her problem-solving skills be reviewing specific ways
that she and other kids can foil molesters.
It can be scary watching your preteen take on new challenges. But there's
satisfaction, too, in knowing that you've helped her to be ready.
