Dying Diary #23

So, it's been a while since I wrote here. I think that maybe I only write here when I have something to say or I'm feeling bad about something. So, no news is good news, huh.

I shouldn't be writing now, then, if that were the case. But it's not. I just felt like writing is all. And this is where I do that.

I had a nice fall and winter... I just stayed here at the lake, didn't go anywhere at all, just into Tulsa a couple of times.

My daughter got remarried and moved to Wisconsin, of all places, and I haven't seen her or the kids since before thanxgiving. I really can't say that I miss the kids any, but the daughter and I have been getting along really good.

The guy that she married has two kids, but they're grown up and moved out. He's semi-retired, writes software on the side for big money. He mostly hunts and fishes, from how he described his lifestyle to me. They are living in a very nice house on a lake there... no close neighbors, since he owns most of the lakeside. About fifteen miles from the nearest town and a hundred to the nearest decent hospital. Luckily, he has an airplane and a landing strip...

He's definitely got more money than he needs. Of course, people say that about me, too. But I don't have nearly so many toys.

They met online. I've heard that online romances don't work out. On the other hand, most romances of any kind don't work out, so what the hell.

They had a small wedding in Tulsa, mostly so that I and the ex could attend, then they all flew away.

I hear from her on a regular basis via email, of course, and they want me to come spend a week or a month up there with them. I think that I'll probably take them up on it this summer... summers are getting so hot around here, or rather, I'm getting too old to put up with the heat here.

And I think that this guy is really helping out with straightening out the grand-kids. They appear to worship him, as does their mother. He really seems to be a helluva nice guy, and I wish them well.

Physically and mentally, I'm doing very well. I can now walk just fine and except for the shoulder I can do everything that I ever could. The Prozac got me through that one spell of depression, and I've been off of it for a couple months now, but I've got a standing order at the local pharmacy, just in case.

Regrets... depress me. I know that life is hard, and life is unfair, and people die. I don't like it sometimes. But I will continue to participate regardless.

But so many small things that might have happened that didn't could have saved Erin. If I would have stopped to buy gas, a thought that entered my mind as I was going to pick them up, I might not have pulled into that particular parking space. But no, I decided to get gas after I picked them up.

If, if, if... but none of the ifs make any difference. Things happened the way they happened and Erin is dead.

And I'm not. I don't regret that a bit.

Most of the time, anyway.

The visit from Murleen that I mentioned in the last entry was really nice. We decided that we could be friends with no problem, and her niece really enjoyed the visit too. She was a very pretty, very well-behaved young lady who had fallen in love with the wrong guy. Happens to a lot of girls, but Murleen and I talked some sense into her, I think. I correspond with her via email a lot too, and she continues to do well.

I did have one bad thing happen... the wonderful lady that came in and cooked for me got sick and died unexpectedly. Well, it surprised me and her too. She thought that she had the flu and went into the hospital... she had a bowel obstruction and they opened her up and she was full of cancer. They told her that it was incurable and she just gave up. She had given instructions that she didn't want to go on life support and she died two days later.

She was very sweet and very dependable and one helluva cook. The lady that replaced her is a pretty good basic cook, I guess, but I can cook about as well as she does... but I don't really like her very much. She doesn't do very good at cleaning up, and I think that she's stealing stuff from me too. I've never fired anyone before, but there's a first time for everything.

Which means that I'll have to do on my own until I can replace her... but what the hell, I can live on peanut butter and bologna and cheese sandwiches... I've done it before, anyway.

And I've got a freezer full of crappie... there was a really good run this spring. And the new gal doesn't know beans about frying crappie. I think that she just doesn't care too much... she ruins three for every one that she gets right. And it's not that hard to fry crappie, dammit.

This is a beautiful time of the year down here... spring in Oklahoma. Except for the tornados, of course. I don't worry about them any more, though. Hell, I don't worry about anything. Sure, if a storm comes up I'll get off of the lake, and if the sirens blow I'll head to the basement.

If a tornado blows the house away, I'll just rebuild or get another house. Houses are expendable, after all... nobody knows that better than me!

My Dying Diary #25