MARRIAGE RIVALRY
MEG: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FACT THAT WE'VE BEEN GOING OUT FOR OVER TWO YEARS, & WE STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN MARRIED?
NOEL: I DON'T MIND IT, ME. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I HAVE TO COME HOME & GET A CLIP FROM YOU. AND I DO. YOU CLIP ME ROUND THE HEAD & SAY, "WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET MARRIED?!?"
MEG: YOU DIDN'T GET A CLIP AFTER WE FIRST STARTED GOING OUT.
NOEL: NO, BUT NOW I GET IT ALL THE TIME. YOU LOOK AT ME & SAY, "WHEN ARE YOU GONNA BE A MAN & MARRY ME, YOU F***ING DAFT BASTARD?"
MEG: YOU'RE ON ABOUT A REPUTATION. ABOUT BEING SOME WILD ROCKSTAR WITH MILLIONS OF WOMEN. THAT ISN'T SOMETHING I'M PROUD ABOUT.
NOEL: WELL, I AM LA.
MEG: ALRIGHT. WELL IF YOU'RE PROUD ABOUT NOT BEING MARRIED, WHY DON'T YOU JUST BREAK UP WITH ME & GET THE F**K OUT OF MY LIFE. WE'RE IN LOVE RIGHT?
NOEL: OFCOURSE, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED. YOU'RE ONLY GUTTED 'COS PATSY & LIAM GOT MARRIED BEFORE US.
MEG: SHUT UP, YOU TWAT. THEY GO OFF & GET MARRIED AFTER ONLY BEING TOGETHER FOR A YEAR. I'M LEFT WITH YOU, LIKE JUST ANOTHER F***ING SPARE WOMAN IN YOUR F***ING LIFE.
NOEL: IT WAS A BAD MOVE.
MEG: SHUT-UP. YOU THINK IT'S "UN-COOL" TO BE MARRIED.
NOEL: I DON'T. YOU KNOW I TOLD YOU WE'D GET MARRIED THIS SUMMER.
MEG: YOU DIDN'T AT ALL. YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PHONY WEDDING PROPOSAL & SHOVE IT UP YER ARSE TILL IT COMES OUT YOUR FREAKING TOE.
NOEL: I'M NOT UP FOR BEING SEEN AS A BAD BOYFRIEND, I'M JUST NOT UP FOR MARRIAGE YET. BUT WE'LL GET MARRIED SOMEDAY.
MEG: YOU WON'T MARRY ME YOU TWAT.
NOEL: WHO WON'T MARRY YOU? WELL, F**K WHAT THE F**K IS THIS THEN? [GIVES MEG A DIAMOND RING] THIS ENGAGEMENT RING COST ME £500,000, I COULD'VE BOUGHT A GREAT GUITAR WITH THAT MONEY,BUT I BOUGHT YOU THIS RING INSTEAD. AND I DEALT WITH IT.
MEG: EEYARE! WOOAH!
NOEL: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I'M NOT SAYING I'M PROUD OF PUTTING OFF A WEDDING. ONE NIGHT WE'LL GET MARRIED...I PROMISE.
MEG: THAT'S BULL SH*T. BULL SH*T. BULL SH*T. BULLSH*T!
NOEL: WELL, WHAT THE F**K IS THAT RING FOR THEN?
MEG: BIG DEAL. WHAT'S A RING MEAN?
NOEL: THAT'S THE BEST F**KING RING A GIRL COULD ASK FOR. OR ONE OF 'EM.
MEG: IT IS NOT. IT ISN'T AS GOOD AS A MARRIAGE LISCENCE.
NOEL: WE'LL GET A MARRIAGE LISCENCE! WE'LL GET A MARRIAGE LISCENCE!
MEG: I DON'T THINK WE WILL.
NOEL: DIDN'T YOU HEAR MY QUOTE YOU TWAT, I SAID "WE'LL GET A MARRIAGE LISCENSE!"
MEG: YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT, BUT THEN YOU LAUGH ABOUT IT. AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THIS IS A BIG JOKE TO YOU.
NOEL: I'M NOT A CLOWN, AM I?
MEG: YES YOU ARE. YOU DON'T TAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP SERIOUSLY. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE HERE.
NOEL: I KNOW THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
MEG: NO YOU DON'T. YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO SHUT ME UP. BUT I'M NOT GONNA BE HAPPY UNTIL I KNOW YOU'RE FOR REAL. I SUPPOSE 70% OF WHAT YOU SAY TO ME IS SINCERE. I'LL TAKE THE 70%. THE 30% YOU CAN GO & F***ING BLOW IT.
NOEL: SIT DOWN. YOU'RE GETTING INTO A STATE.
MEG: THE THING IS, YOU'RE NEVER GONNA MARRY ME.
NOEL: YEAH. I AM.
MEG: YOU SAY THAT, BUT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS BULLSH*T, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SERIOUS, MAN.
NOEL: I AM SERIOUS!
MEG: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THEN, YOU REALLY, HONESTLY, & TRUELY WILL MARRY ME?
NOEL: YES! I'LL MARRY YOU TODAY.......I'LL MARRY YOU THIS VERY HOUR!
MEG: GOOD. CAUSE I'VE GOT THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE IN MY HEAD, THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT. I'M NOT GONNA F*CK OFF CAUSE YOU THINK THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE IS TOO OUTRAGEOUS. I'LL DO MY BIT IN THIS MARRIAGE, & YOU'LL DO YOURS. SO, LET'S GO GET MARRIED!
NOEL: DO YOU HAVE ANY RECURRING NIGHTMARES?
MEG: YEAH. JUST THE ONE.
NOEL: WHAT?
MEG: WE'LL GET TO THE CHURCH........& YOU'LL BACK OUT.
IF YOU WANNA CHECK OUT PREVIOUS WIBBLING RIVALRY SPIN-OFFS, HERE THEY ARE....