Smile a bit, laugh a bit....ENJOY...Life is short!!!

Jokes Galore

She came into the room with her scalp bristling in pink plastic curlers. He said, "What happened to your head?"
She said, "I set it."
He said, "What time does it go off?" - Audrey Ross

"My wife has lost her credit card," the man told his friend.
"Have you informed the bank?"
"No, the thief is spending much less than she does!" - Mirjam Neumann, Brazil

Then there was the 85 year old woman who found her husband in bed with another woman. She was so enraged that she dragged him to the balcony of their high rise apartment and pushed him to his death.
When she appeared in court, the judge asked if she had anything to say in her own defence.
"Well, Your Honour," she replied, "I figured if at 92 he could make love, he could fly too."- Rob marshall

"I just walked out on my wife," a man said to his pal.
"How did she take it?" his friend asked.
"It's funny," the fellow replied. "You live with someone for years but you never really know them. I had no idea she could sing and turn cart-wheels at the same time - Dick Browne, King Features

When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone.
"Sorry lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders. I can't change it now."
"Very well," the widow said grimly. "Just add 'Until We Meet Again.' " - Robert Cantell

Husband to wife: "You're always nagging me about my golf. It's driving me mad."
Wife: "It wouldn't be a drive - just a short putt." - Harry Leech, Australia

A married couple, both avid golfers, were discussing the future one night. "Darling," the wife said, "if I were to die and you were to remarry, would you live in this house?"
"I suppose so - it's paid for."
"How about our car?" continued the woman. "Would the two of you keep that?"
"I suppose so - it's paid for."
"What about my golf clubs? Would you let her use them too?"
"Heck, no," the husband blurted out. "She is left-handed." - Don Criqui on "Imus in the Morning." WFAN, New York

Husband: " I've found this great job. Good salary, free health and accident insurance, paid holidays and coffee breaks."
Wife: "That's wonderful, dear!"
Husband: "I knew you'd be pleased. You start on Monday." - M.H.W.