On a sign outside a lawyer's office: "Where there is a will, there is a way; Where there is a way, there's a law; Where there's a law, there's a loophole; Where there's a loophole, there's me, WALK IN." - A. Gummadi

Judge to defendent: "Have you anything to offer the court before sentence is passed on you?"
Defendent: "No, Your Honour. My lawyer took my last dollar."- Joey Adams

The mobster was on trial facing a possible life sentence, but his lawyer bribed a juror to hold out for a lesser charge. After hours of deliberation, the jury returned a verdict carrying a maximum of ten years in prison.
Afterwards the lawyer approached the juror. "You had me worried! When the jury was out so long, I was afraid you couldn't pull it off."
"I was worried too!" answered the juror. "The others all wanted to acquit him!" - Quoted on WPEN, Philadelphia

An attorney's wife was complaining about the shabby state of their home. The furniture was old, the curtains were falling apart and the carpet was a wreck. "Look, sweetheart," said her husband, "I got a divorce case today. As soon as I break up their home, we'll start fixing up ours." - Joey Adams

A fellow charged with robbing a sporting-goods store asked a lawyer to defend him. "I'll take your case," the lawyer said, "if you'll assure me of two things: that you're innocent, and that you'll pay me Rs 1,600."
The client thought for a moment, then said, "Will you do it for Rs 400 and a nice set of golf Clubs?" - J.D.

The trial was over. Circumstantial evidence had convicted Jenkins. Now the prosecutor argued that this was Jenkin's "third strike," which meant life in prison. But as his lawyer looked over the record of previous convictions, he discovered that Jenkins had actually been behind bars at the time this latest crime was committed.
"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" exclaimed the lawyer.
"Because," whispered Jenkins, "I was afraid it might prejudice the jury against me." - H.B. McClung

US legislators usually refer to each other as "the Honourable Senator from..." and "my distinguished opponent" when they are debating on the floor. But occasionally they allow their emotions to overcome their politeness. On one occasion, a legislator interrupted a speech by a fellow legislator and called him a jackass. The speaker immediately ruled the remark unparliamentary and demanded an apology.
"I withdraw the unfortunate word, Mr Speaker," said the offender, "but I insist that the gentleman is out of order."
"How am I out of order?" angrily shouted the other.
"A veterinarian could probably tell you," answered the first legislator. - R.R.

copyright © Benoy Thapa, Darjeeling, India - 2001