Table of Contents
Frank B. Finite (a "true" atheist)
Alternate Resurrection Theory of the Month
Opposable Thumbs
Opposable thumbs, to us, are not the short thick first digits at the end of the front limbs of the human animal which are modified for grabbing.
They are people - people who exhibit a tenacious veracity in defending their atheism/evolutionism.
They oppose the Christian/creation world view and leave their indelible imprint on us.
They leave with us a thumbnail sketch of where they are coming from in their thinking.
We here at the Institute for the study of Atheianity appreciate their pressing need to pin us down on issues. We respect that.
And we would like to honor an Opposable Thumb here . . .
This month's Opposable Thumb is:
"Kenny"
"Kenny"
First I (the Editor in Chief) need to explain this at the beginning. We had no real Opposable Thumb this month. Maybe they are all on vacation?
So I just made up the following. These people don't exist and this incident never really happened.
Or DID it?!
~~~~~~~~
Hey, my name is Ralph. I live a very boring and sheltered life. At least I used to, until I met this stranger. He told me about this group of fellas who like to meet on the mean streets and duke it out for fun.
They called it "Fight Club".
He said it would change my life and wanted to know if I was interested. I said, "I guess so."
So he took me out late one evening and introduced me to the boys. He was right, it changed my life.
I was in the hospital for three days and got 47 stitches. It really hurt.
I didn't like it.
So I never went back. Apparently being fit really matters in fight club, and I wasn't fit. At least not physically anyway.
But I am mentally fit. Since I was a geek, I didn't have a social life what-so-ever. So I read a lot and got pretty brainy.
Remembering the exhilaration of fight club that I felt (that is, before the first punch was thrown which knocked me out), I still wanted to do something sorta like that - just way less painful.
That's when it hit me. Why not start a "Debate Club"?
No, not like the organized ones in school. But more like a knock down, drag out mental riot - with nobody around spouting rules and demanding decorum.
It sounded exciting, so I sprang the idea on my friends in the D&D group and they liked it.
I remember the very first one. Late one Saturday night, about 8:30, we all met in the alley behind the school. It was agreed that I should be in the first one since the whole idea was mine.
But who was to debate me? There was a moment or two before anyone volunteered, but then it happened.
From the outer edge of the crowd which formed the debating ring, Kenny stepped forward into the light.
When I saw him I knew exactly what the debate would be about. Kenny is an out-and-out atheist and I'm a Christian. I thought to myself, "Bring it on athey boy!"
We both put down our Big Gulps and he came out swinging. "Hey fundy!" he said.
"Is that the best you got . . . boy." I replied.
The crowd gasped, Kenny looked around.
"The Bible is just a bunch of fairy tales!" he blurted out.
"Based on what?" I countered.
"Take that stupid flood story of Noah for instance?"
"What about it?" I asked.
"Every culture has had a flood story. The bible just borrowed from earlier flood stories," Kenny retorted.
Now Kenny and I had been been down this road before. I had already explained all of this to him numerous times and it never really got us anywhere. So this time I changed tactics.
"Are you sure you want to use that logic . . . Kenny?" I asked.
"Of coarse!"
"He who lives by the myth dies by the myth," I stated dramatically.
"What are you getting at Ralph?" he asked.
"Is evolution fact or faith?" I asked.
"Fact . . . of coarse . . .why?"
"No, it's faith. In fact, it's myth!" I bellowed.
The crowd gasped. You could hear a pin drop.
"Prove it," he said sort of confused at where I was headed.
"There are transitional fossils and animals if evolution is true, correct Kenny?"
"Why yes, everyone knows that. What's your point?"
"It's a known fact that for centuries cultures have had mythological creatures that were part one animal and part another one. Your silly transitionals are just ideas copied from these myths."
Kenny started to sweat. He panned the group which was looking directly at him. I had become so relaxed that I picked up my Big Gulp and took a sip.
"I . . . I don't know what you mean?" he nervously mumbled.
"Would you like the whole list of mythological transitional creatures, or just the top ten in alphabetical order?!"
Kenny just looked around as if trying to find a way out.
"Fine then," I said impatiently. "I'll give the top ten in alphabetical order."
It was cruel, but I had to do it.
"Ahuizotl - a creature in the legends of Central America. In appearance it is half human and half monkey, with a hand coming out of the end of its tail.
Baku - comes form Japanese legends. It has the face of a lion, the body of a horse, the feet of a tiger, and the tail of a cow.
Calygreyhound - from medieval heraldry has the body of an antelope, the claws of an eagle of its forelegs and the hooves of an ox on its hind legs.
Dagon - The ancient Philistines and later the Phoenicians considered this half-man half-fish to be their main deity.
Erinyes - are three female hag-like creatures who have the head of a dog, snakes for hair and bat wings.
Fauns - are mischievous creatures with the legs, ears and tail of a deer and the face and body of a handsome young man.
Gryphons - mythological beasts commonly depicted as having the head, forelegs and wings of an eagle, and the hindquarters, tail and occasionally ears of a lion . . ."
"Stop!" Kenny screamed with his hands over his ears. He was almost in tears.
"Are you going to lay off the mythology debunking the Bible babble from now on?!" I asked in a somewhat demanding tone.
"Yes, yes. Just please stop."
He ran away kicking over his Big Gulp while never looking back.
Since then Kenny and I have spoken from time to time. He has refused my offers to take him to church, but I will persistently pray for him because I know that's what the Lord wants from me.
As for Debate Club, it still goes on to this day. I'm not as active as I used to be, but I will for ever more be known as *Phlar the Debater who won the very first one.
*This my name spelled backwards. It sounds much cooler that Ralph and I adopted it not long after winning that first debate. The chicks dig it too.
