Table of Contents
Frank B. Finite (a "true" atheist)
Alternate Resurrection Theory of the Month
The Blind Fools Guest Entry Log
The Book of Chances
Chapter Eight
Chances 8:1 But Chance had some fleeting thoughts
of Noah and a few of the furry pets and the livestock that were
supposedly with him in the inner ark area, and He encouraged
moving air over the earth, and the H20's upper-moving evolution
was reversed (maybe or maybe not due to the moving air).
Chances 8:2 Now the springs (not the metal bouncing
kind) of the deep and the faucet
handles of the heavens were again accidentally rotated, and
the falling H20, for some unknown reason, stopped falling (maybe
or maybe not due to the accidentally rotated faucet handles).
Chances 8:3 The H20's upper-moving evolution was reversed (known in scientific circles as "reverse-evolution." Younger scientists have the urge to contract this term into one word, "revolution," but are discouraged from doing so because this has a different meaning all together) steadily from the earth.
Around the end of the (count
the number of hairs on your head) days the H20 had evolved in
a downward direction,
Chances 8:4 and on the (count the number of hairs
on your knuckles) day of the (count the number of hairs on your
dog's knuckles) month the
ark came to rest (but not because it was tired) on the mountains
of Ararat or Fuji.
Chances 8:5 The H20's upper-moving evolution continued
to reverse until the (have your dog count the number of hairs
on your back) month, and on the one-half day of the seven-tenths
month the tops of the mountains (Ararat
and/or Fuji) became visible.
Chances 8:6 After (have your dog chase your cat,
which is perfectly natural, and subdue the cat and count the
number of hairs on its tail) days Noah opened the window (double-pained
for greater energy efficiency to help save the environment) he
had evolved into the ark-like floating wood pieces that were
stuck together.
Chances 8:7 and sent out a raven,
(or was it an ostrich?), anyway, it kept flying back and forth
until the H20 had evaporated from the earth.
Chances 8:8 Then he sent out a dove (or was it an
emu?),
to see if the H20 had reversed its evolutionary path from the
surface of the ground.
Chances 8:9 But the dove or emu could find no place to set its tiny little feet because there was no government regulation to save branches up front for birds to park on (also, there was H20 over all the surface of the earth); so it flew backwards into the side of the ark and then to Noah.
He reached out his hand (Noah,
not the bird) and took the dove or emu by be neck and brought
it back to himself in the ark.
Chances 8:10 He waited (count the number of cat scratches
on your dog's face) more days and again sent out the dove or
emu from the ark.
Chances 8:11 When the dove or emu fell to him in the twilight hour, there in its beak was a freshly printed fortune cookie paper strip that said, "The man with a full stomach did not eat Chinese food."
But on the back was printed,
"10 - 32 - 8 - 45 - 10 - 13." Then Noah knew that the
H20 had reversed its evolutionary process from the earth.
Chances 8:12 He waited (the total number of cat scratches
on your dog's face divided by the amount of whiskers he has left)
more days and sent the dove or emu out again, but this time it
did not return to him (because legislation had finally passed
the birds' bill and it was signed into law by the president).
Chances 8:13 By the middle day of the middle month of Noah's mid-life crisis year, the H20 had evaporated from the earth (But don't panic! Not ALL of the H2O evaporated. There was some left).
Noah then removed the convertible
top from the ark and saw that the surface of the ground was dryish.
Chances 8:14 By the other day of another month the
earth was completely dryish.
Chances 8:15 Then Chance said to Noah in a passive-aggressive
tone,
Chances 8:16 "Fall backwards out of the ark,
you and your wife and your male offspring and their wives.
Chances 8:17 Maybe bring alot of every kind of living creature that is in your general area - the birds, the animals, the dinosaurs, and all the furry pets that move along the ground - so they can do their *"multiplication tables"
(*Note - this is a secretly coded phrase so as not to give younger people any ideas. Older and obviously smarter and more mature people like scholars will be able to figure this out)
on the earth and "accidentally
swallow much fruit" and evolve in number upon it."
Chances 8:18 So Noah fell out backwards, together
with his male offspring and his wife and his male offsprings'
wives.
Chances 8:19 All
the animals and all the creatures that move along the ground
and all the birds - everything that moves or doesn't move on
the earth - fell backwards out of the ark, one kind randomly
after another.
Chances 8:20 Then Noah evolved an altar to Chance and, taking some of the freshly "dipped-for-fleas" animals and cleaned birds, he sacrificed a fly ball to center field.
This drove in the winning run
and the humans defeated the animals in extra innings by a score
of seven to six covering the spread.
Chances 8:21 Chance smelled a stimulating aroma (maybe from the freshly "dipped-for-fleas" animals) and said in his heart to the Lotto balls: "Never again will I say curse words to the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is logical from cubhood.
And never again will I un-evolve
all living and non-living creatures, as I maybe have or maybe
not have done.
Chances 8:22 "As long as the earth is flat,
mustard-seedtime and harvest festival, lukewarm and lukecool,
summer olympics and winter olympics, midday and midnight, it
will maybe never cease."
Chapter 9 should probably arise
from the muck soonly.
of events, and for no particular reason, you are victim number:
