I am pakistani christian. I am from a family that nobody is from. My parents are separated and i just live a miserable life and i don't want to but you know who I blame this on-God. For this reason I am not religious as I used to be. I don't pray as much, i don't go to church. I just don't care anymore. I met a guy which i fell in love with. You don't understand-this guy was so perfect,he was everything i wanted in a guy. All my past relationships were bad ones and thought i finally found the right guy. he was nice, very sweet, caring, funny, honest. the only thing was that he was a pakistani muslim. You don't know how much i loved this guy. But that was only problem. I would have married him as a muslim- i really would have- That is how much i fell in love with the guy. But he wanted me to convert to islam. From the time i started dating, i told myself that if i ever fell in love with a muslim guy, oh yes of course i would marry him but i would never convert. When i told him i couldn't we just had to separate. I still feel it in my heart- I still love and i will always. I trusted in God that whoever I met it would turn out right- maybe he would convert but i think God punished me and broke my heart. But God knows i didn't convert because of him. I did it all for him- why can't he understand that and make me happy for once. I make God happy and and why can't he do the same for me? I couldn't turn away from christianity- i just couldn't- not cause of my family or anything but just in general- i just could not do it. It would just change my whole life. I just could not do it. I am really hurting right now. Right now, we are seeing each other and I don't want to get attached because i know i will want to marry him but i won't convert for him- please tell me what to do- i really, really like him. I enjoy his company and he is the guy i have always been waiting for. Please tell me what to do. I don't want to get hurt and neither does he.

Entering into romantic relationships with others who have different beliefs than you do can be dangerous. You will always have your beliefs challenged, and someone will always end up compromising for the other if the relationship is to succeed. Make sure that each individual you date knows how strongly you hold to your beliefs, and that you hold strongly to Christianity and would not convert. If individuals are still interested then they are doing so with that knowledge, and if they respect you they will not ask you to sacrifice your beliefs for a human relationship. If, with the knowledge of your strong belief, they still ask you to convert, then it is obvious that they do not respect you, your beliefs, or your integrity. And who would want to marry someone who does not respect them?!

#37:

Dear Goody Goody,

I've been a christian for six years. I thought that I was really strong and my relationship with God was really good. Well about three months ago I started dating this guy who I really like. He was a new christian at the time. Everything has been great we've gotten really close but recently the physical part of our relationship has become intense. Before I met him I'd decided on guidelines to follow but now I've broken quite a few. Earlier I knew I could stop it if it went too far but I don't think I could now. I asked him early in our relationship if he was waiting until he got married to have sex and he assured me he was. Now I feel like I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to change our relationship and I'm not even sure I want to. Why is something that feels right so wrong? I know He only wants to protect us but its so hard. I don't want to disobey God but I feel like if I keep going like this I will. I was so sure about things before about how things were supposed to happen. What's worse is last week he asked me to marry him. I told him we were too young and we had a long time before we should deal with that. He's almost 18 and I'm 16. I don't want to break up with him. I love him. What can I do?

You show wisdom in seeing this problem and wanting to remedy it before it gets too big to handle. What you need to do is sit down with your boyfriend, in a neutral (non-sexual) place and discuss this with him. Tell him what you told me, that you had placed boundaries on your sexual activity, but you have crossed them and now feel guilty. Explain that you want to continue this relationship, but that you need to set up some mutual boundaries so that no one feels guilty or hurt. It might be wise to include in these boundaries that you should rarely or never be alone together. Sure, dates are fine, but to be physically intimate you need a place and time where the two of you are alone, with no-one else around. If you're not alone (think movie theatre, restaurant, mall, etc) you won't be as tempted. Then pray together about it. You would also be wise to talk to a youth leader or close girlfriend who you know is a Christian. Ask her to pray for you and keep you accountable. It is never easy to take a step backwards, because there is always the memory there of what has been done before and the momentary pleasure experienced. But with prayer and mutual respect the two of you can keep pure.

#38:

Hello. I am a 24 year old law student who is just now getting back to God after years of backsliding...my feet still hurt!! I have always been involved in tumultuous relationships with non- Christian men. In fact, I have never been in a relationship with a saved and born again Christian. This has always bothered me. Since I started school, I decided that being in a relationship isn't the best thing for me. I need to focus on school and God. However, loneliness and insecurity creep into my life every now and then. Since I was in relationships with non Christians, I engaged in ungodly behavior...I lived in sin. Now that I focus my life on God, I am having problems changing the way I think..especially the way I see men. I do not want to end up in a sinful relationship again! I know I have to wait on and trust the Lord. I don't know how a "God-driven" relationship operates. I also don't know how to combat the loneliness I feel at times as a Christian woman. Any advice? God Bless!!

It probably sounds trite, but patience, constant prayer, and realizing that God is the only one you need, these will be your only ways of defeating loneliness. When the time is right, God will bring a Godly man your way, but until then you need a strong support system to help keep you where you want to be. Find a good Christian girlfriend or two who understand your position and will encourage you. Attend a church regularly, and join a Bible Study &/or Sunday School class designed for college-age adults. Some good scriptures for encouragement in this topic are 1 Cor. 6:9-20, 1 Cor. 13, Gal. 5:13-26, and Col. 3:1-17. When you find yourself struggling with impure thoughts read the Scriptures, pray for strength, and call your girlfriend(s) to pray with you. As you become more and more dependent on God and less dependent on yourself, you will find that your heart becomes more and more content with where God places you, in what relationships and activities He chooses to use you. If you're active in prayer, the church, bible studies, extra-curriculars, and just spend time with God improving yourself, you will draw men to you who are worthy of romancing you. They will be drawn to your Godly heart as much as they are to your outward beauty. The one God intends for you will respect you as God's creation and would never think of defiling your body, which the bible states in 1 Cor. 6:19 is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. He will admire your devotion to God and, forgiving your past, will encourage you to continue the pursuit of Godliness. This is the type of man you are waiting for. And remember that as much as he is worth waiting for, so much are you too.

#39:

I REALLY, REALLY, DESPERATELY NEED YOUR HELP! I'm so freaked out about what's been happening over the past few months or so. Whenever I get on my internet to e-mail my friends or something, I check the "recent web-site requests made from this computer" part, and more than a few times, I've found porn (both heterosexual and homosexual sites) and it's really freaking me out. I know it's my dad visiting these sites because besides me, he's the only one that logs on.He's on the computer every night practically and I'm really worried. I want to talk to someone about this, or my parents, but I can't build up the courage to do so. I'm really freaked out that if I tell one of my friends, word will get around school, and I don't want to tell one of my parents because they're still together and really happy, at least to my knowledge, and I don't want to do anything to jeapordize this harmony. But whenever I think about it, I turn into a wreck and my stomach churns. I don't know how much longer I can take it. And today, I found not just one, but three new ones today! I feel like crying. I'm really religious and everything, as my family, and I don't want to dishonor my father.

I'm sure this was a startling discovery, and it's understandable that you now don't know how to act. It may seem that you don't even know your father now. You may wonder what he could be thinking to want to see those sites, and you may wonder how he may be acting based on what he sees. He is an adult, and you are not responsible for his actions, but since The Bible says that "whoever looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery with her in his own mind," (Matthew 5:28) you have every right to be concerned.

If you have a close relationship with your father, you may want to speak to him concerning what you found. You may even want to set up an appointment to speak with your father and pastor together so you are not alone. If you do not feel comfortable speaking directly to your father, you may speak with your pastor or another person who you know will keep this confidential. Keep in mind that whoever you speak to, you may not get the response you want, since this is such a touchy issue, and there are many views on it. If your mother uses the computer, you may want to show her what you found so that they can deal with this together. Do not worry that you will "jeopardize" their relationship; what your father has done is not your fault.

Regardless of what happens, you must never stop praying for your father. He needs God's guidance to be satisfied with what he has in his marriage.

#40:

dear goody goody,
i'm 14 years old and i recently refused to get baptized and confirmed in my church because i am questioning what i really believe in. i've been reading stuff about the wicca religion, and it is very interesting and sometimes i have trouble praying to God because i think that of all the religions of the world, how do i know that christianity is the right one? a couple of times i've thought about converting, but then i think of what i'd be abandoning... my family's belief, my church friends, family holidays etc...etc... i am having a hard time because i think that if God really is the one true god then he won't forgive me. i'm still in my church group, i do a lot of community service and i pray every night to God, but every other day or so, i read about the wicca religion and i've even tried meditating wicca type. i still don't know if i believe in it. i am very open to new ideas and fun stuff, and i'm more of the type of person who wants to communicate with whatever is beyond this life, but i have trouble doing that with God. i want to be a good christian, but how can i do that when i have trouble believing in it?

You ask how to know Christianity is the right way. Essentially, you can't. That's the point of faith. You believe what you believe, not because you know, but just because you believe. There are lots of reasons to believe, but there are also lots of reasons not to believe. If you believe that man is naturally sinful, that a perfect God cannot accept imperfection in His presence, and that God sent Jesus to die and take away your imperfections so that He can have you in His presence, then you believe in the basic ideas of Christianity. There are a whole bunch of other specifics we can argue (that's why there are a whole bunch of different churches), but the basics are always the same.