11.11.05

Quiet...
Despite all the noise.
Mute.
Except my own voice.

Talk.
Until the mouth runs dry.
Hear,
I cannot. I do not know why.

Blank.
My head gears run amok.
Vague
Are the thoughts unlocked.

Naked.
Stripped bare once more.
Defenseless.
Adversary has breached the core.

Surrounded.
I hold on to nothing.
Sudden.
I feel myself falling.

Unknown.
But the signs are everywhere
Unfeeling.
No one will ever care.

Voice
Reduced to a whisper.
Taste.
All has turned bitter.

Naïve.
So little know of fact.
Self.
So little remain intact.

Heart.
It burns, it hurts, it retreats.
Mind.
Create a fantasy concrete.

Time
I wish to betray
Past
Is steadfast, forever to stay.

05.21.05

Let not nostalgia run free in my head...
Chain it to a wall.
Enclosed inside a steel-walled room.
Bolt the door.
And if she escapes...
Choke her. Strangle her.
Don't let her haunt me.

10.01.05

I am being driven into insanity
I cannot find my place
I am constantly searching
But all is vague, just a trace

Your warmth I cannot feel
Though you stand so closely
You seem not to exist
And I am a child watching naively

I can hear a murmuring sound
So buried deep in my chest
Piercing, numbing, thumping
Release me from this painful arrest

Not as it once was
For eyes have learned to speak
So allow me to savor this burden
And inside havoc wreak

05.14.06

And slowly when everything
           comes to a close
As this body rests
           in a sea of cushions and sheets
The mannequin is finally alive
           from such clothes and pose
To be naked in finite moment
           with her thousand reminiscing fleet

Yet in bittersweet apprehension
           of what the unseen may bring
Some sort of stillness lives
           in what she knows is her heart
Creep into the sanctuary
           of snow white wings
Where there is a home
           where she knows she owns her part

The thousand reminiscing fleet
           retreat now to the docks
As a mist would fade
           away into non-existence
She stands elegantly and dresses
           for her lookers will soon flock
They, unknowingly, that on the surface
           all is pose and pretense

04.10.05

When the moon hides her face from the sun
And the stars scurry back into their beds
I paint a mask on my face
And I am ready for the war called life

And when the sun sinks behind the clouds
Let me hide under the sheets
Undress all the secrets piled behind my mind
And manifest into red blood tears

And again the morning comes to rule
It is time for me to come out of the shell
To reveal a mask from under the sheets
And wipe the secrets off my face

11.14.05

So readily I give myself to you
So naively I destroy all the walls
And let you see all the way through
There are no more obstacles to my soul
There is no steel barrier to my heart
I commit myself to a blind trust
With a pang of fear for the unseen future

And the songs come to life
All of those that ring in the air
And the senseless things gain sense.
Illuminating themselves, and I see none else
As if perfection has embodied them
A compass, an arrow, a sign
Pointing me to the right destination

To be alive again by a single thought
To be animated and colored against black and gray
I am myself, conscious, awake
Yet dreaming and thinking and sometimes fearing
Of when the two great pillars would begin to burn
And crash upon me with anger in silence
Hiding under a luxurious smile of hypocrisy

Yes, when it all tumbles down there is nothing
All that remains will be the same
They will have to wait and see
And so will I