2006

If I had to die a thousand deaths
It would not matter if I would be granted
A single lifetime to spend with you

The joy of having you would only compare
To the bequest of perfect immortality

How could one covet for any other
When bliss was but an inch away
Alive and flourishing in the life of you?

The rapid tide of time freezes
With a simple touch, a simple lock of the eyes
Frozen and preserved in the oasis of memory

Resting on your shoulder, I discover my sanctuary
And unconsciously cast away all
The fears that exist underneath
Anger, if any prevailed, it has all melted away
Departed from me

Hand in hand, time would pass
Unnoticed like a soft whisper...
Coming... Almost unheard.
Night comes as a surprise, unexpected as the tempest at sea...
A soft kiss, an unlockable embrace, a small smile
And you drift away like the wind
But you will return to me again tomorrow

Can anyone understand what my soul sings now?
can anyone understand how I can bear a thousand deaths
For a single lifetime with the one who makes me feel truly alive?

08.08.02

The wind that blew
Will never blow again.
The water that flowed
Will never flow again.
Time that passed
Shall never pass again.
But love can die
And be revived once again.

11.30.05

Constant...
So close yet distant.
Time and Space in between
But does not hinder
the pursuit, come my Lover...

Suffer for the gain
Endurance of wearisome pain--
Cannot explain.
And I try to explain.

Persevering and steadfast
Yet maddening as it lasts--
An ultimate balance
To be one.
Indescribable, unfathomable,
Reason cannot place his case.
Defenseless, yet secure in all.
Never doubting, forever holding

All those in power watch on
Unbreakable, sacred words
Of the heart.
Surrender mind, body, soul
Hands bound;
Blood tied.

08.07.02

How could someone tell you the words
You wish to hear,
Leave you alone
Without making things clear?
How could someone tell you the three words
That makes the heart
Beat a million times a second--
Make his own words thwart?
           These times make the sweetest of words
           Lose their real definition.
           Times like these when
           'I love you' is meaningless, without conviction.
How could a girl forget the words
She treasures most in her heart?
How could a girl forget the feelings
A man stirred up from the start?
           Just because he told her the sweetest of words
           As if they had the real definition.
           Just one of the times when
           'I love you' is meaningless, without conviction.
How could someone give out a promise
And break them so easily?
How could someone say things to you
Just to break you so callously?
           These times make the sweetest of words
           Lose their real definition.
           Times like these when I wished
           'I love you' isn't meaningless, but filled with reason.

12.06.03

Left me alone
Though it was against your will.
Feelings buried, never known--
Human emotions fed with a sleeping pill.
Kept inside, caged inside
To be neglected and forgotten...
And time slipping by its side,
Imprisoned feelings shall weaken...
These silent lips charged guilty
For locking up my heart.
As I fall into the frigid hands of taciturnity,
The feeling draws apart.
Time continues the pace
While the feeling inside cries.
Life endures the race
While the feeling inside dies.
Completely drowned into oblivion,
Its existence is a mere memory.
Still locked up in my heart dominion,
It's a miracle if it breaks free.

*Prequel to Spark

12.16.03

Break me. Shake me.
Tease me. Hurt me.
Love me. Hate me.
           That's all you ever do.
           That's all you ever make me feel.
           Insignificant. Nothing.
           I do not exist. I am not real.
Protect me. Leave me.
Abandon me. Take me.
Cherish me. Forget me.
           That's all I ever was to you.
           But I am not a toy.
           I am not a child's play thing.
           I am not someone to coy.
Strengthen me. Weaken me.
Flatter me. Expose me.
See me. Avoid me.
           I'm through with you.
           Do what you will to me.
           Cause there's nothing you can do
           To stop me from breaking free.

11.16.05

I want write an elaborate one
But words don’t find their place in my head.
I see them, but just when I’m about to grasp them,
           they turn to thin white smoke.
Like a mirage, like reaching for something in
           a dream of black and white
Any hindrance doesn’t seem to matter anymore
They’re just space in a puzzle where the missing piece
           isn’t placed yet.
The wait is fine. We’re both being polished by time.
Tested. Tried. Hurt. Cried.
But I guess we’ve proven it to ourselves now, haven’t we?
Maybe we’ve earned the right to say this is true
I don’t need to be confused anymore.
Unlike before when my thoughts spin like a top.
When my mind would not focus on one thing for a minute.
When my mind would always push away other things to make the
           excessively, unnecessarily big space for you in my head.
When my heart incessantly tries to dominate my brain
           and more often than not--successful.
Although I would never let myself swoon so badly where I would
           be seen.
No. I am hidden. I used to be.

02.23.04

Not free...
Well hidden...
Forbidden...
Can't let them see.

Can't smile
When she's there.
The waiting, I bear
When he loves her for the while.

She doesn't know
A snake is biting.
Betrayal, this fling,
When she turns around to go.

When light reveals,
She'll cry;
She'll wish for us to die;
She'll break the deal.

I will face
The consequence
Even though it may be dense.
No foundation, no base.

Not free...
Well hidden...
Forbidden...
Can't let her see.

01.06.04

Hot shower, the steam rises.
Steam fogs up the tiles and glass.
Water falling on my face;
Soothing, refreshing, relieving.

Done now; in front of the mirror,
Can't see myself.
Mirror's all fogged up
And I just stare.

Moved my fingers across its surface,
Unconsciously gazing.
Pulled my hand away and realized
That I had just written your name.

Stared dreamily at the name
Whose owner is far from me;
Wondering how he is,
Wondering if he thinks of me.

Can't see what I wrote now
All I see is myself.
Time to stop dreaming
And get myself dressed.

But somewhere faraway
I can't tell, but maybe...
He could be staring in front of the mirror
Writing my name, maybe...

08.01.05

I try my best to describe
The way I feel within
But my mind blanks
Every time I find the words to say
The sun simply will not set
Without a whisper of your name,
The thought of your face,
Or the ringing of your voice

It's almost like I am given no choice
When I just stop and think and stare off into space
This is like hide-and-seek, this game
My imaginary theater, the stage is set
A sweet pampering my act, my play
And in a snap reality comes back
And it's not wrong, it is not sin
To dream of you from time to time

08.12.05

They met. Laughed.
Days passed. She conceived.
She covered, denied.
She couldn't believe...

It grew within her,
Made its presence known.
She tried to ignore it,
But it was true to the bone.

Slowly but surely, it came.
And she opened her eyes.
It came, it came, the birth!
She could not believe her lies.

The sight of him delights her,
But he could never know the secret.
That she bore their child within,
That she conceived after the day they met... This child... Lives, exists...
She cannot twist her truth, her part.
And he is there, oblivious
Of his child's beating heart.

09.09.03

Shattered like glass,
That's what you did to me.
Into a million pieces,
So went my reverie.
Glue the pieces
Of glass together,
But the marks of pain
Shall remain forever.
Never will I be
The same person again.
You've ruined it all,
And I just let it happen.
You made me feel
Like a queen.
You made feel
Better than I had been.
But just when
Everything was so right,
You suddenly hid
Away from my sight.
Slowly, but surely,
You broke me.
Into a million pieces,
Shattered I'll be.

08.31.03

Alone is the isle surounded by eternal blue,
This mind is drifting along the shores of nowhere.
How shall I escape? How shall I survive?
There is nothing here but the hot, salty air.

Storm clouds hover above the isle,
Ominous ocean waves crash on the white sand.
Where shall I hide? What will be my shelter?
I am alone and have none but my own bare hands.

Near insanity, near starvation, and near death.
Yet this heart refuses to ever stop its beat.
The body is weak yet forever willing.
And yes, run wherever; be taken by the feet.

I am here waiting patiently to see clouds of white
And find the wind blowing at it, pushing it to shore;
Dragging with it a mass of wood;
But only wind came and nothing more.

But it has always been you that kept me from
Leaving this world and be forever gone.
I endure the bitter and cold embrace of the night;
I endure the scorching blanket of the sun.

And I have been living on the undying hope
Of seeing you again someday.
A simple dream, haunting yet delicious.
But how could I have been brought so faraway?

I am still alone in the isle surrounded by eternal blue.
And my mind drifts along with the shores of nowhere.
How shall I escape? How shall I survive
If I should know that you do not care?

12.01.05

So alive.
You feel your heart, your blood
Pumping--like African drums
But so real.
It makes you real;
Makes you more aware of yourself.
Your assurance of existence
That against a billion lives--
You are significant.
Recognized.
Loved.
And all the senseless will gain sense.
And those with sense will be senseless.

12.08.03

Screaming and banging behind bars;
Crying and begging for release
Before the feeling died and left a scar.
Died neglected, died without peace.
           But she left a scar, left a trace...
           Left a mark no one could erase.
           Embedded deep within is the face
           Who left me, left his place.
Years have gone; passed by,
The feeling locked inside has long waned.
Never had the chance to justify
Its existence and why it should remain...
           But it left a scar, left a trace...
           Left a mark even I could not erase.
           Yet oblivious of it each passing day,
           But the scar was there to stay.
Then came its due and woke;
Not screaming nor begging but knocking softly...
As if gently it invokes
Me to set it free.
           It was the scar, it was the trace...
           The mark that I could not erase...
           Living once again like a spark
           Flickering brightly in the frigid dark.
Slowly this feeling caged and tormented,
Spread like wild fire in my heart;
Untamed and burning, not to be neglected.
It's here to stay and never more to part.
           The scar that once was the only trace...
           The mark that no one could erase,
           Not anymore a caged spark
           But a resurrected fire in the dark.

*Sequel to Caged