FANFICS
Here they are, top quality fan fictions written by yours truly. There's now six, all FF7, one of which is my first attempt at a serious fanfic! More will follow soon, I guarantee it! (not a guarantee). If you have no idea what ff7 is, then what are you doing on this site!?eh?eh? Go on, sod off to your nearest game shop and don't come back until you can tell me who Sephiroth is. These fanfics are fairly long, so you may want to copy the text and read it offline, unless you're reading this from your college or job, in which case you should stay online and waste as much of their money as possible! MWAHAHAHA!
CONTENTS:
FF7: THE LAST FANFIC (PART ONE): THIS PAGE.
FF7: THE LAST FANFIC (PART TWO)
FF7: THE LAST FANFIC (PART THREE)
NEW!FF7: THE LAST FANFIC (PART FOUR)
FF7: THE LAST FANFIC (PART FIVE!DBZ EDITION!!)
EVEN NEWER! GINYU FORCE ADVENTURES 1.
The world of final fantasy seven, after the defeat of Sephiroth, has become peaceful, as the people of the planet try to rebuild their lives. However, it is a peace that is soon to be shattered, as Cloud and his friends are about to face their greatest foe ever, in a battle that will decide the fate of the universe…
1
Vincent: …my handle and here’s my spout….
CLOUD BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR WITH A DRAMATIC GESTURE
Cloud:
Guys!!! Thank God you’re here, something terrible has happeeeeeoooomygod, is
that “When nude supermodel
mud-wrestling goes wrong”!!!?…
Cloud: drool…
Cid: drooooool…
Cait: drooooooool
Red: droooooooooooooooool…
Vincent: …Tip me over and pour me ouuuuuuut!! Thank you! Thanyevermuch!!
Cid: Wow…that was great.
Cait: Yeah…so, Cloud you were saying?
Cloud: Huh…oh yeah; just a minute.
CLOUD
BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR WITH A DRAMATIC GESTURE
Cloud: Guys!!! Thank God you’re here, something terrible has happened! Come outside, quickly!!!!
Cait: (Walking out the door) Well, we’d better go see what’s bothering him.
Red: (Following him) Yeah.
Cid: C’mon Vince, you can get down now.
Vincent: (Delirious from standing on his head for two hours) I’m Mr. teapot!! Hehehehehheheheheheh!!!!!!
2
Tifa: So what’s the problem, Cloud?
Cloud: (pointing with dramatic gesture) all of you, look up there at the beginning! Just before chapter one starts!!
Red: “…and his friends are about to face their greatest foe ever, in a battle that will decide the fate of the universe…”
Tifa: Gasp!!!
Yuffie: But that means…
Cait: It can’t be…
Cid: Oh dear god no!!
Red: Oh the humanity!!!
Barret: (mysteriously appearing from nowhere) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Vincent: Burble, burble…hello, Mr. cup!!!
Cloud: Yes, I’m afraid it’s true…Someone is writing a fan fiction about us…AGAIN!!!!!
All: oh, shit.
Cait: Grrrrr… I HATE when this happens! Just as we’re all settling down after beating Sephiroth, some idiot with the literary talent of a piece of moldy bread thinks (puts on a dopey voice) “Duuuh…hey, I think I’ll write a fan fiction about what happens after Sephiroth is beaten, and put in an even worse enemy to fight. Yeah! I bet nobody else has thought of that!!! ”
Cid: Yeah, and they always use some ridiculous plot device to bring Aeris back! Ooooh, what an original idea, I don’t think!
Disembodied
voice of Aeris: And anyway, I want to stay dead, I like it up here.
God, if these fanfics keep getting written I’ll have to install a
revolving door!
Cid: Well we try to tell them that but will they listen? They spend so much time writing us into ridiculous situations that they never bother to find out what we’re really like!
Tifa: And they always try to make Cloud and me fall in love! How ridiculous is that? I mean, I’m not even a woman! I’m a man in drag!!! My real name is Bob!!!
Yuffie: But because you told us that after the game had ended, those dolts out there have no idea! And will they listen to us now? Oh nooooo; I mean look at Vincent.
Everyone
looks at Vincent…
Vincent: Wibble.
Yuffie: I mean, they probably still think that Vincent is cool and mysterious! Hey Vince, say something cool and mysterious!
Vincent: ……Tuesday!
Yuffie: I rest my case.
Barret: And anyway, I don’t wanna go on a trek across half the planet to fight some giant monster! (He holds up his arm, revealing that his gun has been replaced by a plastic spatula) I’m a moderately successful pastry chef now!
Cloud: (gestures dramatically) But guys there is hope! I have a cunning plan that will rid us of these fanfics FOREVER! MWAHAHAHAH!!!…Ahem.
Tifa/Bob: Gasp!
Cait: No more fanfics!!?
Cid: Yes!!!!
Red: Alright!!!!
Yuffie: Yippee!!!
Disembodied voice of Aeris: Thank God!!!
Vincent: I think I’ll ask the audience, Chris
Barret: Well hurry up and say it, willya? I left some puff pastry in the oven, and you know how easily that stuff burns.
3
Cloud: Okay, here’s the plan; I’m sure we all know already what happens in practically every fanfic where things start to get really weird and ridiculous. The writers always…
Red: …Put themselves in the story, as if we haven’t seen that trick a jillion times already! And then they start “helping” us defeat whatever pathetic enemy they’ve just created! Smug little gits!
Cloud: Exactly!! So here’s the plan…
Cloud: Well Tifa, I guess we’d better start our journey to defeat the nameless huge evil thingy (glances at script) currently holding the planet’s life in it’s terrible grasp.
Tifa: Yes. And guess what.
Cloud: What.
Tifa: Red XIII Just told me that there may be a way to resurrect Aeris.
Red: That is correct.
Cloud: Oh my… what a shock. Things are really getting WEIRD around here. I wonder why???…… I SAID, things are WEIRD.
Yuffie: Look everyone, Vincent is talking gibberish and the sky is green
Everyone but Vincent: Yes. How VERY VERY WEIRD! I WONDER WHY THIS IS HAPPENING?
Vincent: My name’s Krillen. I have no nose. How do I smell? Blup!!!
Gavin: (Bursting onto scene) AHAAAA!!!!!
Cloud: Huh? Who are …(consults script)…you?
Gavin: AHA!!! I am the writer of this fanfic! I’ve decided to put myself into the story to help you out!! Isn’t that just such an original idea!!! Aren’t I just the best writer EVER!!?
Cloud: Yes. You are great.
Gavin: Yeah ,I know. And…Huh?? Hang on a minute! We’re still in the Costa Del Sol!!! You should be fighting my incredibly well designed final boss by now! And where’s Aeris? I had this great idea about bringing her back to li…
Tifa: Hey, look over here!
Gavin:GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…
Cloud: NOW, BARRET!!!!
Gavin:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-
SMACK!!
Ugh…
Tifa/Bob: It worked! Hooray!!!
Cloud: (Gesturing dramatically) Quickly! There’s not much time!!
Gavin: Groan…oh, my head…huh? What’s going on, guys? Why am I tied to this chair… why are you looking at me like that?
CLOUD
STEPS FORWARD AND POINTS HIS SWORD AT GAVIN’S CHEST.
Cloud: We’ve left your left hand free. On the desk in front of you is a pen and paper.Now write what we say or say goodbye to your lungs!
Gavin: ulp…
How the story ends:
All the characters won the lottery, got rich and never had to work
or
fight ever again… Barret became a celebrity chef and made regular appearances
on “ready, steady, cook”…Ti..urk..er, I mean Bob was crowned cross dresser
of the year every year for the rest of his life. Vincent enjoyed a successful
career as a satellite receiver dish, and said “blup!” a lot. Cloud got a job
teaching people how to do dramatic gestures .The rest of them all lead
comfortable happy lives, and Aeris was ress..urk.. was ressure…okay, okay,
Aeris was NOT resurrected. In anyway. EVER AGAIN. EVER!!!
The End
(help! If anyone reads this, I’m being held hostage by a group of psychotic RPGcharacters! You’ve got to write me out of this situation. I…ohno…no…no I swear I wasn’t writing anything I GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!…… )
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