I enjoyed the attention I was getting from him. It wasn't planned on my part but one day I didn't want to go home and so we drove to Old Mexico with no clothes no nothing. We spend a week there and made arrangements to get married in a little border town. I really enjoyed the week we spent there. After we were married (which was a legal marriage in the eyes of Texas too) we came back to the states to face the music. The day we arrived back we were married again by a pastor just to make sure there would be no challenge to the first marriage in Mexico.

He owned a house that had no water, no electric, no gas. It was a cottage that had been moved onto a lot and needed all the hookups. As we were just starting out we had to do without till such time as money would allow us to get what we needed. First came gas, then electric, then water, and much later a hot water heater.

Yes we were young and nothing was considered a hardship those first months. It was fun, for the most part. I had no neighbors, no phone, no car. He changed jobs and was gone for 4 days and then home for 4 days. I was expecting our first baby by then. So I ask for a dog. We found one a beautiful boxer. She was well trained and to me the perfect companion for me while he was away. We got ready for the baby's arrival.

There were many things that I did not understand about my husband. First it was the little things, I found out that he did not out and out lie to me but unless you ask him a direct question, I got a half answer, which was fine with me because I did not know the full truth.

When it was time for me to have our first baby, I wanted my Mom to be there with me. I was told that my mom was drunk and he didn't want to bring her. I was so mad at my mom that I didn't bring the baby to see her for 6 weeks. I got to the bottom of the bottom of the story and found out my husband had lied to me. She had plenty of people to tell me that she was home that night. I was crushed. I had found out that he had lied to me.

After the baby came my dog accepted her as her own. One day I was being told how bad a person I was by my husband and thought he was through talking to me and turned away to finish up what it was I was doing and I heard my husband tell me to put the dog out side. I turned around and he had his arm up to strike me and the dog had come between us to prevent him from doing so. Yes I was given a choice to give the dog away or watch it be shot. I gave the dog away.

I soon found out I was with chid again. I was happy about it. Just before the birth of the next baby we had a big fight and I left again. We sold the house and he wanted to get back together again. I gave him all the money that I had gotten from the house to him to help pay for the hospital bill and such. He rented a nice rental house and we moved in the day I got out of the hospital.

There were always fights and the making up. He never told me he was sorry about hitting me. There was never any promises that it would not happen again. When the second baby was about two months old I was pregnant again. The two boys are 10 1/2 months apart.

I was told how terrible I was that I was not a good housewife, if there was one spoon in the sink I was taken to task for how bad the house looked that it should of been washed. I tried I really did. The more he yelled and hit me the more I tried to please him. I never could.

Baby number 4 came along. I was away from my family we were living in New Mexico then. I had had no pre natal care with any of my babies. As soon as the baby was born he took off for 6 weeks leaving me with no money no car no phone no family in a strange place. I ran out of food and went and walked to hock my wedding rings to buy some food for us. He never sent any money home. Never sent a message to me by anyone. I found the cheapest food and it was blackeyed peas and that is what we ate three times a day and I was breast feeding the new baby. We all got sick and was not keeping the food down when he finally came home.

I had grown my hair long by then. It was to become the handle when he wanted to get my attention, I would be drug around by my hair or he would hold on to it and keep hitting me. Afterwards I would sit quietly and finger comb my hair and get all the hair that he had pulled out. He had the nerve to look at me and ask me why I was pulling my hair out. I would get up the next morning and see the back eyes and walk toward him and he would look at me and and say why did you hit yourself ?? For awhile I was believing him. I was doubting myself as a person and a mother and wife. I thought it was all my fault.