HELLIPHINO'S OLD STUFF

This is the page where we feature tales of the golden days of Helliphino. Who knows what mysteries you may unravel here. The possibilities are endless.

I, myself, cannot be held accountable for the contained content.
-Fingers

Here, for your viewing pleasure, are the back comics, so lovingly drawn by Fingers. Stories by Fingers and Butcher.

Comic originally posted June 2nd, 2001.

Comic originally posted June 8th, 2001.

Comic originally posted July 28th, 2001.

Comic originally posted November 12th, 2001.

Here is some old news....

Originally posted Spring 2002

So, the demo is gone. But, the full length is done, thanks to Roy Kasten, and this time we may hit the local scene full on! P00roducing was that sexy horny man by the name of Roy Kasten, and the same lineup for us, of course. The title of the CD is 'Entertainment Duo From Hell', and the track list is as follows:

1)Crap(intro)
2)The Die Song
3)Taco Stand
4)3 Chords
5)Dude/Bitch(live bit)
6)The Highway Song
7)Trailer Park Baby
8)The Poopy Song
9)Crap...(skit bit)
10)The Dirty Song
11)The Pot Song
12)The Grunge Song
13)4532
14)We Get On Stage(convo bit)
15)Bling!(demo version)
16)Leigh Anne(Brian McClelland cover song)

...plus there may be a few bonus tracks thrown in for good measure...

REALLY Old News and Such...

The site has a lot of new stuff popping up all over. Check out the Geustbook link on the page. I am rid of the chat client for now, and still working on my Top 10 Albums You SHOULD Be Lisening To list below. It is taking some time, I have to be motivated to rant sbout certain CD's. The new comic is almost done, and don't forget about my guide to running an open mic in 'Archives'. Butcher plans to do some ranting on here as well, but he is kinda a toughie to get to sit down and type. Always lookin' at the porn. Loves the porn. Just joking......or am I?

People seem to be kinda bored out and about these days. Is it the weather?

I am supposed to start working on producing an album, my first, for Larry O'Neal from Hotel Faux Pas. He was talking about having a bunch of songs, and no outlet to express them in. I said, hey, lets do a rap style album(different guest performers on every track). And, although the rap reference may have freaked him out, he is into the idea, and we already have tons of great musicians signed up to help it work. Some familiar, some not so, but it will be one of the best things STL has put out in years. If anyone feels they need to be a part of this, or has something to donate to the project, e-mail me (Fingers) and I will let you know what is up. We really need an accordian player, so if you are one, or know one, let me know.

We have had a ton of people wanting their own shirts, using the groupsex lettering. Some say I should charge $5, but I say, if you give me a shirt and a buck, I will make one for you. That way you can pick your own style and size of shirt (I guess any garment would work, any underware takers?). But 5 bucks sound fair as well. Just e-mail me, or come see me at one of the shows.

Oh yeah, we got a new counter, for the old one stank, and wanted us to pay for it. What the heck is that all about? Anyway, our new one is from BRAVENET, an awesome place to go for all kinds of free codes and stuff, for the budding webmasters out there. All the resources you could want, in one convienient location.

-Fingers

Originally posted Oct 2002

Hey everybody, hope all is well with you and yours. First off, lets read a little 'critique' of us from Butcher, it promises to entertain and astonish....

HELLIPHINO once again rocks the Venice cafe to an almost euphoric state of hysteria. Frontman Fingers Kowalski screams "I'm not gay, I just like rainbows!", the chorus line from their soon to be hit song, and what occured from what seemed to be not even a second, the audience began to sound like a group of horny housewives at an all nude male review. Why is this? The element of surprise. Unpredictability. They kick you in the ass while they're in front of you. Hell, Fingers just might even bust a nut on the mic stand. He treats it like its his bitch. Dirty, dirty man that Fingers guy. Love him or leave him. I'll love him. All you stickpussies that wanna get up and go home to your Playstations cause' you wanna pretend you're in a cartoon, go ahead. We'll rock on without you. And dammit we'll keep rockin' on. So get you're asses out to see the unfamous Helliphino! You might even get a free cd! Hope to see all of you Helliphiles out there. No Helliphonies Please.

Beef Balogna

He can be sooooo outspoken sometimes....

Originally posted Oct/Nov 2001....

We are officialy in print. We have waited so long to see our name in the Riverfront Times, and our dream has been realized. Not only once, but twice does our name appear. Once is in the Off Broadway ad for 'SillyFest', and that is cool. But you need to check out the short article on 'The Best New Open Mic Night', in the Best Of...portion of the RFT. I don't know who wrote the article, but here is an excerpt:
"The best part of this open mic, however, is the talented showcase of young musicians such as Kelly Lea Reinhart, Celia and Helliphino, who often stop by just to say hi but usually end up centerstage."
I want to give a huge thanks to the person who, not only grouped us together with 2 of the best female performers in St. Louis, but also for calling us 'talented....young musicians'. Me and Butcher almost cried..... The full story for The Shanti's Award Winning Open Mic can be found here. Thanks Dimby for putting on a great night for all of us aspiring Musicians.

A big final thanks to Hotel Faux Pas for helping feed us to the masses, and all else. We love working with them, and, we will get to do so again. Also, be sure to go out to the open mics for the amazing Brian McClelland and his solo work, as well as the hopefully upcoming release from Larry O'Neal(produced by moi, see details below). Also you need to check out Chad Braun's amazing talents as well. He and Brian are working on a duo CD of their own.

Originally posted Aug./Sept 2001....

Thank you to all who helped to get me totaly intoxicated on my bachelor party(s). I woke up very late the next day(s), and was feeling extremely poopy, no where close to super doopy. I appreciate it very much. You all made me feel so warm inside. I had more drinks fed to me that night than on any other night EVER.

We set a new record at Obies(link below), for most girls on the bar. At one point, they said no more than 7, but we had 13 this certain Tuesday. All of which were sexy as hell. But, the dancing on the bar has been banned. You all missed out on some nasty fun. You all should have come out and seen the spectacle for which Obies has made us famous. A few pics up soon. Thanks once again Kim...

Originally posted May 2001...

Fingers Guide To Running An Open Mic Night
I hope not to offend anyone by writing this, but I feel I need to say something. We have been playing together at open mics for over a year now. We have been to almost every OM in St. Louis, some great, some suck. The ones that stink always stink for one reason:The host/or hostess. I just want to tell a tale, as well as rant for a bit.
The story I want to tell is the most recent, although not the worst.
So it is Memorial Day, and we deceide to go to Molly's for one last time, for we heard they had OM up and running again. We walk in and have a seat at the bar, order a few rounds of drink from the lovely Sue, and listen to the performers.
The first act plays for about 30 min. They are a good band, and are most enjoyable.
The second set is a man, playing with the occasional assistance of the MC. He plays some nice covers, and we get to enjoy a few more beverages.
Next up is Tom. Tom kicks ass, and amazes all of us with his violin styings as usual. After a few songs, he deceides to quit early, so we can get a good set going.
We set up, and are ready in a matter of moments. At this point, the MC says to us, in a very friendly manner, 'Hey guys, we have a few musicians left, and are getting short on time(it was around midnight-OM ends at 1:15), so everyone else is going to have to play 2 songs so we have time.'. No problem. We do our 2 songs, taking up all of 8 or so min., and gracefully leave the stage.
Next up is a lovely young lady, who attentively watched our set, and even helped sing with the rest of the bar on our songs.
She finishes her 2 songs(the second of which the MC joins her), and says thank you and goodnight.
At this point, the MC tells her to play some more, that they have plenty of time. I get up to leave, Butcher approaches the guy to tell him 'F*ck You', and has the guy trying to make peace with him, even though he was showing favioritism.
Guess who the last musician(s) were? The MC's band, who plays out and has shows of their own.
Even though Butcher blowing up to the guy was wrong(he really felt bad about it the rest of the night), are we the only ones who think this is wack?
I think there needs to be some guidelines for running an open mic. Not like rules, just common courtesy.
First of all, you are the MC. This is not your gig. If you have a band who is doing well, don't cut the people who are trying to get to where you are, for your own selfish needs. And don't give your buddies 4 times the time as everyone else just because they are your buddies. Open mic is about giving new artists a chance to be seen and heard, not a place for the MC to stroke his ego. Also learn time management. We have been to venues where we arrived too late to play. Make a time schedule, and turn people down if they show up in the last half hour. Don't tell the last 4 acts that they have 2 songs versus everyone elses 4 because more people showed up at the tail end. That is not fair, especially if they have been there listening patiently for the last several hours. Basicly, just be fair and just, and give everone, no matter who they know or are, their fair share of time. And don't be afraid to say no. I'm sure you have heard it said to you before.
And as for the performers...Take your time gracefully. Do your thing and let everyone else have a good time. Don't be greedy or selfish. After all, you are at an open mic, not Riverport. If you are in a full band, and have full equipment to set up, don't go in thinking that after your 20 min. of setup, let alone the 20 min. breakdown, you should get a load of time to play. Hell, I think you should only get as much time as everyone else, including setup/breakdown. You are at a venue focusing on mostly small acoustic acts. And finally, support your fellow OMers. you never know who is going to offer you a chance to play a real gig.
That is all, I just wanted to voice our opinions on this matter, and I would appreciate feed back from anyone. E-mail Fingers at the link at the bottom of the page.
Oh, by the way, I have to give props to the best of the MC's real quick.
Some of our faves are/were:
Tim S.-old host at Molly's. He was awesome, fair and just, giving support to all.
Kim V.-possibly the best in town. She rocks Obies almost every Tuesday. Very kind and supportive, as well as attractive(but married!)!
Anyone at Kennealys-the only place in town where, no matter who is hosting, you are almost guaranteed to get a fair shake. We have seen 4 different hosts, all as great as can be.
All of the Digglers Lounge/Vitamen A Boys-they have been at various locations, and they rock as hosts, almost as much as they do as musicians.

Originally Printed July 7th, 2001

REVIEWS

John Dear-July 5th, 2001.

There are some artists in this fair city that need no review.

The Urge is one of them.

But I have nothing to say about the Urge. I am here to talk about John Dear.

John Dear seems to be a simple man on the outside. But, listen to a set, and your realize he is much more than that. He is a simple, bitter, horny, alcoholic. And, on top of all of that, he is funny as heck, and one of the most entertaining mother f*ckers out there. His songs, ranging from tasteful covers(although he hates doing 'cover songs'), to delightful originals, never seem to leave you bored. Some songs are serious as all hell, but they all have a total element of humour and comedy to them. Some just more than others. If it is destroying the Texas girls vehicle in hopes of her staying, or the telling of the story of lesbian girlfriends, you will never find yourself bored. Hell, Butcher had to piss for an 1/2 hour, and he held it so he would miss nothing. And he usually could give a crap less. He also has a great commitment to the crowd, never letting them feel left out. If you are in his audience, you will be influenced by his powers over the masses.

Overall, I would say to go see this bozo, given the chance. Even if he hates you in the beginning, he will love you in the end. And you will feel the love as well.

Ask him to play an 'Helliphino' song, just to hear him give it a shot(he tried Dave AlanS this particular night, as well as Instar). You never know, the ole' bastard may nail it.....

Fingers

Back to you regularly scheduled programming.....

Fingers is officially engaged to his girlfriend of almost 6 years. He dumped down the cash and bought the ring. The wedding is scheduled to be held on September 15th, 6 years to the day from their first date. Or at least that is what she keeps telling him was their first date! And for a bit of trivia, what was going on at that time 6 years ago? It is an ongoing event in St. Louis. Send answers to Fingers, and the first few correct answers will get something. A t-shirt, stickers, unused condom, who knows.

Originally Posted December 2000

Speaking of Freds *, check this out. We played there back in April of 2000, and we sucked much worse back then. But on one night a reviewer for Digital City was there, and effectivly mentioned of us for the first time ever. Here is the review of the Noiseday Hootenannay that is found in Digital City -

Thursday night is open mic night at Frederick’s Music Lounge, or a Hootenanny as owner Freddy Friction advertises it. When you come in and take a seat at the bar a blues/rock/country band is playing on the small stage up front. It’s a casual gig, so casual that the bassist stops to restring in the middle of a song and the band just keeps on playing. After a few numbers they call a woman out of the crowd to sing. She protests at first and then lets loose with one of the most amazing rock vocal displays you’ve ever seen. She sits down, and another band takes the stage. They do a folk version of "Insane in the Membrane" for which the bartender joins them onstage to play spoons. Then the other band retakes the stage and play a few more songs. The evening culminates in a lounge version of "Freebird." The crowd goes wild and everyone goes home happy. That's what happened one Thursday -- this Thursday will be totally different, which is of course what makes Thursday Night Hootenanny such a great night out.
-- Adam Bonislawski, Digital City
(Reprinted without permission, sorry...)

Anyway, just thought I would share that with you.

HEY YOU GUYS!!!!!Ahh, how a long for a good episode or two of the good old Electric Company. Anyway, this past week was very interesting. Let me give you a quick rundown of how this past week looked. I think I will start with.....
MONDAY:Usually Mollys is one of our better spots to hit. The audience, no matter how diverse, always seems to have a grand ole time. But, thanks to some hecklers, everone paid more attention to the yelling (not by me) than to what we were attempting to pull off. I had a beer bottle tossed at me for crying out loud. Butcher was hit by ice. We made our exit rapidly, deceiding to go to venice, which usually sucks for one of two reasons: 1)I'm drunk as hell, or 2)there is no one there, except the people who followed us there. But, even though Butcher didn't want to play at first, we were greeted by one of the best crowds ever. Allmost entirely strangers, they showed so much love I could have sh*t. They were awesome, and picked us up from feeling low. Thanks guys. We will get with them later as well. So, next on my list is.....
TUESDAY:Well, Obies just wasn't itself this past tue. Had some of my fave people in the audience, but it was empty, and most seemed down. Plus, some of the regulars weren't there (Damn you Mike, the Rockstar shirt is done!). That always hurts. Also none of the girls were in a dancing mood. Thank you to the newbies who shook their ass for all to see. Still fun, sorry I didn't make it MG's you guys. Plus, it was day 2 of drinking, it is rough sometimes, I guess. Which leads me to the next drunken night which would be........
WEDNESDAY:Stagger Inn is always hit or miss on sun, but wed is usually great if we can play. But down and out audiences were to be had, once again, raining on our young hero's small ego's, waiting to be stroked. Not that people were not entertained, they were just not filled with a bit of energy. Long drive, low energy. Cheap drinks though, and that rocks! Well, there is always.....
THURSDAY:We have had a very strange relationship with Freds. It was where we first played. It was where we were thrown off stage 2 times. It is where I used to drink with 3 people at the bar, and stumble home. And after all of that, it is where we have had 2 of our best nights, 2 times in a row. The bad karma has left the building for us, and we have been blessed with some of the best groups to perform for. This week, 5 of the great people from mon at Venice were there, as well as some other friends who I haven't seen in ages. And although our friends left, the Venice crowd stayed, even though we were thrown to the bottom of the list, and they had to wait for a bit. Then again, some of the most talented people I have seen in awile, graced the stage throughout the eve. And for some reason, Smash, I think, was there, and he sung one after the ch2 news bit. Awesome good time was had by both of us. Thank you all for being so nice and friendly. We were so happy, we went out afterwards and got tanked, Butchers only sloppy night this time home. And it was bad. But, that is another story.

We can't wait til tour's end, we are gonna f*ck this town up, so be prepared to feel the wraith of HELLIPHINO's constant playing, hell, we are even thinking about practicing for the first time in like 8 months. ........Other than that, I have set up bio pages for both I and Butcher. And a Picture page as well. I have put links at various places. Oh yeah, and sign our guestbook. I want to know a little about where our visitors are from. And why they are checking out this page. We have been getting lots of hits from Va and Az for some reason, and thank you all.

Originally posted Febraury 2001...

Words From Butcher...

Howdy fans! I mean people who drink where we play. We hit our usual three open mic nights this week. Hey, is that weed I smell? Fingers!!! Anyway, I am glad to back in St.Louis once again. I learned that I had but one or two reasons to leave and a million reasons to stay. But I guess I needed to leave to learn. Yes, I missed the fans. That's why I came back. Yeah, and other stuff too. Even though we suck the way we do, people seem to enjoy our shows. We really appreciate the love that we have been shown over the last few months. (Fingers appreciates the free beer now and then.)(And, oh yeah, I'm supposed to get all the bitches.) We have been playing together since the middle of April 2000. I have never played in a band so long before. Actually I have never played in a band. Oh, that's right. We're not a band. We are Helliphino! An entertainment duo from the midwest. Talented? I would consider it an alternative type of talent. So if you want to hear good music, don't come see our shows. If you want to have a good time and be entertained, then please cum.(Huh. huh, Butcher said cum.....) We are also having brain farts about what new songs to cover. We really want to make you guys happy. And gals. So, if you could take a few minutes of your precious time to email us with your suggestions, we would be very appreciative. Thank You,

Helliphino Inc.

Hey Kiddies! It's Uncle Fingers here! I am here just to say hi to everyone and to update a little info.
Butcher is back, and as nasty as ever. The little minx continues to amaze the people with his strong, silent demeanor. We are learning some new songs, working on some stuff, and twisting reality. Thanks go out to all who show up at out fave spots to watch our spectacle. We appreciate it. Sorry to all who have been promised shirts, I am printerless, and quite broke. As soon as print services go online once again, I will make good on all of my drunken promises, well maybe not all of them, but you get the picture. We are trying to work on a 3 track demo, if we can ever find the collective time and energy. With work, playing, school(me), and training to kill(Butcher), it is tough to find the time.
I am also here to say 'Sorry' to any whom I may have offended in these past few months. It is just tough to get up there and pour my heart out, and it gets me down sometimes. Oh yeah, in other news, This past Tue, I performed completely sober. It was strange. Stranger than fiction. I tend to get more worn down sober, and feel like I am a touch less charming. Oh well.
That is it for now. Feel free to e-mail me with anything, I love letters. And love love letters! Sorry.
Signing off-Fingers.

I am trying to change this whole page up a bit. I am leaving stuff that still fits up, and some nostalgic stuff as well. I'm going more conversational.
Trying to get the liver ready for it's empending doom. Eating chocolate. Yep. Anyway....We will suck, due to lack of practice(shows are usually the only real practice we get), but we will both be so happy, that the love will come through.

Hello. I am Kevin 'Fingers' Lush(Jones), and on behalf of myself and Adam 'Butcher' Buchter, I would like to thank you for reading down this far on our page. Hopefully, the page is improving, as we get more out of practice. When you are together for approx. 3 days a month, and you spend the entire time open playing in clubs, you tend to forget how important practice is. We still kick major ass though....

Originally posted November 2000...

Excerps from the week before the death of Helliphino:

Hi, sorry for interupting my drunken ramblings. It is still Fingers, just much more sober. Hey everybody, where the hell were you all this past week? We played sun at Stagger, and no one cared. I rubbed myself on stage for several minutes while cussing out the audience, and no one cared enough to even yell out that I SUCK. Sorry, mon, no one new at Venice, so we played for 7 people who had all seen us before, so Butcher and I just do all the songs we don't play anymore, because the were boring. But we played most of them to an bored bunch. It was fun in a sucky kinda way. tue, well, the better of the shows, but was quite enubriated. Still small croud. wed. wed. well couldn't play at Stagger, cause a bunch of fine musicians, had to set up a full bands worth of equipment.They have real gigs at the Stagger, please check out the phenominal work or thrilling melodies, intertwined with brash vocals, and you get a head hanging good time. I want you all to go see them so you can fully understand my babbling. Tell em we said 'Hi', but don't be too happy about it now.
Oh yeah, after the barrage of aforementioned splendor, we heard a woman taking to these guys right behind us. Check this out...

Girl:Hey, a friend of mine told me to come see you, she said you rock!
Guys:Really!
Girl:Yeah you are those guys who do cover songs, right?
Guys:Yeah, we do...
Girl:And make them really funny, right?
Guys(looking kind of confused):Uhhhhhhhhhh...
Girl:Helliphino, you're Helliphino, right?
Guys:Uhhhhhhhhhh, well, uhhh, no not us, uhh..........
Girl:Oh.
Guys:(silence)
Girl:So, what kind of music do you guys play?

At that point I started laughing so hard I couldn't listen any more. It was the high point of my day. I guess there was a reason for wearing the shirts.
be scared, be very scared.......

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