THE UNSCANDALOUS LIFE OF BITTERGRACE
20.
student.
filmmaker.
musician.
poet.
feminist.
single and pretending not to look.
bored.
there must be more to life than this.
Unscandalous Chatter...
Unscandalous Blogs...
blog 'to ni ace
ang drama ni aika
a drop of andre
bam-bam's subteranean subterfuge
the irony of bebs
princessa cheenee
logbook ng cinema
eypril's lair
latak ni frances
siya si ilaya
jerwin, the boy pregnant dog
a driven jobert
ispaykidelikepi
kizay recommends...
survivor leo
ma'am f's kitty litter
call sign mace
maikel zooming in
under mao's sea
ewan ko na kay mimay
neil gaiman's journal
chinitamagnet nikko
weird and chaotic nep
stealing prech's thunder
wanna die with reen?
vince's dead zone
the very secret blog of vikki
senyorita yosha
interpreting yoshke
Unscandalous Sites...
avalon book haven
know the meaning behind the name
engot because we are
peyups kami, kayo?
para sa mga plagiarist
the world of surlalune fairy tales
mae govannen tolkien philippines
up cinema got film?
atom films astig!
take my friend test
An Unscandalous Literary Site...
The Unscandalous Past...
january-february2006
november-december2005
september-october2005
july-auggust2005
may-june2005
march-april2005
Unscandalous Books...
recently bought isaac asimov's magical realms of fantasy series: wishes, atlantis and ghosts from avalon. the last temptation by neil gaiman and michael zulli from fully booked
Unscandalous Films...
recently watched hidalgo, sex at 24 frames per second (documentary about sex in the cinema), luther, mozart and the whale, a history of violence
Unscandalous Words...
all works, poems, songs, drawings, stories, etc...are original except when noted. if anyone dare plagiarize anything posted here, thank you for thinking that my work is good enough but may the wrath of heaven and hell fall upon you nevertheless. if anyone has any questions about myself or anything found in this site, please contact me. website is best viewed in my computer. any misinterpretations of layout and design is beyond my control.
Bittergrace is derived from the hebrew variants of her first names. hannah loosely means "graced" and miriam loosely means "sea of bitterness". her namesake is the author/philosopher ayn rand.
dreams are the hope of lonely hearts... www.Bittergrace.tk
...all rights reserved 2005.
who, as of apr20.06, 8.54pm is not...
I keep going round and round on the same old circuit
a wire travels underground to a vacant lot
where something I can't see interrupts the current
and shrinks the picture down to a tiny dot
and from behind the screen it can look so perfect
but it's not
so here I'm sitting in my car at the same old stop light
I keep waiting for a change but I don't know what
so red turns into green turning into yellow
but I'm just frozen here in the same old spot
and all I have to do is to press the pedal
but I'm not
People are tricky you can't afford to show
anything risky anything they don't know
the moment you try...kiss it goodbye
so baby kiss me like a drug, like a respirator
and let me fall into the dream of the astronaut
for I'll get lost in space that goes on forever
and you may call the rest just an afterthought
and I'll believe it's you who could make it better
though it's not
no it's not
no it's not...
aimee mann, it's not.
who, as of apr14.06, 1.43pm is addicted to downloading songs from the internet...
well, it seems that there's nothing else to do between editing the graduation avp and so i've been spending my time downloading songs. here are a few artists i think everyone should check out:
1. Forbidden Broadway - with these guys, you'll never be bored. it's an off broadway play that parodies broadway plays and composers (especially stephen sondheim and andrew lloyd webber) and even walt disney. here's a peek at some of my favorites...
a. A Disney World (A Whole New World) - a disney world...we've conquered every hemisphere...and soon we'll rule the earth with jolly mirth...shove mickey mouse down your throat...
b. Be Depressed (Be Our Guest) - be depressed, be depressed coz walt disney is the best... now the biggest broadway musical's a cartoon from the west...
c. As Time Drags By (As Time Goes By) - woman meets man and man's no longer straight...that no one can deny...
d. Jekyll and Hyde Medley - Dr. Jekyll: this is my moment... Mr. Hyde: no it's mine you stupid idiot...
e. Michael Crawford Sequence (All I Ask of You) - say you'll buy my next pretentious album...you're a fool to buy but if you do...thirteen bucks is all i ask of you...put on your phoney voice and just emote the rest...
f. If I Sing It Slower (If I Were A Rich Man) - i'll take my time and i'll pause...and hold for applause...enough...and mumble till nothing's understood...taking 40 seconds just to sigh...
g. The Phantom of the Musical (The Phantom of the Opera) - the phantom of the musical is I...Andrew Lloyd Webber... [wait and see who andrew lloyd webber really is behind the mask...trust me, it's worth it... for those who want to be spoiled its mickey mouse...]
h. Julie Andrews: I Couldn't Hit the Note (I Could Have Danced All Night) - i couldn't hit the note...i couldn't hit the note...until they dropped the key...
i. Into the Words (Into the Woods) - you see with sondheim's shows, people sometimes miss the point...they're supposed to listen and go into the words...
j. Tonight Who Will Play Miss Saigon (Miss Saigon Medley) - the rose is red...the violet's blue...the sugar's sweet...and so are you...that's as deep as we go...
k. More Miserable Sequence (Les Miserables Medley) - there was a time when shows were fun...and they used bright lighting...and the shows weren't so long...and the songs weren't so biting...there was a time when it all went wrong...
l. Ten Years More (More Miserable Sequel) - new shows beware...we'll still be here...
m. A Chorus Cat (A Chorus Line) - i really hate this show...but god i need the dough...these british shows...they never close...
n. The Lion King Segment - african baloney...but we won a lot of tony...the story's so bizarre...it's hamlet gone safari...
o. Seasons of Hype (Seasons of Love) - how do you measure, measure a show...how about hype...layers hype...forget about love...it's a season of hype...
2. Aimee Mann - when i first heard one from the film magnolia, i thought wow. now, well...wow.
a. One (Three Dog Night cover) - one is the loneliest number you'll ever know...two can be as bad as one it's the loneliest number since the number one...
b. You Do - the sex you're trading up for what you hope is love...is just another thing that he'll be careless of...
c. Amateur - despite conclusions i drew...there was a chance you'd surprise me...and you'd be better than you...cause i'd have left otherwise...
d. All Over Now - you can write the play and every word i say...but i don't have to stay to see the credits...
e. That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart - [i think the title says it all...]
f. Wise Up - you got what you want...but you can barely stand it though...by now you know...it's not going to stop...till you wise up...
g. Save Me - you look like a perfect fit...for a girl in need of a tourniquet...but can you save me?
3. Sam Phillips - heard one of her songs in a gilmore girls episode (when luke and lorelai waltz) and again, she's just so amazing, you'll know what i mean when you hear her songs...
a. Reflecting Light - now that i've worn out...i've worn out the world... i'm on my knees in fascination...looking through the night...and the moon's never seen me before...but i'm reflecting light...
b. How to Dream - we search the sky planets chasing stars...pulling toward deep affection...weights and numbers measure a wound that won't heal...all to reveal a secret we can't hide...
c. Where the Colors Don't Go - i want your eyes to color my world...and see our endless longing...
4. Tori Amos - [can't seem to find the right thing to write down...she leaves me speechless]
a. all her cover songs - so far i have Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana), Losing my Religion (REM), Landslide (Fleetwood Mac), Love Song (The Cure) and A Case of You (Joni Mitchell). this is what remaking songs should sound like. (sorry, mymp)
b. Silent All These Years - been saved again by the garbage truck...i've got something to say you know but nothing comes...yes i know what you think of me you never shut up...
c. Crucify - nothing i do is good enough for you...everyday i crucify myself...and my heart is sick of being in chains...
d. Tear in Your Hand [though i haven't finished downloading it yet] - i think it's that girl and i think there're pieces of me you've never seen...maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen well...
5. Damien Rice - his song the blower's daughter was absolutely perfect in the film closer. [apparently there's a blower's daughter part 2 but i haven't heard it yet] anyway, some of his other songs are great too...
a. Delicate [thanks to yoshke for recommending this to me] - why do you sing hallelujah...if it means nothing to you...why do you sing with me at all...
b. Volcano [i think i fell in love with this because of the cello and the beautiful harmony...it's fastly becoming my fave damien rice song] - what i am to you is not real...what i am to you, you do not need...and what i am to you is not what you mean to me...so give me miles and miles of mountains...and i'll ask for the sea
c. Unplayed Piano - unplayed pianos are often by a window...in a room where nobody loved goes...she sits alone with her silent song...somebody bring her home...
who, as of apr9.06, 1.19pm is (almost im)patiently waiting for leo...
leo? leo? leeeeeooooo?
who, as of apr3.06 12.30am has finally finished printing out her thesis paper...
believe me, i've been working on it since 10am (my thesis has been ready for binding since last thursday. natamaan lang ako ng isang mahabang katamaran) and in between playing zuma (sorry, na-adik) online, i managed to print about 130 good pages (wahaha. ang haba!) and about 10 of utterly wasted ones which are now consigned to the scratch paper bin because of typos. now all i have to do is get it bound. oh. i hope i can accomplish that easily tomorrow.
~~~
sharon cuneta: sabi nyo sa akin puro boys ang nakatira sa bahay. di nyo sinabi na may dalawang... ... ...um...mga sharonians kayo diba?
kumusta naman ang pag-define.
who, as of mar27.06, 11.57pm is still somewhat dazed and confused over last friday's thesis defense and has just finished desperately trying to write her pi100 paper in filipino, which is a big trial, if you know me...
so there ends four years of studying film. i don't want it to be over yet because i still don't know what to do with my life. after last friday's defense, i think i have a future making musical scores. a sort of established musical scorer can earn about 15000 per film (i'm not sure if this is feature length or short) he scores so that's not too bad but then again i think i should learn how to compose for other instruments like flutes or oboes or cellos or harps. (and i'm actually scared because the only people who think i'm good are people who are not really musically inclined. i hear so many mistakes sometimes when i play...but nevermind, i'm just fishing.)
ah well. a good thing happened to my computer though. It's working properly again. A friend of mine said that perhaps it's just windows xp being windows xp. oh technology. it figures.
who, as of mar19.06, 5.54am will probably not be able to post this because her internet connection is not working but will write this anyway out of frustration...
i want to kick my computer. i really do. if it didn't cost so much. and if i didn't need it badly.
my thesis defense is on friday already and this stupid computer keeps on hanging. some programs won't open. the disc drives won't read. the irritating thing won't even shut down by itself.
i've scanned it for viruses, checked the drives, i only need to defragment it, if only the defragmenter will open.
the only good thing about it is that i'm still able to edit.
who, as of mar12.06, 3.59pm has nothing really to say except...
hi!
who, as of mar5.06, 7.14pm is twiddling her thumbs in anxiety...
this past week, i totally lost interest in everything. and i do mean everything, even my thesis. i think i literally slept half the week away and now i'm regretting the fact that i didn't move faster.
just finished the re-cut which is not yet color-corrected and still missing some shots, which is the cause of my anxiety because apparently my lead is leaving for japan soon and she still hasn't replied to my text or email.
and i do know that sitting here going lalala won't really solve the problem but i wish it does anyway because i don't know what else to do.
and i wish i had a remote control that can conveniently rewind or fast forward my life so that i don't have to deal with this right now. if only it were that easy. and i keep on thinking that in a few weeks, i'll be graduating. just a few more weeks which i hope i'll survive.
i know i have to go back to editing but let me procrastinate just a little bit more.
lalalalalalalalalalala....
who, as of mar4.06, 9.11pm is loving this poem...
Comes the Dawn
Virginia Shopstall
After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn and you learn...with every goodbye you learn.
this is exactly what i want to say with my thesis, if only my dear adviser will let me say it. i think i've reached the point where i don't really care what i do just as long as i graduate. in any case, there's always a director's cut.
~~~
habang nagkakagulo ang mundo, nagthethesis kami. kumusta naman. sana naman makagraduate parin kami.
~~~
wahaha. nagulat naman ako. gabriela ang charity na pinili ni keanna sa celebrity pinoy big brother. at bilang future gabriela president (according to bebs...), siyempre masaya ako.
on that note, i don't know what all the fuss about rustom padilla is. okay, so he's gay. move on people. they're creating so much hype over it that you think he's the only one who's had to struggle with homosexuality. he's hardly the hero that people keep on insisting he is, unless other celebrities start announcing they're gay and start a true queer movement in the philippines.
it's the same thing they did with manny pacquiao. i don't know why filipinos are so insistent on inventing cardboard heroes while the real heroes have died and are continuing to die without anyone even knowing, or caring.
but i think that's all that i'll say for now about that matter. in the words of the kalabaw in the comic strip a.lipin (i'm sorry i don't know his name. does he have a name?):
...
...
ayoko na mag-comment. baka bawal.
who, as of mar1.06, [iforgot the time] is loving this online test result...
| Sofia Coppola Your film will be 64% romantic, 24% comedy, 27% complex plot, and a $ 17 million budget. |
| Relatively inexperienced (The Virgin Suicides, Lost In Translation) as a director, but already highly respected and connected -- her dad, Francis, directed all The Godfather movies, Apocolypse Now. Also, at last word she's dating Quentin Tarantino, so I'm sure he'll have some input into the substance of your film. Sofia's good at making the romantic drama that is your life. Who didn't have at least a lump in the throat at the end of Lost In Translation? She's already won one Academy Award for her writing, now she'll be the first woman to receive one for directing -- YOUR FILM! |
 |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test written by bingomosquito on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
yey! and there i was, crossing my fingers while taking the test. wahaha. meant to be talaga kami.
~~~
March naaaaa! Waaah! Parang ayoko pa. Ayoko na isipin ang thesis. Ayoko nang isipin na gagraduate na ako. Ayoko na isipin ang Physics 10. Waaah!
~~~
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feeling ko dahil sa mga pictures 'to. babawasan ko na ha. text niyo na lang ako kung gusto niyo ng copy.