Today was a busy day. After three hours of strenuous nibbling, I got a good portion of the bedroom rug fring neatly trimmed away. I'd worked up a good appetite by then, so I headed for my fresh veggy dish. As usual, mom had filled it with lettuce and carrot sticks, which all had to be carefully sorted and spread out over the room in an intricate pattern before it could be properly consumed.
Next on the schedule was a grooming session, but mom was still working. As if I didn't have enough to do, I had to run up to the office to remind her it was time for my brushing. I've been doing some major shedding recently, so my brushings are especially important.
Naturally, after a good groom, I'm ready for a pleasant afternoon nap. Before I knew it, it was time to pester mom for my evening treat. With the windows open, we had a nice cool breeze blowing through the hall where I like to stretch out, at the top of the stairs, to enjoy some deep thoughts at the end of the day. Mom usually prefers a dish of ice cream. I think it was chocolate chip tonight.
I started wrestling with the bedroom rug especially early this morning because I knew mom wouldn't want to oversleep. She had an important job to deliver today and since she was working till 3:30 a.m. to finish it, she'd probably need a special wake-up call to get her out of bed bright and early.
Surprisingly, she seemed more annoyed than pleased at my thoughfulness.
I heard a strange screeching sound as she was getting ready, followed by "What's this piece of hair doing sticking straight up in the air? Were you going to let me go out in public looking like this?!"
I really had no answer. I had noticed the unusual hairstyle but thought mom must be trying something new - maybe going for a deranged bag lady look. You never know what humans will do in the name of "fashion."
Fortunately for us both, I was able to remain calm throughout the horrible "hair crisis" and eventually I got mom out the door to deliver her job on time, looking more or less presentable. I don't know what she'd do without me sometimes!
Yes, I was the one who moved mom's shoe into the doorway - in exactly the spot she wasn't expecting it to be. I thought it looked better there than tucked up against the wall with its mate. I'm sure you'd agree if you'd seen the way I'd artistically draped the partly chewed laces over the top and delicately balanced the shoe on its side.
It was a real work of art - until mom walked in an stumbled over it! Was it my fault mom is a clutz? No, I'm not going to let mom make me feel guilty, even if she does her best to limp around and try to look pathetic. A rabbit just has to have a little creative license around the house. Am I right?
I hate to admit it, but I think I'm starting to miss the squirrels. Life has become dull without any invaders to defend the house from. Nothing to do all day but snooze, snuggle, and snack - which reminds me, where is my evening treat? I'd better go see where mom got to. The life of a house bunny isn't easy!
More of those nasty Deadlines have invaded the house - a whole flock of them. I suspect there's a nest of them under the house and they're tunneling up through the basement. I'd go down there and cut them off myself, but the basement is kind of scary.
In the meantime, my computer time has been severly restricted until mom gets rid of them - apparently Deadlines are only happy when mom spends all her time at the computer. Or maybe they just don't approve of rabbits on the internet.
Uh, oh! My time's up for today. I really hate those rotten Dea.....
It was a pleasantly cool day today, but for some reason I was in the mood to do some serious shedding. Mom heped by giving me a soothing brushing. She pointed out that some of the new fur I'm growing around my face is red-ish brown instead of my normal elegant black.
Does this mean something? I have no idea. Mom had no explanation either. I'm not sure if I like it, but actually it feels the same as my black fur. Since I can't see that part of my face, I suppose it doesn't matter what color it is. Still, I found it a little annoying.
I don't want to be overly dramatic, but whatever you may have heard, I'm denying everything. A rabbit gains a little fame and a respectable following, and suddenly ugly rumors crop up and spread across the internet like wildfire. Well, I'm nipping this scandal in the bud - it's all a complete fabrication!
It's true I've been spending a good deal of my free time lately with some of mom's old work clothes. They've been a comfort to me and always have some new and intriguing scents to draw my interest. I admit I occassionally slip into a trancelike state with my face buried in the alleged articles of clothing, but there's absolutely nothing going on between us.- we're just good friends. Very good friends. There are no romantic entanglements . . . unless you count that one time when I was dancing aroung with the hem of mom's skirt in my mouth and somehow got my head tangled up in the material. Other than that, we were never intimate.
You've probably heard certain allegations about an assignation in a drawer, but I assure you it was all a simple misunderstanding. Mom carelessly left the bottom drawer of her dresser open one day, I was in the vicinity - chewing on her rug as I recollect - I noticed some interesting articles of clothing I hadn't seen before, the drawer was within easy hopping range, my natural bunny curiousity was aroused and, well, you do the math. I did end up inside the drawer, but I was only having some innocent fun investigating my environment as any normal rabbit would have done under the circumstances. Those stories of "wild orgies" and "cross-species dressing" being spread by certain parties are totally untrue! And I have no idea how a certain item of clothing (possibly a pantyhose) came to be wrapped around my ears.
Anway, now you have the whole truth and, I'm sure you'll agree that those vicious rumors are total slanders. And nobody can prove a thing. I just hope this public denial finally puts an end to the whole sordid affair - not that there ever was one, of course! We're all just good friends.
Birds, in my opinion, are very strange creatures. I don't mean to be insulting, but I was watching a PBS program about birds of paradise in New Guinea - a David Attenborough show - and frankly, when it comes to courting rituals, those guys are a little over the top. Lots of flashy feathers and frenzied dancing, not to mention the wild vocalizations! That was the males. The ladies, for the most part, just perched sedately on a comfortable branch and watched the show.
My favorites were the bower birds. They built cool looking "nests" and filled them with flashy trinkets to attact suitable mates. I have no idea what criteria the female birds are using in their selections, but they seemed to know exactly what they were looking for.
My conclusion from watching this program is that birds are generally more extroverted than rabbits. We can be pretty exuberant in our springtime mating celebrations, but those birds all seem to have been bitten by the showbiz bug. We hop and leap and circle each other, but the birds do everything with a little extra flare - its a regular Broadway show of singing and dancing, with bright glittering costumes, elaborate staging and spectacular special effects!
Well, that's fine for those of the feathered persuasion, but I think we four-leggers are better off keeping our courtships a little more down to earth. And I certainly prefer a little snuggling and nose rubbing to being pecked with a sharp beak! Still, I have to admit, those birds really know how to put on a great show.
Mom bought me some new treats yesterday. Naturally I was a little suspicious of them at first, but they smelled OK so I took a little nibble just to be polite. They turned out to be very tasty!
I requested them several times during the day. Later, when mom was busy watching TV, I decided to help myself to another snack. The lid on the container didn't look too complicated. Maybe if I just gave it a little shove off the shelf . . . and dinner is served! At least until mom came up to see what was going on and put a stop to my feast.
It's not going to be so easy getting at the treats since mom put them up on a higher shelf. I don't know why she does that. I was only trying to help her out by getting my own food.
I fell off my treat jar shelf today when I leaned out too far reaching for a treat. It was quite embarrassing. Maybe I shouldn't have been hopping around on my back paws trying to snatch the treat out of mom's hand while she was putting the lid back on the jar. I really love those treats! Anyway I almost had it in my teeth when suddenly, plop, I was eating rug!
Mom, of course, says "you've got to be more careful - your balance isn't what it was when you were a young 'pup'." Before you know it she'll have me hobbling around the house with a little bunny walker!
Sure I'm no spring chicken any more, but I can certainly stand on my own back paws - most of the time. Mom is just slowing down in her "old age." She's got to get those treats out and within biting range faster!
I was helping mom review the photos she's gotten so far in her animal photo contest (for Paw Prints Post). It's amazing how many different kinds of animals there are, and I'm really learning a lot. Naturally, I'm voting for all the rabbits who entered, but mom says it will look too suspicious if next year's calendar (where all the winners will be featured) is full of bunnies.
Well some of the other entries are pretty cute, too. I can see this year's going to be even harder than last year and that took us forever to judge. I wanted to call for a recount when only ONE of those bunnies made the final cut - there were two others that were obviously calendar material. This year I've already selected 18 photos I think HAVE to go in the calendar, but mom assured me there are only 12 months in a year! Obviously, we'll have to expand the year for 1999. The contest deadline isn't till September 30 - we're bound to get lots more great photos!
Mom was busy all day trying to catch up on a big job that's due very soon. She was griping that "my fingers are going to fall off if I hit one more key."
She's always saying that, but so far they've all stayed attached to her hands. I don't know why she complains about it. At least she HAS fingers. It's not easy manipulating these little keys with my paws. Frankly, with all the typing I do to keep my Daybook and column up to date, I'm surprised my paws haven't fallen off yet. Maybe mom can give me a paw massage since she's taking a break anyway.
P.S. I just saw the most ENORMOUS rabbit on Conan O'Brien. Jim Fowler, the zoo guy, brought her out and said she was a surrogate mother for a baby monkey. But I've never SEEN such a huge bunny. She must have been 3 feet tall and 4 feet long, at least. Wow!
Mom and I had a serious talk about the concept of "bedtime." Mom claims she doesn't function well when her sleep is disrupted. She was annoyed that I kept her up all night with my activities and suggested I reschedule some of my "noisier" tasks for the daytime.
I suggested she was just grouchy because she'd only had a couple of hours' sleep and maybe she should reschedule her sleeping time to the afternoon.
Negotiations broke down at that point so I returned to my under the bed haven to rest up for my early morning exercise program.
First, I'll admit my timing could have been better - 3 a.m. was a tad early to come galloping into mom's bedroom and pounce on my favorite rug. I can't deny that the process of nibbling the fringe off can get a little noisy when someone's trying to sleep, but it's not easy to get to the really tasty parts of the rug without yanking it around a little. I blame the heat. It impaired my judgment.
As for the "shoe affair," I swear those sneakers ambushed me. I had to knock them around a bit, but it was purely in self defense. You can't think I'd INTENTIONALLY have made all that noise in the middle of the night!
And I absolutely deny that I was trying to give mom a heart attack by hiding on the shelf behind my treat jar this morning. True, in my eight and a half years I've never done that before, but . . . well, don't you think it was about time to try it? It's actually quite a comfortable spot and I get a great view of the room from there. It's just my rabbit nature that drives me to explore - there was no malicious intent at all.
Finally, the question of how that dried up carrot got under mom's bed last night. I can only say, categorically, I had nothing to do with it, and mom can't prove anything! I know because she was asleep when the "alleged" crime took place - or so I assume. I wasn't actually there at the time. That's the whole truth, and that's the story I'm sticking with!
Yesterday was really hot! Today is really hot! Tomorrow's supposed to be hot again.
I'd give my right ear for a nice refreshing snowstorm right now!
I think I may have uncovered some kind of cross-species internet conspiracy! Take a look at the evidence I dug up and see what you think.
First mom showed me this mysterious document she received, penned by an anonymous "feline" author:
1. CHAIRS & RUGS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.
2. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer with your forepaws. Once the door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out, and think think about several things. This is particularly important during cold weather, rain, snow, and the mosquito season.
3. GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that lap. If you can arrange to have Friskies "Fish N Glop" on your breath, so much the better. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select a fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example, white-furred cats go to black wool clothing.
For the guest who claims, "I Love Kitties", be ready with aloof disdain. Apply claws to stockings, or use a quick nip on the ankle.
When walking among dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey: "But you allow me on the table when company is not here."
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
4. WORK: If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering:
When supervising cooking, just sit behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and picked up and consoled.
For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
For knitting projects, curl quietly into the lap 9f the knitter and pretend to doze. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles sharply. This can cause dropped stitches or spill the yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a scrap ball of yarn. Ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper the work.
5. PLAY: It is important. Get enough sleep in the daytime so that you are fresh for playing catch, mouse, or king of the hill on your humans between 2:00 and 4:00am.
Begin people training early. You will then have a smooth running household. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
Then, just a couple of days ago, while browsing through my daily Petbunny Digest, I stumbled across this recently discovered document:
1. THE BED: As soon as human leaves the room or is totally interested in reading the paper on the floor make sure you hop on the bed. Scratch at the covers or hop on the headboard. If you want to sneak a small puddle make sure you do it behind the pillows. When human catches you, freeze momentarily and look guilty before flinging yourself off bed. The look disarms them with cuteness and flinging yourself off the bed shows that you understand and are sorry for actions. Repeat as soon as human is engaged in other activity again.
2. DOORS: To get them open push with your nose or hammer with forepaws. If you cannot get it open and human will not open if for you make sure you start digging at the carpet by the door or chewing on the moldings to show them you mean business.
3. BUNNY SITTERS: Get your message across immediately. Don't trust them and bite or scratch them if they come near you.
4. ATTENTION GETTERS:
a. If you want to go somewhere and human is in the way give a good nudge. If that fails give a quick nip. Exposed skin is best.
b. Chew loudly on any piece of furniture available. They may poke you to get you to stop but that is almost always followed by a good bunny pet.
c. If human is walking around and momentarily stops sit at their feet. When their foot accidentally comes in contact with you, scamper off and look hurt. They will always follow with pets and treats.
d. If you want to be fed on time in the morning rattle the bars of your cage.
e. If you want grass, rattle the bars of your cage.
f. If you want to get out, rattle the bars of your cage.
g. If you are pissed off for no specific reason, rattle the bars of your cage.
h. If human is reading make sure you chew on whatever they are reading to get rid of the nasty device so they can concentrate on you.
5. SLEEP: Sleep during the day is very important. That way you can be sure to awaken in a timely fashion and get breakfast served immediately.
6. FOOD: Sit at food dish, place paws on rim and look pathetic.
Human may weaken and give food. IF you train humans religiously on these rules you will have a smooth-running household.
Hmmmmmmmm! I think a careful comparison will reveal the obvious similarities. Have both documents been penned by the same paw? Or is one a fake? Personally, I believe one mischievous critter has been masquerading as members of both the feline and lagomorph species (and who knows how many other innocent species may have been taken in by similar species guidelines!). But, if one is a fake, I think we can guess which author was the copy "cat"!
Bon soir, mes amis! Happy Bastille Day, especially to all my French lop-eared friends.
Mom celebrated with a croissant (actually a couple of croissants - really big ones, too) for "brunch." I enjoyed a special yogurt fruit drop, but it was too hot to do much hopping around. I just retired to a cool spot and dreamed about sophistocated French bunnies nibbling on lettuce leaves in sidewalk cafes.
We're having guests tomorrow, so mom and I spent the day cleaning and making food. Actually, I supervised.
I suggested a nice carrot and lettuce salad with yogurt drops for dessert, but mom voted for ice cream, pasta salad, and strawberry shortcake. Well, the strawberries sound good. Humans, in general, will eat anything, and surprisingly, all the guests will be humans. Frankly, with no rabbit companions to play with or chase around, I don't know what they'll do with themselves, but it's not my problem. I plan to hide under the bed until everyone leaves.
Yesterday, mom chased me away from the computer, insisting "I've got to get this job done to meet this big deadline tomorrow." I thought we'd seen the last of those nasty varmints, but the Deadlines are starting to come back. To be honest, I've never seen them at all, but mom has and from what she says they're ugly and vicious.
This time, I think I may have caught a glimpse of one creeping up the steps late last night - or maybe I'd dozed off and was just dreaming. Anyway it was very large but kind of hard to focus on, covered with pointy spikes and had glowing bloodshot eyes and HUGE, razor-sharp fangs! No wonder mom's so afraid of not getting their jobs done on time!
Well, the job was delivered on time. Mom took it down to the post office, where all the deadlines apparently live, and returned safely in one piece. I was certainly relieved. And now I have the computer to myself for a while, so I think I'll go surfing.
I changed the background on my Daybook yesterday - I hope everyone likes it. I guess I just had too much time on my paws (mom's reading over my shoulder and laughing - "Why don't you do some of MY work if you've got too much free time?") Parents always think their kids are goofing off. But actually I'm never goofing off. I'm being creative.
Well, OK, maybe putting bunny images on a bunny page isn't exactly original. But I picked an original color!
anyway it was exhausting work, so today I just goofed off . . . I mean, I . . uh, I thought up some more creative ideas.
I had a surpirse in my food dish this morning - apple slices! I love apples! This special treat came on top of mom FINALLY patching up the hole in the kitchen ceiling, which means NO MORE SQUIRREL INVASIONS!! At least until they gnaw themselves a new entry.
Of course, I should have suspected mom was up to somthing with all these nice surprises. Sure enough, she took off to visit her printer and didn't get back till late in the afternoon. I was very annoyed! I hid under the bed until she'd spent at least an hour apologizing. It's tough, but our humans just have to be disciplined sometimes.
Mom gave me a soothing massage this morning, from the tips of my ears to my paws. It really worked out all the tension from last night's noisy fireworks - they always set my nerves on edge. After that I was too relaxed to do anything useful for the day. I crashed under the guestroom bed for the afternoon. It was a perfect day.
Eight years ago on July 4, we moved into our hose and every year, like clockwork, the entire community throws us a big party. They have games and festivities all day and fireworks at night.
Personally, I think it's a bit over the top and way too loud. I mean, why can't humans celebrate special occasions more like rabbits, by sharing a tasty carrot and a nice snuggle with somebunny special?
Well, maybe I'm just being a grouch because - and I know you're not going to believe this - I've NEVER even been invited to the celebration! Not that I'd go, of course. Being around big noisy crowds of people always leaves my nerves kind of jangled. But I wouldn't be rude. I'd decline the invitation in the most civilized manner, saying "How lovely of you to think of me, but . . . blah, blah, blah" and everyone would feel just fine. It hurts not to be included.
I've been dreaming about winter again. When will it come?
We had a terrible thunderstorm last night, but I wasn't afraid of all the loud noise and lightning.
That's not why I stayed near mom all night. I just felt like having some company, that's all. Whatever you might have heard to the contrary, I wasn't at all afraid. Really. Not a bit.
Today I found a new hiding place and spent most of the day there. I'm not going to tell mom where it is. It's more fun this way. I never get tired of watching her crawling around looking in all my regular spots, calling out my name. Really, it's very amusing
We were watching a show about blue whales - they're very, very big mammals who live in the ocean - and it was making mom feel kind of sad. It reminded her of all the great Jacques Cousteau undersea documentaries she'd watched since she was just a kid.
Jacques Cousteau spent most of his life exploring the ocean and meeting all the strange creatures who live there. And his TV specials and his weekly series let everybody else come along for the ride. Mom said he was an "environmentalist" even before anyone called it that because he loved the whole planet and knew that humans were doing some bad things to it that were hurting a lot of animals.
Last week Jacques Cousteau died, and I guess the whole world will miss him just like mom - especially all the creatures in the sea he loved so much. But now there's a whole new generation of people who care about the planet because they grew up exploring the amazing world around them every week on The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau.
Mom was watching "This Old House" again, and I'm getting a really bad feeling. She started knocking on wall muttering things like "I wonder if this is a bearing wall, whatta you think, Esther?" I'm telling you, this could get ugly.
I'll be happy when she gives up on this "renovation" kick she started and settles back into our comfortable old routine. I hope it happens before she does too much damage.
Why don't humans just enjoy life as it comes? I've found there's always something interesting coming along if I just wait around long enough.
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