~Forever Strong~ "In Loving Memory Of My Brother"

I would like to take the time to share with you a story about a wonderful person who was in my life. My bubba was an amazing person who I miss very much. My brother David passed away October 20, 2001. We did have a week in the hospital with my brother to share our personal thoughts and feelings, the past and made plans for the future. We knew my brother was going to pass away and so did he. He was dying of Cancer and AIDS, and he caught a bad cold that turned into pneumonia, which they told us the first day in the hospital it had already taken over his whole body and nothing could slow it down or cure it. So we took the time we had to talk about things most would not even think of. We talked about who will be there waiting for him and what he planned on doing once he got there in God's House.... See at the time of my brother's passing I just went through a very rough divorce and my brother was my strength. He helped me deal with my problems and life itself. I never thought anyone would come into my life to make me happy and whole again. He told me he would work very hard at it once he got to Heaven. He told me he would find a lost soul like myself and put us together at a time when we thought all else had failed. He than told me if I pass before he gets that done he would save me a dance. Well bubba I still want that dance even though you sent me Sam.
When my brother passed away I could not leave him, My brother was very much on his personal appearance and neatness. My sister and I combed his hair and tried our best to make him beautiful again. I myself could not leave his sheets alone... for some reason I felt it was not right that his sheets were wrinkled. I have never felt this much pain in my life.I just kept wanting my bubba to rub my head and tell me everything is going to be ok like he did all week. But there was no life left in him. Watching someone you love pass on before your eyes is a feeling you can never explain to anyone unless they have been there their self. I could say at least we had time together before he lied but I can also say it would have been better to remember him as he was.
My brother was one who always had unfinished business which he told me the day before he died. I wish I knew what it was. The night before he passed away they moved him out of ICU and into a room where we could keep him more comfortable. When we got there he could not help but notice the blue lights on a building outside his window and kept talking about them. So my sister Tina and I moved his bed to the window and all he could say was you two are some awesome bitches... Three pea's in a pod forever right.... We smiled as we cried and said yes bubba, three peas in a pod forever.

My brother had us read him his favorite verse in the Bible a lot over those few days in the hospital. I was so glad I took my Bible with me to the hospital so I was able to fullfill his wishes. This is my brother's favorite verse....

The 23rd Psalm

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.
:The 23rd Psalm:

Out of all us kids us three were the closest. We all did not live very close to each other and did not see each other to often but with phones and e-mails we stayed close to each other. I moved to Athens, in Jan 2001 which brought me much closer to him. I went to see him every 3 weeks which became a pattern. I guess that is what made it hard for me the most because of the bond him and I shared those 10 months we spent together.
We knew my brother was sick for years and have thought we would be ready for this day, but you can't plan this type of thing. I still have these feelings of wanting to call him every time something wonderful happens or I just need to talk. I even caught myself when I was sending out wedding invitations making one out for him. My girls have even made the mistake of wanting to send him our family photo.

You find your self saying how will I go on without him in my life, You just have to go on but never forget. I have pictures of my brother all over... In books, our house, my wallet and most of all my memory. My brother now has a window to the world and can see all the blue lights he wants. I miss you bubba and do believe I will see you after awhile....

AFTER AWHILE

A spirit moves and passes on,
Never again to meet the dawn,
A soul to go another way,
No more words left to say....
All the time saved is gone,
Nothing left is to be done.
No one can answer why,
He just had to go,
Everything has been said,
It's all over, but in my heart and
Mind thoughts begin to sober.
There is no reason to tell you why,
Not even for all the tears we cry.
And now that he'll never come back
It is a usless question to attack.
In the wink of an eye all life is through
And it can happen no matter what you do.
No wish is wishful thinking,
Nothing can compare,
For someone like he is rare.
Look up in the sky, wipe your eyes,
Take a deep breath remembering and smile....
As you walk away, remember you will
See Him After Again.....After Awhile
ŠTammi Farrer 2001

My brother wrote some letters to me and my sister years ago
when he first found out his was sick.
If you would like to read these letters please chose a link below.

First Letter
Second Letter
Third Letter

Would you like
to JOIN
Angel of
My Heart

~ My Angel is Loved ~

Angels come and they love, then they leave for the heaven above
Until my time has come to leave, In my heart is where you'll be

Credit for picture used in header goes to
Greg Olsen Gallery
Copyright Š 2001, 02 ,03,04,05,06 Forever Strong, All rights reserved.
All content including backgrounds, graphics and text are
owned by Tammi & Sam unless otherwise noted.
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