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SHORT JOKES What's ET short for? Because he's got no legs Why do iraqi women shave their pubic hair? To show they're anti-bush supporters What's got 90 balls and makes old women hot and sweaty? Bingo There is hot sex, fast sex, group sex, safe sex, kinky sex, telephone sex, and for people with a face like yours: Masturbation Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila A girl said to me last night.."I wont sleep with anyone unless he's got a 12" cock!" So I said "I'm not cutting 3 inches off for no one" Did you hear about the condom that flew across the room? It got pissed off How do you produce brown balls?? After taking a sh*t wipe in a forwards movement rather than backwards What will Bill Clinton always be remembered as? The president after bush Whats the difference between your Christmas bonus and your cock? You don't need to beg a woman to blow your bonus What have women and condoms got in common? They both spend more time in your wallet than on your knob What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again What's the similarity between a woman and a laxative? They both irritate the sh*t out of you Why are there no nails in a lesbians coffin? Its all tongue and groove How do you know if you have a high sperm count? She has to chew before swallowing Whats the difference between the 69 position and a head on crash? In the 69 position you can see the c*nt coming Why did God create woman? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Phone her Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your whole day; anal sex makes your hole weak How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? None, let the bitch cook in the dark What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E? One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem Why does the bride always wear white? Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the cooker and refrigerator What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tell-a-woman Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blowjob What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her tits went How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it YOUR JOKE HERE??? email it to paul@probertson.co.uk