Shit that pisses us off...

-Vegans. Listen: cows are inferior (moo!) beings and thus should (moo!) be eat(mooo!)en.

-Florida. They don't call it "America's Penis" for nothing.

-Stoner parents: Dad, would you please stop coming downstairs at midnight in your underwear for Twinkies and discussions about the geopolitical climate of Eastern Europe?

-Feng shui. Literal translation: "I'm a dumb honky."

-NAMBLA.

-People who say "Listen" during telephone conversations. Unfortunately, jackass, I have no choice but to listen to your sorry ass.

-Attack hugs. Okay, so you love me. Thanks. But if you try to hug me one more time, I may scream.

-People who constantly call me for rides. The number for Yellow Cab is 347-TAXI...write it down.

-The dreaded "Blue Screen of Death" in Windows: makes us want to decapitate Bill Gates.

-Gnats: coincidentally, also make us want to decapitate Bill Gates.

-10-year-old rappers: I don't care how ballin' you is, dawg - your testicles haven't even dropped yet.

-Those of you who only read this page. This whole reading thing isn't all that bad - just sound it out. Sound it out.