Patriotism: Blind Allegiance
or Critical Thought?

In times of trouble and conflict, the United States is known for pulling together. After September 11th, the general public united in mourning instead of cowering in fear as the terrorists had planned. At the same time, we rallied behind our leader, President Bush, unquestioningly believing everything he said. More...

Tests, Tests, Tests!

It has come to my attention, due my close association with the educational system, that education is in a deplorable state. According to our various experts, whose all-knowing knowledge is infallible, out of 50 states, California is hovering around…51. More...

Dos and Don'ts of Condom Usage

Do check the expiration date!

Don't carry condom in your pocket, wallet, glove compartment, or anywhere hot. Heat weakens the latex. More...

The Subterranean: Birth of a Revolution

You've just picked up this paper, and you're wondering, "What the hell is this thing? Who are these people writing this stuff? Why should I waste my precious time reading this - after all, I could be playing "Snake" on my cell phone!" Sit back, my friends, and let me tell you a little story… More...

On Being Depressed

Depression is like being drafted. It isn't your choice, you're scared as hell, you have to fight to stay alive, and after it's all over, you don't really want to talk about it. More...

Four Year or Not?

Disclaimer: First off, this should go without saying, but I'm not out to offend anyone, despite the fact that I almost inevitably will. I'm just out to save the souls of a few high school students who are currently in limbo, having to choose between the heaven of the four year university, the hell of the junior college, or the purgatory of those wacky trade schools. It's like my man JC said: "I come not to offend, but I'll probably do it anyway. Ah sheesh." -Michael, 13:34 More...

Final Solution

It's a damn shame that Americans are living in fear. That we have to take our shoes off and allow airport personnel to rifle through our things. That we must go to our nearest home center and purchase heavy plastic and duct tape. That we are obliged to live in a constant state of "terror." That we're at the mercy of a relatively small part of the world: the Middle East and, more precisely, Iraq. More...

Deuces Wild

The following article was typed last year and subsequently shredded by Administration. It appears in its entirety, the author requesting anonymity. Enjoy.

The Great American Bitch Rant

I was originally asked by an affiliate of this paper to do an article on false patriotism in America since September 11th. Over the past year, I have been highly vocal about my opinions on the subject, so it's easy to assume that I would want to write an article based on those opinions. I jumped at the chance in a self-righteous moment which caused me to daydream about the possibility that one of my articles would someday be shredded. More...