The Man is Out


Articles Dante Alighieri Arthur Dent Jesus Jones Thomas Paine Other Authors Contact Us! Letter to the Editor Dante Alighieri Arthur Dent Jesus Jones Thomas Paine	The Man is Out Thomas Paine Speeding rocks. Hard. Who doesn't enjoy it? Whether whizzing over Alicante to beat the lunchtime crowds, whirring over Fassler to make it to school on time, or pressing the upper limits on Highway 1 just because you can, it can't be doubted: speed is a source of joy for many a teen driver and something that seems to come naturally to us at this stage in our lives. The only people who really mind such automotive irreverence are the cops. The five-o. The fuzz. The man. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the man is out…and he wants your license. Since I was ticketed last month for speeding on Highway 1 North in the middle of the night, I have noticed a sharp increase in police activity in the Pacifica/DC area, especially regarding traffic violations. First I got a ticket, then a friend got one, and now it seems the Black and Blue have a car pulled over on every corner. Wielding guns and sticks as symbols of their omnipotence, the imminently lazy Pacifica PD are quick to pull cars over for traffic infringements these days. Perennially pining for an easy citation to make the boss happy, the man turns to the easiest targets: teen drivers, of course. I went to court last week and the judge, a Mr. H.W. Schilling, said something very interesting. "My impression," he told me, "is that at least eighty percent of his cases are from Terra Nova Students speeding on Alicante and Fassler." Eighty percent of the tickets he sees are from people like you: teen drivers who see no harm in a little extraneous speed over Fassler, a bit of acceleration down Alicante. Judge Schilling let me off easy: traffic school, $100, and community service: use this newspaper to inform the TN Student Body that they are being targeted by the man. Not only did this community service gig reduce my fine by over $200, it also gave me motivation to communicate a very important message: there are risks. Not to say that I don't still speed when appropriate, or that you should deny your natural tendencies either - just know that there are risks. You may risk hitting a kid…yes. You risk crashing…okay. The most plausible risk, though, is that of falling victim to the man. If you violate traffic laws, you face the possibility of being confronted by the fuzz, having a flashlight shone in your eyes, and ultimately meeting Mr. Schilling and friends (who are well within their rights to revoke your license). Again, I stress: Speed rocks. Hard. Just remember to keep your eyes open and don't do anything stupid. There are risks. Email: TpaineTN@yahoo.com	Archive Back Issues Why? Cartoons Poetry Random Rants Disclaimers Losers and Kudos of the Week Letters to the Editor Editor's Notes Picture of the Week
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Thomas Paine

Speeding rocks. Hard. Who doesn't enjoy it? Whether whizzing over Alicante to beat the lunchtime crowds, whirring over Fassler to make it to school on time, or pressing the upper limits on Highway 1 just because you can, it can't be doubted: speed is a source of joy for many a teen driver and something that seems to come naturally to us at this stage in our lives. The only people who really mind such automotive irreverence are the cops. The five-o. The fuzz. The man. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the man is out…and he wants your license.

Since I was ticketed last month for speeding on Highway 1 North in the middle of the night, I have noticed a sharp increase in police activity in the Pacifica/DC area, especially regarding traffic violations. First I got a ticket, then a friend got one, and now it seems the Black and Blue have a car pulled over on every corner. Wielding guns and sticks as symbols of their omnipotence, the imminently lazy Pacifica PD are quick to pull cars over for traffic infringements these days. Perennially pining for an easy citation to make the boss happy, the man turns to the easiest targets: teen drivers, of course.

I went to court last week and the judge, a Mr. H.W. Schilling, said something very interesting. "My impression," he told me, "is that at least eighty percent of his cases are from Terra Nova Students speeding on Alicante and Fassler." Eighty percent of the tickets he sees are from people like you: teen drivers who see no harm in a little extraneous speed over Fassler, a bit of acceleration down Alicante.

Judge Schilling let me off easy: traffic school, $100, and community service: use this newspaper to inform the TN Student Body that they are being targeted by the man. Not only did this community service gig reduce my fine by over $200, it also gave me motivation to communicate a very important message: there are risks.

Not to say that I don't still speed when appropriate, or that you should deny your natural tendencies either - just know that there are risks. You may risk hitting a kid…yes. You risk crashing…okay. The most plausible risk, though, is that of falling victim to the man. If you violate traffic laws, you face the possibility of being confronted by the fuzz, having a flashlight shone in your eyes, and ultimately meeting Mr. Schilling and friends (who are well within their rights to revoke your license). Again, I stress: Speed rocks. Hard. Just remember to keep your eyes open and don't do anything stupid. There are risks.

Email: TpaineTN@yahoo.com