Arrrrgggh!!! Top Ten Things Teachers Should NEVER Do


Articles Dante Alighieri Arthur Dent Jesus Jones Thomas Paine Other Authors Contact Us! Letter to the Editor Dante Alighieri Arthur Dent Jesus Jones Thomas Paine	Arrrrgggh!!! Top Ten Things Teachers Should NEVER Do Arthur Dent 10. Bring your pet to school. It doesn't matter that students are forbidden from doing it or that it probably violates several public health laws: it's just wrong. 9. Refuse to attend important events like Back-to-School Night. After all, parents aren't THAT important. 8. Impugn the character of other teachers based on conjecture gathered from students. 7. Send students off-campus for coffee…Can you say, "Law suit?" I KNEW you could. 6. Have students compile their work in notebooks that you never really read. Base the majority of their grade on whether the students kiss enough ass. 5. Approach everyone with rudeness first, kindness later. Get in near-physical altercations with strangers in the teachers' parking lot over…uhh…parking. 4. Yell at your students incessantly, except for when you're shushing them. 3. Have favorites. Allow said favorites to do anything they wish. All favorites get As. 2. Refuse to teach. Assign nothing but busy work that students mindlessly complete during class and at home. Let's think about this one: if we can learn all we need to know about your subject matter from the book, why the hell do we bother coming to class at all? We could even email in the assignments! 1. One word: "Shhhhh!" What's amazing about this list isn't that some teachers commit some of these egregious acts. After all, teachers are human, and they do make errors in judgment sometimes. No, what's amazing about this list is that ONE teacher on campus commits ALL of these transgressions on a regular basis. This person is allowed to remain on the staff at our parents' expense, all the while refusing to teach. What's up with THAT?	Archive Back Issues Why? Cartoons Poetry Random Rants Disclaimers Losers and Kudos of the Week Letters to the Editor Editor's Notes Picture of the Week
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Arthur Dent

10. Bring your pet to school. It doesn't matter that students are forbidden from doing it or that it probably violates several public health laws: it's just wrong.

9. Refuse to attend important events like Back-to-School Night. After all, parents aren't THAT important.

8. Impugn the character of other teachers based on conjecture gathered from students.

7. Send students off-campus for coffee…Can you say, "Law suit?" I KNEW you could.

6. Have students compile their work in notebooks that you never really read. Base the majority of their grade on whether the students kiss enough ass.

5. Approach everyone with rudeness first, kindness later. Get in near-physical altercations with strangers in the teachers' parking lot over…uhh…parking.

4. Yell at your students incessantly, except for when you're shushing them.

3. Have favorites. Allow said favorites to do anything they wish. All favorites get As.

2. Refuse to teach. Assign nothing but busy work that students mindlessly complete during class and at home. Let's think about this one: if we can learn all we need to know about your subject matter from the book, why the hell do we bother coming to class at all? We could even email in the assignments!

1. One word: "Shhhhh!"
What's amazing about this list isn't that some teachers commit some of these egregious acts. After all, teachers are human, and they do make errors in judgment sometimes. No, what's amazing about this list is that ONE teacher on campus commits ALL of these transgressions on a regular basis. This person is allowed to remain on the staff at our parents' expense, all the while refusing to teach. What's up with THAT?