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Information for Parents
Information for Parents
Information for Parents
Information for Parents
Information for Parents
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FAQ:
What makes Dragon Polytechnic so popular?
Why should I pay for my child's tuition?
What happens when my kid becomes more intelligent than myself?
What makes Dragon Polytechnic so popular?
Why should I pay for my child's tuition?
What happens when my kid becomes more intelligent than myself?
What makes Dragon Polytechnic so popular?
Why should I pay for that brat's tuition?
What happens when my kid becomes more brighter than I?
What makes Dragon Polytechnic so popular?
Why should I pay for my son's tuition?
What happens when my kid gets cleverer than me?
What makes Dragon Polytechnic so popular?
Why should I pay for my daughter's tuition?
What happens when my kid becomes more intelligent than myself?
What makes Dragon Polytechnic so popular?
Why should I pay for my offspring's tuition?
What happens when my kid becomes more intelligent than myself?
What makes Dragon Polytechnic so popular?
Why should I have to pay for my child's tuition?
What happens when my child becomes more intelligent than myself?
Our most frequently asked questions by parents are:
- What makes Dragon Polytechnic so popular?
- Why should I pay for my child's tuition?
- What happens when my kid becomes more intelligent than myself?
What makes Dragon Polytechnic so popular?
Low standards: Almost anyone can get in! While it's true that we still demand a certain number of A level points for most courses, exceptions are in general the rule. We have schemes such as clearing, mature students don't need A levels, and other ways of getting around our deceptively rigid "standards".
Kick but recruiters: while other universities may hire their staff for teaching ability and reputation, we let ours know that their salary comes from student tuition, not the quality of their work. Thus they are highly trained in telling applicants what they want to hear. This is easy in today's academic environment when most students have no idea what it takes to be a success in the career of their choice.
Salesmanship: We cater to what prospective students want, not what they need or what we can give. We understand that the illusion created on open day is important, so we give disgruntled workers that day off. And we understand that that illusion can be carried out throughout a student's academic career in some cases, and we at Dragon Polytechnic are masters of illusion.
Low Drop out rate: Once here, we are able to thouroughly con-vince our students into thinking that without a degree from us, they are nothing. We understand that few students transfer in this country where everyone just thinks that they are stuck with what they have. So when they do realize that we exagerrated in the perspectus TOO BAD SUCKERS!! You're stuck here for the next three years!
Low Graduate Unemployment: For more information, please check out information for desperate employers.
Why should I pay for my child's tuition?
Employability: Oh, come one. Your kid is a loser! He'll never make anything of himself, and he wouldn't even be able to get a part time job if he tried.
Low cost: In most cases the government and parents still pay a substantial percentage of tuition, housing, and living costs. We like to think that the university experience at no cost to the student helps prepare him for future dependence on the state and other welfare institutions.
Independence: Get that brat out of the house! If you're going to support them anyway, might as well pay for them to be somewhere else. That incessent whinning can be more productively focused on long essays and bar room debates.
Love: Who knows, maybe at Dragon Poly they'll find someone else to sponge off of!
What happens when my kid becomes more intelligent than myself?
We ensure you that's there's no danger of that happening.
Student Pubs: Our surrounding area has the least thought provoking environment known to man, there's nothing to do but go to student pubs. If someone does attempt to think deep thoughts or speak of the meaning of life with their friends, the pub landlord cranks up the volume of the techno music to the border of what is legally allowed in a battlefield.
Mature Student Program: Even if you're a parent without GCSEs, you can get in with our lowered standards for mature applicants. Thus you can attend all the lectures your child does, follow him in and out of the library, and even spy on him as he hangs out with his friends.
Fast Track Mature Student Program: What's better, those with "life experience" can skip the Bachelors altogether and go strait for one of our one-year "conversion diplomas" and get an MSE while junior is still stumbling with his first lot of exams
Information for:
- Desperate Employers
- Worried Parents
- Irate Farmers
- Homeless Alumni
- Underpaid Staff
- Rich Professors
- Illiterate Students
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