"CRY" by Sarah Ryniker

STORY LAST UPDATED ON 20/12/2002

AUTHOR'S NOTE

This story has a high sexual content.

Cry Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Epilogue

CHAPTER FIVE: THE PRICE OF LIFE

When my eyes pulled open once again, I was looking up at the very same mirror and chandelier I had first awakened to. I sat up in the bed, fearing that I was going to relive what I had just gone through. I felt a total sense of déjà vu as I sat up with the blanket wrapped around me and looked around the now nearly empty room.
    Just as I was about to get up I heard a click of the door. I looked towards it, not knowing, yet knowing exactly, what to expect. Sure enough, Landon came sauntering in. I noticed that he turned around and locked the door with a key after he shut it. When he turned back around, he noticed that I was awake. He smiled as if this wasn't anything big, when it wasn't just big but huge.
    "Where am I?" I demanded. "Where are my clothes? I want to go home."
    He walked over to the panel of buttons on the wall and opened it. There was a place for a key and he put it in and turned it. A wall opened to reveal a closet. He walked inside the giant closet and came back out with my clothes. He handed them over to me, still smiling.
    "You did it on purpose, didn't you? You got me drunk so I would sleep with you," I accused. I picked up my clothes and began to dress.
    "To me, Cry, I didn't have to get you drunk. Besides, you didn't have to drink," he said casually.
    My fight immediately left my body. My face turned crimson with shame. He was right. "I just want to go home, Landon. Okay?" I stood up from my sitting position on the bed and pulled my jeans up.
    "That's fine. I'll give you a ride home. But before you leave, I want you to know that this isn't the end of this. I want you, Cry. I want you more than I've ever wanted any woman. I have since I first laid eyes on those magnificently long legs." He eyed me up and down and licked his lips. I felt a twinge of nausea hit my stomach and make me dizzy.
    "What do you mean this isn't the end? Do you honestly think that I will have sex with you again? No, sir, I will not. In fact, I am never drinking anything with alcohol in it again," I declared, and made my way to the door. "And I don't want a ride home."
    "Good thing you won't be drinking anymore. I want you more awake next time," he said, as if not even hearing the rest. "And you are so wrong, Cry. Because if you want to keep your mother and yourself from being out on the streets you'll do exactly what I want. You're not qualified for anything else." He took a sip of the drink he had just made from his mini-bar and smiled at me over the glass.
    I stood at the door, just staring at him. How could he do this to me? Francine's words rang in my head. I had let my guard down and had started to trust him. She had warned me, and now I was ruined completely, forever. And I would have to break my promise to her. I couldn't tell her about this. I could never tell anyone about this.
    I let him take me home five minutes later. I sat silently beside him. I didn't have to say anything. He already knew that he'd won. And with that came the knowledge that I wouldn't be just a stripper, but no more than a prostitute, a whore, a woman giving sexual favours for money.
    When he dropped me off I walked up to the apartment slowly. I knew Mother would be extremely worried. I knew I had to hurry to her to ease her fears. Yet I walked slowly, only dreading what I was about to do. For I couldn't tell her the truth about where I'd been and what had happened. I had to lie to her and to anyone else who I considered even a slight acquaintance.
    When I walked through the door, I was brought back to just months ago when we lived in a mirror image of hell. Mother was lying on the couch, ever so pale in her sleep. I could tell that she had been crying with worry. Her cheeks were still tear-stained, making me think she hadn't been asleep long. How could this have happened? Why did it happen? Why was I walking into my own home and having to lie to my mother?
    She slept with one ear open, for the moment I shut the door she woke up. Her eyes held a look of relief before she jumped off the couch and ran to throw her arms around me. "I'm so glad that you're all right!" she cried. Then she pulled back, and there was anger in the eyes that had just looked upon me with love and relief. "Where were you? Why didn't you call to tell me that you were fine? I was having the worst images playing in my mind!"
    "Calm down, Mother. I'm sorry I didn't call but I had an accident at work and I took some pain medication. Francine took me to the backroom to lie down until work was over, because she had to wait until she got off to take me home. Evidently, she forgot about me and I just woke up." It's the biggest lie ever told in the history of lies, I thought to myself bitterly.
    "Well, how kind of her. She's a fabulous friend." I hated to hear her think badly of Francine because of the lie I'd had to come up with. But then again, her voice held something within it that I couldn't quite pinpoint. But it was obvious that she hadn't liked Francine.
    "I know I need to talk to her about it. I'm sure she hadn't meant to." I knew my voice wasn't very convincing, but Mother all too obviously wanted to think the worst of Francine.
    "If I were you I wouldn't bother with that girl. She's trouble. She's probably some kind of whore or stripper on the side." My eyes widened and I gulped. Now I definitely couldn't tell her what I was doing for work! She would look down on me, and the relationship that I was building with her would be ruined.
    "She's not bad, Mother. And she's the only real friend I've ever had. I'll talk to her about it." I let the conversation end there. I felt so disgusted with myself that all I wanted to do was sleep.
    And sleep I did. I slept from the moment I left the room to go to my bed until it was time to get ready for work. When my alarm sounded off, I woke with a sense of dread. I had already been in and out of nightmares all night. Each one had Landon in them. He was my living nightmare. If only this was a dream. I wouldn't have to deal with being molested and used in the real world.
    I left with only a small good-bye to Mother. I knew that she could tell something was wrong with me. Who wouldn't be able to? The depression had already settled in. I wasn't the same. But I knew in my heart that even if the depression eventually faded, I would never be the same again. More than ever, my childhood had been taken away. Any piece of innocence that I'd had left had been ripped away with me in one night. And it wasn't anyone's fault but my own.
    I was only eighteen years old, not yet nineteen, and already I hated life. It was full of nothing but deceits, blackmail and heartache. I was sure that there were very few honest people. I had barely come out of my immature shell and I wanted to run back to it. But it was too late. For childhood is something you can only leave once.
    I dreaded what that night would bring. I would be the only one closing. Carly told me that it was odd that I would be all by myself that night. Landon usually never let just one girl close. In fact, it made everyone suspicious. Everyone except Laura. I could see the knowledge in her grey eyes. Her jealousy was glowing brightly, but she knew all too well what was going on.
    Before Laura and Francine each left that night, Laura pulled me aside. "He's mine, Cry. Whatever is going on between you won't go on long. So don't fall in love with him. He'll only break your heart."
    "I hope that it doesn't last long. I'm not a willing participant in what he has in mind for me." I wasn't giving into her jealous rage. I was being honest.
    She rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Don't try to tell me that he rapes you. Landon would never force himself on anyone." She turned away and left, not wanting any details. I could tell that she had already put Landon up on a pedestal. Nothing I would have said would have got through to her anyway.
    I thought I was free of more confrontation until Francine walked into the dressing room, where I was sitting on the couch with my head in my hands. I could feel her presence the moment she walked in. I knew what was coming. "What is going on, Cry?" she demanded instantly.
    "Nothing is going on. I promise," I said, staring off into space. I couldn't look at her, and my voice held no conviction. She could see that I was lying.
    I saw her shake her head out of the corner of my eye. "You don't have to tell me what is going on. I already know. Maybe someday you'll be ready to tell me. And when you are, I'll have something to tell you." She left me there, staring at the wall, feeling an emptiness I had never known before.
    When Landon made his way into the dressing room an hour later, I was still staring at the wall. I felt like a science lab rat that had suffered a lot of abuse and now felt trapped within the walls of its own mind. I couldn't focus on anything but what was about to happen. And I felt so empty that there was no fear about it.
    When he began to kiss my neck and pull my shirt from my shoulders, I just sat there, letting him. I couldn't prevent it, so I didn't bother to put up a fight. When I gave no response to anything he did, however, he became angry. "I will not allow you to just sit here like I am raping you. You will respond to my touching, you will kiss and touch back," he demanded.
    I looked at him with a vacant look in my eyes. "Why not? You are raping me, aren't you?"
    His anger got the best of him. I could feel it radiating from him. "You want rape? I'll show you rape."
    This was completely different. Suddenly he had my hair and was shoving me into the wall. His hands ripped at my clothing and, since I was wearing a skirt, I wasn't even completely undressed when he shoved himself inside of me. I cried out in pain. I had not been ready for him. But I listened to him pant and grunt until he finished.
    He left me there against the wall, lying in an empty heap of nothingness. I cried silently. He had left me alone for now, but I knew all too well that he would be back. And with him he would bring more anger, more pain. He wouldn't stop using me until he was ready. And I had to go with it or lose my entire life that I had built for Mother and me.
    When I heard the click of the dressing room door just ten minutes later, my body tightened in anticipation. I held my breath as his hands began exploring once again. And this time I forced myself to respond to him. For willingly having sex with him was a lot easier and better than rape. It hurt less physically. But what it would do to me emotionally later on in life would be something that I would regret.

Cry Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Epilogue

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