Chapter Five

The first thing that Shinji Ikari realized when he opened his eyes was that he was alive. He was back. The air seemed to swirl and grab at him, and he could smell it. It was very foul. In fact, the concrete wall Shinji was staring at looked foul, too. It was tainted by graffiti and had begun rotting. That made sense, Shinji thought, looking around. He lay slumped against the confines of an alley. Quickly, he stood up, and began to think. He did his best to remember everything he was told about this condition. It would have helped had he not been so excited, that he could only think with anticipation of coming back, while Kaoru detailed the situation for him.

"You won't look like yourself," Kaoru began carefully. Shinji nodded. "You won't sound like yourself, either. To everyone else, you are not Shinji Ikari. Do you understand, Shinji-kun?"
   Shinji knew all this, and had already considered it while he watched the seasons go by below. He had accepted that some part of him had to leave that world. He did not expect to claim or reclaim anything that he thought he might have had; he just wanted to see her again, even just once, and maybe listen to her speak, even if she could not recognize him. Just...
   "And Shinji-kun," Kaoru continued. "You will only have five days."
   "Five days?" Shinji repeated softly to himself. Somehow, it seemed so small and useless. But, "Better than nothing." He was, after all, begin given something no one else could ever have, and greed was not something that came to mind.
   "He," Kaoru gestured upwards for effect, "has a sense of humor, you know." Kaoru grinned lightly, leaving Shinji very puzzled. But the Angel waved his hand to dismiss it. "You'll understand later."
   Shinji oh'd once to himself. "Thank you, Kaoru-kun."
   "The pleasure was all mine," the being grinned. "Now then, there are a few more issues..."
   The two continued talking for some time more, but not necessarily about Shinji's endeavor.

Shinji stared at himself. He was quite bare. Suddenly very embarrassed, Shinji looked around and found that there was actually a clean set of clothes beside him, and he briefly wondered why he could not have just appeared with them on. But rather than think about it, he quickly threw on the articles, and soon was dressed like a normal citizen. He scurried out of the alley, and found himself somewhere he did not recognize. He was in the busiest section of Tokyo-3, he thinked.
   He walked around aimlessly for a minute, suddenly aware of the fact that he had no plan as to what he was going to do. It just was not something he was used to having. And so he wandered past the tall department stores as well as the local streets without recognizing any of it. He would have asked for directions to a place more familiar, if only he knew where he wanted to go. he had not even decided on that. There were signs everywhere, too many possibilities, and Shinji found that his indecisiveness prevented him from choosing any course of action at all.
   Wait a second. Shinji realized that he could not recognize any of these buildings on any of these blocks. That is, he never knew such an expansive area of downtown areas existed in Tokyo-3, or even Japan, anymore. Again, he would have asked for information, but what would have have said? The place was loud, from the sounds of cars to people to everything else. It was definitely a very busy part of the city that Shinji did not know was extant. There were colors everywhere, perhaps to compensate for the weather, which was awfully grey, white, and cold. The people Shinji passed seemed to be in high spirits -- the holiday season, perhaps, but ... Shinji did not know that there was this many people in Tokyo-3. Finally, after some time, he found a friendly face.
   "Horaki-san!" he called out. The girl, dressed in a thick brown coat and red scarf, turned towards him unfamiliarly. She looked and saw him waving his hand shyly as he jogged down the crowded sidewalk towards her. She was obviously confused.
   "Horaki-san," Shinji panted. "You ... look well." He could not really think of anything else to say.
   "Excuse me," she responded uneasily. "Can I help you?"
   The boy caught himself, and remembered that he would not be recognized. "Uh." The girl tipped her head to the side slightly, clearly curious. "I'm ... I'm..."
   Toji chose this time to show up, hopping up easily.. "Hey, what's up?"
   Shinji's face clearly lightened upon seeing his old friend. "Toji!"
   The boy was clearly as confused as the girl. "Er, yeah," he managed, "do I know you?" He leaned on his crutch and scratched the back of his head with an embarrassed smile.
   "Uh, no..." Shinji trailed off for just a second. "I just recognize you from a picture ... from a friend." As surreptitiously as possible, Shinji took this chance to glance at a neaby shop window and look for his reflection. He looked exactly as he did before.
   "Oh!" Toji smiled. "Well, hello, then."
   "Yes," Hikari agreed. "Hi." She bowed slightly. Shinji broke out of his reverie quickly and returned the bow. "Ah, sorry. I don't have much time to explain things, but I'm just ... very excited to see you two again." She smiled, clearly content. "In person, I mean." Shinji quickly decided that he would not have many more chances to get some questions answered if he did not get what he could out of these two right now. "Could you answer some quick questions for me, please?"
   The two half-looked at one another and then nodded, the surprise from meeting a stranger still lingering.
   "Erm, what's the date today?" Shinji had to hold back from laughing at himself.
   "Ah, the nineteenth of December," the freckled girl answered easily.
   Shinji looked at her with a slight grimace, clearly not at ease with the current date. The nineteenth of December? But it was just... And suddenly the boy looked worried, and shocked. Or possibly just shocked. Shinji was now clearly trying to put things together. The new buildings, the new city, everything was foreign to him because he really was looking at it for the first time. It had just been too long since he had visited the city and the city's people. Toji and Hikari were here, which meant that they lived here, or close by. Was this possibly Tokyo-2, then, just revamped? Or was this... Ten days, Shinji breathed mentally. Ten days have passed since I left, and many months more since I ... went.
   "Aha," Shinji slowly murmured. "And I'm in ... Tokyo..." he purposely trailed off, but as casually as he could manage in his state.
   "Tokyo-3," Toji finished for him. "Yep, looks a lot different than it did just a while back. Don't know if your friend mentioned the projects and stuff going on around here." Toji smiled. Tourist, he thought with a grin. "Say, uh, who was your friend, anyway?"
   "Could you..." Shinji began. "Could you tell me where the maglev station is?"
   Toji did not say anything for a short moment. "Sure," he finally answered, though his face clearly gave away the thinking that was going on in his head.

Shinji sat alone amidst a thick crowd of people on the train. He did his best to gather his thoughts in a coherent manner. Tokyo-3 was being rebuilt, but Shinji soon learned that he had happened to appear in the middle of it, and that the city was still far from being as large as it once was, which explained the tighter concentration of denizens than he would have imagined. As the maglev train ran on, the city gave way to the construction machines and men at its border, which in turn gave way to the rubble. And soon, Shinji was able to recognize the area of Tokyo-3 with low buildings and houses and walkways on the hillsides that was his home.
   It had apparently remained untouched from all the remodeling going on on the other side of the wrecked earth, exactly the way Shinji had expected it. It looked quiet, imperfect, even a little sloppy. This was how he liked it, and suddenly he slightly hoped and cared that it would never change. This is the setting Shinji had expected to see coming back, and realizing that he had really only been back to the living for just over a couple of hours, Shinji felt hopeful and smiled slightly, a feeling of relief washing over him.
   There was a side of Shinji that longed to live for more than just five days. Construction projects. Would there be a school to attend once again, then? If so, Shinji wished that he could be with his friends again, day by day, the way things used to be. These things that he had taken for granted had become jewels. It severely depressed Shinji's heart, but he would not let it linger for long. After all, he knew, he was lucky enough to be here, for five minutes, let alone five days.
   He glanced through a local paper as he neared his destination. News had never really mattered to Shinji before, and that was one thing that had not changed. Sighing, and then taking a very deep breath and holding it in, he stood up and prepared to step off the train. It was the first time, he noted, that he had ever stood to leave before the maglev train had actually stopped.
   Things were much nicer here, home. Even the air seemed familiar as Shinji strolled about. It was a weekend, and there were people about in the streets and walkways. Shinji walked towards the place where he had longed to be for what had evidently been over a year now -- the residence of Ayanami Rei.
   It was getting late, the cicadas were louder now. There were no sounds of construction as Shinji walked slowly towards the door that led to her room. He almost wished that the clanging was there, so that he would feel more at ease with himself.
   Then, for some reason that was probably not reasonable at all, Shinji shut his eyes. He walked with his right arm extended out to the side, feeling the wall as he walked. He turned when he should have, and managed to not trip over anything on his way. He knew this building too well, and despite himself, found that he liked how even this worn artifact of architecture was exactly the way he remembered it.
   It was Sunday, the newspaper had told him. Ayanami would probably be home. What would Shinji say to her?
   "You cannot tell anyone who you are," Kaoru had said slowly and as clearly and simply as he could. "You'll look and feel the same to yourself, but to everyone else, you are not Shinji Ikari." The Angel was repeating himself for the boy's sake. "Even if you try to explain yourself, you won't be able to." Kaoru had worn a look of seriousness as he spoke.
   Well, it looked as if Shinji could afford to worry about that later. Ayanami Rei was not home.
   Severely disappointed but far from crushed (possibly even a little relieved), Shinji spent a few minutes standing in the midst of the place, and found it wonderful as slowly, he began to feel like he belonged here, breathing, again.

"Misato-san..." Shinji murmured. Misato Katsuragi, one of his best friends and only family he could remember. He remembered how he was once afraid of her, and did his best to avoid her. But he never hated her, and seeing her again, dressed still the way she always was at home, he began to remember why. She had always treated him like family, he realized. Briefly, he wondered if he might have broken her heart on more than one occasion.
   "Can I help you?" Misato asked calmly, staring at Shinji with a hint of curiosity.
   "Ah, yes." Shinji made a hasty bow. "I'm an old friend of Shinji Ikari's," he stated with as much confidence as he could muster. Clearly, Misato was confused and suspicious at the same time. "I knew him when he lived with his aunt and uncle."
   The "oh" expression on the woman's face calmed Shinji easily.
   "What can I do for you?" Misato asked, friendlier now.
   "Is Shinji ... is his room the way it used to be?"
   "Yes," Misato answered slowly, eased now that this new visitor knew of the late Shinji Ikari's situation, yet also slightly unnerved by the rather personal question. "I could never disturb it."
   "Is it okay if I see it?" Shinji asked timidly for a reason he did not know yet.
   The woman considered his request for a moment, and then finally stepped aside, motioning for Shinji to step in. He kicked off his shoes -- they had become dirty already -- and began to walk, but very soon his pace slowed. The apartment had not changed. Nothing substantial had been moved. The living room was still a mess, the kitchen was relatively clean, the dinner table was the same... Shinji could not hold back his smile as he saw PenPen asleep on his side by the wall. The bird seemed to noticed his foreign presence, and craned his head around to gaze at Shinji with sleepy eyes. The little eyes followed Shinji as he headed towards where Misato was opening the door to his old room carefully.
    She nodded gently for him to enter. Taking a long breath, Shinji took one step inside, and then stood still, surverying the dark unlit room.
   "Where is he buried?" Shinji asked sofly, knowing full well that there was no body.
   "They say he's up in the hillsides, where he used to wander around," Misato answered in a grave voice.
   Shinji turned his gaze towards the woman, still unsure of himself. He felt like he was intruding something. "You didn't attend the funeral?"
   Misato lifted a hand and waved once lightly. "No," she answered, refusing to look Shinji in the eyes. "I would have cried too much."
   "Oh," Shinji whispered to himself. He might have felt tears rising to his eyes, and so he looked the other way.
   "I'll leave you alone. If you have any questions, I'll be over there," Misato pointed. "Chose the door when you leave, please."
   "Yes." When Misato was out of sight, Shinji walked over to his desk. He opened a drawer, and pulled out a number of notebooks, random music sheets for his cello, and other articles, setting them aside. At the very bottom of the drawers, concealed under all the mess, were a few photos. The first was of himself as a small child, holding his cello and smiling happily. Shinji remembered the picture as being from his first performance for his auntie and uncle. It was one of his happier days, and the photograph showed it easily. Still, it was not what Shinji was looking for. He went through the rest of the photographs, noting one or two more with a hint of joy. Finally, he found the picture he was looking for.
   It was unremarkable to say the most. Just a random shot of him while he stood on the deck of the Over the Rainbow on that day that now seemed very long ago. But his face was clearly visible, and was also unremarkable. Shinji took the photo and brought it to the window, which now acted as a rough mirror against the night's darkness. Yes, he did look as he remembered. And in the mirror, Shinji looked still as he did in the photograph. It was unmistakable.
   "Excuse me, Misato-san?" Shinji asked politely, shutting the door behind him. The woman poked her head out her door in response.
   "Do you," Shinji began hesitantly. "Do you, er..." Do you know where Ayanami is? he wanted to ask, but what kind of question would that be? And then, Shinji reminded himself, he was a visitor -- and Shinji Ikari had not ever specifically told anyone about his exchanges with Rei. Misato was still expecting a question. "Do you know where Asuka is?"
   "She's out with a friend," Misato answered easily. There was, of course, a part of her which wondered why this kid would want to know, but the question was not really to the level that it became her business as a guardian to pry.
   Shinji, meanwhile, was noting that Horaki-san was with Toji -- a turn of events which frankly did not surprise him too much (although naturally, he would have a few questions for them later). He had not seen Asuka anywhere nearby, and would not have expected her to be there, either. "Er, which friend?" Shinji asked shyly, knowing that he sounded nosy, which he was after all.
   Misato might have looked at him funny for a second, but he would not have caught it. "It's Ayanami Rei."
   The surprise was evident on Shinji's face, but he did not have very much time to consider this new information. Misato followed up by asking as comfortably as she could, "Say, what did you say your name was again?"
   Thinking as fast he had could, Shinji referred back to the newspaper he had read on the maglev train. There was a random article written by a ... a "Seta Noriyasu," Shinji answered in as even a voice as he could hold. It still came out a little fumbly, but Misato probably justified that somehow to herself; she seemed satisfied enough with the answer to nod once.
   "It's a pleasure to meet you, Seta-kun," Misato bowed slightly. She smiled a friendly smile. "You know who I am."
   "Yes," Shinji bowed in return, smiling and meaning it.

The hillside around Tokyo-3 had not been changed, had never been changed, and probably would not ever be changed in the future. Shinji remembered the last time he had been here. He had not walked these cobblestone paths alone. It was night, and Shinji soon realized that he had no place to stay for the evening. That was alright, he felt like wandering around anyway, and he was far from tired. It wouldn't do for him to spend the majority of his precious time sleeping.
   Shinji loved this place, and would have wanted to live in a small house up here when he grew up, if and when he would have left Misato's apartment. The small random lights were a mellow yellow, almost like lanterns from a festival. The air was cold, but bearable to those who chose not to notice it. Greens from plants fading out from the darkness, the reds of tiled rooftops, and the violet blue from the sky melded together to form possibly the best place a person could be at this time of night.
   It was not long before there were no more buildings or people. There was only the tall grass that led into the trees, the place where he had made his first friend he could remember. They seemed different now, as if there were clearer to the eye. No matter, Shinji walked on towards the bluff Misato had described as the place where a memorial to Shinji Ikari. He had wondered for some time now why he was not buried out in the badlands where the memorial to his mother stood. He would have liked to be buried next to her, in spirit if not in body. To be alone up in the hills -- it was lonely, Shinji reflexively postulated.
   Shinji froze as reached the clearing. There were people by his tomb. A small part of him felt almost honored. He walked on, nearng the edge of the clearing. Then he saw them -- two small pools of red, turning towards him. Then he smelled her -- she was standing right next to him as he stepped past the final shrub. Ayanami Rei stood quietly by his side, and turned her head slightly to acknowledge his presence before she turned back towards the tomb, and the redhead at the end of the cliff, standing on the railings and now looking back at him curiously. Her blue hair seemed to glow, a sheen bathing in the night's moon. It was almost celestial. Her pale skin seemed to fall in with the shades of the evening. Even her clothing -- heavy, for the weather -- seemed to lack exceptional qualities, further emphasizing the appearance of her own natural tones under the lightning.
   "We're done," Asuka anounced quietly to Shinji. It became certain that she did not recognize him as a reincarnation of someone. Ayanami took ahold of the German girl's arm, and the two slowly made their way down a stepped path that had not been there the last time Shinji was here -- constructed for the public, probably. Shinji watched the two leave, and finally, long after they were out of sight, turned towards the single monument in the earth, but he did not bother to step up to it or even inspect it. He was lost.

I had imagined a hundred things and ways I could have said to and met Ayanami. But actually being so close to her again, I'm overwhelmed. She's beautiful.

Shinji realized later that the two were here so late due to a matter of privacy more than anything else. It was evidently not an unusual time for either of them to visit the place. It was getting colder, so Shinji quickly left the hillside and visited a bank. He proceeded to draw out as much money as he could and added the money to the rolls of cash he had taken from his room, where he had hidden some savings. Having never spent any of this money, Shinji almost did not know what to do with his own newfound wealth.
   Well, that was not true. He did know that he needed a place to stay, and soon, lest he freeze and die (again). It was not difficult to find a place in the urban area of Tokyo-3, though. Few people wanted to live so far away from the city action. In fact, the small old concrete room he lived in was part of a structure not far from the Katuragi residence. It was close enough that he could see her building clearly.
   Having just four more days to be here, Shinji bought little more than a few supplies, among them a radio, so that he might ... something. Something ... he supposed, as he fell unto his bed, and drifted away.

...

Starting over again, thought Shinji. As he walked, however, his thoughts were at war. On one hand, he wanted just to see Ayanami and perhaps talk to her. On the other, he wanted, after seeing her ... he felt a sort of desire, one that disturbed him. He was not even sure what he would do once he found her again, but he did not plan to tell her who he really was. For now, and for the next few days, he was Seta Noriyasu, a distant friend of Shinji Ikari's. Yes, that was it. He was not here to try and reclaim something that might or might not have been his. He was here to see Ayanami Rei. Just to see her.
   The air seemed especially humid today. Shinji began to sweat as he approached her door. He might be early -- perhaps she was still asleep. Or perhaps she would be busy, and he did not want to disturb her. Or maybe-
   Shinji shook his head furiously. This was like the first time he came to visit her since she lost her vision. Doing his best to pull himself together mentally, Shinji finally stood in front of the unruly door, and lifted his hand to knock.

...

Author's note: for those of you who have not figured certain things out already, I am basing this story off of both the manga and series version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. That is, I am following the series' canon, but keeping in mind the little things the manga has added to the story. However, I guess that that's not apparently noticeable in this chapter. I suppose I should have said this in the author's notes for the last chapter or the one before it. Oh, well. Was hoping to achieve a certain feel in this chapter, the kind that I felt when I was reading about Japan a few weeks before my trip finally took place. That goal became less ... loud, in my mind, as I wrote on, but I ended up liking what I had, I guess. Ara ara, all this. Remember, I planned to just write a little crossover, or rather, a fic with inspired elements. It was originally going to be just one chapter, in fact. Then two. Now seven, and even now, possibly seven with an epilogue. There was no plan for chapters to begin with, certainly not for a "feel" in any of them. I think I like writing this fic, and have put much more attention to it, than my other ideas at the moment, because it feels as if I am writing a simple one shot fanfic. I can hold on to that relaxed feeling I have when I write short stories as I think about writing the next "chapter" for this story. Special thanks, again and of course, to Ee Loong Toh. I hope an idea I have for this story, despite anything other than the story itself, will make him know for certain that his time worth it. Or at least, that it was to me. Hm, wonder if he'll have read this final draft after I posted it, and gotten here. Wonder if he'd feel curious. Mweh heh heh heh... Right, it's time for me to go to sleep.