The Way Home ~ Part Three *** DECEPTIONS ***

Staring out at the serene surroundings, Tsukushi’s mind felt awfully tranquil.

Why have I been cursed with so many things? She thought to herself. First, it was Tsukasa. Now it was Melissa. All the people by her side. All those who cared.

She pulled her shawl tighter around her. She could feel tears pricking at her eyes. She rubbed them away.

Now wasn’t the time to cry. Now wasn’t time to recall all those frightful memories. But what could she do? She couldn’t go back to face the others. She knew she would start crying. Especially when she saw those eyes of Rui. Those which peered right into her.

She wrapped her hands around herself. I’ll have to face them now or never, she thought, resigned.
*
Rui was pacing around, hands in his pocket when he saw Tsukushi wheeling into the hallway.

”What are you doing? You’re not supposed to come out from your bed!” Rui said angrily.

Tsukushi just gave him a raised eyebrow and stared straight.

”I received a call from Yuuki. About Melissa.”

Tsukushi sighed. She knew she couldn’t escape this subject when Rui was concerned.

“yea.”

”that’s all you have to say?”

”Whatever… look. I’m really frustrated. Please.”

”I just bought you something. I’ll take my leave now,” said Rui quietly.

He walked out.

Tsukushi caught sight of a paper bag containing an elegantly wrapped present. She wheeled over and picked it up. She opened it.
*
Opening her new diary, Tsukushi wrote:

Dear Diary,

This is a present from Rui. I never thought he’d be that thoughtful. I never knew I

needed a diary until now. I realize I’ve been bottling up all my feelings, never

letting anyone know. I have lots of problems; I don’t know where to start. The

biggest one is the “triangle” between Rui and Tsukasa. I realize I still love

Tsukasa. Although my love for him has changed, I know that I still do love him.

Whereas, for Rui, it is much more complicated. I do not know how I feel. I know I

have certain feelings for him. Some which I don’t even comprehend. Rui, I must

admit, is very gutsy. He confessed his feelings for me. He’s my solace. I do

remember that he was always there when I needed him. Always watching upon

me. I remember when Rui followed Shizuka to France the second time. A feeling

I think was jealousy crept up on me. I didn’t know what I was feeling then. A very

weird feeling for a girl who had all the attention Doumyouji Tsukasa could give. A

very weird feeling I felt. It was me who asked Rui to go after her. Yet, I could feel

jealousy enveloping me. Now, I realize. From my crush on Rui to a sibling

relationship, it changed to a weird relationship. We just feel so comfortable with

each other… Also, there’s the prob with Melissa. She can hardly recall me. It’s

like this part of me feels so lost… so not belonged. I don’t know… I’ve just

changed over the years I guess…

23/4/2003
Tsukushi.
********************************************************************************************

In the hospital, Tsukushi felt depressed. All those green drabs and the smell of antiseptic made her swoon. Her leg was giving her problems therefore her doctor insisted she stay in bed. It was 10 in the morning and she had absolutely nothing to do. She was about to take out her diary to enter an entry when she heard the door open.

”Tsukushi,” said Melissa as she wheeled into the room

”Oh, hi!” she Tsukushi awkwardly. “I heard you lost your memory.”

”Uh huh… You seem to know me quite well. What was your relationship with me?”

Tsukushi could see that Melissa was trying her best to be nice and get to know Tsukushi again.

“I was… I was your best friend. We were part of the modeling agency, Autumn. Just two days ago, you told me you were quitting. I have no idea why though,”

”oh.”

Tsukushi just smiled tightly. She didn’t know what to say.

”I’ll take my leave. I have to go for my therapy now.”

Melissa hurried off before Tsukushi could say anything.

Melissa was very changed. Very. And she didn’t like it
*
”Tsukushi! Come quick. Get into your wheelchair!” Yuuki yelled as she entered the room.

“Why?”

”Melissa was found lying at the stairwell! She wasn’t breathing. The doctors are trying to resuscitate her!”

”God! How can that happen?” Tsukushi felt her heart slam as she heard the news. This couldn’t be happening!
*
The doctor emerged from the emergency room, head dripping with perspiration.

”I’m sorry. She went into cardiac arrest again. This time, she wasn’t that lucky.” He shook his head sadly and left.
*

Tsukushi:

I slinked to the ground. This couldn’t be happening. How could it? Melissa? My best friend? How? How could the Lord be so cruel to take her away from me? All I wanted to do was sit down and cry. Cry for all I was worth. I felt a chunk of my heart disappear. I started gasping. In pain, sorrow, hurt, and from my injury. I never felt more heart in my life. All of a sudden, I felt an arm around me. Rui. Wordlessly, he lifted me into the wheelchair. He spun around and wheeled me away.

We reached the balcony of the hospital. I was staring into space.

”Tsukushi. Melissa lived for a good reason. She spent her days with you. She was your friend.” Rui said, cutting into my thoughts.

“She was gone.”

”There’s something I have to tell you.” The seriousness of his voice made me look up. That, I realized, was a big mistake.
********************************************************************************************

Tsukushi sat on her bed staring at her hands. They were a healthy rosy colour. She was brooding on the things Rui had told her. Brooding over what he had just said. All her grieving and hatred was gone. Rui was right. Melissa had been a special person in her heart before. She still was. Melissa would never leave her. Her once best friend, would always have a place in her heart.
*
”Yo, Tsukushi,” Rui said as he entered the room. In his hands was a violin case.

“You’re here again?”

”You don’t wanna see me?” Rui said, slightly hurt.

”No! Of course not. Don’t you have school? I must be missing a lot… I’ll be very behind,” Tsukushi replied despondently.

“Hmm? School, well, I don’t feel like going. Anyway, I told the teacher to compile her notes for you.”

”Oh?” Tsukushi raised her eyebrow.

”Yea, whatever. Don’t go lecturing me bout skipping classes.”

“What’s the violin for? Not gonna serenade me, are you?” Tsukushi said jokingly.

”Nah, I thought you were kinda bored cooped in here 24 hrs so… Do you wanna learn how to play it?”

”Really?” Tsukushi squealed.

Rui smiled as he set the case on the bed. He took out a rosewood carved violin.

”It’s beautiful,” Tsukushi breathed.

On the back of the violin, were the initials H.R.

”It’s custom-made,” Rui explained seeing Tsukushi’s surprise.

”All the rich people,” Tsukushi muttered softly.

Rui just grinned.
*
A girl dressed in a camisole and jeans set down her brown luggage on the marble floor.

”It’s good to be home,” she said softly.

”Yo, Shigeru!” Soujiro sauntered towards the raven-haired girl.

”Soujiro!” Shigeru squealed as she rushed forward to hug the cute as ever playboy.

”Hey, watch it! That’s my boy!” said Yuuki jokingly, stepping from behind a pillar.

”Yuuki-chan!” Shigeru cried.

”It’s been awhile…” Yuuki said softly as the two hugged.

“Have ya heard? Tsukushi’s in hospital.”

”Really? What happened?” Shigeru asked.

”Car accident.” Soujiro replied.

“Can we see her?”

”Nah.”

”Why not?” Shigeru demanded.

”Rui’s with her,” Yuuki said simply.

That shut Shigeru up.
*
”Not like that,” Rui said patiently for the fifth time.

”Rui! I just can’t get it! I’m not cut out to play this thing!” Tsukushi cried.

”So what ya gonna do? Mope around the whole time?” Rui said sarcastically.

Tsukushi hung her head. Rui had taken time off to be with her and help her and here she was, rejecting his kindness.

”I don’t care. You’re gonna practise it. Practise till I’m satisfied.” With that, he took Tsukushi’s hand and placed it on the bow.

Tsukushi blushed a crimson red.

”Tomato,” Rui said, chuckling.

Tsukushi immediately felt her cheeks turn a hot red.

”Stop it!” she cried.

Rui just laughed.

He then picked up the violin and the bow and played.

The room was soon filled with somber, melodious music. There were heart-rending chords every now and then. It was a song full of sadness and darkness yet it contained a certain tinge of freedom. Like a dove in captivity which wanted to be free to soar in the sky without a care in the world. Like Tsukushi.
********************************************************************************************

Tsukushi picked up the bow and the violin. Rui had gone just an hour ago and left the instrument with Tsukushi.

”Wanna see you progress,” he had said.

She pulled on a string. It let out a low but steady note. She then rested the bow on the violin. Moving it slowly, the violin let out a series of A major chords. Tsukushi smiled to herself, satisfied. Then, she put the bow lower and tugged again. The violin then let out a low shriek. She grimaced. Just then, Rui entered.

”Rui! I thought you went back to school!” Tsukushi said, startled.

”Me? Go back to school on such a sunny day when I can be sleeping? Fat chance,” Rui replied.

”You’re not sleeping.” Tsukushi pointed out.

”I went to buy lunch. The food here sucks.”

”Rui, ever the gourmet.” Tsukushi said chuckling.

Rui pulled out a chair and opened the packets of food.

”Sushi?” Tsukushi guessed.

”That’s… boring,” Rui said wrinkling his nose. “I bought Mac’s…”

”Rui! I’m supposed to be eating healthy food!”

”Like I care.”

”You don’t care bout me? I’m hurt,” Tsukushi said, pouting.

”Come on, you know I didn’t mean it that way…”

Tsukushi ignored him and unwrapped a chicken burger.

”Actually,” Rui hesitated.

”What?”

”Never mind.”

”This’s yours?” Tsukushi asked, gesturing towards the chicken burger.

”Yea, never mind though,” Rui said, face flushed.

”Rui! You’re so cute! Never mind, I’d rather have a filet.” Tsukushi teased.

Rui took out a blue wrapped burger and handed it to Tsukushi.

“The doc will hit the roof if he sees me eating this. It’s… like a whole tub of lard!”

”Who cares… They should make the food here tastier though…”

”Yea…”

”So how’s the practising?” Rui said, munching on the chicken patty.

”I’ve kinda mastered the A major… but… I’m still stuck on the D chord,” Tsukushi said, shrugging helplessly.

“I’ll help you with that once we’re done.”
*
Shigeru paced up and down the corridor as many off the Eitoku students stared at her. Okawahara Shigeru, the former fiancée of the great Doumyouji Tsukasa stood at the entrance of Eitoku Gakuen, conspicuous in a stunning jade-green dinner gown. She seemed to be waiting for a certain someone.

“Ah! Tsubaki. You’ve taken a longer time than you said,”

”Gomen! I was busy arguing with the headmaster,” Tsubaki said, laughing. She was dressed in an eye-catching ruffed halter ruffed white dress

Many younger males stopped to see the two interact. Tsubaki, known for her talents and sister to Doumyouji Tsukasa, was a stunning-looking 25-year-old. Whereas, Shigeru was a boisterous but cute and adventurous girl. She was known to be one of the only three women Tsukasa feared among Tsukushi and Tsubaki. The two were attracting the limelight at the corridor of Eitoku and they knew it.

”Let’s go before the boys start drooling!” Tsubaki teased loudly enough for the several boys surrounding them to hear.

Shigeru laughed as they stepped into a navy Mercedes Benz at the school gates.
********************************************************************************************
 

Tsukushi was playing a simple violin piece composed by Rui when Rui said, “Let’s stop. I’m hungry. I have to eat.”

Tsukushi raised her eyebrow as she put away the instrument.

”Eat. That’s what’s always on your mind. I wanna see Shizuka.”

”Why?” Rui’s voice dropped to a lower octave.

Tsukushi could see he didn’t like talking about her. Nevertheless, she continued.

“I just do. I’m afraid she’d pass away without me seeing her again,” there, Tsukushi said it loud and blunt.

Rui cocked his head and went to fetch Tsukushi’s wheelchair from the corner of the room.

”That reminds me, where’s Makino Minu?”

”Mum? She just called. She was attending a meeting with Reiko. She’s been pretty busy,”

”Let’s go,” said Rui as he lifted me up into the wheelchair.

Tsukushi blushed a slight red.
*
”We’re here to see Shizuka.” Rui said to a man – a gajin – at the door.

“You are?”

”We’re her friends; Makino Tsukushi and Hanazawa Rui,”

”Oh, Hanazawa Rui, the son of the famous entrepreneur, Hanazawa Haru! Such a pleasure. Makino Tsukushi, the daughter of late business man, Makino Tsukuye! I’m Jason.”

”Jason, Shizuka’s husband.”

Jason nodded.

“Shizuka,’ Rui said pointedly.

“Oh, yea.”
*
Shizuka was having her tea when Tsukushi and Rui stepped into the beautifully adorned master bedroom.

“Rui! Tsukushi!”

Tsukushi smiled her hello as she watched Shizuka. Her face was rosier but she was still skinny. Although she had a terminal cancer, her face was still that beautiful. Although Tsukushi who was no ugly duckling felt she couldn’t compare with the world-renowned model, Toudou Shizuka. Yet, she could feel her heart bleeding for Shizuka.

“Tsukushi insisted on coming here.”

”Really?” for the first time, Tsukushi saw Shizuka’s eyes light up in anticipation.”

”I guess ya two have a lot to catch up with. I’ll make a move first. Also, don’t worry, I’ll be waiting outside.” Rui said quietly.

Tsukushi smiled gratefully at the lanky 181cm walk out of the door.

“So, how are things going with Rui?” Shizuka asked.

“We’re friends.” Tsukushi answered awkwardly.

“No way!”

“it’s true!”

”You must be the one holding back!” Shizuka teased lightly.

Tsukushi blushed.

”So… how’s your husband?” She asked in attempt to change the subject.

“Jason? He’s okay I guess?”

”Okay? Don’t you love him?”

”You’re very forgetful, Tsukushi. My parents had arranged my marriage.” All of a sudden, Shizuka’s voice was filled with sorrow.

“Oh,” Tsukushi didn’t know what to say. She knew that pre-arranged marriage was common with rich families. She wondered if Rui had an arranged marriage he didn’t know about.

“Oh, don’t worry, Rui’s mother doesn’t believe in match-making. It’s only his father that does but I believe Rui’s mother is more influential…” Shizuka said, reading her mind.

“Oh, I won’t. I won’t disturb you any more. Besides, my physical therapy is starting soon. I have to go,”

Shizuka’s downcast face saddened Tsukushi and she was half tempted to stay here that whole afternoon when Rui called, “Tsukushi! Therapy!”

“Shizuka, just hold on. We’ll be praying for you,” Tsukushi said before turning to go.

”Rui really loves you. Give him a chance,” Shizuka said as she gave a sad smile.

Tsukushi just waved.
********************************************************************************************
 

-Based On Tsukushi’s POV-

It had been five days since I visited Shizuka. Her last words kept ringing in my head. Yea, I knew Rui loved me. Lots of people did. I knew that whatever choice I made, I would eventually hurt someone, sometime. I stared at the diary Rui had bought for me two weeks ago. I was half-tempted to pick up a pen and pour my deepest feelings, soul, into this book but, I for starters, didn’t know what to write. First, there was this constant paranoia that someone would find and read my book, my thoughts. If this book got into anyone’s, I mean anyone, hands, I could heard someone seriously. Still, I thought against it and opened my drawer. I took out a fountain pen. It was the last gift I had received from my father before his demise. Carved beautifully on the pen were the initials: M.T. representing his name, Makino Tsukuye.

Opening the elegant but slim book, I penned down the days happenings. Every now and then, I added some of my thoughts. Some which I guess are not good. But nothing held me back. Nothing. Everything I passed through, everything I felt at that particular moment was captured. Captured to be penned in this book. Imprinted in my mind. A fresh memory. Word by word, I painstakingly printed all of them on the thin lines. My hand was aching. I had written a total amount of seven pages. I read and re-read the entry. When I felt satisfied, I closed the book and tucked it in the safety of my drawer.

Then, I face my left leg. A cast had been placed around it to make sure I didn’t bend the leg. Or else, it could result in permanent damage. Just then, my cellular phone vibrated.

“Tsukushi,” I greeted.

“Hey,” a low voice called out.

“Kin! I almost forgot about you…”

”I heard bout the accident. Melissa… She’s gone?”

”Yea…” I felt my mood drop drastically.

“You? How bout you?” Kin asked, voice full of concern.

“Just a few weeks more of recuperating and I’ll be ready to go,” I joked light-heartedly.

“No, I’m serious. I have decided to give you a month of paid-leave. You just have to promise me something though. Relax. Cause- “

I cut Kin off.

”I have school. I don’t know how I’m gonna manage.” I said.

“What? You went back to Eitoku?” Kin practically shrieked.

“Hey, don’t get so worked up! Maybe I could work part-time though,” I suggested.

“You’d better. I don’t wanna lose a first hand model,” she said gruffly.

“Me? First hand? Wow, I’m flattered.”

I was kind of surprised as Kin was usually stingy with compliments… After a few more minutes of conversation, I hung up. I went back to my brooding. There was still the painful choice of Tsukasa and Rui. I wanted it to be the last time I ever thought about that issue.
*
Tsukasa entered my room.

“You rang?” he asked.

“Yea… I just… wanna talk.”

”You realize that all this while I still do love you?” He asked composedly.

“I do. It’s just that, I have many conflicts of interests.” I said downheartedly. “so many that I don’t know what to do, what to choose.”

”Oh,”

”Is that all you have to say? I mean….” I let my words trail off. We both knew that if I didn’t, I might say something I would regret for the rest of my life.

“Oh, by the way, heard Rui’s teaching you how to play the violin,” Tsukasa abruptly changed the subject.

“You heard? Oh, Soujiro?”

”Yea… he bided US$9,900 for a classic violin. I think that’s for you.”

”Me?” I was shocked. Soujiro was not one to go around gifts to me. Especially violins.

“Yea. We were at a charity auction/party. So, he bided.”

”That’s cool,”

”Are you ever gonna forgive me?” Tsukasa interrupted.

“What do you mean?” I lied.

“Don’t lie. I can tell. Ever since you came back, it’s like I’ve been officially out of your life.”

”I didn’t plan for it to be like that,” I muttered.

“What do you mean by saying that?” he’s voice dangerously low.

“Get real will you? It’s now everyday I get picked off the street to get humiliated by some person.”

”I didn’t know you bear grudges,”

I didn’t know too. It was only then I knew I still had a sore spot. A spot where no one could reach. A spot where no one could help me to heal it. No one.
*
A candy-striper stepped into my room, in her hands, a plate of spaghetti.

”Makino-sempai, lunch!” she said in a high falsetto.

Just then, Rui stepped into the room. He motioned to the bag in his hands. I knew what was coming.

“No need to worry, I will provide her with some food. I don’t think she’s used to this type of food.” Rui said, startling the young nurse.

”Hanazawa-san! Sorry, I will leave now,” the nurse hurriedly took to her heels.

”Rui! You have just the best timing!” I playfully swatted him on the arm.

”I’m Rui, aren’t l?”

He proceeded to take out a packet of dried noodle.

”Han’s?” I squealed.

“Yea… I drove all the way there. For you,”

”thanks!” I hugged him.

“This room is too dreary to eat. It makes me so depressed. Let’s go to the garden?” Rui suggested.
“I’m for it,” I shrugged.
*
Sitting on the marble bench in one of the hospital’s many gardens, I felt strangely scared. I had Rui by my side, always there for me. I had my mother, always there as my support. I had my friends. But I didn’t know why.

”I’ll eat your food if you aren’t gonna touch it,” Rui threatened.

”Rui, have you ever wondered what would happen if someone made a wrong choice?” I ignored him.

Rui wiped his mouth.

“What do you mean?” he frowned slightly

“I mean… Where someone makes a decision but later on regrets it for the rest of her life?” I struggled to get those words out.

“You mean namely you?”

Rui had seen through me. Again.

“Yes. What if I was required to make a choice and I made the wrong one?” I felt a tremor of fear go through my body.

”You’re talking about Tsukasa… and me?”

I suddenly felt sobs creep through me. For no reason. I just felt scared. Scared that suddenly, my friends, all my loved ones would desert me.

I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me.

”You’ve been hurt one too many times…” Rui said mournfully.

I replied with a sob.

He stroked my hair.

”Remember. We just take life one step at a time. No rush. No one’s rushing you. We’re always there. Me, your friends,”

He hugged me tighter. I returned the hug.
 

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