It’s just past five when we get back to the office. Tatsumi-san is on his way out as we walk in, and stops. “Everything went all right?” he asks, readjusting his glasses.

“Oh, yeah, it was fine,” I say.

Akimiya nods, looking a little shy. I’m surprised, but then I remember what he said about Tatsumi-san being a little edgy around him. Also to my surprise, I find myself feeling a little sorry for Akimiya. He certainly can’t help what he is, at any rate.

“Is Tsuzuki still in?” I ask.

Tatsumi-san nods with a small smile. “And anxiously awaiting your return, I might add.”

I smile back. “Let me guess; he was worried that I was going to get into trouble.”

“That was the least of his worries,” Tatsumi says calmly. He gives me an appraising look, then Akimiya. “But I think I managed to soothe most of his fears.”

Damn it, Tatsumi-san knows something I don’t. I hate that. And even if Akimiya wasn’t here, I doubt I could read anything from him; Tatsumi-san keeps himself locked down pretty tightly.

“Well, go on,” Akimiya says, and I realize I’m standing around like an idiot. “I’m anxious to meet Tsuzuki.”

Tatsumi-san looks between us, then holds the door open for us.

“Ano . . .” I force myself to speak up. “Was he . . . okay? Last night?”

Tatsumi-san stops, and half-smiles. “He’s certainly been better. But he’s all right, yes.”

“Did anyone . . .?” My voice trails off. I don’t like to mother hen Tsuzuki, and even less do I like feeling stupid. And the patient look that Tatsumi-san is giving me right now is making me feel very stupid indeed.

“He stayed at my place,” Tatsumi-san finally says. “So don’t worry about it.”

I nod in half-relief, half-embarrassment. “Aa. Thanks.”

Tatsumi-san smiles. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” I say, and start weaving my way through the desks towards Watari’s lab, with Akimiya in tow.

Tsuzuki looks up as we enter, and his eyes brighten a little, even if I can’t feel any emotional response from him. I’m not used to reading people from their body language, damn it. “You’re back.” Ah, Tsuzuki, master of stating the obvious. I’m almost ashamed to admit how much I missed him.

“Yeah,” I say. “How’ve you been?” For some reason, I have this urge to go over and give him a hug. Needless to say, I ignore it.

“I’m fine,” Tsuzuki says, and gives Akimiya a questioning look.

“This is Sakamoto Akimiya,” I say. “My new partner. Akimiya, this is Asato Tsuzuki.”

Tsuzuki gives Akimiya his cheerful smile, then shakes his hand. “You two want to go out to dinner? I’m almost done here.”

“Sure,” Akimiya says.

Tsuzuki finishes up his work and we all troop off to Chijou so Tsuzuki can have some pie.

We settle quickly in one of Tsuzuki’s favorite restaurants. Akimiya lingers behind for a minute as we go to the table and I’m fairly sure he did it on purpose. Tsuzuki is a mess of conflicting emotions; I’m almost glad that Akimiya is blocking it out most of the time. I can feel his relief that I’m back, pleasure in my company, and a mingling of relief, fear, jealousy, and guilt directed at Akimiya.

A puzzle, that. Relief that Akimiya is nice, that he and I are getting along well. Fear that I’ll come to care more for Akimiya than for him. The jealousy is obvious, but the guilt a little less so. Is he guilty because he’s jealous? I wonder if he was secretly hoping that Akimiya and I wouldn’t get along well at all, so I would refuse to be his partner.

For all the simplicity in the way he acts, Tsuzuki is a remarkably complex person. I’d like to pin his down and ask him why he’s agonizing over my new partner so much, but Akimiya comes to the table before I can do so.

“So you two were partners for a while?” Akimiya asks, sipping his tea. We’re just out for dessert, but Akimiya is apparently very fond of tea.

“Almost two years,” Tsuzuki says with a nod. “Now I’m Watari’s lab rat.” He laughs. It sounds rather forced.

Akimiya also laughs, sounding rather nervous. I’m going to knock their heads together in a minute. “I feel like an intruder, almost.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. This would really be a lot of easier if Tsuzuki and Akimiya could just hit it off and be instant friends or something.

“I’m sure Hisoka doesn’t think so,” Tsuzuki says, trying to smile.

Akimiya doesn’t look so sure. “He cares for you an awful lot, you know,” he says.

Wonderful. My cheeks are a brilliant shade of stop sign. I’m going to keel over and die. At least Tsuzuki is blushing, too.

“Of course I know that,” Tsuzuki says, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

Akimiya raises an eyebrow. “Then why are you looking at me like I’m asking to marry your youngest daughter?”

I can’t help it. I let out a rather loud snicker.

Tsuzuki blushes even deeper. “I’m not,” he says uneasily, giving me a look that borders on being dirty. “I have no claim to Hisoka. He was just my partner.”

“There’s no ‘just’ about that,” Akimiya said. “You two were obviously really important to each other, and I don’t want to interfere with that.”

My cheeks are burning. “Akimiya, shut up,” I say. “You’re embarrassing me.”

“Fine,” Akimiya says. “I just wanted to let it be known that Hisoka and I aren’t going to elope.”

I let out another loud snicker. Tsuzuki turns pinker.

“For one thing, I’m straight,” Akimiya adds.

I look at Tsuzuki, having never really thought to wonder about his preferences. I mean, he’s been having enough trouble with Muraki, that I didn’t want to bring up anything that had anything to do with sex. I never really figured mine out either; I was only sixteen when I died. So what does that mean about our future relationship?

Tsuzuki starts looking very flustered. “Hisoka and I aren’t – I mean, it isn’t – we’re not – ” He breaks off and digs into his pie, looking very uneasy.

“I didn’t say you were,” Akimiya says with a shrug, but he has that look which means he thinks he knows better.

“You implied it,” I tell him.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“You did too.” I’ve decided that I don’t care, and take another bite of the small piece of cake I ordered.

Tsuzuki is apparently still very bothered by this; my empathy certainly isn’t necessary to tell me that. I wish I could tell what he was feeling exactly, though.

“Well, sorry,” Akimiya says, sounding unremorseful.

Tsuzuki eats in silence for another five minutes, before pushing his plate aside and saying sullenly that he’s no longer hungry. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him turn down pie before. The three of us leave the restaurant.

“Tsuzuki, do you want me to stay over tonight?” I ask.

“No,” he says curtly.

I hesitate. “Are you sure?” Part of me wants to stay with him very badly. I just got back, and I want to be near him. I’m afraid that my own nightmares will be bad enough, let alone his.

“I’m sure,” he says shortly.

Akimiya winces and gives me an apologetic look. I shrug; it’s not really his fault that Tsuzuki is being ridiculous. Well, perhaps it is, but he was only trying to help.

“All right,” I say, and we go our separate ways.

~~~~~

It’s very warm where I am. I think I’m standing in some sort of field. I think I’m dreaming. I think I’ve had this dream before. I can see Tsuzuki. His eyes are so purple. So beautiful. I never really thought of Tsuzuki as beautiful before. But he is. It’s the eyes. I know why Muraki was so obsessed with him. It’s because he’s so beautiful.

But I can’t see his eyes now, because he’s not looking at me. So I call to him. I love the sound of his name, especially when I say it. I love the way he says my name, too. Does that make me weird? Or sappy?

Tsuzuki, please turn around and look at me. Why won’t he look at me? I’m scared, Tsuzuki. I need you with me. I didn’t want to admit it, but I do. Please look at me. He’s walking away. Why is he walking away? Please, Tsuzuki, don’t leave me here, I’m scared. I couldn’t take it if you left me.

Maybe he doesn’t care about me anymore, maybe he’s afraid I care about him too much, I don’t know how he feels about me and what would I do if he didn’t care about me anymore? What’ll I do if he leaves me? He is leaving me, I can see him walking away and I call, no, I scream, because I don’t want him to leave me.

And finally he turns around to look at me. His eyes are so cold. He doesn’t love me. I can tell just by looking at him that he doesn’t love me and I’m scared, I’m scared because I don’t think I could live without him, I never should have let myself start caring about anyone but I couldn’t help it because he’s so perfect and what am I supposed to do? I can’t just let him walk away but his eyes are so cold that they’re freezing me right through and I’m stuck here rooted to the spot.

So I can only stand there with both arms reaching out to him as he turns and walks away. And gradually my arms fall to my sides. They feel like lead weights. My heart feels like a lead weight in my chest. I think I’m going to cry. Because he’s leaving me. Maybe I’ll skip crying and just crawl into bed and never get up again.

~~~~

I have been pacing back and forth for a half hour, shivering and wearing a track in my carpet. I couldn’t sleep after the dream that I had. I want to go over to Tsuzuki’s, but it’s a long walk when you consider that Tsuzuki probably doesn’t even want to see me. And that makes me want to cry. So I think I will. I sit down in the middle of the floor and cry. I feel like a baby, and I want Tsuzuki. I want him to be near me so badly that it makes it hurt to breathe.

The phone rings. It’s probably Akimiya. He probably knows I had a horrible nightmare and wants to make sure I’m okay. It would be like him. Replacing Tsuzuki without trying to replace him. While trying not to replace him.

Phone. Answer the phone. Can I answer the phone without crying? I’m having a hard time keeping myself together here. Phone. It’s on the fifth ring. I scoop it up. “Kurosaki desu,” I manage.

For a second, there’s nothing. Then a voice says, “I didn’t think you were going to pick up . . .”

“Tsuzuki? Is that you?” I sit down on the floor again, because my knees feel weak. I think I’m going to cry again.

“It’s me,” Tsuzuki says. “I know that I really shouldn’t ask this after how I treated you tonight, but I-I had this dream and . . .”

“I’ll be over as soon as I can,” I say. “Okay?”

“H-Hai,” he says. “Thank you.”

I pull on my shoes and leave.

~~~~

I’m not sure I’ve ever made the walk to Tsuzuki’s so quickly. I don’t run, because I’m still tired after only two hours of sleep. But I walk quickly, because it’s cold and it’s dark and I’m still a little weirded out by the dream. I don’t want to admit that I was scared. So I’m firmly denying it. I have to seem strong for Tsuzuki; he needs me right now.

He’s waiting for me in the front hall, wrapped in a blanket and sipping a mug of cocoa. “Thank you for coming,” he says. His voice is trembling just a tiny bit, so little that someone who didn’t know him very well might not notice. But I notice. So I give him a hug, and he clings to me, and we end up sinking to the floor right there in the cold hallway.

Tsuzuki is crying. I think I am too. He’s talking, but it’s kind of hard to understand what he’s saying. I think he’s apologizing. Yes. That’s it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so awful to you at dinner but I don’t want Akimiya to take you away from me . . .” He sniffles, wiping his eyes. “I never feel like myself these days,” he finally manages.

I reach up and brush the tears off his cheeks. “How much of yourself did we ever see anyway?” I ask. I’m well aware that the way Tsuzuki acted when I first met him was at least half an act.

“I don’t know.” Tsuzuki rests his head on my shoulder. “I just hate feeling so weak all the time.”

“You’re not weak.” I hug him tighter. “You’ve just been having a hard time. That’s all.”

“But the way I treated you tonight . . .”

“Shh. I understand.” I understand better than anyone. “C’mon, let’s go upstairs.”

Tsuzuki lets me help him up the stairs and into his bedroom. It feels like forever and a day since I’ve been there. I sit him down on the bed and plop down next to him, pulling him into my arms again. He nestles right into them, apparently having given up on all semblance of dignity. I wish I could stay with him all night, but I can’t risk it. I’d hate to think what kind of dreams I would have.

But for some reason I just can’t bear to let him go, so I sit there, awake, all night long, holding him and letting him sleep peacefully. He doesn’t have any more nightmares while I’m there, and that makes it worth it.

~~~~~

By the time this great lump named Tsuzuki hauls himself out of bed the next morning, I’m already up, showered, and dressed. I also have breakfast ready. Tsuzuki proclaims his undying love for me, which makes me blush, and digs in. He was always fond of Western food, and pancakes are far easier than most Japanese dishes.

I was up all night thinking about what Akimiya had said. No matter how much he tried to deny it, he implied – very heavily – that Tsuzuki and I were a couple of romantic inclination. I won’t lie and say I’d never thought about Tsuzuki that way; it had occurred to me a couple times. But given what we’ve both been through, a romance never seemed . . . well, practical.

I decide to try to clear the air a little bit. “Um . . . about yesterday . . .”

Tsuzuki stops eating and looks vaguely uncomfortable.

“I’m sure Akimiya didn’t mean to imply anything about . . . about us,” I say quickly. “He was just trying to help. Because you seemed awfully nervous. I mean . . . I don’t know what I mean.” Him, nervous? I’m so nervous that my face is turning scarlet. Damn blush reflex will be the death of me yet. “Never mind.”

Tsuzuki laughs uneasily. “Don’t worry about it, Hisoka. Akimiya just hasn’t known us very long. We’re pretty easy to misunderstand.”

I feel an odd sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach, as if it’s trying to reach my shoes. I don’t know why. That should be exactly what I wanted to hear, right? Akimiya was wrong, but it wasn’t my fault, and Tsuzuki isn’t mad at me. So why does it feel like my heart is breaking?

“Thanks for staying last night,” he says quietly, into the silence. “Why didn’t you go to sleep?”

“Well, because I couldn’t if we were in the same bed,” I say, trying to keep a matter-of-fact tone of voice. I don’t add the bit about how I didn’t want to let him go. He can infer whatever he wants.

Unfortunately, the dimwit chooses to plow onward. “So why didn’t you move?”

“Because I figured that if I stayed with you, you wouldn’t have any more nightmares.” Not the entire truth, but as close as I can come without betraying myself. Tsuzuki obviously doesn’t want any relationship of that sort with me, so it’s better to act like I don’t want one either. And maybe, while I’m doing so, I’ll figure out whether or not I do want that sort of relationship.

“Oh,” Tsuzuki says.

Without much other discussion, we finish eating and get ready for work. He’s started his normal light chatter again. I listen without enthusiasm. I feel kind of dull inside. It’s a similar feeling to being dead, if that makes any sense. Or maybe just emotionally dead. It’s the same way I felt when I thought I had lost him. Just less so.

Akimiya is waiting in the tiny office we now share, after I see Tsuzuki off to Watari’s lab. “I’m sorry about last night,” is how he greets me.

I force a smile. “Don’t worry about it. I know you were only trying to help. And anyway, Tsuzuki and I talked it over this morning and everything’s fine now.” Right. I’ll just keep telling myself that. Everything is completely, totally fine. I don’t feel like I’m dead all over again. Actually, come to think of it, I felt this way most of my life, too. Cut off and abandoned.

Akimiya gives me a steady look. “Fine for him or fine for you?”

Damn the man. No one is allowed to be that perceptive; I don’t care who they are. “It’s fine,” I say firmly, between ground teeth.

“I hope so,” Akimiya says, and tosses me a folder. “Because we’ve got another job. We’ll probably be gone at least a week.”

Great. Must remember not to punch him. “Oh,” I say, looking through the folder. Wonderful. Death, mayhem, and destruction. So what else is new. I put the folder down. “Well, let’s go.”

“You don’t want to say goodbye?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Akimiya, shut the hell up. I know what I’m doing.” I’m in such a bad mood. I’m going to hit him. I really am. Or start crying. I’m not sure which.

“If you say so.”

The two of us leave the office and I nearly walk right into Tatsumi-san. “Are you two leaving already?” he asks. “We haven’t even had the staff meeting about the case yet.”

“It’s all in the folder, right?” Staff meeting means seeing Tsuzuki, and I don’t want to see Tsuzuki. Not when I’m this depressed. I’d probably end up crying on his shoulder and spilling everything. There are certain things I don’t really want him knowing; he’s too hurt right now for me to make it worse.

“Well, yes.” Tatsumi-san looks concerned, to say the least.

“Then we’ll be fine.”

He is completely unconvinced. I can tell. Fortunately for me, Tatsumi-san is never one for prying. “All right. Let us know if you need anything.”

I mumble something that Tatsumi-san will probably assume is a thank you, and Akimiya and I set off for Chijou.

Safely out of Tsuzuki’s reach, we sit down in a café while I look over the folder. A classic haunted house. Interesting. Except the children who keep going to look at it keep either disappearing or turning up in rather bad condition afterwards. Even more interesting. And – this sets my hair on end – most of the older ones have been raped as well.

“What happened between you and Tsuzuki?”

I’m so busy lost in some less than pleasant memories that Akimiya takes me entirely off guard and I jump. “Huh?”

He repeats himself.

“Oh, nothing. It turned out he had a nightmare and I went over to stay with him.”

“You look tired.”

“I didn’t sleep.” I take a sip of my tea. “If Tsuzuki and I touch when we sleep, I get sucked into his nightmares. So I had to stay awake all night so I could be near him.”

“Then why are you looking like your dog just died?” Akimiya asks.

I sigh. “Akimiya, have you ever heard of a little thing called tact?”

“Yes, and you don’t possess an ounce of it either. Now answer my question.”

I roll my eyes. “Nothing. What I said earlier. We discussed what you had said at dinner, and it’s fine now. He misunderstood you. Or maybe you misunderstood us.”

Akimiya is giving me a close look. “It must be the former, because I’m fairly certain I didn’t misunderstand either of you.”

I should’ve talked this over with Tatsumi-san. He would’ve been far more comforting. And saying that Tatsumi-san is more comforting than someone else is saying a lot. “Tsuzuki and I are not a romantic couple.”

“I know. And that’s why you’re so depressed.”

I raise an eyebrow. “What makes you think that?”

“Because I’m guessing that you and Tsuzuki discussed what I had said, and he brushed it off like it had never occurred to him.”

He’s right. I hate him.

“And because you want to be part of a romantic relationship with him, the way he did this hurt you.”

“You see a lot in those damn dreams of yours,” I snap.

“Give me a break. I saw all this between you at dinner last night.”

“I’m glad you’re that perceptive. It’ll be a great help on the cases.”

Akimiya sighs. “I’m trying to help.”

“By making Tsuzuki become terrified of me?” I ask. “He doesn’t want romance. Not with what happened to him. And I don’t either!” I fume into my tea.

Akimiya gives me a long, steady look. “You’re in love with him.”

I choke on my tea. “I’m what?!”

“You heard me. You’re in love with him. Desperately. Hopelessly. You love him so much you don’t know what to do with yourself. And he loves you too. He just doesn’t know it yet.”

I’m turning bright red, but I can’t resist that comment. I’ll try to deal with the rest of it later. “You really think he does?”

“Of course he does. But as you said, with what he’s been through, he’s not ready for something like that. He has to have time to realize that this won’t blow up in his face like everything else has.”

I take a long drink of my tea, processing this. I’ll need to process it more later, though, because if we don’t get going soon, it’ll be dusk. And I’m not going after dark.

“I’ll think about it,” I promise.

Akimiya rolls his eyes. “From you I expected no better.”

~~~~

I certainly don’t see why anyone would ever want to explore this place. It looks just like any dilapidated old house. According to the file, rumors that it’s haunted have been circulating for years. But it’s only recently that the deaths and disappearances started. About a week and a half ago, to be precise. While Tsuzuki and I were still on vacation.

But I can’t afford to think about Tsuzuki right now. I’ve got enough problems.

I stare up at the house. Right. I can’t feel the emotions in my left thumb, let alone inside. “Akimiya, back off a bit, okay?”

“Sure.” Akimiya walks a good thirty feet away, allowing me to stretch my empathy up towards the house. There’s a lingering residue of pain and fear, but nothing fresh. I’m ninety-nine percent sure that it’s empty.

I beckon to Akimiya and he walks back over. “It’s empty,” I say. “I’m almost positive.”

Even so, I have ofuda in my hand as we walk into the house. The floorboards creak underneath us. Everything is covered in a thick layer of dust. Akimiya sneezes, then whispers an apology. It looks like no one has been here for a very long time.

We walk through the house and see nothing of consequence. I’m at a loss; this is the most likely place to get any sort of information. So we go upstairs, which creak underneath us so loudly that I cling to the banister in case they collapse.

It’s familiar. It doesn’t look familiar. But the feel of it is familiar. “Akimiya,” I say again, and he immediately takes a few steps backwards without my asking. It definitely feels familiar. I follow the whispers of emotion down the hall, with Akimiya trailing behind.

I end up at the door at the end of the hall. Push it open. I’m so nervous that my hands are shaking, but I don’t know why. It feels familiar. It feels wrong.

The room is empty except for a wooden chair and table. There’s something sitting on the table.

A porcelain doll.

My breathing catches in my throat. The world is going that grainy gray that it always seems to when I think Muraki is nearby. That’s what it feels like. This house has Muraki’s feel to it. I want out, and I want out now.

One thing first, though. Tsuzuki and I have always been a game to Muraki. The doll is a clue. He wouldn’t have left it otherwise. We’d better take it with us. Maybe we could hold it for ransom.

Akimiya is still a good bit behind me. I’ll just grab the doll and go.

It’s pretty. Golden curls and a purple dress. Bright blue eyes. There’s a crack running through one of her cheeks. Repaired. Muraki and his dolls.

I reach out and scoop it up. The dress slips downward and I notice something odd. Red on its neck. My hands are shaking even harder now. I pull the dress further down and see the marks, then pull it off completely. The doll has a set of red marks on its chest. Identical to the ones on mine. The curse. The doll is cursed.

I drop it, but it’s already too late. There’s pain running through every vein in my body, like there’s hot metal in them instead of blood. I’m screaming. I know I’m screaming but I can’t hear myself. All I can hear is the pounding of my heart.

Then, very faintly, I see the floor rushing up to meet me. By the time I meet it, everything is dark.