Gross Songs - Part 1

Table of Contents

• My Dead Dog Rover
• My Bonnie
• Mom, Wash My Underware
• Underware
• He Ain't Gonna Climb No More
• Baby Bumble Bee
• Chicken Lips and Lizard Hips
• Where Will You Be

My Dead Dog Rover

Tune: "I'm Looking Over a Four-leaf Clover"

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover,
That I over-ran with the mower.
One leg is missing the other is gone.
The third one is scattered all over the lawn.
No need explaining the one remaining
It's splattered on the kitchen door.
I'm looking over my dead dog rover,
that I over-ran with the mower.

Another verse

I'm looking over
My dead dog Rover
That I overlooked before
One leg is broken, the other is maimed,
The third I ran over with my CoCo Puff train.
No use explaining,
The parts remaining,
They're mangled beyond repair.
I'm looking over
My dead Dog Rover
That I overlooked, (Big finish)
That I overlooked,
That I overlooked before.

Tune: "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean"

My Bonnie leaned over the gas tank,
The height of its contents to see.
I lit up a match to assist her,
Oh bring back my Bonnie to me.

( Chorus )
Bing back, bring back,
Bring back my Bonnie to me, to me...
Bring back, bring back,
bring back my bonnie to me

Last night as I lay on my pillow,
Last night as I lay on my bed,
I stuck my feet out of the window,
Next morning my neighbors were dead.

(chorus with bring back my neighbors to me)

My Bonnie has tuberculosis,
My Bonnie has only one lung,
My Bonnie can cough up raw oysters'
And roll them around on her tongue.

(chorus: Roll them, roll them, roll them around on her tongue, her tongue...)

My luncheon lies over the ocean,
My breakfast lies over the rail.
My supper lies in great commotion,
Won't someone please bring me a pail.

( chorus: Clams & ice cream don't agree with me, with me..")

Who knows what I had for breakfast?
Who knows what I had for tea?
Who knows what I had for supper?
Just look out the window and see!

Tune: "God Bless America"

Mom, wash my underware, my only pair.
We can find them, and move them,
From the heap by the side of the chair.
To the washer, to the clothesline,
To my backpack, to my rear.
Mom, wash my underware, my only pair.
Mom, wash my underware, my only pair.

Tune: "Over There"

Underware, Underware,
How I itch in my woolen underware.
How I wish I'd gotten a pair of cotton,
So I wouldn't itch everywhere.
BVDs make me sneeze.
When the breeze from the trees
Hits my knees.
Coming over, I'm coming over,
In my gosh darned, itchy, woolen underware.

Tune: "Battle Hymn of the Republic"

Chorus:
Gory, gory, what a heck of a way to die.
Gory, gory what a heck of a way to die.
Gory, gory what a heck of a way to die.
And he ain't gonna climb no more!

Verse 1:
"Will it go around the chockstone?" called the belayer, looking up.
Our hero feebly answered, "Yes," and slowly inched on up.
He was trying to drive a piton when his foothold crumbled out.
Oh he ain't gonna climb no more!

Chorus:

Verse 2:
He slid on down the chimney and he quickly gathered speed.
He shot past the belayer, who's forgot the climber's creed.
An anchor to a piton would've been all he'd ever need.
Oh he ain't gonna climb no more!

Chorus

Verse 3:
The belayer felt the rope pull taught and tried to let it run.
But it jerked him from position and he knew his time had come.
He left the ledge behind him and it shot up toward the sun.
Oh he ain't gonna climb no more!

Chorus

Verse 4:
They sped on down the chimney and they passed the Southern Col.
They had such good exposure that it made a glorious fall.
They slithered o'er a friction pitch and sped on down the wall.
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more.

Chorus

Verse 5:
The medic in the valley watched them through his telescope.
And as they neared the bottom, his eyes grew bright with hope.
For it had been a week or more since the parting of the rope.
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more!

Chorus

Verse 6:
One had a rope around his neck and a piton through his spleen.
An ice-axe in the rucksack had split the other's bean.
The trails of red marked their descent as they neared the slopes of green.
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more.

Chorus

Verse 7:
They hit the ground the sound was "SPLAT" the blood went spurting high.
Their comrades were heard to say, "What a colorful way to die!"
And as they lay there rolling in the welter of their gore.
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more!

Chorus

Verse 8:
There was blood upon the rucksacks, there were brains upon the rope.
Intestines were entwined across the green and grassy slope.
We picked them up in a lunch pail after salvaging the rope.
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more!

Chorus

I'm bringing home a baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommie* be so proud of me?
I'm bringing home a baby bumble bee...
Ouch! It stung me!

I'm squashing up my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommie be so proud of me?
I'm squashing up my baby bumble bee...
Ew! What a mess!

I'm licking up my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommie be so proud of me?
I'm licking up my baby bumble bee...
Ugh! I feel sick!

I'm barfing up my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommie be so proud of me?
I'm barfing up my baby bumble bee...
Oh! Another mess!

I'm mopping up my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommie be so proud of me?
I'm mopping up my baby bumble bee...
Mommie, aren't you proud of me?

* Can be substituted with many other words: Mother, Mama, Daddy, Father, Papa, Grandma, Grammie, Grandpa, Pappy, Auntie, Uncle, etc....

The motions: Usually it is sung in a circle, so you can see everyone doing the motions - a big part of the fun! It is best if everyone is standing, but not necessary.

• Verse 1: Hands are cupped together as if carrying a captured bee. You walk in place and swings hands back and forth as you sing, in time to the music, until you get to the exclamation (Ouch!). Here you stop all movement to emphasize the statement, with an appropriate "unfair of the bee" face. Movement begins again with...

• Verse 2: Hands are mashed together, back and forth in time to the music, as if squashing the bee. Again movement stops with exclamation (Ew!) as hands are looked at with "icky" faces on...Then
• Verse 3: While singing (tricky!) hands are pretended to be licked - keeping the hands flat and moving them with a sweeping motion down in front of the mouth, in time to the music. Movement stops with "Ugh!" as "sick" faces are shown and stomachs are held.
• Verse 4: While still holding stomachs, "bob" up and down from the waist, in time to the music, to simulate barfing. (Oooo, this is fun!) When the "Oh" sounds, "more work" faces are worn.
• Verse 5: With "mops" in hand, scrub the floor in time to the music. When the "Mommie" is reached, "mops" are held upright and to the side (like the pitchfork in the famous painting :]) with the other hand on the hip and the head turned a little on its side.

Tune: Old Dunderbeck Scout variation:

Oh, when I was a camper, I never liked to eat;
the cook'd put things upon my plate, I'd dump them on his feet;
but then one day he made this soup, I ate it all in bed;
I asked him what he'd put in it, and this is what he said.

Chorus: Oh, chicken lips and lizard hips and alligator eyes;
monkey legs and buzzard eggs and salamander thighs;
rabbit ears and camel rears and tasty toenail pies;
stir them all together, it's called the cook's surprise.

I went into the bathroom and stood beside the sink;
I said I'm feeling slightly ill, I think I'd like a drink;
The cook he said, "I've just the thing, I'll get it in a wink;
it's full of lots of protein, and vitamins I think."

Chorus

If you ever see a hearse go by,
Do you ever think you're going to die.

Chorus:
OOH OOH OOH OOH where will you be in a hundred years from now.
They wrap you up in a crisp white sheet,
And tuck in the corners all nice and neat.

They put you into a wooden box,
And cover you over with earth and rocks.
The worms crawl in and the worms crawl out,
They crawl in thin and they crawl out stout.
Your teeth fall in and your eyes pop out,
Your brains come trickling down your snout

Chorus

OOH OOH OOH OOH where will you be in a hundred years from now.
(PAUSE)
DEAD!!!!!!!!!

The song is best song in a low pitched soft voice to give the required effect. The OOH descend in a scale like fashion and make the DEAD!!! sound really unpleasant for maximum effect.