NICOLE had made me a Christmas card in school and had just given it to me to read. She leaves me "I love you" notes everyday on the keyboard of my computer. So after reading the card which made me very happy and proud of her because it would have put Hallmark to shame. Anyway, my wife who is sitting on the couch turns to Nicole and asks, "Why does Dad get all the notes and I never get any?" Without missing a beat, Nicole turns to her and says, "THAT'S COZ YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY "YES"."
A few days later Nicole is down in the basement playing with her cousin Chelsea. Instead of going up the 2 floors to ask, she calls mom on the phone to see if its OK for her to be down there and if she could continue to play downstairs. My sister Joan is listening to Nicole on the phone and tells me this is what Nicole's reply to mommy is.... (covering up the mouth piece on the phone) "SHE SAID YES!!!!"......" (pulls her hand from mouthpiece) "SEE now was that so hard?"

NICOLE; after telling me what she had for lunch; "I don't like broccoli! It makes me fart!

NICOLE; upon sitting on my lap."I got a wedgie"!

NICOLE; after bringing her to work with me, after the cook in the kitchen tells her "be careful honey I don't want you yo get hurt" She replies "I'm not your honey....YOU CALL ME NICOLE"

My Daughter Nicole saw me and Didi kiss and say EEEEEEEWWWWWW! She then smacked my wife in the butt and said "HEY THAT"S MY DADDY!"

Nicole: Upon spotting a nun while sitting on the bus"Daddy, you see that lady with that thing on her head(a habit)she's a "Godmother""

Me and Nicole went for a walk, It was a really nice day. She asked me to pick her up and put her on her shoulders. she was looking at all the budding flowers then noticed the leaves beginning to sprout on the trees, "LOOK AT ALL THE BROCCOLIES"

SABRINA: While shopping for stocking stuffers just before Christmas was driving my wife crazy in the toys aisle. "Mom can I get this? How about this? Mommy look! Oooh I need this. Hey mom can I get this? I just love it! Please mom!....Well after several thousand refusals from the Queen of the household Sabrina tried to back door my wife. By that I mean showing a little interest in something for mommy so that she'd be able to get something! After sneaking to next aisle of feminine hygiene products...returns with a box of Tampax fem. napkins. "Hey Mom! D'you need this? then patting herself in the crotch..."for right here? For your "boo boo""?




I remember my aunt telling a story about my cousin Mike of when he was a kid playing in the backyard.....Seems he pulled two 2x4s out of the tool shed and layed them down on the grass in the shape of a cross. Then proceeded to lie on them, arms outstretched and legs crossed. Looking out her kitchen window in disbelief she screamed at him, "Are you making fun of the Lord"? He quipped with razor sharp precision,"No! One of the guys who died with Him".



And not just my kids....
This was e-mailed to me (by whom, I forget) This is more embarrassing for my mother than for me because I wasn't quite four years old when it happened. My mother taught me to read when I was 3 years old (her first mistake). One day I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet door was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping napkins in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts she told me that those were for special occasions. Now fast forward a few months. It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for Dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. You guessed it! When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge. My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!

Other Quotes You Peaple have e-mailed me, And if you'd like to pass one on to me.. EMAIL ME rayjaytoday@yahoo.com SUBJECT = KIDS QUOTES




KAYREY's 2 yr. old son asked his mommy who was playing the football game on tv? Kay tells him Miami vs Greenbay and that she was rooting for Miami. when she asked who he wanted to win, he replied i want your Ami to win too!

IBUGAP98 related her 12 yr old son said "Now that I have pubic hair I can stay up until 10:00pm"

ATTANGA overheard a little one telling a joke...."why did the little boy stare at the can of frozen orange juice? / Because it said "concentrate""

Capmnn's 5 yr old boy in a school graduation play was to say what he wanted to be when he grows up......" I WANT TO BE AN ALIEN"
melanie_37: my lil' neice told sister that her bum burped...when she farted...(betcha didn't know this...huh)

JEH1957 son tells her this everytime he gets into trouble....."I'm a kid! I was told I am to be a kid. And daddy says trouble is my middle name!"
lildarlin2's three yr old son said "Talk to my hands, my ears ain't listening!"

MUSTANG AND USNSEAL emailed me this....:Camryn is our 4 yr old youngest child and usually has some doozies but this 1 was worth sharing with every1. David was asking her why she was wearing 2 shirts in this kind of heat. Camryn starts to reply and adds, "Mommy like the bagina talk we had, u remember?" I told her that talk missed me. She says, "You know the bagina talk, Daddy knows." David now hiding under his pillow. I repeated to her that i had no idea what she was talking about. Camryn continues, "MOM! Remember, when u put heat in it, it tastes good!" "Camryn, what is a bagina?" She replies, "You know, it has lines, and it's long, u eat it." It then hit me that we had LASAGNA the other night, which was the first time Camryn had ever seen it. So now upon explaining both things to her...Camryn, went to take a bath needing to wash her lasagna. (When Camryn was first asked what she thought LASAGNA was, she told us that it was a dog from Africa, David decided to let her know what it really was by having it 4 dinner.) We thought it was hysterical.

Sometimes it's not what kids say but how they say it,for instance, Too_Old_For_This's kid says "LASTMORROW" which means yesterday!?

J_u_l_e_s emailed: I do have a couple good ones from my son, Nathan; My aunt came to visit about a month ago. We decided to eat at a Chinese buffet. The waiter informed us that Nathan, my son, would be free.Alex, my daughter, would be half price. Later during dinner, my aunt said, "Well, isn't it great?! Good food, and Nathan is free!" My son, lookingdisgusted, glanced at my aunt and said, "I'm not free! I'M FOUR!!!" One day, while my son and I were outside, he was squirming around,whining. I asked him what was wrong. He told me, "My butt is eating my pants!!"It was then I noticed his wedgie...........

IBCRAZY2 relates: "I took my kids all 3 of them to the children's museum this weekend. The parking is screwed up so we took a shuttle bus to the museum. Curtis my 10 year old is sitting next to me facing the seat across. These two girls...19-20ish get on the bus and they sit down opposite us. I have Alyssa on my lap so I'm not paying much attention. I say something to Curtis and he doesn't answer me. So I look over to see what he is looking at so intently. The first girl has on a mini with a well-trimmed bush no panties and is fully exposed. The second girl has on a loose fitting top and her tits are exposed. So I reach over and cover Curtis' eyes with my hand. The man setting next to Curtis reaches up and moves my hand. He says shhh don't do that they may notice! They were just chattering away not paying any attention whatsoever. So my mother who happens to be with us says, "Ma'am excuse me"...she says it like 3 times They never respond so she stands up and goes, "YOUNG LADY YOUR TITS ARE HANGING OUT AND I DONT THINK MY 10 YEAR OLD GRANDSON WANTS TO SEE THAT!"" Curtis replies, "OH YES I DO MEMAW!" The whole bus was rolling! I tell Ed the story...his response...the one flickin time I DONT go with you to Houston...." My mom says later, "I wouldn't have minded but she had such nice breasts I was jealous" Then Curtis told his memaw, "Ya shoulda seen the other one!""

FIRSTFLEET tells me : Last year, Olivia, who was then 5 was being very quiet.. which is always suspiscious ... when I went to check on her... she had taken all her clothes off.. and drawn thick black stripes all over her body with an permanent marker I thought I had well hidden... she looked at me with innocent eyes and said... "Look Mum, I'm a zebra".. I could have lived with that, had it not been orientation day at school!!

MRSBUFFALO tells me:When my son MIchael was 6 yrs old, he was Christmas shopping with my mother, he went into his "I want this, I want that" after listening to him "want for more then 20 mins. my mother told him "Michael don't say I want, say, I would like to have" Michael tought about it for a minute and said "Grandma, I would like to have....everything I want."

SKITTER23: my husband taught my 3yr old to say "ohoh better get maaco" when i'm driving!

DFOGGO: Oldest daughter was explaining to me that her teacher (who was 7months pregnant) had been having concussions all day,, I told her that they weren't concussions they were called contractions. My middle childpromptly piped in "Yeah silly, concussions are when you go to the priest toconfess yours sins."
- First year I taught, one of our lessons was on careers & jobs. I was explaining the concept to my 3rd graders, using examples from their own parents & families. We were rolling right along, when one of my angels raised his hand & asked, "And what is your career?"
- Oldest daughter asked me if Catholics believed in ovulation. Havingbeen caught by her before & the fact that she rarely pays attention to thewords she is asking about I asked what context that was in. She said "Oh you know, like people used to be monkeys and then they turned into people."I replied that the Catholics believed in both OVULATION and EVOLUTION.

Sunshine emailed me with these quotes!......

thought this was real cute, hope you enjoy it too!

KIDS' LITTLE INSTRUCTIONS ON LIFE

* "Never trust a dog to watch your food." Patrick, Age 10
* "When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." Matthew, Age 12
* "Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching." Andrew, Age 9
* "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." Rocky, Age 9
* "Sleep in your clothes, so you'll be dressed in the morning." Stephanie, Age 8
* "Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." Rosemary, Age 7
* "Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." Lamar, Age 10
* "Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes." Carrol, Age 9
* "Never bug a pregnant mom." Nicholas, Age 11
* "Don't ever be too full for dessert." Kelly, Age 10
* "When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him." Heather, Age 16
* "Never tell your mom her diet's not working." Michael, Age 14
* "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." Joel, Age 12
* "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." Alyesha, Age 13
* "Never try to baptize a cat." Laura, Age 13
* "Never spit when on a roller coaster." Scott, Age 11
* "Never do pranks at a police station." Sam, Age 10
* "Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." Rob, Age 10
* "Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." Hank, Age 12
* "Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." Molly, Age 11
* "Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." Chelsey, Age 7
* "Stay away from prunes." Randy, Age 9
* "Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. Phillip, Age 13
* "Forget the cake, go for the icing." Cynthia, Age 8
* "Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and grandma's house." Joanne, Age 11


MUSTANG1230 relates:USnSeals daughter about age 2...they wre driving in there car and Amy was noticing the cows in a pasture. She gets real excited... "Daddy, look Moooos!"Daddy says, "Yes Amy, what sound do they make?" Amy replies, "Their just barking and barking."
UsnSeals other daughter...Cyndi...at age 2,Takes Cyndi to Mexico on vacation. In a crowded area and she was standing on seals lap. Cyndi blurts out, "Daddy there's lots and lots of Mexicans!!"
At a picnic Rick's daughter runs up to her father, very upset, justsobbing. Rick asks what is the matterKim says "Jay, called me the (gasps) E word. Seal and Ricky look...huh?"Kim what is the E word?""He called me an eeeediot!" sobs continue...




MRSBUFFALO also relates:When Miss B was 2 (she was very smart even then) she had her friend Missy over(Missy was 3 at the time) I was in the kitchen (on the phone..no chat at that time) and Miss B came running into the room, '"Mommy, Mommy I made an A." I said thats nice dolly, Missy in the mean time is saying come and see what Joei did, come see what Joei did, so after about 10 mins of this I finally hung up to go and see what Joei did, she made an A alright, in red crayon on her new pink walls.....she was a cutie even then. Thanks Ray, it was fun thinking back on those times when they were babies and still needed me. Enjoy your babies,they grow up so fast.

***(note from myself to all with kids; this seems like very good advice as I dread the day my little ones feel they no longer need their daddy. Oh and as we grow older and our memories fade quicker than any respect we had for our president, remember this = camcorders, photos and audio cassette tapes will help preserve and relive these wonderful times. RECORD YOUR KIDS!!!!! and forever keep on loving them, for they are a reflection of you no mirror can provide)
And I would like to thank all of you for sending me their kids quotes for everyone to enjoy!
Say!!! I got 2 more pics of my favorite quote supply!

My daughter Sabrina age 8 yrs


My daughter Nicole age 4yrs.

Ann AKA Zoogie told me ;... Jenna has all those glow in the dark things. Stars, bears, and sheep are all over her walls and ceiling. On the day we were putting them up I was teaching her how to say sheep, baaaa. Jenna is at the age where she will copy anything. LOL. So as I was saying baaa sheep. Jenna turns around with a sheep in her hand and says baaa shit! LOL. The poor thing doesn't know how to say sheep. When she tries to say sheep it's ALWAYS shit or shits. ROFL. Since my mom watches her a lot I didn't want her to think I taught her how to swear. I told my mom I said if Jenna say shit, it's not that she is trying to say sheep. My mom thought it was so cute. Yesterday it was a mother daughter day at the mall. It was just my mom, Jenna, and I shopping. So of course my mom goes " Jenna sheep" and Jenna goes baaa shit. LOL. We're not making a big deal out of it bc we don't want her to know that shit is actually a bad word. Anytime we hear her saying it, we just correct her and try to get her to say it the right way. I admit it is giving us some laughs.


A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move." ______________________________________________

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out. "Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?" ______________________________________________

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'" ______________________________________________

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy." ______________________________________________

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron." ______________________________________________

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said,"Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?" ______________________________________________

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." _____________________________________________

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.



Nicole got a Fireman's hat!







The following are latest pics of Sabrina who just ggraduated from BARBIZON












Now I knew getting into Fatherhood would be fun and being a father would be difficult, but my daughters have me laughing my butt off!!!!!

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