All of the following jokes, or funny things to read were not written by me. If they were written by you, drop me a line if you want credit, or for them to be removed. Aslo, don’t try this at home, or at all. You’ve been warned.
The Bunny And The Snake
Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and
an orphaned snake. As a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was
slithering through the forest, when the bunny trippedover the snake and fell
down, also knocking the snake about quite a bit.
"Oh, my," said the bunny. "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.
You see, I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going, and,
in fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"Quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the sameas
yours, as I am also blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell
you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are,
so at least you'll have that going for you."
"Oh, that would be wonderful," said the bunny. So the snake slithered all
over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, and you have
really long ears, and your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail.
I'd say that you must be a bunny."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you!" cried the bunny in obvious excitement.
"Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and said, "Well, you're scaly and
slimy, and you have a forked tongue and no balls. I'd say you must be an
attorney."
* Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in
Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
* Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
* Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
* Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.
* "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
* Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and
guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to conflict.
* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also
having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into
Joy."
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to
love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
* Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and
listen to our choir practice.
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be
used to cripple children.
* The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and
dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want
remembered.
* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.
* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the
basement on Friday afternoon.
* This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a
blanket and come prepared to sin.
* Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double
door at the side entrance.
* Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
* The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I
Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
|
HOW TO BE ANNOYING |
|
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. |
Chew on pens that you've
borrowed.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play
along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Listen to 33 rpm records at 45 rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is
necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Sing along at the opera.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophesy".
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in
a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't
cricket."
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any
moment.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
ears.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder";"scan" people with
it, announcing
the results.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard
Cossell voice.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Home Page 2 Page3 Page4 Page5 Page6 About Goodly