Charles Band, a devoted H.P. Lovecraft fan, brings us yet another (loose in the loosest of terms) film adaptation of a Lovecraftian work, this one based on the story of the same name. Though this film basically sux, it's no surprise that Band keeps putting out Lovecraft-based films. His entire Empire (or should I say Full Moon... a joke completely lost on those of you who don't know about Band's Empire Pictures... times like this I think I write the jokes just to try and make myself laugh, cuz I'm the only one who gets them) has been based on the works of Lovecraft in one way or another, from his original cult horror classic (and my personal favorite) RE-ANIMATOR to the also amazing FROM BEYOND and a slew of not so successful Lovecraft flicks, Band has depended on the works of the deceased madman/artist to give him ideas and also his name to lure in fans of Lovecraft's literature, if for nothing more than so they can complain about how unlike the stories the films actually are... oh well, they're still paying to see it, right? Unless they're like me and possess the store managers to take free movies, but since there are only a handful of Gods and sideshow hypnotists that can do that, it's likely they coughed up some kind of dough for the viewing experience.

Our film opens with two sisters, about mid-20s, arming themselves to the teeth and bitching about stuff, like sisters tend to do. Suddenly, one of them is dragged into a ventilation shaft, courtesy of one very unsanitary looking claw! Then the credits finally roll and we find that yes, Jeffrey Combs (RE-ANIMATOR and FRIGHTMARE), Ashley Laurence (HELLRAISER and WARLOCK III: END OF INNOCENCE) and Blake Bailey (HEAD OF THE FAMILY) are in the cast! Wahoo! These wahoos will be swiftly silenced though, as we soon find out that not even this b-movie trio is going to save this flick. Small time thief John Martense (Bailey) is released from prison, and immediately pays a visit to Knaggs (Vincent Schiavelli), his dead father's mortician friend. Both men have halves to a map that reveals the location to a certain man's grave site. What's so special about this man? Well, before the guy was buried, John's father stuffed his bloated ass with a corpse load of cash! Specs vowed to John's dad that he would help John find the body and claim his family legacy... though he's about to find out that his family legacy is a little more disturbing than a hefty wad of dinero... boy, I'm an ominous bastard when it comes to foreshadowing! I should right suspense flicks... bah, fuck that, I'm gonna stay right here and watch bad movies and drink cases of Yoo-Hoo till my piss turns green. Anyways, we leave John Boy now and head to meet a few other characters, residents of the cursed town of Leffert's Corner, Dr. Haggis (Combs), a pregnant girl he's stitching up, and Cathy (the sister who survived the opening sequence, played by Laurence). After the mommy to be is fixed up and ready to go, the trio pack their car with a box of dynamite and head on a mission? That mission? Well, with a pregnant woman in tow, I'd have to say they're off to the grocery store to pick up some sardines and sauerkraut ice cream... "Ben and Jerry's" will make anything.

Seriously, the three head to an old abandoned church, where they meet up with two more comrades (including the church's priest, Father Poole) in what turns out to be their personal battle against a clan of subterranean ghouls that have been slowly cutting down the Leffert's Corner population over the last 20 years... and yet, there hasn't been any government action or any news stories or ANYTHING to let anyone outside of the little town know about it... I know people in horror movies are supposed to have the common sense of a bowl of pudding, but an entire town?! Kripes!!! According to some background the priest lays out for us, we learn that the creep-os are the Martense family, an incestual pack of albino cave dwellers who have lived beneath the town for, uhm, a long time. Seems that one of the freaks actually turned out normal, and escaped the clutches of his mutant relatives. In the outside world this abnormal spawn had a son (that would be John) and eventually died in prison. Now, as a complete lack of surprise, it turns out that the corpse John's looking for happens to be buried at the exact graveyard on which the church resides. John's not the only one searching for the cash though, as a trio of claim jumpers follow him, prepared to strike as soon as all the real work is done. As you can guess, in typical NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD fashion, the whole mess of people are soon stuck together in the church, as the unruly "friends" of John have gathered everyone at gunpoint in their mission to find the stashed cash. Meanwhile, they also have to fend off the bug-eyed Martenses, who have come out looking for a family meal following the setting sun. This is so standard I feel my mind being molded into conformity... and it hurts!

It's thanx to the pigmentless, dirt digging, flesh munching freaks though that the good guys manage to get the jump (and the guns) on the villains and the tables are turned... it's a literal "Good, Bad and the Ugly" here folks. The heroes soon lose the upper hand after holding for such a short time, courtesy of John and his genitals, as the female thief seduces him and gets the advantage back for her side. To help deter their hostages from making another attempt at saving themselves, a little crowd control is in order as Dr. Haggis and Father Poole lose their mortgages on life, courtesy of the goon squad. Caught between guns and subterranean fangs, Cathy makes a desperate attempt at survival, with nothing to lose as she gets into a cat fight with the breasted baddy. Then a bunch of explosions go off and crap, I'm really not interested anymore at this point. Eventually it comes down to a face-off between John and his arch-nemesis, the lead goon, as they duke it out in the crypt home of John's family members. John saves Cathy and the still pregnant broad, fending off his relatives with a flaming arm (there need to be more guys in movies swinging flaming, disembodied arms around! I know THIS movie could've benefited far more if there had been). The rotten fruit of John's family tree decide that a flaming arm is too much hassle to deal with, so they let their wayward son go and decide to just make a snack out of the villain instead.

Escaping the catacomb home of the creatures, Cathy decides to finish this once and for all, flooding the tunnels with gasoline and blowing everything into a ghoul barbecue, one big fireball of scorched albinos. This is the one benefit to this film: watching holy ground engulfed in a tidal wave of beautiful fire! There's the "Wahoo!" I've been sorely needing! So, while everything burns, John dares to scare us with the potential for a sequel, as he questions just how far his humanity runs, as deep inside, he's actually one of those monsters... I don't think so John, how about you just go and die somewhere so we can all be happy and feel like something's actually been accomplished here? Then again, someone over at A-Pix must've enjoyed this shit, as the pathetic little release company would produce a very similar (and yet, somehow superior) film we all know and love as BREEDERS. I know, it's not the best movie ever, but it's better than most shit A-Pix puts out, and we have LURKING FEAR to thank for that. In the immortal words of Peg Bundy, "thank the movie, kids". Now, in a disgusted tone ripe with sarcasm, everyone together, "THANX LURKING FEAR!".

If you think this movie sucked (and I know you did), the following year Laurence and Combs would work together on another terrible waste of celluloid, FELONY, which makes her the fourth sad victim of this film, along with Combs, David Warner and Lance Henriksen. As for Joe Don Baker, well, it was just another day for him... As for LURKING FEAR, the acting wasn't bad... which was about the only thing that wasn't. But, I thought Vincent Schiavelli could've been used a little more. He's such a creepy looking guy, I'll always remember him best, not for his Bullet Bob role in BLADE RUNNER, or an Vinovich in LORD OF ILLUSIONS, but as that depraved organ grinder from BATMAN RETURNS! He's just got a sick, trashy appearance that should be used more often, especially in this movie.

Sadly though, no matter how much you could put him in LURKING FEAR, it still would've sucked. A very unoriginal and badly executed story, rehashing the same old formula of people trapped in a house/church/barn, forced to band together against an onslaught of evil, only to wind up fighting each other and dying. Writer and director C. Courtney Joyner has taken his (yes, Courtney 'tis a man) pen to several other Full Moon flicks like PUPPET MASTER III: TOULON'S REVENGE, TRANCERS III: DETH LIVES (which he also directed) and DOCTOR MORDRID, as well as non-Full Moon fare such as CLASS OF 1999, THE OFFSPRING and PRISON. With a track record of hits and misses like that, I can understand how LURKING FEAR could fall flat. It was either destined to crap out or entertain, and unfortunately, it wound up being the first. Joyner's direction isn't too bad here, I mean, it's fairly basic, but not boring. However, if this and TRANCERS III are his best work, then I think he should really stick to the writing. Normally I look beyond the shitty outer layer of Full Moon movies and see the enjoyment within. I don't know why, maybe it's because I feel bad that no one else likes them. Maybe it's because I want to make as much positive hype as possible so they'll make more PUPPET MASTER sequels for me. Or, maybe it's because I genuinely think that Charles Band's little company puts out horror and sci-fi products far superior to the shit spilling out of Hollywood. Whatever the reason, not ONE of them is good enough to make me want to recommend LURKING FEAR. If you're a Jeffrey Combs completist like myself, then yes, watch it once, just so you can say you've seen all his films. Otherwise, just keep LURKING on to a different movie... and live in FEAR... wait... scratch that last sentence...

Sequels: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: BLEEDERS or PRINCE OF DARKNESS