| Monthly Objective |
| This months objective is to be so extreme to the max that people will start calling me "The Guillotine" or "Shredder". What most people do not know about me is that during the night I train amphibians to be ninjas in the subway system. They call me "Shredder" or "The Guillotine". In fact, I was so mad at a guy once that I threatened to give him a knee sandwich. If somebody tried to fuck with me I would go so extreme that I might even pull an ollie on my skateboard, and then do a kick-flip and land it with one foot. All I can say is that fucking with me is pretty dangerous, because I am called "Shredder". If somebody fucked with me I might even take out my tooth brush and brush so vigorously that my gums erode. When they watched that they would know that I am so extreme that I am not even worth fucking with. Especially if they see me walk off alone and watch me "curb" myself by biting the curb and slamming myself in the head with my skateboard and knocking all my teeth out and then doing an ollie on my skull. That will teach them not to fuk with me!!! Past Month's Objectives: I have recently come to realize that it is far too ambitious to engage in a monthly objective. As a result, the monthly objective will now be a quarterly affair. For reasons of pragmatism, it shall still be called the "Monthly Objective". Thus, every quarter I will create and accomplish the objective that I have proclaimed. My objective for this quarter is to begin eating cereal in greater quantities, and to reduce my milk intake. Though I fear the inevitable parchy dryness that will ensue, I have decided that it is a risk I am willing to take. Captain Crunch will have to be minimized if not eliminated from my diet, as it is renowned for its mouth tearing properties even when highly saturated in liquid milk. Rice Crispies offer a less damaging alternative, but fail in their ability to fill the stomach when hungry. Of course, there is always the possibility of eating my cereal from a siv. By siv I mean a strainer, as opposed to the lentivirus that causes a disease in monkeys similar to AIDS and that is closely related to HIV-2 of humans also called simian immunodeficiency virus. By eating from a siv, I could more easily saturate the 'said' cereal with milk and avoid its deleterious affects. As an added bonus, people would likely assume that I urinate myself regularly, as opposed to eating though a siv, thus futher contributing to my already detested presence in society. *note: "quarter" describes one fourth of the period between Cricket World Cups *note: the meaning of the word "pragmatism" may or may not be understood by contributor. This months objective is evil and sinister, but in a good way. It is my plan to reap havok on society around me through a series of diabolical involvements the likes of which the world has probably already seen, but will be forced to see again. These involvements involve many things, and are hence called involverments. |
 |