LOCATION: Vancouver, British Columbia
ARENA: West Van Arena
DATE: Sunday, December 15, 2002
  • IMMUNITY MAIN EVENT: 16-Man Unethical Tournament
  • If you lose you advance in the tournament. But this is a bad thing. If you advance all the way to the finals that means that you lost all your matches. So who ever advances to the finals and loses their match in the finals is kicked out. Re-read that if necessary.
  • We make up the brackets
"Unethical Madness"

(The UWA Survivor 2 is at hand, and Hank Atoms, head camera man and his respectable crew disperse throughout the arena to find some UWA Superstars.)

(What luck, Jay Styles is entering the arena through a side door and the camera rushes up to him. Jay turns to the Camera and prepares to speak when none other Tommy “Bruiser” Bradley approaches him and puts his arm around him.)

Bruiser: Hey, you’re Jay Styles right?
Styles: (Does a little jig) None other baby! Hey, you’re Tommy Bradley!
Bruiser: Who is your first round opponent today?
Styles: That two-bit hack Copeland. How did he get into this in his state. Pathetic. Purely Pathetic.
Bruiser: Yeah, I agree. Hey, me and some of the other alternates have you picked as the dark horse of winning this UWA Survivor 2 thing. I mean look at you. You keep your mouth shut at all times and you will never upset any of the other guys that way.
Styles: Yeah, I haven’t said one word for the whole thing yet.
Bruiser:(Shakes his head and smiles)Come with me, I’ll show you the chart we created for the tournament.

(The two walk away and the camera man leaves the scene at that. Ah, new friendships all around.)

(Village Idiot, Lou Carbo, and “Sensational” Jason Ross are backstage getting ready for unethical tournament action, and Paul Duffy walks by. Ross, and Duffy stare at each other and Village Idiot begins to quiver. Carbo just slaps his 2 x 4 on his open palm and shakes his head menacingly. Duffy just walks on the the words… “See you tonight can be heard.”)

(Hogan and Deverot are in their dressing room and there is a knock at the door. Pain Epress walks in to the cheers of the fans. Express and Deverot eye up and stare at each other. Pain Express plainly extends his hand and Deverot seems somewhat confused. Deverot stares at the hand, and they shake. As the shake continues, it gets progressively more aggressive. Deverot and Pain Express are trying to out-squeeze each other’s hands, when Hardcore Hogan steps between the two.)

Hogan: Listen dudes, we’re all legends here. Me and all the Harcore Hulkamaniacs want to see the golden oldies go out and perform on the highest level of wrestling action. Deverot, Pain Express, we’re all on different teams, but we can use our experience to carry us farther dudes.

(Dark Avenger storms in through the open door and slaps Hogan across the face with his Satanic book of Worship. Hogan just stares wide eyed and begins to shake his head and his moustache and stringable cheese hair begin to flail about. Dark Avenger goes to hit Hogan again, but Hogan blocks. Dark Avenger goes to hit him again, but Hogan blocks! Hogan fires back with a right of his own and Dark Avenger stumbles back. Hogan steps forward and plows Dark Avenger out of the room with his patented BIG boot!)

(Outside the dressing room, Chris “The Mad” Bomber is walking by and Dark Avenger tumbles out of the room and crashes into him! Bomber shoves Avenger and tells him to watch where he’s walking, then fires a shot of his own and Dark Avenger, just takes it. Bomber just shrugs and keeps walking as Pain Express seems to be tossed from the room and the door is slammed. Pain Express rubs his chest and walks away. Dark Avenger just stares at the closed locker room door containing the “Big Show” and Hardcore Hogan.)

(Creighton Duke standing outside Party Central. He knocks at the door. After a bit of commotion on the inside the door cracks open. A cloud of smoke leaves the room after a moment the Hooligan slipping through the door, keeping it as shut as he can as if to be hiding something.)

HH: What's up Duke man?
CD: Well Mr. Damage I came to ask you a few questions. Do you mind?
HH: Shoot.
CD: Well we've heard a bit from you here in there about what you intend to do in this match, yet there are a few things left unanswered...
HH: Like what? I'm gonna put that Idiot outta business...Simple as that.
CD: Yes but what are your thoughts about the matches involving your teammates?
HH: Haven't given it much thought...I know the President's picked my team, but that don't mean I gotta think of em as such...I figured tonight would be the night to decide who my friends are really gonna be...My end is covered...They better cover their's if they wanna be my partners.
CD: Well Mr. Damage forgive me for saying so but you aren't a one man army...Even though you were the Runner-Up last ye...

(He's cut off as The Hooligan grabs him up by the collar swinging him around and smacking his back into the door of Party Central. He then pulls Creighton Duke very close, to look at him eye to eye.)

HH: I wouldn't call me that again...

(With that he sneers, shoving the Duke aside and rippin open the door, steppin inside with a growl. The camera shot picks up a glimpse of another person in the room before the door is slammed shut.)

(Triple K, drunk and wandering, finds Chainsaw Masaca and they begin to talk.)

Triple K: Chainsaw Masaca, you are pulling the Main Event tonight, but I’m gonna show the people how to really destroy a man. You dig?
Masaca: I dig Klyde. I think people underestimate our teams power because they think we are disfunctional, but I think that will be our advantage--
Mystery Person: Is that a fact you piece of shit.

(The two turn in shock as they ever cocky Dynamite Newton is standing there, leaning against the wall enjoying a smoke.)

Masaca: Hey screw you man, don’t get me mad, or I’ll explode.
Newton: Yeah, get your act together or you will implode against the likes of Evan Drexxler.
Triple K: You talk pretty tough little man. Why don’t you step over here so I can put you in a wheel chair before your match.
Newton: Umm, I’d rather not Little Miss. I need to be in great shape to defeat the power of Cliff Knight.
Cliff Knight: (steps from another corridor near the other three.)That’s right Newton. Save every last drop of power because without it, you will be a tune-up for the next event.
Newton: Hey Knight, back up and reasses this situation, you aren’t giving me enough credit and you will pay for that.
Knight: Whatever, see you in the ring…. Little Miss.

(The last man to be seen before the show starts is Chris Copeland. Hank Atoms heard someone talking –seemingly to himself- in the bathroom. Being the crafty, nosey journalist he was, he crept up to the bathroom and spied on Copeland leaning over a sink staring at himself in the mirror. It would appear Copeland is giving himself a pep talk.)

Copeland: Okay Chris, it’s time to get your shit together and focus.. Need to focus. Jay Styles is your task at hand. (Copeland leans over the sink and vomits. He wipes his chin and continues.) Phew, alright. Cope. You are teamed up with a bunch of tough guys, make it work to your advantage…. Christ. How am I gonna win in my condition…?

(Pyro’s explode and the show begins! Camera flow all over the fans who are roaring to see the first half of the Unethical Tournament unfold before their very eyes!)

(Another camera switches over to Rudolph and Jimmy who are waiting eagrly to lay down their comments:)

Rudolph: Welcome everyone to the opening show for UWA Survivor II! I am Rudolph Wittacher and with me as always is Jimmy Valentine!
Jimmy: Are you excited Rudolph!? I nearly shit my pants on the way to the booth! Alright, let’s run the matches down for you!
Rudolph: Last year’s winner, Cliff Knight opens the show with the young up and comer Dynamite Newton! How will Knight’s six-month vacation pan out in the eye of adversity?
Jimmy: HARDCORE HOGAN and DARK AVENGER square off in what I am looking forward to as a very violent match! But Hogan is soo old now! One has to wonder if he still has gas in the tank. Look at Evander Holyfield! He ran out of juice against Byrd this weekend and I wonder if it will happen to Hogan!?
Rudolph: The sickly Chris Copeland dances with Jay Styles, who is keeping his opinions to one person… Himself!
Jimmy: Triple K man gets to battle with “Insane” Lou Carbo! Triple K is crazy, and I can’t wait to see him do his thing tonight.
Rudolph: Two legends duke it out in what has been deemed a “Legend versus Legend” match. Only one will walk away with the pride of the staus above their haed.
Jimmy: And a match which guarantees to be SEN-SATIONAL is Paul Duffy and Jason Ross. Ross, at twenty years of age is a puppy compared to mot here in the UWA.
Rudolph: And In the Main Event… Evan Drexxler and Chainsaw Masaca will finish the night off! Drexxler is here against his will. Can Masaca deal with the monster that is Evan Drexxler!? We can find out right… Now.

Tournament Round 1:
Dynamite Newton vs Cliff Knight

(Ashleigh Engels rushes up to Cliff Knight bouncing up and down) Cliff Knight: Ah, we meet again.
Ashleigh Engels: What are your plans this year Cliff… And are you going to give me any more of that lame poetry you gave last year?
Cliff Knight: No, to your second question. Unless when you say “lame poetry”, do you mean “smooth-talking”? Then Yes. I will give you some of that smooth-talking.
Ashleigh Engels: Cliff, you are a womanizer and always will be one.
Cliff Knight: When you say “womanizer”, do you mean “gets all the girls”? Then Yes. I am a womanizer.
Ashleigh Engels: Back on topic. You’re fighting Dynamite Newton. He once called you “Little Miss”, what’s your thoughts on this?
Cliff Knight: Like I said before Dynamite doesn’t worry me too much. This is going to be just like that cowboy in the first one- OH WHAT’S HIS NAME… (rubs his goatee) Shepard Williams. You hear that? That’s my music. (Crossbreed blares and the roof jangles from “Seasons”. Cliff Knight pushes the curtains aside and does the “v” thing the crowd loves. The pretty-boy Cliff Knight struts to the ring and awaits his opponent.)

Creighton Duke: Hey, Dynamite… TNT… Did you hear what Cliff Knight had to say about you? He called you a cowboy! He called you Shepard Williams-the first man out from our last survivor! What do you gotta say about that!
Dynamite Newton: Tonight, I am going to turn that pretty face of Cliff Knight into a side-plate of mashed potatoes with a bit of bloody gravy.
Creighton Duke: I am one-hundred per cent behind you Dynamite. Go get him. And may I suggest… Pull out the ladder, pull out the chairs and pull out the kitchen sink. Take it to a whole new level, Dynamite. Make it hardcore.

Dynamite smiles at the Duke as his theme music loudly plays throughout the arena. Newton places his famous glasses over his eyes and pushes the curtains aside. He appears center stage. A few fireworks explode and Newton ingests the Vancouver atmosphere. Cliff Knight extends his arm as the ONLY UWA Survivor I ring on his finger shines. Dynamite Newton points at Knight like he stole something.)

Rudolph: We’ve seen Knight do this before. He shows that ring off like it’s a diamond.
Jimmy: He rightfully should. He deserves the ring and won it with true skill. And that UWA Survivor I ring is priceless- it’s worth more than a diamond, Rudolph. It represents blood, sweat, tears, defeat and victories

(Dynamite Newton enters the ring and Cliff Knight turns his back to check the ring stability. Finding an opening, Dynamite Newton charges with full force at THE Premier Athlete. The bell sounds right when Cliff Knight gets shattered by the firecracker-like spear performed by Dynamite Newton. Cliff Knight falls back into the corner and elbow strikes Newton several times in the back.)

Jimmy: Dynamite Newton’s got advice to go Hardcore on Cliff Knight.
Rudolph: It’s pretty obvious that it’s his one and only debated weakness.

(Cliff Knight scoops up Dynamite Newton and immediately follows it with an elbow strike. Knight tosses Newton into the ropes and Newton tackles Knight with a running forearm. Knight falls back and Newton follows it up with a powerful clothesline up and over the top rope.)

(Dynamite Newton perches on the top rope and the fans boom this fine-young athlete. Newton glides in the air like a black-haired eagle and Knight catches him reversing into a powerslam. Cliff Knight cockily chuckles to himself when he jumps on the canvas. Knight jumps and drops a clean elbow to the frame of Dynamite Newton.)

Rudolph: Knight certainly hasn’t lost any of his in-ring ability over last six months.

(Dynamite Newton is guided back to his feet when Knight cinches in a standing side chokehold. After several seconds, Newton’s face turns nearly blue and Cliff Knight drops his head onto the ground with a-DDT [Knight Time]. Cliff Knight drags Dynamite Newton back into the squared-circle and starts thrashing him with repeated punches to the chest, stomach and face. Cliff Knight hugs Newton at his backside and german suplexes Newton in the middle of the ring… Knight continues the onslaught by clenching his grip into a standing side suplex… Cliff Knight slowly gets back up without releasing the grip… But Dynamite Newton like a firecracker backs up into the turnbuckle.)

(Dynamite Newton puts an end to Knight’s fire with a gordbuster! Newton drops to the ground and finds one of his buddies sitting in the audience. He downs a beer and the crowd cheers for the charismatic Dynamite Newton.) Dynamite Newton: CHEERS FOR BEERS! (Dynamite Newton yells at the crowd) (The crowd erupts. But what Newton did not see was Cliff Knight darting in between the middle and top rope. Knight executes a spear from the inside to the outside of the ring! Dynamite Newton crashes into the railings and lies on the concrete floor.)

(Cliff Knight searches and finds a steel chair. He raises it in the air. Dynamite Newton looks up while he’s still on his knees and CRACK! Cliff Knight slugs Dynamite Newton with the steel chair heard around the World! Cliff Knight rolls Newton back into the ring and places his head tightly between his legs. The fans are getting rowdy!)

Rudolph: OH Oh. This means trouble for Newton!

(Cliff Knight with an up-down motion turns a pedigree into a famasser)

Jimmy: Knight’s End! Knight’s End!

(1…2…3 Cliff Knight pins Dynamite Newton with the Knight’s End!)

Rudolph: Our winner from UWA Survivor I beats the newcomer to the UWA-Dynamite Newton.
Jimmy: Dynamite Newton needs to harness his explosive power to his advantage. When that’s learned, this is a serious force to be reckoned with.
Rudolph: As for Cliff Knight… It’s the same greatness we’ve seen for UWA Survivor I.

Tournament Round 2:
Hardcore Hogan vs Dark Avenger

(Creighton Duke is waiting backstage and he sees Hogan getting himself psyched up before the battle at hand.)

Duke: Hardcore Hogan, do you mind if I get a few words with you before your fight?
Hogan: Well you know something Duke, Dark Avenger walks around spouting his dark psalms like it were a children’s song brother! And all the Hardcore Hulkamaniacs have to listen to the satanic babble that’s spewing out of his mouth dude! Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum! I Snarls Smell the blood of the Dark One brother and tonight Dark Avenger! Whatcha gonna do!? When Hardcore Hulk Hogan unleashes the gates of Hell on you!

(Hogan storms off!)

Duke: Mighty words, from the mighty Hardcore Hogan!

(Voodoo Child begins to play and fans go bannanas! Hogan steps out and begins to shake his hands and hold them to his ear! The fans explode for the Icon and he heads to the ring pointing and flaring out his moustache and swinging his stringable cheese hair!)

(Beyond the Black plays and the roaring of a motorcycle, a Harley Davidson to be exact roars so loud even children cover their ears! The motorcyle has the words “Black Death” on the side and Avenger rolls along the aisle to the ring.)

(Hogan pats the top turnbuckle and winks at the crowd who know he has weird things in store for Dark Avenger! Dark Avenger gets into the ring and Hogan holds up his hands in a bid power power. Avenger locks fingers with Hogan, but the Hogan seems too strong! Avenger begins to buckle at the knees and Hogan’s eyes light up! Avenger rallies back and Hogan begins to buckle! Avenger gains the decisive upper hanf and Hogan drops to his knees! Avenger laughs and Hogan shakes his head NO to tell the ref he does not submit! Suddenly, the turbines deep inside Hogan, and the millions of Hulkamaniacs begin to fill Hogan as he shakes his haed and flairs out his moustache! Hogan gets up to one foot and then the other! Avenger is now being overwhelmed and manages to break the hold and escape the ring!)

(Hogan gets the fans riled up and then pats a top turnbuckle! Hogan begins to unfasten the turnbuckle and Avenger seizes the opportunity! Avenger jumps him from behind and Hogan falls down. Curiousity overtakes Avenger and he undoes the rest of the turnbuckle!)

(BOOM! A baggie of chalk set up to explode after the turnbuckle cover was removed blows up in Avenger’s face and he paws at the air in a blinded state!)

Rudolph: WOW! Hogan is the master strategist! He tricked Avenger into opening the turnbuckle to blind him!

(Hogan gets up and body slams the blinded Dark Avenger! Hogan goes to another corner and quickly goes to work! Avenger gets up and rubs his eyes but the chalk has completely dried them out! Hogan reveals the next mystery item and it is:)

(A single thumbtack! Hogan pushes it into Avenger’s skull as Avenger screams! Hogan opens the third turnbuckle and pulls out a band-aid! Hogan puts the band-aid over the bloody wound and then pops Avenger in the chin.)

(Avenger manages to get outside and find the jar of water that always seems to be at ringside and dumps the contents into his eyes to re-hydrate them. Avenger can see again and he sneaks up behind Hogan as he undoes the last turnbuckle. Avenger is shocked when the final weapon reveals itself to be a freakin’ straight edge razor! Avenger flinches but waits for Hogan to get within range, then… SPEW! Avenger unleashes a green mist into Hogan’s eyes and Hogan drops the razor. Avenger kicks the blade away and officials take it away. Hogan is now blinded and Avenger takes advantage.)

(Avenger lifts Hogan up for a gordbuster and drops him on his old man style balded cranium! Hogan looks hurt and Avenger quickly mounts the top rope and crashes onto Hogan with a frog splash!)

Jimmy: Imagine a 325 pound man falling on you from the top rope!

(The crowd begins to cheer as Chris “The Mad” Bomber walks to the ring carrying a glass table! Bomber sets it up and watches as Hogan is being manhandled. Avenger lifts Hogan up, and punch him. This lights up Hogan’s eyes, which are covered in green slime! Avenger goes for another punch and Hogan manages to block! Avenger goes for another but the same result occurs! Hogan fires back with a right of his own and staggers Dark Avenger! Hogan hits Avenger again and the big man falls against the ropes! Hogan uses the momentum to send Avenger off the opposite ropes and lay him down with a big boot to the head! Hogan sees Bomber and the glass table as the fans erupt! Hogan tosses Avenger outside and Bomber places Avenger on the table of glass! Hogan goes ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP ROPE!!)

Jimmy: He’s going OFF the TOP to the OUTSIDE RUDY!!
Rudolph: He’s crazy!

(Hogan flies through the air and Avenger gets off the table as Hogan crashes through the table in the leg drop position!!! Hogan looks hurt and Bomber looks surprised that things have gone horribly awry! Bomber helps Hogan out by rolling him back in the ring, leaving Avenger to the count. Bomber heads backstage.)

(Avenger beats the count and picks up Hogan rebel rack style and executes a Death Valley Driver! Also known as the Death Wish! Avenger goes for the cover!)

1…2…3! Dark Avenger is victorious!!

(Dark Avenger rolls out painfully, and rides his hog backstage, while Hogan is left to the aid of the ref.)

Jimmy: Dark Avenger really solidified his position and led through example for his teammates tonight.
Rudolph: This guy just beat Hardcore Hogan! That is an accomplishment!
Jimmy: If Hogan is able to get his geriatric bones back in the ring, he will face Dynamite Newton on the next card!

Tournament Round 3:
Chris Copeland vs Jay Styles

Rudolph: Well, sickly ol’ Chris Copeland fights next against a pretty healthy Jay “The Reaper” Styles.
Jimmy: Yeah, I wonder how long this match will go before Copeland’s body just gives out from under him.
Rudolph: And, we finally get to see what Jay Styles is all about.

(Aenema by Tool begins to blare and Chris Copeland goes to the ring. He has bags under his eyes and he looks tired, but he managed to shave before going out to ringside. Copeland sits on the top turnbuckle and awaits his opponent.)

(Testify by Rage Against the Machine plays, and it seems that Jay Styles wants to keep his fans in anticipation as they wait for him to emerge.)

(Still, no Styles and Copeland looks a little confused. Copeland goes to the middle of the ring in case Styles tries to come from the crowd to attack him. Still, no Styles. The music stops and the announcer re-announces Jay Styles!)


Rudolph: Maybe he’s in the washroom.
Jimmy: A bad time to be in the washroom Rudy.

(The ref talks to the announcer and it is stated…)

Announcer: If Jay Style does not emerge before the count of ten, then he will be disqualified, thus declaring Chris Copeland the winner.


Announcer: Jay Styles has been disqualified!

(Copeland looks a little unimpressed as he prepares to go back to the dressing room when the Titantron flares up.!)

[On the Titantron: (Tommy Bradley appears and he begins to speak.)

Bradley: Hey Copeland, sorry you got the night off, but at this rate, I wasn’t going to get into this tournament. So I took matters into my own hands and put myself in the tournament. How you ask?

(The Camera swings over to a table where Jay Styles has been utterly destroyed. He is covered in blood and he is twitching every now and again.)

Bradley: Kingsly took me aside today and said; Jay Styles is your mealticket into this tournament. No one knows about him, and no one WANTS to know about him. Make an opening and I’ll let you slide in. So I did. This is the resignation of Jay Styles and the replacement of none other than Tommy “Bruiser” Bradley!

(The Scene fades)]

Rudolph: I can’t believe it! Bruiser is in! and Styles is out! What a turn of events!
Jimmy: WOW! Does that mean… Yeah! Bruiser will be on the next card to take Styles’ place in the brackets! This is awesome!!
Rudolph: Well, one of the replacements is in, and Chris Bomber the other replacement has made himself known by attacking Dark Avenger! We’ll have to see what else will happen tonight!

Tournament Round 4:
Klyde Kooger Klancey vs Lou Carbo

Jimmy: Triple K makes his return to the UWA and boy am I pumped.
Rudolph: For a heel, you really seem to like Klyde.
Jimmy: Yeah, I know, it’s just that he really knows how to stir up trouble here in the UWA.
Rudolph: Don’t count out the craziest of the crazy. That’s right. “Insane” Lou Carbo.

(“Blue Monday” plays and Triple K wastes no time getting to the ring! He face pushes a young child as he walks to the ring and the father seems mildly upset. Triple K cantors into the ring and leans against the ropes, waiting for Lou Carbo.)

(“Stone Cold Crazy” begins to play and Lou Carbo comes out wearing a shirt that asks: “Got Wood?” Carbo throws his 2 x 4 way up in the air and catches it! He gets onto the apron and Triple K begins the attack!)

(Triple K throws the weight of his body into Carbo and Lou Carbo crashes to the outside. Triple K goes outside and whips Lil’ Lou into the guard rails. Carbo dodges an avalanche crush and Triple K hits the guard rails and is momentarily stunned! Carbo gets back into the ring and as Triple K rolls in, Carbo stomps away.)

(Klancey manages to get back to his feet and scoop slams Carbo to the ground. Triple K puts his foot on Carbo’s face and executes a spin and the cartilage gets torn and Carbo’s nose begins to swell.)

Jimmy: Triple K is fully dominating the lovable Lou Carbo.

(Triple K yells some obscenities at the crowd as he picks Carbo up by his hair and whips him to the corner. Triple K charges in and this time he crushes Carbo in the corner with an avalanche. Carbo takes a few steps before falling to the ground. Triple K takes it all the way to the second rope and delivers a jumping elbow drop!)

(Klancey looks disgusted at his opponent and decides to end it. He lifts Carbo up for the Reverse Razor’s Edge, also known as the Burning Cross, but Carbo begins to kick in a panic and Klancey’s grip slips! Carbo falls onto Triple K’s back and applies a sleeper! Triple K walks around with Carbo on his back and then goes to the corner. He turns around and begins ramming Carbo repeatedly into the turnbuckle. Carbo loses his strength and releases the grip. Triple K turns him around and levels him with a short arm clothesline. Carbo is on the ground shaking and once again, Triple K signals for the finish.)

(Klancey hoists Carbo up and with a sick downward motion, drives the face and chest into the canvas courtesy of the Burning Cross!)

1…2…3! Triple K defeats Lou Carbo.

Rudolph: Triple K comes back with a bang.
Jimmy: I don’t think he’s done yet. He’s going under the ring!

(Triple K grabs a jerry can of gasoline and pours some in the hair of Carbo. Triple K lights a match and a fire erupts on Carbo’s head! Carbo wakes up and his head is on fire! He rolls his head around the canvas and finally the flames are extiguished. Triple K just laughs and points at Carbo as he holds his now bald head and swollen nose.)

(Carbo grabs his 2 x 4 and runs back stage to seek medical attention. Triple K grabs a mic and begins to speak.)

Triple K: Deverot, it is only a matter of time before we meet in the ring and I get to display the dominance of my race to the ENTIRE world! Deverot, I hope you don’t lose this tournament, because then I’ll have to hang you in a back alley where no one will see! THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!

Jimmy: That guy is nuts. I wonder who would win that dream match… Klancy? Or Deverot?

Rudolph: C’mon, they are both legends. We’ll see it eventually.

Tournament Round 5:
Legend versus Legend Match
Pain Express vs Bryan Deverot

Rudolph: Two legends step into the squared circle and I can’t wait!!
Jimmy: Deverot hasn’t been in a UWA ring for a few YEARS! Express was here for the last UWA Survivor. I wonder if that will affect the outcome of the fight.
Rudolph: It seemed like Pain Express and Deverot were going to become friends backstage, but as Dark Avenger came in, Hogan started brawling and I guess Deverot only thought it natural to throw his opponent from the dressing room. I bet Pain Express is a little upset.

(Angry Chair begins to play and Pain Express walks out holding onto a chair that says: Pain Express. Pain rolls to the ring and sets up the chair, he stands on top and lifts his thick arms to get the fans into it.)

(“WEEEEELLLLLL, Well it’s the Big Shooow!! Bryan Deverot steps out in his usual sweat soaked pink shirt and ble jeans! He has a guitar and he raises it above his head! The fans cheer and Pain Express looks from side to side as the Painoholics cheer for the man known as Bryan Deverot!)

(Deverot gets on the apron and Pain Express stretches on the ropes. Deverot lays his guitar outside and gets into the ring.)

(Pain Express kicks it off by crashing into the big black monster and the two remain standing. Pain levels Deverot with a left, followed by a right and Deverot falls into the corner. Pain Express capitalizes and stomps down on the Big Show.)

(Pain Express lifts Deverot back to his feet, but Deverot drops a saucy finger in his eye and that is enough to stun him. Deverot grabs Express and spins and throws him in the corner and this time, it is Pain Express in the receiving end of a beating.)

(Deverot backs up and stuns the crowd with a running dropkick to Pain Express as he is slumped in the corner. Deverot pulls Pain Express up and wraps his arms around Pain Express. Deverot snaps back, and despite his large size, throws Pain Express overhead in a belly to belly suplex!)

(Deverot, jacked on adrenaline climbs to the top rope and goes for a moonsualt! Deverot doesn’t quite rotate all the way and lands on Pain Express with his head. This move stunes Deverot as he sits there holding his head!)

Jimmy: Remember folks, Deverot broke his neck a long time ago, and now hiw head is the only thing that feels pain!.

(Deverot gets up and pulls the sluggish Pain Express to his feet. Deverot sends him off the ropes and executes a boss man slam. Once again, Deverot mounts the top rope and flies through the air crashing onto Pain Express!) Rudolph: I love it! Deverot is 5’ 11” 374 pounds and he goes off the top rope like he’s a light weight!

(Deverot goes for a pin.)

1…2…Pain Express lifts his shoulder and he seems to snap back to reality. Pain Express rolls outside and Deverot stays in the ring, wiping his sweaty face with his shirt.)

(Express throws his chair into the ring and Deverot just looks at it. Pain Express rushes for it as he gets back into the ring, but Deverot takes to the air again as he tries for a cross body! Pain Express snares him out of the air and delivers a jumping slam onto the chair!)

(Deverot is still quick to get up! But in that time, Pain Express grabs the chair and smashes Deverot in the head. Deverot falls down but gets back up, Pain Express sends him to the canvas with another blow to the head and Deverot lies there, as if resting. Pain Express adjusts his tights and goes for the cover.)

1…2..Deverot kicks out with authority. Pain Express sends Deverot off the ropes and goes off the opposite ropes! Pain Express goes for a power clothesline, but the limber Deverot avoids the impact with a stunning cartwheel! Pain Express turns around and Deverot lunges with a football style tackle and the two fall through the ropes!)

(Deverot sees his guitar and grabs it, waiting for Pain Express to get up! The fans are loving it! Pain Express rises and BOOM! The electric guitar breaks away from the neck of the guitar in a sickeing thud!)

(Deverot quickly gets Pain Express back into the squared circle and tucks his head under his arm! Deverot lifts him up, Curtain Call-style and raises Pain Express until he is upside down, then he drops him with a DDT!)

Rudolph: Deverot Driver!!

1…2…3! Bryan Deverot scores a pinfall over Pain Express!

Rudolph: Deverot is back and on fire!
Jimmy: He beat the see-saw legend Pain Express!
Rudolph: Pain Express will be back next week! While Deverot gets some time off to rest!

Tournament Round 6:
The Sensational Match
Jason Ross vs Paul Duffy

Rudolph: This match promises to be fireworks in the form of Duffy and Ross. Both claim to be the best, and now it will be settled.
Jimmy: Can’t take too much more! All this fighting is like a wonderful drug.

(Downfall by TRUSTcomapny begins to wail and Paul Duffy steps from the curtains and shimmies to the ring! He throws his hat into the crowd and he spins a few times before posing down in the ring.)

(Green Day’s “Nice Guys Finish Last” Cuts off downfall and Jason Ross Saunters to the ring, slapping hands with fans and milking his entrance as Duffy watches him like a hawk.)

(The two go to opposite corners and hype up the fans! The crowd is cheering for both men and when this happens, they lock up in the middle of the ring.)

(Ross strikes first with a headlock take down and keeps it locked in. Duffy gets to his feet, still held by Ross, and Ross performs the move again. Duffy gets to his feet again and Ross goes to the well one too many times and tries it again, but Duffy uses the momentum to execute a spinning reverse back suplex!)

(Duffy gets in a few stomps before Ross sweeps out the legs and the two get up to begin anew. The two go for dropkicks and hit each other in mid air! Ross is the first up and snares Duffy for a flowing DDT! Duffy is stunned and Ross capitalizes by landing a quick jumping legdrop.)

(Ross puts Duffy into a sleeper and Duffy out-muscles him and drags him over to the ropes! Ross refuses to release the hold and Duffy jumps up and leans forward, dumping Ross to the outside! Ross lands awkwardly to the outside and Duffy is quick to recover. Duffy, grabs the top rope and launches himself over it! With the finesse of a pro diver, Duffy spins and lands a 450 splash on Ross to the outside!!)

Jimmy: That move is incredible! It’s called the Steel Twister and I didn’t think I would ever get to see it with my own eyes!
Rudolph: Moves like that have to hurt the person doing it as much as the guy getting it!

(Duffy looks drained after the stunning move and rolls Ross back in. He flops Ross to the canvas and runs off the ropes chest first! He performs a reverse somersault and gets back to his feet to land a perfect moonsault!! A reverse rolling thunder!! The Fans are going nuts and Paul “the Foundation of Sensation” Duffy uses the excitement to fuel the “Dufferoonie”! A break-dance style spin on his back!)

(Ross is visibally hurt and he rolls outside to take a breather, but Duffy doesn’t let up. Ross gets back into the ring and as Duffy re-enters, he stomps away on Duffy’s back! Duffy stumbles and Ross presses him down to the canvas. Using good technique and fast speed, Ross cinches in the 619! Duffy yells and reaches for the ropes, but they are just too far… The ref checks with Duffy, but he refuses to submit. Ross, frustrated, releases the grip and rolls Duffy to the outside. Duffy is holding his back and Ross grabs a chair! Ross waits for Duffy to get up and when he does, Ross throws the chair at him! Duffy instictively blocks the chair and as he does, Ross performs a spinning kick and the chair crashes into Duffy’s cranium!)

(Duffy drops and Ross gets him back into the ring. Ross mounts the top rope and showboats for the crowd. Ross doesn’t notice Duffy until he is between his legs hammering him to the ground with a devastating sit-down powerbomb!!)

1…2…Ross kicks out, but lies on the ground in pain!

(Duffy hurries to the top rope and signals for his top rope maneuovre… Defying Gravity!! Duffy flies through the air, performing a shooting star press, and turning it into a leg drop! Duffy lands on nothing but canvas as Ross gets out of the way last second!)

(Now it is Ross’ turn to go back to the top as he signals for his patented move! The Shooting Star Press! Ross jumps extra high as he flies through the air. Ross lands to the mat as Duffy was now the one to roll sluggishly out of the way!)

(The two are on the ground as the ref begins his count. 1…2…3…4)

(Duffy grabs the bottom rope and Ross hooks his hand on the middle one. 5…6…7)

(The two manage to get up, facing away from one and other. Ross turns around to begin battling once more, but he walks straight into Paul Duffy’s signature move, the Spinning Superkick!! Ross drops and Duffy falls on top!!)

1…2…3! Paul Duffy defeats Jason Ross!!

Rudolph: Wow! That match was truly sensational!!
Jimmy: Both men gave it their all and unfortunately Jason Ross got the short end of the stick.
Rudolph: I can’t wait to see these guys again! And since Ross lost, he will compete at the next card!

Tournament Round 7:
"Hardcore Hooligan" Johnny Damage vs The Village Idiot

(The scene cuts to a locker room of Village Idiot, Lou Carbo and Jason Ross. The natural born leader Jason Ross is giving a pep talk to the Village Idiot.)

Jason Ross: This is your match today. This is your opener against the legend Hardcore Hooligan Johnny Damage. Don’t screw it up.

(With a monkey-like nod of the head, Village Idiot gets up and hops up and down like an ape being told he was going to get a banana. With a shrieking shriek at the door, Johnny Damage appears dressed up ready to kill.)

Johnny Damage: Hey Village Monkey, yea you.

(The Village Idiot looks to his left)

Johnny Damage: You thought that the locker beating I gave the other day was harsh? You’ve seen nothing yet. You see this? (Damage points to his soccer ball made out of barbed wire and broken fish bones) Yea this, here monkey. This is going through your soft-dough-like head.

(Jason Ross gets off his chair but Lou Carbo holds him back reminding him that Johnny Damage is with him on the same team)

Johnny Damage: (chuckles to himself) I’ll see you in the ring. And don’t forget that you are fighting with the second place UWA legend of the first survivor. (he keeps on walking as Jason Ross shakes his head left to right)

(“Hardcore Hooligan” by Business begins to play as the crowd rumbles with the sight of the second place Johnny Damage. Damage has a ladder high in the air in his right hand and the barbed wire soccer ball in his left arm pit. Damage places the ladder in the corner of the ring along with his soccer ball.) (Jason Ross is still talking to Village Idiot giving him words of encouragement until President Kingsly knocks on the door.) President Kingsly: Village Idiot, there’s no need to come out to the ring tonight. You are fired from UWA Survivor II.

(The eyes of Village Idiot become watery with that said. He drops his head in shame)

President Kingsly: It’s okay, Village. It’s not your time.


(“I THINK THEY SHOOT ‘CAUSE THEY WANT IT!” “Bullets” by Creed blasts the roof up in Vancouver. President Kingsly raises his arms high in the air with a loud lion-like roar from the crowd. Kingly enters the ring with a mic-in-hand as he hand-shakes with the punk-rocker Johnny Damage. They give a few words back in fourth until Kingsly taps the mic twice.)

President Kingsly: Johnny Damage… Hardcore Hooligan, Second Place-UWA Survivor I Johnny Damage… It doesn’t feel right to feed you some Village Bum that entered UWA Survivor 2 without even having the right conscious to do so in the first place. That’s why we’re not going to feed you a bum tonight. Let’s give the people what they want. Let me introduce to you, you’re new opponent for TONIGHT! Let me introduce to you… CHRIS “THE MAD” BOMBER!!!

(With a slight look of astonishment… Johnny Damage stares at the ramp way at 6 foot 4 inch, 273 pound, King of X-Treme Chris Bomber! Kingsly scatters from the ring and Johnny Damage snorts up a huge wad of snot that’s been laying in stomach)

Jimmy: Wow! Chris Bomber versus Johnny Damage right now! What the hell!

(”Poem” by Taproot illuminates the rafters and Bomber with a joyful look on his face points at Johnny Damage in the ring. Johnny Damage goes to his corner and grabs the barbed-wire soccer ball)

Rudolph: This guy has been dying to get in the ring for days! His opportunity has come with the second place survivor- Johnny Damage

(The bell sounds, Bomber rolls into the ring with a ready Johnny Damage. Damage clonks Bomber in the skull with the soccer ball and Bomber falls to the ground. In no-time he gets back up just to receive the barbed-wire soccer ball in the face again. Damage, like-a-mad-man-loose, lays the soccer ball onto Chris Bomber. Bomber lies on the ground, and Damage sets up the ladder. Damage’s quickness is inconceivable when he rides the ladder down like he was-riding-a-horse. Bomber opens his eyes and in the nick of time escapes the ruthlessness of Johnny Damage.)

Jimmy: Damage is a nutcase!

(The Mad Bomber wipes his eyes to regain composure. But Damage is on him like-a-monkey-on-a-banana. Damage swats his boney fist into the chest of Bomber. The crowd ahs when Damage stands in the corner unloading an arsenal of lefts and rights onto the tender face of Chris Bomber. But Bomber hoists the little-punk-rocker up in the air and instead of an inverted atomic drop he hangs Damage to dry on the top rope)

Rudolph: That’ll close off the wind-pipe.

(Gasping for air, Damage swings his arm wildly at the mad Bomber. The Bomber ducks and boots Damage in the basket that holds bread (bread basket). Damage kneels over and Bomber completes a spinning pedigree with a North-South motion. Bomber, excitedly, goes for the pin)

1…1/3 (Damage weasels out of the pin)

Rudolph: That’s Bomber’s trademark g’all… That’s the short fuse! (With a grab of the hair, Bomber launches Damage into the ropes. Damage, like the flight of a bald eagle, jumps over Bomber when he lowers his head. Bomber turns his head but it was way too slow… The damage has been done when Damage cross-bodies Bomber into a pin.)

1… (The Mad Bomber kicks out!)

Jimmy: All this excitement so far! This is an amazing fight we’ve seen so far.

(Both men are up to their feet. But the hunger of Bomber comes into play when he delivers three straight fists into the ribcage. Bomber, with incredible power, completes a-stunning DDT into the canvas. Hardcore Hooligan grabs his noggin and rolls to the outer edge of the ring. Bomber goes through the middle rope and both men brawl on the outer edge of the ring! Hardcore Hooligan Johnny Damage rakes those eyes into confetti and Bomber squeals like a new-born baby. Damage raises his arms and the fans explode. Bomber’s head is put in between Damage’s legs. Johnny Damage, incredible lifts the 273 pound King of X-treme athlete (on the side of the ring) with Bomber’s legs raised in the air for a piledriver. Damage, with a new innovation, drops te skull of Chris Bomber on the corner of the edge of the ring like it was the curve of a sidewalk!!!)

Rudolph: AMAZING! That’s how you crack an egg in half, Jimmy!
Jimmy: That’s how you crack a skull in half, Rudolph!

(Damage, with the speed of an African swallow, rolls the battered skull-cracked Chris Bomber into the ring for the cover!)

1…2. (Chris Bomber kicks out!)

Rudolph: YES!

(Johnny Damage is talking trash to himself as he rolls Bomber with a grasp of his blonde hair. Bomber strangles the legs of Damage with his own legs for a small package!)

1…2 (Johnny Damage kicks out!)

(Damage hurries up to his feet and socks Bomber twice in the chest with his boot. Bomber struggles on the ground as Hardcore Hooligan sets up the ladder. Damage points at the barbed-wire soccer ball and the crowd gets off their chairs wanting the violence to begin. The second place survivor from UWA Survivor I-Johnny Damage retrieves the ball and climbs the ladder. He hugs the ball to his chest and lightly jumps for a frog splash! Chris Bomber receives the most painful frog-splash he’s ever experienced with the barbed-wire soccer ball hugged to Damage’s chest.

Jimmy: Ha ah! That was a sandwich a la mode with Bomber as the bottom layer, the barbed wire soccer ball as the meat and Damage as the top bun!

(Damage grabs his chest in pain as the soccer ball rolls out of the ring! Bomber’s knees are scrunched together as he holds his stomach in agony. The ref counts…)

1…2…3…4…5…6…7… (Damage rests his arm on the pinned Chris Bomber)

1…2… (The Mad Bomber kicks out!)

(The crowd screams for more, but little more did both competitors have in them. They’ve given a lot. Johnny Damage slowly rises to his feet… and shortly after Chris Bomber arises like a zombie. Damage swings a weak arm at Bomber and Bomber blocks! Bomber reaches into every last ounce of strength and drops a fist-bomb on Damage. Damage drops to the ground like a 20-pound bag of potatoes. Chris Bomber, as if he was possessed by something, rolls out the ring in search of a chair. He finds two! He wedges the first one into the second and third turnbuckle and then he wedges the next one in between the second and third turnbuckle at the opposite end. Bomber guides Damage up off the ground. Like the classic Bushwakers tag team, Bomber has his head clasped in his arm pit and with a large amount of momentum force Damage crashes head first into the wedged chair! Bomber gains even more momentum when he rams Damage’s head at the opposite end! Damage drunkenly stands tall when Chris Bomber climbs the third rope. With the thousands of fans cheering him on in attendance, Bomber “DROPS A BOMB” with a-DDT from the top rope! The skull of Johnny Damage bounces on the canvas! Bomber hooks up the leg of Damage)

1…2…3/4 (Damage kicks out!)

(Johnny Damage does not want to give up! But he gets back up to his feet staggering as Chris Bomber climbs the fifth step of the ladder. Damage looks up when Chris Bomber performs a lionsault over top of him grasping his neck on the way-down. The neck of Damage is reefed and crackles when Chris Bomber rudely awakens with the force of ten foot fall. Bomber follows it up with a pin!)

1…2…3 (Chris Bomber defeats Johnny Damage)

(Bomber rolls over and goes for a short rest on the mat from that exhausting match)

Jimmy: Chris Bomber modifies his finisher into a rude-awakening instead of the diamond cutter!
Rudolph: I guess it was an equal trade-off… Damage nearly cracked the skull of Chris Bomber with that edge-of-the-ring piledriver… Chris Bomber nearly paralyzed Damage with that finisher of his!
Jimmy: Both these guys are truly amazing athletes.
Rudolph: And what we have forgotten was to say that this wasn’t even Damage’s opponent in the first place! Bomber was sent by President Kingsly and he lit a fuse in the ring tonight!

Main Event
Tournament Round 8:
Evan Drexxler vs The Chainsaw Massaca

(The camera cuts to the backstage area. It is here that we enter the office of the presidents. We cut around to see President Ponda sitting at his desk flipping through some paper work as he compatriot, Kingsly, stands staring out a window. Without any cause or reason the door swings open and in stalks none other than Evan Drexxler. Clad in his gray suit and tie he walks up to the desk of Ponda and stands there. Where as Kingsly has turns around startled the robotic Ponda doesn't even seam to have notice Drexxler as of yet. Evan stands there for a second impatiently as Ponda flips through several papers, still not paying attention to him. After a few more seconds of waiting rather impatiently Evan places his hands on one side of the desk and swipes them to the other. Scattering them all to the floor. Kingsly looks on a bit unsure of the situation. Ponda sits for a second staring at where the papers once were. He then finally looks up and speaks in his chill! ing mechanical voice.)

Ponda: That was highly unnecessary.

(Drexxler simply grunts at this.)

Evan: Don’t start. What’s the deal?

(Ponda’s emotionless mechanical face just stares back at Evan.)

Ponda: What deal?

(Evan stares back at Ponda just as emotionless.)

Evan: You know exactly what I’m talking about you bucket of bolts, kidnapping me and forcing me to wrestle.

Ponda: It was the easiest way to make you fulfill your contract.

(Evan seams a bit annoyed.)

Evan: So basically you want me to be in this thing again, well, to bad, I’m retired. I’m a schoolteacher, I don’t wrestle.

Ponda: Your contract states that when the UWA requires your services you must be there to fulfill them so, until you are kicked out of the Ultimate Survivor you are mine.

(Evan begins to become furious, he rage rises.)

Evan: So, you’re telling me that all I have to do is lose the unethical tournament and be the first to leave and I’m gone.

(A smile almost seams to cross Ponda’s mechanical face.)

Ponda: It’s a bit more complicated than that. You see, I figured you’d do that so, I took out a little back up on you. I’ve purchased the land that that little school of yours is on. So, if I don’t see you bust your ass than I’m going to close it down.

(Suddenly Evan’s rage is insurmountable. His eyes glow a freakish golden color as he visibly tries to restrain himself. Suddenly he slams his fist down on the desk with an amazing force. The desk splits in half and in that instant the glow is gone and Evan regains himself. He straightens his suit jacket, takes a deep breath and continues on.)

Evan: Listen very closely to me you bucket of bolts. You remember exactly what happened last time you pissed me off. I ripped that rusted marble you call a head off and tossed it into the audience.

Ponda: Temper, temper, Evan. We don’t want Ixon to show up.

(Evan’s face grows bright red from anger.)

Evan: Damn you, damn you to Hell.

Ponda: I tell you what though; I’ll have your class flown in and everything just like last time.

Evan: If anything happens to them I’ll turn you into scrap metal you over grown tin can.

Ponda: Flattery won’t help you win. Now get out there and fight.

(Evan realizes how useless this current conversation is and turns, storming out of the office.)

Jimmy: Evan Drexxler has been given no choice. Win or let others pay the price!
Rudolph: Yup, he just wants to teach, and the presidents just want him to wrestle.
Jimmy: Will the power of the Hurricane Heart Punch prevail!? Or will The Osaka Street Cutter of Chainsaw send Drexxler to the next round!?

(Rock You Like a Hurricane blares and Drexxler marches to the ring like a man possessed. He gets in and calls out Chainsaw Masaca.)

((HED) fuels the rage-aholic Chainsaw Masaca as he goes to the ring with his chainsaw! Masaca lifts his arms up, and revs the machine as he gets ready for battle. Drexxler tackles Masaca after the bell and pounds away. Chainsaw does his best to defend himself, but gets caught a few times by Drexxler’s heavy hands.)

(Drexxler gets on Masaca’s back and applies a cobra clutch as Masaca fights the pain. Drexxler lifts Chainsaw up via headlock and using incredible strength, Masaca lifts Drexxler up and throws him away! Drexxler hits the ground and as he gets up, Chainsaw plows into him and crashes him into the corner.)

(Chainsaw grabs Drexxler and chokeslams him to the canvas with pure power. Drexxler is surprised at the power possessed by Masaca. Chainsaw lifts him up and scoops Drexxler up onto his shoulder! Masaca turns around and executes a running powerslam!!)

1…2…Drexxler gets his shoulder off the canvas..

(Drexxler is still being attacked after the kick out and Chainsaw delivers a delayed suplex! Drexxler falls and Chainsaw Masaca eagerly goes for the cover.)

1…2…Drexxler kicks out again.

(Chainsaw sends Evan Drexxler off the ropes and ducks down. Drexxler seizes the opportunity and grabs Masaca by the hair and flings him backwards. Drexxler snares Masaca up and performs a pump-handle powerbomb!)

1…2…Chainsaw Masaca kicks out!

(Drexxler continues the power moves as he lays Masaca down with a double underhook piledriver! Drexxler goes for a tombstone, but Masaca shifts his weight and reverses the move! Masaca drops Drexxler on his head and smiles)

(Drexxler slowly gets up and the two begin slugging it out! Masaca gets the better of the battle and whips Drexxler off the ropes! Drexxler tries to perform a clothesline, but Chainsaw ducks and runs off the other ropes. Drexxler stops in the middle of the ring and sees his opportunity! Masaca jumps to tackle him and Drexxler spins like a Hurricane and catches Masaca in the solar plexus! The force literally stop Masaca in mid-air as he falls to the ground, an unconscious heap.)

1…2…3! Drexxler prevails!

[Backstage: The two presidents clap their hands silently and smile to one and other.]

(Drexxler angrily raises his beefy arms in victory and heads backstage. Masaca is slowly coming back to consciousness.)

Jimmy: Drexxler just seized that one precious moment against the pure powerhouse Chainsaw Masaca!
Rudolph: Next week! Dynamite Newton takes on Hardcore Hogan!
Jimmy: Tommy Bradley against Lou Carbo! Pain Express against Jason Ross and None other than the Hardcore Hooligan against Chainsaw Masaca!
Rudolph: What the hell!?

(Chainsaw Masaca is in the ring swinging his chainsaw around, cutting through the ropes with reckless abandon!!)

Jimmy: Goodnight everyone!

Round 1 Round 2 Round 3 Round 4 And the first team that must make their vote is:
Dynamite Newton Dynamite Newton ??? ???
Cliff Knight
Hardcore Hogan Hardcore Hogan
Dark Avenger
Chris Copeland Tommy Bradley ???
Jay Styles
Klyde Kooger Klancey Lou Carbo
Lou Carbo
Pain Express Pain Express ??? ???
Bryan Deverot
Jason Ross Jason Ross
Paul Duffy
Johnny Damage Hardcore Hooligan ???
Village Idiot
Evan Drexxler Chainsaw Masaca
Chainsaw Masaca

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