Australia
LOCATION: Sydney, Australia
ARENA: The Outback Attack
DATE: February 3, 2003
REMAINING WRESTLERS: 7
  • IMMUNITY MAIN EVENT: IME- "Body Slam Bed Match"
  • He who wins the immunity main event is immune to voting.
3 man "immunity briefcase" ladder match
The winner of this match goes into next weeks immunity
Evan Drexxler vs Johnny Damage vs Tommy Bradley

A Rap Off
Fourpac creates his own rap lyrics
Bryan Deverot creates his own rap lyrics
The crowd is the judge of this match
The winner of this match goes into next weeks immunity
Fourpac (representing Dynamite Newton) vs "Big Show" Bryan Deverot

IME - Body Slam Bed Match: Best out of Seven
Hardcore Hogan vs Chris Copeland


"The Outback Attack"

(The camera cuts into Ponda’s office. The children are running and screaming about and Ponda looks as though he is about to bust a nut, err ah, was that a gear, anyway. Ponda is pushed near the point of breaking. It is at this moment that Evan Drexxler comes strutting in through the door. The children stop and fall silent quickly. They stare at Evan, clad in his now plain grey wrestling shorts. His muscles bulge and gleam as the children stare on in awe. They have never seen Evan in his wrestling attire live before and it is quite a bit to handle. Evan looks around at all of them.)

Evan: Children, all of you need to go out in the hallway for a moment.

(They all begin to file out of the door, Melissa is there a bit longer than the rest. Evan looks around for a second.)

Evan: Melissa, where has Myron gone?
Melissa: I don’t know Mr. Drexxler.
Evan: Well, could you take three of the other children with you and go try to find him please? Be careful and stick together. If you want to, go ask Bryan and Hogan to help you, I’m sure they will.

(Melissa nods and heads off through the door, closing it behind her. Evan turns to the president and stares him down.)

Evan: Well, what is your answer.

(An evil and malicious smile crosses the horribly robotic face of President Ponda.)

Ponda: Well, I thought about what you said last time. And, well, the thief does come but to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.

(The look on Ponda’s face twists into something less then human. The robotic vessel that his soul now inhabits seams to seethe with the evil contained within.)

Ponda:……But, I come that you might have life and have it more abundantly.

(Evan looks very confused and frowns, furrowing his brow.)

Evan: I don’t know what you’re getting at but, I’m in no mood at all for your games.

Ponda: Then I shall show you.

(Ponda speaks toward a curtain that wasn’t really part of the scene before. There is something moving behind it.)

Ponda: Could you please come out here, son?

(From behind the curtain a small biped creature emerges, the camera doesn’t really get a good look at it before it pans and zooms in on Evan Drexxler’s face. His reaction is one of confusion and horror.)

Evan: What have you done?

(The camera then goes to Ponda.)

Ponda: I have given him what you could not, his life back.

(The camera finally backs up so that all three things can be seen. What is there is a strange picture. It appears to be the young child Myron, but he is not in his chair. He is standing on two feet. His body and face remain the same but, his lower half appears to be mainly robotic, as if stilts have been added to help him walk. Tears roll from Evan’s face as he sees the truth of what has happened.)

Evan: Myron, come here.

(Myron stares at Evan and speaks the words that no one could expect. He speaks simply.)

Myron: No.

(Evan is taken aback by this response.)

Evan: Myron, what are you saying? I want you to come here, I’m going to take you home right now.
Myron: No. If the other kids can stay then so can I.

(Evan raises his voice a bit, something he has never done with the children, nor ever had to do.)

Evan: Myron, NOW!

(Myron shakes his head no.)

Myron: You don’t care about me. Mr. Ponda told me about you. You lie. You could have helped me with your money. You didn’t want to though. You are a bad man.

(Evan’s jaw drops as he doesn’t know what to say. He turns to Ponda with tears in his eyes. There is venom in his voice.)

Evan: You have started the beginning of your end. You are staring into the face of your own damnation. All too soon you’re going to stare into the placid face of death and know what true pain is all about. Second Death is waiting for you.

(With that Evan turns and storms from the room. He bursts through the door racking it from the hinges and stomping off. The camera goes back to Ponda who has a wicked smile on his face as he sits with his hand on Myron.)

3 man "immunity briefcase" ladder match
The winner of this match goes into next weeks immunity
Evan Drexxler vs Johnny Damage vs Tommy Bradley

(“YOU STAND BEFORE THIS COURT ACCUSED OF HEIRACY AND WITCHCRAFT, HOW DO YOU PLEAD??? Didn’t do it… GUILTY!!!” Tommy Bradley explodes out of the curtain screaming aloud. He raises his hands and the Aussies applaud the Guiness-drinking, South Troy Stompin’, UWA Legend- Tommy “Bruiser” Bradley.)

Rudolph: The excitement in here is incredible, Jimmy!
Jimmy: The fans are just teeing off for the UWA superstar, Tommy Bradley! And you can send that through the fax.
(The punk rock rhythm of “Hardcore Hooligan” by Business erupts and Johnny Damage and Alexis emerge from the curtains. Damage has his barbed wire soccer ball with him and his hair is wildly spiked up without the blue. He gives the trademark smirk into the camera and confidently walks into the ring. Tommy Bradley, from the old school books of hardcore, deadly stares into the eyes of “Hardcore Hooligan” Johnny Damage.)

Jimmy: We have the clashing of old school and new school hardcore ethics. Which one will prevail?

(Suddenly, a miniature spinning tornado has been created from two machines)

(HERE I AM. ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE! Evan Drexxler quickly marches through the artificial tornado and charges to the ring like someone just peed in his cornflakes)

Ding… Ding… Ding

Jimmy: Everyone has come here to play!

(Bradley and Damage nervously slide their hands along the handle of a steel chair. Evan Drexxler lands in the center of the ring. Bradley and Damage wildly charge at Drexxler and swing their chairs. Drexxler ducks and the chairs collide in mid-air! The chairs fall onto the ground and Drexxler scoops them up. Drexxler has both chairs in both hands and he starts swirling like a hurricane! Bradley and Damage both put up their blockers but Hurricane Evan was too much. Both Damage and Bradley fall outside and being Evan Drexxler was the only safe spot of the hurricane- he was the eye of the storm!)

Jimmy: HA AH. IT’S HURRICANE DREXXLER!!!

(Drexxler sees stars as the hurricane dissipates to the ground. Damage and Bradley find their time to capitalize as they both punish Drexxler for his wrong doings with an assortment of knee jabs, leg drops and fist drops. Evan Drexxler rolls out of the ring like a rolling pin. Suddenly, Damage and Bradley stand eye-to-eye with no motion. There is three seconds of silence, until Damage and Bradley unload on each other!)

Jimmy: LOOK AT THESE TWO TEE OFF ON EACH OTHER!

(Damage struggles all the way into the corner and Bradley gives 10 shots to the face of Damage. Damage starts swinging his head left and right and charges out with a reverse atomic drop crushing the groin of Tommy Bradley. Evan Drexxler perches on the top rope and BOOM!!! Drexxler lands with the Europeans Economics Elbow Drop with the fans going buckwild for the schoolteacher from an undisclosed town in USA. Evan Drexxler follows it up with a headlock)

Jimmy: This is jam-packed action, Rudy!
Rudolph: OH HELLLLL YEA!

(Johnny Damage enters the ring with his Singapore Cane and holds it tights. Evan Drexxler has the cane wrapper around his neck and he squeals like a pig. Damage drops Drexxler like a bad habit with his patented White Russian Front Legsweep. The fans go wild as Damage goes in his bag of tricks and does a surfboard submission!)

(Evan Drexxler pulls Johnny Damage off Tommy Bradley and places him in the position of a pumphandle slam. Drexxler points at the crowd before hoisting the bony figure in the air. Damage crashes into the canvas bouncing up and down like a basketball! Tommy Bradley climbs the top rope. Drexxler lies on top of Bradley and starts unloading left and rights until he sees Bradley soaring through the air. Evan Drexxler thinks fast and dodges the elbow of Bradley. The elbow lands on Johnny Damage!)

Jimmy: Bradley missed that elbow like he was a mile away.

(Drexxler finally retrieves the ladder and slides it into the ring. Bradley and Damage are preoccupied as Drexxler grasps the ladder so that it forms a 90 degree angle with his body. Drexxler starts spinning again like a hurricane! But Johnny Damage cleverly climbs the top rope and Drexxler still spins like a merry-go-round with the ladder in hand. Damage jumps in the air and drop-kicks the spinning Evan Drexxler putting an abrupt end to his fire!)

(The ladder flies out of the ring and Tommy Bradley holds the cut on his head. Bradley temporarily passes out and lies back against the ring post. Damage smirks at the camera and goes for the barbed wire soccer ball. The soccer ball is placed in the center of the ring and Johnny Damage points at the resting Bradley. Damage raises his hands and kicks the ball as hard as he possibly can. The jagged edged barbed wire slits the face of Tommy Bradley up even moreso as the fans go wild.) Jimmy: It’s been awhile since we’ve seen that one Rudy!
Rudolph: Johnny Damage is on fire! He’s hitting everything!

(Evan Drexxler uneasily looks at the bloody face of Tommy Bradley and pulls Johnny Damage off his enemy. Showing extraordinary strength, Evan Drexxler military presses Johnny Damage up in the air and tosses him out the ring like a ragdoll. Damage lands on the ladder outside and tumbles into the guardrailing. The fans are trying to pat the second place survivor on the back but Drexxler throws Damage back into the ring. Drexxler then slides the ladder in the ring. Tommy Bradley is waiting there as he springs himself over the top rope with a flying cross-body to the outside.)

(Meanwhile, in the ring Johnny Damage is setting up the ladder and climbing the ladder. Bradley rolls back into the ring and climbs the ladder with Damage. Bradley and Damage are on the top step delivering shot after shot to one another. The ladder teeters in the ring and Bradley and Damage nervously try to regain the balance of the ladder. Finally, the ladder stays still and Damage and Drexxler both reach for the immunity briefcase suspended above. Out of nowhere, Evan Drexxler dropkicks the ladder sending Bradley flying to the outside. Damage bounces on the top rope with his groin being crushed!)

Jimmy: All three men have gone to hell and back already!
Rudolph: They’re at each other’s throats like a game of cut throat!

(Evan Drexxler sets up the ladder again and starts bouncing the rope adding more punishment to the groin of Johnny Damage. Drexxler drags the corpse of Johnny Damage up the ladder. Drexxler uses incredible power and pumphandle slams Damage 10 feet to the canvas off the ladder!)

(The camera swings out to the audience and none other than Randy Poffo, aka Macho Man Randy Savage taking in the show and cheering all the way.)

(Bradley capitalizes on the high risk maneuver of Drexxler and delivers a spinning reverse suplex to him when he is recovering. Bradley ties up Drexxler upside down in the tree of woe and stomps away. Damage slowly gets up and crawls painfully up the ladder and is just about on the top! Reaching, his fingers touch the briefcase. Bradley shoves the ladder and Damage falls to the outside and crashes through the spanish announcing table!)

(Bradley, exhausted, begins the climb up the ladder. Slowly but surely, he goes up the rungs. Drexxler gets up tiredly from the tree of woe. Bradley, slowly but surely makes his way up the ladder! Drexxler realizing it’s all or nothing, charges up the ladder, delivers a belly to belly overhead suplex and Bradley bounces off the top rope, and the added momentum sends him crashing into the guardrail!)

(Drexxler scurries up the turnbuckle, and the fans are roaring! Drexxler undoes the clasp and grabs the briefcase!)

Evan Drexxler is victorious!

Jimmy: What a match! This match is a candidate for best match of Survivor II!
Rudolph: I hope Bradley and Damage are alright.
Jimmy: I think so, Damage is up now… And Bradley.. Yup, he already on his feet. And the fans are on their feet.
Rudolph: Drexxler has earned a spot in the next IME. Provided, he doesn’t get voted out before the next card.


A Rap Off
Fourpac creates his own rap lyrics
Bryan Deverot creates his own rap lyrics
The crowd is the judge of this match
The winner of this match goes into next weeks immunity
Fourpac (representing Dynamite Newton) vs "Big Show" Bryan Deverot

(“Changes” plays and Fourpac warms up by singing the entrance song as he makes his way to represent Dynamite Newton! The two hit the ring and the Aussie fans are going crazy! Fourpac busts a move and the fans are ballistic!)

(“WEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLL, WELL IT’S THE BIIIIG SHOOOOW!” Bryan Deverot marches to the ring with Hardcore Hogan wearing all tight black leather. Hogan has a real life boa constrictor around his neck and the two make their way to the ring. The fans are equally pleased to see these two as FourPac and Newton.)

(The titantron, illuminates and a cheer meter is shown.)

(Newton signals for the beats and FourPac gets ready to lace his rhymez.)

The biggest thing to survive in U-W-A
All you fake survivors get out the way
That's right, be on your way
Run in fright.
Who could it be?
Man, it's Dynamite!!!


I made you believe man, I showed you the light You never ever thought he'd beat Cliff Knight
After that you calmed down, got all somber
Too bad you blinked,
When he embarassed Chris Bomber


(The cheer meter is soaring up at 87 percent!)


Fair enough he lost his first two But Dynamite started kicking ass right on cue
Try to stop it
Nobody can
Who's to blame?
Nobody is ....get on with the damn game.

We are down to the remaining seven
We here on cloud nine and in heaven.
HIs next opponent Big Show Bryan
He's going out of this tournament high flying
The biggest thing to survive in U-W-A
All you fake survivors get out the way
That's right, be on your way
Run in fright.
Who could it be?
Man, it's Dynamite!!!

We've seen many come and go Next on that fucking list is Big Show.
Cut him some slack
And thats coming from the man they call FourPac.


(The cheer meter is rising up to 93 percent!)


The Explosive One what has he done
ITs simple....
Look at the roster, half of them are gone
Who would of though he would make it through?
Its simple...
Look in the mirror - YOU

As he entered he was named the ROOKIE
Many would say that the son of a bitch was LUCKY
It all comes down to pure talent
The rest were poised for a downhill slant.

The biggest thing to survive in U-W-A
All you fake survivors get out the way
That's right, be on your way
Run in fright.
Who could it be?
Man, it's Dynamite!!!

(98 Percent!!)

Its his time to hit the Lime Light
I will say one remainign thing
Always remember the name...DYNAMITE


(The cheer meter board maxes out at 98.5! A standing ovation.)

(Deverot bops to get his beats going and when it does..)

Big Show:

Big Show Comes And the hour grows late
According to Fourpac, Newton’s shit tastes great.
Beat you in Australia
You dissipate mate.

(The cheer meter rises to 90 at the diss on Newton.)

Hogan:

Deverot’s here, give him one more chance
He will show you how the Big Show dance
Newton lays his lyrics
But things ain’t meshin’
Lucky this match ain’t a Clubber Lang session
(Ludacris steps out of the backstage area and backs up Deverot’s rap! The fans are going crazy!)

(The cheer explodes to 98.3 when Ludcris hits the scene!)

Ludacris:

Man, get out his way.
Deverot comin’ through
Bustin in the ring
Crackin mullets in two

When we celebrate
We drink cokes and ryes
Newton’s game so stank
He attracting flies


Chorus:

Big Shoooow
Still in the game.
Big Shoooow
Age has changed
But his skill stays the same

Bryan Deverot:

You drink beers for cheers
That shit’s for queers
Don’t cry in public, Newton
There’s weakness in tears


(The cheer meter drops to 96 at the diss on Newton.)

When your done, me and Kingsly, we show you the door
Cause no trouble, my fists loaded with C4
Time to go home to Miami, Florida
Rumour round camp is the folks there missin’ ya

Chorus:

Big Shoooow
Still in the game.
Big Shoooow
Age has changed
But his skill stays the same

Bryan Deverot:

If you see the meals that I used to eat
Newton and Fourpac be my midnight treat
I bring the big bang that can’t be beat
Smashin’ and sweatin’ in the Aussie heat
Deverot here in full effect and back
Newton here’s advice, watch your own jack
Big Show power, still bringin’ it strong
Crushin’ down on you with the killer Jabron.


(With the last verse, the cheer meter climbs to 98.4….. 98.5….99! Deverot defeats Dynamite Newton in the rapoff!)

(Upset at the insults in the rhymes of Deverot, Newton extends his hand to shakes, but when Deverot does, he spins him into the Dynamite Sweep! Deverot is out, and Hogan doesn’t notice, being too busy posing for the fans!)

(Dynamite heads backstage. Deverot composes himself after the attack.)


IME - Body Slam Bed Match: Best out of Seven
Hardcore Hogan vs Chris Copeland

(Hogan already in the ring, oversees the setup of the bed in the ring, and helps put it in the ring. Hogan parades around the ring with the boa constrictor and lets the fans in the front row pet it.)

(“Aenema” by Tool begins to play and Chris Copeland emerges from the curtains with eyes of determination.) Rudolph: Ever since, Chris Copeland kicked that little girl in the face, it’s been nothing but politics around here lately.
Jimmy: Hopefully, Chris Copeland has a clear mind in the ring with Hardcore Hogan.

(The bed is already in the ring. Chris Copeland rolls into the ring and charges at Hardcore Hogan. His mind is in a jumble and he’ll pay dearly for it. Hardcore Hogan quickly scoops up Chris Copeland once and bodyslams him on the bed!)

1 point for Hardcore Hogan.

(Chris Copeland panics and can’t believe what’s happening to him. He shakes his head back and fourth. Before he can clear his mind, Chris Copeland has already been scooped up on the bed for a second bodyslam!)

2 points for Hardcore Hogan!

(Chris Copeland rolls off the other side bed and cups his hands on his ears. A fan is pointing and laughing at Chris Copeland. Chris Copeland’s eyes are wide open and he slaps the fan of a hand aside in a panicky rage. Hardcore Hogan, in the ring, is showing off his 24 inch pythons like they’re getting out of style! Chris Copeland )

(Chris Copeland rolls back into the ring and hops onto Hogan’s back. The sleeper begins to shut down Hogan’s body and Hogan drops to one knee. While in this lucid state, Hogan barely realizes that Copeland had bodyslammed him onto the bed!)

1 point for Copeland!

(Hogan shakes his head with the adrenaline fury and takes Copeland’s superkick! Hogan’s body shuts down and Copeland catches Hogan by the hand and pulls him toward him. As Hogan crashes into Copeland, the mastermind delivers his second bodyslam to Hogan, evening the score!)

2 points for Copeland!

(Hogan is in a daze and he lies on the bed. Copeland mounts the top turnbuckle and flies through the air and delivers a flying headbutt! Hogan shakes around and holds his own head, which had been concussed by the skull of Copeland. Copeland goes to the outside and grabs a chair. Hogan is sitting up and BAM! A chair shot rocks his skull yet again and it appears as if a teeny razor in Hogan’s hand has caused himself to bleed!)

(Blood is pouring from Hogan’s head, soaking in the sheets. Copeland Irish whips Hogan and levels him with another superkick! Copeland picks Hogan up by his stringable cheese hair and bodyslams him onto the bed!)

Copeland takes the lead, 3 slams to 2!

(Hardcore Hogan retaliates and lies with his back against the turnbuckle. Chris Copeland anxiously follows up with Hogan. Copeland tries to lift the 303 pounder Hogan but Hogan ax smashes Copeland in the back. Dropping to his knees, Hardcore Hogan does the kitchen sink directly into the face of Copeland. Copeland falls to his knees and Hardcore Hogan unravels a turnbuckle. Hardcore Hogan pulls out a flower pot with a beautiful daisy sprouting from it. Swinging it with huge force, the flower pot cracks over the face of Chris Copeland! Copeland’s face is covered in mud and he falls back against the canvas. Hardcore Hogan throws the daisy on the chest of Chris Copeland and he climbs the top turnbuckle.)

Jimmy: Hardcore Hogan is going up top!

(Hardcore Hogan flies in the air for the patented top rope leg drop! Chris Copeland opens his eyes and quickly rolls out of the way! Hogan’s holds his back and screams in pain!)

Copeland, thinking fast, pulls the bloodied sheet off the bed and begins to wrap Hogan up in it! When Hogan is good and wrapped up, Copeland finishes the match up with the final bodyslam and Hogan’s body wriggles in the sheets on the bed and Copelands music begins to play!)

Jimmy: Chris Copeland wins the IME and is safe from elimination for this card.
Rudolph: That was an excellent match, full of blood and body slams!
Jimmy: We’ll see you next week minus one more wrestler!


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