LOCATION: Miami, Florida
ARENA: American Airlines Centre
DATE: Friday, January 17, 2003
REMAINING WRESTLERS: 10
Hogan: Listen brothers, there is a team in this federation that, if left unchecked will spread like a cancer until the final four. I am talking about Cliff Knight, Johnny Damage, Evan Drexxler, and Chris Copeland dudes.
Newton: But Drexxler is my friend. How dare you disrespect Evan Drexxler.
Masaca: I’m interested. What are you talking about Hogan?
Hogan: It’s a simple game of numbers. If we team up, we can eliminate the bigger threat of the Dreamteam.
(Fourpac puts a hand on Newton’s shoulder and begins to speak his words of wisdom.)
Fourpac: He has a point Dynamite. You aren’t in this for Drexxler, you’re in this for Dynamite Newton.
Newton: I guess. But Drexxler and I go way back.
Fourpac: Just listen to his plan at least.
(Newton decides to hear Hogan out as he begins to explain the plan.)
Hogan: It goes a little something like this…
(In the dressing room of Cliff Knight and Chris Copeland. Copeland is washing his face, and Knight is stretching his muscles. Copeland turns to Knight.)
Copeland: Last week was only a fluke Cliff. Don’t let it get to ya.
Knight: I know it was. Don’t even bring it up. It’s ancient history, all in the past, long ago in a galaxy far, far away.
Copeland: Good. I’ve been off the junk for three days. I’ve got the cold sweats, but I’m still gonna bust a little sweetness out.
(Johnny Damage is sitting alone in Party Central. Friendships are few and far between at this point in the game and only Alexis is there to keep his destructive nature at bay. Johnny sits and drinks. Enjoys a smoke, and then enjoys his woman. Tonight, Johnny Damage is going to show the world he incredible resiliency.
[Outside American Airlines Center]
(A taxi cab pulls up to the parking lot. Tommy Bradley hands the man some cash and the driver speeds off squealing the tires) Tommy Bradley: Damn, I am not that intimidating am I?
Rudolph: There’s Bruiser who has a big match in the Electric Chair IME tonight!
(A man lurks from the shadows with a cigarette and a puff of smoke. His hair is slicked back. A glimmer of sunlight shines upon the face of Big Easy.)
Big Easy: So this is what you have been doing for the last two months?
(Tommy Bradley approaches the Big Easy)
Tommy Bradley: Long time, no see. What are you doing here?
Big Easy: I going to watch you die in the electric chair, what else? Plus, I am the founder of a new charity called “The Big Easy Foundation”- 1-800-BIG-EASY.
Tommy Bradley: And what is the charity for?
Big Easy: I’ve been opening up a whole load of golf courses around the United States. That’s what I am doing here in Miami.
Tommy Bradley: So you’re all washed up?
Big Easy: I can still fight with the best of them… Not this year but maybe the next… Tommy Bradley: (Smiles) Big Easy: Here’s a little advice for you tonight… Dab your head with a bit of water before the match, unless you want smoke coming out of your ears.
(Bradley ponders the seriousness of tonights match-up and realizes that this is intense. This ain’t-no-Fear-Factor style challenge- this is the real thing, at least he thought in his mind. Tommy Bradley eyes have determination in them as he walks by the amused Big Easy.)
DOWNLOAD THIS SONG TO FULLY FEEL THE EMOTIONS THAT COME IN THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS
Bryan Deverot: EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS, EVERYBODY CLAP, CLAP YOUR HANDS!!! EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS, EVERYBODY CLAP, CLAP YOUR HANDS!!!
(Bryan Deverot and Hardcore Hogan begin walking down the rampway)
Bryan Deverot: Being number one is my sole distinction
As I send all of the other wrestlers to extinction
Hardcore Hogan: The oldschool wrestling is where we’re at
Deverot and Hogan are going to send you to the mat
Bryan Deverot: Coming to the ring thinking your hot but you’re not
Dancing around doing Pondababa’s robot
Hardcore Hogan: Because we’re here to make you clap.
Hardcore Hogan and Bryan Deverot bring the big rap
Bryan Deverot: Viewers of this match
Mind attached to a bunjee cord
When you see the violence I provide
You will never be bored.
Turn on those fly camera and hit record
Cause when I bring the big bang you will be floored.
Hardcore Hogan: Because we can tear down all the entire walls.
You might as well get in the crane and swing us around like a wrecking ball
Bryan Deverot: After this match, store it in the memoire
Deverot and Hogan and their unlimited repertoire.
Hardcore Hogan: Plowin to the ring you betta get out the way
We’re bringing all the rucus to the UWA
Bryan Deverot: EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS, EVERYBODY CLAP, CLAP YOUR HANDS!!! EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS, EVERYBODY CLAP, CLAP YOUR HANDS!!!
(Deverot and Hardcore Hogan have the fans in a frenzy from their rap as they make their way to the ring.)
(Aenema plays and Chris Copeland hits the aisle with determination in his eyes for the first time of the UWA Survivor II.)
(Cliff Knight walks out as camera flashes erupt and the “Premier Athlete” Cliff Knight stops and holds his thumb out and slowly turns it upside down. The fans cheer and Knight raises his hands in the shape of a “V”)
(Hardcore Hogan elects to start off against Cliff Knight. Hogan holds out his hands in a test of strength and Cliff Knight accepts. Cliff holds out his hands to lock up and the crafty Hogan pokes him in the eye and whips him into the corner! Hogan immediately follows up with a running clothesline into the corner. Deverot gets in on the fun by choking Knight while Hogan levels Knight with hammerfist upon hammerfist.)
(Hogan and Deverot show good cohesion as Hogan makes the quick tag and Deverot begins to smother Knight with his foot and chokes him on the bottom rope. Deverot lifts Knight up and places his hands under his armpits and tosses him like a small doll. Knight flies over the top rope and grabs the top rope to lessen the blow.)
(Chris Copeland runs over to Knight on the outside and drags him over to their corner. Knight tags in to Chris Copeland, who gets in the crashes into Deverot with a flying crossbody. Deverot catches Copeland and performs a fallaway slam. Copeland is quick to get up and he dives, clipping Deverot’s knee and the big man falls down from the chop block. Deverot drags himself over to Hogan who is awaiting the tag and Hardcore Hogan runs in and falls victim to a drop-toe-hold. Copeland slows the pace of the match with an arm bar.)
(Hogan cries with the locked in arm bar applied by Chris Copeland. After several seconds of pain, Hogan reaches the ropes and the referee breaks the hold. Both men get up and Copeland attempts an irish whip but it’s reversed. Hardcore Hogan lifts up his 12 inch boot but Copeland sneakily baseball slides underneath his patented maneuver. Copeland grasps Hogan by his waist and begins to german suplex over-and-over-and over to the mat!)
Jimmy: He looks just like Chris Benoit doing that move!
(Hardcore Hogan lies in pile of drool on the ground as Copeland crawls the turnbuckle like the monkey he once was. He screams like a banshee before colliding with a Chris Benoit-like headbutt into the ribs of Hardcore Hogan! He quickly hooks the leg for the pin.)
1…2 (Hardcore Hogan kicks out!)
(Hardcore Hogan eyes are watery when he looks at his tag team partner in the corner. Bryan Deverot gives some words of encouragement to the Hardcore Legend as he begins to walk on his knees towards the Pink-Shirt-Sun-Tanned-Man in the corner. Hardcore Hogan falls flat on his face like a pancake when Chris Copeland gives a flying drop-kick into the soft spot of the skull. Copeland immediately applies an ankle lock and Hogan turns around kicking Copeland in the face! Copeland slowly crawls over to Knight… Hardcore Hogan crawls over to Bryan Deverot!!! Knight tags Copeland, Hogan tags Deverot!!! It’s a showdown!!!
(Cliff Knight runs in for a clothesline but Deverot delivers a hellish clothesline blistering Cliff Knight to the mat in a rubbing pain! Chris Copeland viciously attacks Deverot in the spinal column but Deverot looks back smiling into the eyes of Copeland! Copeland backs up to the ropes and Deverot punishes Copeland with a clothesline over the top rope! Deverot starts shaking his booty in the ring while making circling motions with his fists. Cliff Knight goes for the ax-handle but Deverot hoists Knight up high into the air throwing him outside on a struggling Chris Copeland)
Jimmy: Uh oh! Chris Copeland didn’t see Deverot throw Knight outside!
(Both men are on the outside as Hogan and Deverot gives each other high fives in the ring. Copeland stares Knight dead in the eyes and back up stomping his foot. Cliff Knight raises his chin and is shocked as the heel of Chris Copeland lands knocking into the steel railing!!! Copeland backs up again, and superkicks Cliff Knight once again over the steel railing into the lap of an elderly fan.) Jimmy: What’s this!?! Copeland just superkicked his tag team partner!!!
(Chris Copeland says “no more” by waving his hand at a struggling Cliff Knight. Chris Copeland walks away from his tag team partner all the way to the back locker room. Hardcore Hogan and Bryan Deverot roll to the outside and grab Knight by his green electric spiked hair. Bryan Deverot gorilla presses Cliff Knight in the air and tosses him onto the knee of Hardcore Hogan in the ring! Cliff Knight rolls off the knee of Hardcore Hogan, shattered in disappointment now forced to fight a two-on-one against two legends of the Ultimate Wrestling Alliance.)
(Deverot smiles at Knight like a diabetic allowed to eat sugar for one day, and one day only. Deverot whips Knight off the ropes and delivers a spinning spinebuster.
Rudolph: This slimmer version of Bryan Deverot is quite tang-tastic.
(Deverot picks Knight up by the hair and Knight seems to be crouched over unnaturally. Deverot seems hesitant to attack Knight because of the way he is crouched over, but Knight keeps the match going by tying up Deverot’s arm. Deverot squiggles and jiggles until he manages to free his blubbery arm. Deverot tags out to Hogan as he mows Knight over and stomps him on the ground before going to a turnbuckle.)
(After some quick fiddling, Hogan reveals a toy light saber and Hogan swings, let’s the plastic blade emerge, then goes to town on Knight like it’s going out of style. Hogan sends Knight off the ropes and sends him to the ground with the lightsaber in his throat.)
(Deverot runs in and lifts Knight up onto his shoulders. Hogan goes upstairs to the top rope and jumps at Knight, who rests on Deverot’s shoulders! An a massive display of aerial skill, Hogan beheads Knight with a flying legdrop, and Deverot jumps backwards to add extra momentum to the leg drop from up top. Hogan goes for the cover.)
1…2…3 (Much to the shock of the fans, Cliff Knight loses again. Hogan and Deverot begin to celebrate, but it is cut short as they notice that Cliff Knight looks seriously hurt. Deverot and Hogan help the paramedics load Knight onto a stretcher as he is taken backstage.)
Rudolph: It looks like Cliff Knight may be seriously hurt.
Jimmy: Hogan and Deverot continue their winning ways.
Rudolph: And Chris Copeland has turned on Cliff Knight when he was needed the most. We’ll keep you up to date with the condition of Cliff Knight.
(Chainsaw Masaca and Dynamite Newton head to the ring accompanied by Fourpac! A live version of “Changes” is being sung and they make their way to ringside!)
(“ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE” plays and Evan Drexxler makes his way to the ring and Bruno von Gotch Sr struts to the ring and then they slap high fives with the fans. The two are celebrating before the music is violently cut off and a new song begins to play.)
(“Pondababa’s New Groove” blares over the arena to the boos of the fans and Pondababa makes a slow deliberate entrance to the ringside area. Pondababa walks to the ring o-so-slowly and finally makes it to the steps. He basks in the glory of the fan’s hatred and strikes a half-minute pose. Pondababa finally signals to ring the bell and the handicap match begins.)
Drexxler sends himself off the ropes and takes Chainsaw and Newton down with a double clothesline! Drexxler turns around and stares at Pondababa, who’s cool robotic face stares with no emotion. Newton gets up and tries to kick Drexxler in the groin, but Drexxler is too well prepared for that attack and follows up with a driving knee of his own. Newton collapses and holds his man parts. Masaca tackles Drexxler into the corner and rams his shoulder into his gut several times.)
(Drexxler guts it out and while Masaca is still bent over, he delivers a devastating gutwrench powerbomb! Masaca weasels over to his partner Fourpac and tags him in. Drexxler is jacked and immediately clotheslines Dynamite Newton over the top rope to the feet of Fourpac. Masaca swings his ragdoll hair side-to-side and attempts a huge clothesline. Drexxler grabs the arm of Masaca and swings him into the turnbuckle. Drexxler runs at him like there’s no tomorrow and Masaca dives out of the way. Newton climbs the top rope and DDT’s the face of Evan Drexxler into the ground. Fourpac, immediately climbs the top rope after but Bruno von Gotch pushes Fourpac off the turnbuckle landing onto the announcing table. It does not break though.)
(Fourpac does a huge spinarooni on the announce table and the fans go wild!!!)
Jimmy: He’s reaching new heights in fan popularity!!! Look at him, Rudy!
(Meanwhile, Masaca charges off the ropes and spears Evan Drexxler into the turnbuckle. Evan Drexxler goes into the guard position and performs the “Stump Puller”! Von Gotch is cheering loudly from the outside)
Jimmy: That’s a von Gotch special!
(Chainsaw Masaca pokes Drexxler into the ribs and he lies on the ground emotionless. Masaca climbs the second rope and flies in the air with an elbow drop.)
Jimmy: Playing Poooooooosum!
(Masaca hits nothing but canvas as Drexxler smiles from the specialty van Gotch maneuver. Dynamite Newton immediately enters the ring and Drexxler goes low with a low-blow. Newton grabs his groin and fall through the second and top rope to the outside as van Gotch is proud of his student.)
(Evan Drexxler is in the ring with his hands up in the air (like he just don’t care). Suddenly, he didn’t see it coming, President Pondababa delivers a low blow to Evan Drexxler! Drexxler curls up in a little ball in the ring and Newton and Chainsaw Masaca storm around Evan Drexxler getting every possible shot they possibly can. Chainsaw Masaca and Newton gather Drexxler and launch him into the ropes. On the return, Masaca and Newton elevate Drexxler ten feet into the air and he hits chest-first onto the canvas. Again, the two quickly double team Drexxler. Chainsaw Masaca lifts Drexxler up into the air into the suplex position holding it there. Newton is perched on the top rope and three-sixties in the air with a spinning missile drop-kick hitting Drexxler suspended in the air from the stall suplex! Dynamite Newton goes for the pin.)
1…2.. (Van Gotch pulls the legs of Dynamite Newton to the outside and he brutally attacks the groin. Newton curls up in the fetal position as Van Gotch goes to town.)
(In his own special way, Gotch Sr is trying to even the odds for his disciple. Drexxler is trying to recover from the assault he had just received. Masaca sends him off the ropes and sends Drexxler to the air again courtesy of a back body drop. Drexxler goes to take a breather outside, but Newton was there waiting for him. Newton takes him down with a flying forearm smash! Newton rolls Drexxler back in and Masaca goes for a quick pin!
1…2..(Drexxler kicks out of the fast Pondababa count.)
(Masaca, in frustration rolls to the outside and grabs two chairs. He gets back inside and Newton jumps on Drexxler’s back and applies a sleeper. Masaca sets up the two chairs so that they are facing each other. When Drexxler is woozy, Masaca and Newton delivers a double chokeslam onto the chairs and Drexxler is out of commission. Masaca, feeling the adrenaline mounts the second turnbuckle. With a fat man’s grace, Masaca lands on Drexxler with a frog splash!)
1.2.3 Pondababa’s fast count echoes throughout the arena to the anger of the crowd. Even Masaca and Newton seem a little shocked. The two shrug it off and go to celebrate. Bruno von Gotch Sr. jumps into the ring and cracks Pondababa across his ocular visor and breaks it. Pondababa, the blinded robot, staggers around as Gotch tees off on his groin section with the cane. Drexxler groggily gets up and smashes Pondababa with a Hurricane Heart Punch! Circuits fry, and for the second consecutive week, President Pondababa has been shut down.)
(A quiet version of “Hardcore Hooligan” by Business begins to play and Johnny Damage gives the trademark smirk to the camera. He enters the dreary room and bounces up and down with a mini alcohol buzz. Damage takes one last puff of his cigarette and flicks it to the ground, crushing it with the heal of his boot.)
(“You Stand before this court accused of heresy and witchcraft… How do you plead??? Didn’t do it.. Didn’t do it… GUILTY!!! “For Those who Died” by Cradle of Filth begins to play and Bradley raises his arms as he enters the darkened room with Johnny Damage. Damage continues to smirk looking at Bradley with eyes of fury. Damage pulls out a lighter and hides it behind his back to the camera. Bradley looks at Damage and like a psychopath punk rocker he is, he lights the eyebrow of Tommy “Bruiser” Bradley to start the match! Chris Bomber charges into the Electric-Chair room and the door slowly seals creating a large echoing clunking noise.)
Rudolph: The room is shut like a jail cell. We have cameras installed in the four top corners, for your information.
(Johnny Damage immediately attacks his former teammate Chris Bomber by grabbing his pumpkin head and slamming it into the concrete wall. Damage follows it up with a stiff drop-kick to the knee of Bomber. But he forgot about the singed-eye-brow of Bradley. Bradley comes in swinging with both his arms connected like lego. Damage crawls into the corner and Bradley stomps a mudhole into the chest of Johnny Damage. Slowly but steadily, Bradley climbs on the top of the chair. He drops both his feet onto the chest of Chris Bomber- with his patented “South Troy Stomp”.)
(The creative Johnny Damage stands up and slaps Bradley with flailing fists. Bradley puts up his guards and Damage puts the cherry on top with an eye poke. Bodyslamming Bradley onto the chair, Johnny Damage stands face-to-face on the chair with Tommy “Bruiser” Bradley. Johnny Damage hoists Bradley in the air and crushes Bradley’s skull on the side of the chair with a piledriver. The armrest of the chair is torn off from this devastating move of Johnny Damage!)
Jimmy: Oh my! Bradley’s skull goes through the armrest all the way down to the concrete floor!
(Johnny Damage raises his arms in celebration as Chris Bomber hits Damage with his knee to the gut. Damage shakes the big hurt out of his gut-pipe and pops Bomber clean in the jaw. Bomber takes a spill, and in the insanity, Damage pulls off his belt and begins to whip Bomber like a blubbering fifth grade punk who put a tack on his teachers chair. Bomber screams and Bradley comes too, slowly shaking the cobwebs. He drags himself to his feet and drops a downward thrust elbow, opening a gash on Hooligan’s head.)
(Bradley picks Bomber up by his hair and throws him like a shot put against the concrete wall. Bomber collapses to the ground as if his body had it’s skeleton removed and it was only skin folding to the ground. Damage whips Bradley with the heavy buckle of his belt and opens a gash above Bradley’s singed eyebrow. Bradley barrels forward and the two fall to the ground smashing at each other.)
(Bomber sits, horrified, watching the events unfold as he lets his body rest for those few precious moments before they remember he is in this match as well.)
(A loud thumping can be heard outside the door to the room containing Bradley, Bomber, and Johnny Damage. Outside the room is Hardcore Hogan, Chainsaw Masaca, Dynamite Newton, and Bryan Deverot! They are taking turns trying to smash the door in. Hogan starts by delivering a big boot to the door. Deverot crashes into the door body splash, Chainsaw executes a football-style tackle, and Newton grabs the handle and goes for the movie-esque shoulder butt. But the door still doesn’t open and Newton is rubbing his arm. Fourpac steps triumphantly forward and asks for everyone to “stand back dawgs!”)
(Fourpac pulls out his gat and shoots the lock! The door is unlocked and the four spill into the room. They immediately go for Johnny Damage and the seven to one odds are too much for the bony competitor! Hands from all sides hold him in place as he is forced into the chair and he has the electrical unit fastened to his head. Hogan runs over to the switch and yells:
Hogan: The Dream Team!? More like sitting ducks braaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
(Hogan flips the switch and volts course through the body of Johnny Damage! Unfortunately, Chris Bomber was still touching Damage and he took a big zzzap as well! Drexxler and Copeland hit the scene accompanied by the lovely Bruno von Gotch! Gotch whacks Fourpac with the cane and sleeps him out. Copeland dives and shuts off the switch, leaving a frazzled Johnny Damage to rest. All the wrestlers manage to escape except for the unconscious Fourpac!)
(Drexxler unlocks Damage from the chair. And Bruno points to the downed Fourpac. Damage staggers to Fourpac, and with an insane glint in his eye, he picks up Fourpac and speaks to the camera. His hair is smoking and he smells like burnt clutch.
Damage: The Dreamteam has taken Fourpac hostage. If you want him back. You’ll have to get him back at the next show. But until then. He’s our bitch!
THIS SONG WILL GET YOU HYPED. AS AN ADDED BONUS YOU GET TO HEAR KINGSLY’S VOICE AT THE END
(The Dreamteam heads back to the locker room with their new victim Fourpac when they are informed that Cliff Knight is about to make an announcement via satellite from the hospital.
Cliff Knight: Well… its been a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I’ve herniated two discs in my back and I am removing myself from the UWA competition. So, I formally request that I be voted off tonight. I am sending a thanks out to Chris Copeland, Bryan Deverot and Hardcore Hogan for helping me be able to finish the match tonight in my deteriorated condition. I dont want to take someone elses place that has the health to go all the way.
Rudolph: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!? Cliff Knight is out of the UWA Survivor II!
Jimmy: Then it’s official! There will be a new UWA champion this time around! Goodnight Everyone!
[ONCE AGAIN, THERE IS A LEVEL OF INTERACTIVITY. NEWTON’S MANAGER FOURPAC HAS BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE BY DAMAGE, DREXXLER, AND COPELAND. THEY CAN USE HIM HOWEVER THEY LIKE. AND TO DYNAMITE NEWTON… WHAT’S YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS? LET’S HEAR IT ON THE RP BOARD]
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