Oh, that Matt, he sucks.

The
"I Hate Matt"
Ask Us Transporter System

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    • Ask Us Volume XI, March 2002

    Trench McHench asks:
    If I give you a sour warhead and a porno with my sister in it, will you give me your secret money?
    Volcom says:
    We've all seen that porno, Trench, and even if my secret stash was 56c it still wouldn't be worth it.
    Sour Warhead though... hmmm...
    Rossco asks:
    Why is DANIEL WARNER such a homosexual?
    Volcom says:
    I'm not the fella you should be asking that sort of stuff.
    But if you really want an answer from me, I guess I'd have to say I don't know why he is such a homosexual. Well, I guess that's not actually an answer, but who gives a shit anymore?
    That dude, you know the one, right? Well, he's this dude, right, and, well, that's about it, quite the dude. He's kind of short, but tall at the same time, weird, but not. Yeah, he's a dude, through and through. I think I'm drunk...where's my penis? Mum! asks:
    Hey Matt, thanks for your help. Without it, I'd still be trying to have sex with my cat this very second, oh shit, it wasn't you who helped me with that, was it? Goddamn it, and my friggen backspace and delete keys are broken too, SHIT! Oh well, what did you help me with? That's right! The rabbit in the anus incident! No, no, that's not it...hmm, oh yeah! The Billy Joel thing! Well I'm happy to say I'm back to my old Billy Joel loving self, I've even started stalking him again! I'm secretly planning to assassinate Blink 182 as well! You know, you're my first real friend, and I was so happy when I saw that you wanted me to write back, thank you Matt. I love you! Well I'm off to plan with my rabbit. Bye!
    Volcom says:
    Cool, great to see I've helped. Glad to know I'm appreciated, but a little freaked out to know I'm loved. Please, don't email me again.
    Ta!
    Blake 'R' asks:
    Is it safe to bottle up my homosexual feelings?
    Volcom says:
    Depends on the type of bottle.
    Danny MyFanny asks:
    If I farted last year, will I still need to lodge a tax return?
    Volcom says:
    This is the first retarded question that I've ever laughed at.
    Good one, Mr MyFanny.
     
    Please Note:
    I don't decide the subject matter for these questions dear, you do. I only give smart arse responses, so if you send in, or read a question and are offended by my response in some way, please send your complaints to gitfucked@whocares.i7.com.au.
    All questions are and remain © of the I Hate Matt Dimension after submision.
    "Ask Us" is produced and recorded in front of a live, studio audience, Bronson K Volcomstalker speaking.

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