Oh, that Matt, he sucks.

The
"I Hate Matt"
Ask Us Transporter System

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  • Volume 13
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  • Volume 19
  • Volume 20



     
     


     
     


     
     


     
     


     
     


     
     


     
     



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    • Ask Us Volume XVI, September 2002

    The Naked Penis asks:
    Cheers Bronson! Got any good recipes?
    Volcom says:
    Haha, The Naked Penis.
    As it would happen, I happen to have a recipe right now, in my trousers that I was planning on cooking for dinner. (The recipe, not the trousers).
    It's called Prefecto Flangeburger Pizza Surprise, and it was handed down to me from my Great Auntie Deidre Volcomstalker (she never married) who got it from her Uncle Sheamus who got it from his father Pauline who found it scribbled on the wall of a public lavatory in 19th Century Burnside.
    And it goes a little bit, like this...
      1st: Purchase a large Meat Eaters pizza from your nearest pizza shop. It can have BBQ if you like, but I prefer the subtlety of tomato. Get the person cutting it not to cut it.
      2nd: Roll the pizza into a cylinder. Crimp one end and fill the opened end with lemon butter.
      3rd: Coat it with cooking spray and set it on fire. Keep the cooking spray handy. If the the flames die down a little, spark them back up with it. Continue for 2.5 hours.
      4th: Throw the flaming mass into a half chlorinated/half salted pool.
      5th: Serve on a jade green plastic dish with shaved almonds and wolverine liver paté.
      6th: ENJOY!
    Mary-Jane Potreference asks:
    Hey Matt, have u seen the Scooby-Doo movie yet? If so, what scene did u find the funniest?!? I thought they all were! Ha ha ha !!!! Well gotta go! See ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Matt says:
    Phhh....
    God that movie was awful. Anyone who tells you any different is lying, a retard, or a fucking faggot. Now I don't usually use the term 'fucking faggot', but this is one of the very few occasions where I think it's appropriate.
    Click here for the most concise and accurate review of Scooby Doo.
    I tell you what though, that Linda Cardellini sure did make it a whole lot more watchable.
    seriious asks:
    What's that ungodly smell?
    Volcom says:
    Ah you're too quick for me...
    Um.
    jacob asks:
    hey matt, in your photo (front page), you appear to have quite large breasts, how big are they (ie...d cup)?
    Matt says:
    Fuck off.
    Butter Blocks asks:
    How would you like to see some of my sexy full figured shots? I am a 5'6" 316lb blonde with green eyes. I eat the ham fist for dinner.
    Volcom says:
    Holy shit, get fucked!
     
    Please Note:
    I don't decide the subject matter for these questions dear, you do. I only give smart arse responses, so if you send in, or read a question and are offended by my response in some way, please send your complaints to gitfucked@whocares.i7.com.au.
    All questions are and remain © of the I Hate Matt Dimension after submision.
    "Ask Us" is produced and recorded in front of a live, studio audience, Bronson K Volcomstalker speaking.

    Go back and ask a question!