Talk to me? Inside I’m already screaming at the thought.
“T-There’s … there’s nothing to talk about!” I immediately rebuke, tearing my hand swiftly away from his and turning towards the exit once again.
But before I can move even half a step forward, he’s already pushed me back and locked me securely against the wall, his arms trapping me within the bounds of his body, now only a few inches away from me.
I can hardly breathe, let alone move. What with him so close to me … my head is in a spin.
“I need to talk to you.” he repeats grimly.
I can’t seem to respond.
Get off me! A voice inside my head screams frantically. Get off me! I can’t think when you’re so close to me!
But I remain still and silent, hardly able to breathe properly.
Seeing my stillness and lack of persistence, Rukawa slowly takes his hands off me and steps back, his eyes still fixed and unflinching from their rigid position on my face.
“Listen to me, Hanamichi.”
I don’t know what shocks me more – the conflicting emotions I thought I saw rush across Rukawa’s face the split second after that statement escaped his lips, or the fact that he’s just called me by my first name. Nevertheless, I stand rooted to the spot, transfixed and unable to react.
“You saved me.”
I blink.
“What?” I voice my thoughts out loud. “What are you talking about?”
“You saved me.” he repeats, his face automatically reverting to its usual cold expressionlessness.
He steps forward now, causing my muscles to tense up once again, causing my voice to return to its lost silence.
What are you talking about? I question inside me.
“Listen to me.” he begins, the seriousness printed on his face frightening and worrying me all at once. “You saved me.”
I stare at him in confusion, unconsciously searching his azure eyes for any hints of what he’s trying to tell me.
“When I was lying there in the dark, weights pressing me down and not letting me get up… when I almost died …
“Suddenly…”
I watch him trail off and close his eyes, his face now scrunched up in weary disorientation – a sight that bewilders me beyond belief. I’ve never once seen Rukawa with as many words, as much emotion and expression than what he’s displayed tonight.
“Suddenly … when I felt like I couldn’t do anything but give in …”
Abruptly his clenched eyes spring open and stare straight into me, further rooting my feet to their position on the ground.
“…suddenly, all I could think of was … you.”
…What?
I stand motionless, utterly lost.
“All I could think was that I had to survive … I had to get through this …”
What…what is he saying?
“… so that I could see your face one last time…”
I can feel tears brimming at the sides of my eyes.
My heart skips a beat.
“Hanamichi…” he continues.
“…yours is the last face I want to see.”
I don’t know how to respond.
I don’t say a word. He doesn’t either.
And once again, just like that day at the hospital, I see something very much like a tear hanging at the side of his eye.
I don’t know who reached out for the other first, or who slid their arm around the other first, or whose lips touched the other’s first.
All I know is that there’s nowhere in the world that I would rather be…
…than here with Rukawa, as nothing other than his, his do’aho.
The shrill ring of the phone stabs my ears like daggers.
“Arrghh..” I groan irritably, throwing my pillow over my head. “shut up … let me sleep…”
But the phone doesn’t stop ringing.
I close my eyes angrily and reach sideways to answer the phone and lash out on the person who has just interrupted the best sleep I’ve had in months.
“What??” I practically yell, spitting out venom in my voice.
“Get up.” comes the flat reply.
Instantly my misty eyes widen, and I sit up straight on the bed.
“What are you talking about?” my voice is softer and less – venomous – now that I know who it is.
“Get up.”
I glance over at my bedside clock, infuriated by his flat commands, without even bothering to address me first with a ‘Good morning’ or anything of the sort. Not even a ‘Hello’.
“It’s 7 o’ clock on a Saturday morning and not only do you call me and wake me up, asking me to get up without even bothering to tell me a reason to, but you don’t even bother to say ‘Hello’ or ‘Good morning’!! What kind of a person are you, you damn kitsune??”
By the time I’m finished lashing out on him, I’m already wide awake.
“You’re very much awake,” he remarks. “now get up.”
“Why? What’s the special occasion?”
He’s never even called me, let alone asked me to go out with him. Especially at 7 o’ clock on a Saturday morning. This is sudden, even after what happened last night.
Thinking of what he said last night throws me into deep thought. I never knew that Rukawa would ever say those things. I never knew he would ever think of me in that way. It was … like a dream.
“No special occasion.”
“Then what’s the point of this?” I screech. “It’s 7 o’ clock in the morning! You would never wake up so early!”
“I want to see you, that’s all.”
At this point all the fire in me dies out. He woke up this early … just because he wanted to see me?
“… eh? Nothing to say to that?” he asks, a hint of tease in his deep voice.
“Shut up.” is the only reply I can manage.
“I’m outside.”
“Nani?” I shout into the phone, springing up from my sitting position in alarm.
“I’m outside.” he repeats.
“I heard what you said…” I grunt, instantly standing up and walking over to the window.
And there he is, dressed in a black trench coat, a phone in his hand, staring straight in my direction.
I freeze.
“Come on.” he continues, a hint of a small smile playing on his lips. “Get up.”
“What’s the big idea?” I question suspiciously. “What are you trying to pull?”
“I told you – nothing. I just want to see you.”
I can’t stand it when he says things like that. I hate to admit it, but it’s as if my heart melts then and there.
“Come on.” he presses on, impatience escaping from his voice.
“I’ll be a minute.” I mumble, throwing the phone hurriedly into a corner.
I wipe the sleep out of my eyes, run a comb carelessly through my hair and throw on some trousers and a jacket. I hate to admit it, but I’m looking forward to seeing him. I blush subliminally at the thought, then catch myself blushing and start mentally yelling at myself for my girlish antics.
I step out of the house to find him crouching down on the ground, playing with the neighbour’s cat.
“Ohayo.” I mutter softly, feeling a little bit nervous.
He stands up upon hearing my greeting, walks towards me and takes my hand in his.
I don’t know why I suddenly feel embarrassed.
“W-what are you doing?” I stutter, tearing my hand away, my cheeks heating up rapidly, much to my disapproval.
“What do you mean what am I doing?” he responds, seemingly unaffected by my persistence.
Maybe he can read my mind somehow.
“Come on.” he says, pulling me along quickly.
“Where are we going?” I ask him.
“For a walk.”
The strings of autumn sakura drift past us, sometimes landing on our skin then getting brushed away by the wind. I look over at Rukawa and catch him looking at me, then he grasps my hand tighter.
Is this bliss? I never thought things would ever be like this. Maybe this is a dream.
But I don’t want to wake up yet. If this is a dream, I never want to wake up.
“Did you mean what you said?” Rukawa suddenly asks, catching me completely by surprise.
“What?” I reply, although I know perfectly well what he’s talking about.
“Did you mean what you said? The day that I woke up – did you mean it when you said those things?”
I look away from his serious expression as embarrassment starts to creep up on me again – for reasons totally unknown to me.
“B-baka!” I try to shrug the question off, ignoring the flushing of my cheeks once again. “Y-you know the answer to that question!”
There is an air of mischief in Rukawa’s eyes.
“Yes?” he suggests teasingly.
“U..Un…” I stammer.
“Then tell me again.”
I jump back in shock.
“Baka!” I shout reluctantly. “Why do I have to do that?”
Rukawa shakes his head with an air of resignation. Now I know that he’s just playing.
Though I haven’t seen him playing before.
“If you meant it, then tell me again.” he repeats tauntingly.
He sees me blush and I watch as he throws his head back in … laughter.
He’s … laughing. It’s an entrancing sight.
It’s as if I’ve fallen in love with him all over again. I’ve fallen in love with this different form of Rukawa, this Rukawa who has thrown his cold, emotionless façade into the flames.
Does he know? Does he know what spell he’s cast on me? Does he know that my heart skips a beat whenever I see him? Does he know how much I yearn for him when he’s away? Does he know how much I want to share each and every moment of my life with him? Does he know all this?
“I love you, Kaede.” I whisper sincerely.
There are so many things I want to say, but it’s as if these three small words are more than enough.
He sees and hears the raw sincerity running through every single part of me, and stops laughing straight away, the mischief on his face replaced with a kind of lost bewilderment, as if he doesn’t know how to act.
And then, all of a sudden, a tear trickles down his cheek.
“Ai shiteru, Hanamichi.” he chokes brokenly.
For once his voice isn’t still and calm.
This is bliss. Being here with him, looking at him looking at me – this is heaven. And even if I were to die now, I wouldn’t have a care in the world, simply because he is here with me.
No one said it would be easy. There are more challenges to face, more obstacles to pass. Haruko-san, the older generation, the doubts that we’ll both be sure to have in the future – no one said it would be easy. But we’ll make it. I know we will. We’ll make it together.
I bring my fingers up to his face to gently wipe his tears away.
It’s as if I’ve been living my whole life just for this moment.
“Yours is the last face I want to see…” I whisper in his ear, before our lips meet for a sweet kiss of unsaid promises.
End
Notes: YYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!! ^_____^ *big smile* I’ve done it, my first fic!! *throws all her books and scrap paper into the air* Actually this feeling is great, I actually completed a story!!! ^.^ You have no idea how happy I am.. hehe..
I intended for this ending to be very *sweet*… a happy ending I see…I’m beginning to favour happy endings nowadays – life is too sad to portray just as it is, if you know what I mean… I guess it leaves a lot unsaid though.. -_- But that’s what the imagination’s for! You guys can imagine it yourselves ^_~ [actually that’s just my lazy excuse for not continuing the fic any further .. haha] Please please please send me reviews…!! I need to know how I did as a beginner.. heh.. ^_^
Did you know I practically stayed awake all night (morning) to do the last chapter? o_o Actually saying that wouldn’t be completely accurate .. but I couldn’t sleep at 3:00 in the morning because I had inspiration about how to end this fic … so I just had to wake up and finish it.. >_< inspiration comes at such weird times, ne? haha… I bet tomorrow my eyes will be panda eyes @_@ Okay … enough with the irrelevant ramblings…
I quite like the last chapter actually… ^_^ Finally there’s a second chapter that I like! Heheheh.. the first time where while writing this fic, I’ve actually felt that I’ve done a good job in describing the way Sakuragi would think and what he would say… I think I’ve done Rukawa and Sakuragi justice with the last conversation, ne? haha.. the only part where I feel like I’ve portrayed a Sakuragi who isn’t totally OOC.. ^.^ As promised, no hentai scenes.. ^_~
That’s all I have to say at the moment.. I will write another fic, I think.. ^_^ Also a Ruhana one -_-“ *hears hundreds of groans in the background* Sorry but it’s the only thing I have ideas on.. -_-“ But there are quite a great deal of Rukawa x Hanamichi fans out there, aren’t there? ^_^ I’m glad there are…
*Big sigh* ^.^ can’t believe I actually completed my first fic.. *laughs and cracks knuckles*All those hours in front of the PC were actually worth it ^_^ Is this how it feels to be a fic writer? Hahah.. well it feels pretty good.. ^.^
Sorry for my droning on and on.. I better wind it up now.. ^_^”.. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.. ^_^ [I’m begging you ^_^”] Just e-mail me..!!
That’s all I have to say.. ja for now and I hope soon I’ll be here again, droning on in another fic ^_~ *winks*
Good luck to all fic writers out there..! ^_^
~Lanie~
12/8/2002