pla-ti-tude: a useless remark; something spoken without thought
If you are a grieving parent, you can probably rattle off a list of a dozen "platitudes" or cliches you have been bombarded with since the death of your child. When you are tired of remaining silent, and wish to educate well intending consolers you may consider some of the following pieces of information.
P = platitude (unintelligent) R = response (intelligent)
P "It was God's will."
R "How do you know? Are you God?"
R "Oh! So God did this to me?"
R "I prefer to let God whisper His will to me, not you."
P "Your child is with Jesus, in a better place."
R "As a mother, there is no better place than in my arms."
R "I still ache to have my child here with me."
R "I am sure he/she is, but it doesn't take away the longing as a parent."
R "That really hurts and I would appreciate it if you would let me come to my own conclusions about my child's afterlife when I am ready to do so."
P "Better now than one month/six months/one year from now."
R "So then that means you love your older child more than your younger child (to those with more than one child)?
R "There is never a "better time" to bury your child."
R "If God came down and told me, Joanne, I am taking your baby. Do you want me to take her life today or one year from now, what do YOU think my response would be???"
P "It's probably better. There might have been something wrong with her/him.
R "If she/he was less than perfect, I would have loved her/him even more." P "It will make you a stronger person."
R "I would rather be weak and shallow and still have my child, thank you." P "Everything happens for a reason."
R "Can you list one reason why a baby should die?"
R "Tell it to my broken heart." P "At least you have other healthy children."
R "Children are not interchangeable. I have always been grateful for the children I have. That does not mean I should not grieve for what I have lost.
R "My other healthy children have nothing to do with my grief."
R "So if I cut off your thumb you won't miss it because you have four other healthy fingers??
P "You're young. You can have another baby."
R "I don't want any baby. I want _______!"
R "You don't really think that another baby could take the place of ________, do you?"
R "THIS child is special to me. I would never try to replace him/her with another."
P "Aren't you over it yet?" "When are you going to be over it?" "How long are you going to keep talking about this."
R "You get over being laid off from a job, or breaking a leg. You don't ever "get over" the death of your child."
R "Funny how the whole country is given permission to mourn the death of Elvis Presley twenty years after his death. Yet everyone seems intent on forcing me to abandon my child's memory in a few short months."
P "I understand how you feel, my dog died last week." (Someone actually said this to me!)
R Just walk away from this one.
P "He/She wouldn't want you to be sad."
R "And I wouldn't want him/her to be dead, so I guess we're both fresh outta
luck."
P "It was God's will."
P "It's probably better. There might have been something wrong with her/him.
P "Aren't you over it yet?" "When are you going to be over it?" "How long are you going to keep talking about this."